Be Honest With Your Kids When Talking About Adult Dating
Once you've both decided that this is a serious, committed relationship, you'll want to begin a meaningful dialogue with your children. Most importantly, you'll want to affirm your commitment to the kids and respond to any questions they have. Peter Sheras, a clinical psychologist at the University of Virginia, and the author of I Can't Believe You Went Through My Stuff!: How to Give Your Teens the Privacy They Crave and the Guidance They Need, explains, "Kids' fears are more fears of abandonment than anything else. They're afraid that when push comes to shove, you'll abandon them for this new adult dating relationship. Therefore, it's useful to make your commitment to them explicit before you even introduce the person."
In addition, Sheras emphasizes that you're not asking for the children's approval of your adult dating relationship. Neither are you giving the children an ultimatum about accepting your partner. Rather, you're initiating a conversation about how important your children are to you, and what you each want for your future. Sheras recommends that parents, "Begin by making your own statement of love and support for your family. Then ask the children questions like 'What would you like for our family? What are you looking for in someone that we might bring into the family?'" This ongoing and honest dialogue is an important part of including the children in a relationship that has become important to you.
When you talk with your children about your adult dating relationship, remember to:
- Realize that your children are afraid of being abandoned in favor of your adult dating relationship
- Affirm your own personal commitment to your children
- Share your genuine enthusiasm for the person you are dating
