Monday May 20, 2013
Kids are so intuitive. They pick up on our tone of voice, our facial expressions, and our body language. In many cases, these cues tell them immediately whether we are pleased, frustrated, sad, or annoyed.
That's why it's important to present questions about your kids' visitation time carefully. You don't want to put them in a position where they feel caught in the middle of each parent's wishes, or where they're reluctant to tell you that they had fun.
Instead, focus on eliciting a few general facts about the visit and communicating to your child that you're open to talking more -- without giving them the impression that they must talk with you about it. And when they do provide a few details, resist the urge to be judgmental about your ex's decision-making in front of the kids. If you have a legitimate safety concern, share it with your ex directly, or speak with your lawyer about the issue.
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Sunday May 19, 2013
As a parent, taking care of yourself is vital to your kids' well-being. When you're getting the rest and down time you need, you lower your stress level and visibly demonstrate to your kids that your lives will, indeed, be okay. That's why self-care isn't selfish. The trickle-down effect benefits your children just as much as it does you.
And this is just as true for single dads as it is for single moms. That's why Wayne Parker, About.com's Guide to Fatherhood, has an article for dads titled, Self-Care for Men Going Through Divorce. In it, he advises men to eat well, exercise, attend to their own personal growth, and more.
So don't shy away from taking care of your own physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. Seeing your example may be just what your kids need right now.
More on Self-Care for Single Parents:
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Wednesday May 15, 2013
When I recommend counseling to a client, it's frequently not because I think she (or he) "needs" it to function. It's usually because I know -- from experience and observation -- some of the benefits, including:
- Perspective. How many times do you find yourself asking, "Is it me? Am I crazy?" Speaking with a good counselor on a regular basis can help you identify what's yours to own and what rightfully belongs to someone else -- such as your ex or your kids.
- Strategies. A counselor who knows your situation can also help you develop strategies for coping with the challenges you face everyday, from dealing with an ex who's bent on having things her way (or his way), to coping with a parent who subconsciously undermines your authority at every turn.
- Confidence. Finally, opening up to a counselor can give you the confidence to set boundaries, stand up for yourself, or take the next step in your career or personal life.
If you feel you would benefit from speaking with a professional, contact your insurance company for next steps or call 2-1-1 to access mental health services in your area.
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Sunday May 12, 2013
If only there were a way to subtly give this list to your extended family, right? As tempting as it may be to e-mail it to them or share it with your social network, consider setting the example by helping another single mom you know -- perhaps someone you work with or who lives in your neighborhood.
Remember, too, that it doesn't have to take much time or effort to be an encouraging, supportive friend. Start by asking her how her kids are doing, or offering to share the job of carpooling to and from school or extra-curricular activities.
Once you open the door, you may be surprised to find the kind of mutually-supportive friendship you've been looking for all along.
Get the List: 50 Ways to Help a Single Mom
Related: Weekly Co-parenting Meetings | My Two Homes Resource
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