Yesterday my 6-year-old daughter brought home several "pre-decodable" photocopied "books" from her kindergarten classroom. She was so excited to read them to me, that we sat and went through all eight of them at once. It was a joy to hear her reading and experience her excitement at mastering the sight words embedded in each story.
However, one book in particular caught my attention. It's called "My Dad." What about the kids in the class who don't live with their dad, who have perhaps never even known him?
It bothered me for two reasons:
- It's a brand new program, that was just purchased this school year. That, to me, means that the writers and publisher ought to have had at least some awareness of how to create material that is sensitive to all children. After all, the number of unmarried women having children has been on the rise for years, and is now at 39.7% of all births, according to an article released by The Washington Post last week, titled Number of Unwed Mothers Has Risen Sharply in U.S. Clearly, educators on all levels can no longer presume that the students they teach live with, or even have contact with, their fathers.
- The targeted sight word for this book wasn't even "dad." It was "my." There are plenty of other word combinations that the writers could have chosen--such as my cat, my dog, or my hat--that would have allowed the children to develop an equivalent skill set without invoking the grief and/or confusion that some children may experience when presented with the task of sharpening their brand-spanking-new reading skills on a book titled "My Dad."
Of course, I am not suggesting that children whose life experience is fatherlessness--for whatever reason--should never be exposed to books about traditional families. Not at all! But I am suggesting that within the context of teaching young children how to read, it's unnecessary to include topics that could induce anxiety for some children. Personally, I find it to be a bit insensitive.
What do you think? Share your thoughts by participating in today's poll, or by leaving a comment below.
Related: "Why Don't I Have a Daddy?" | Talking Points for Single Parents
This is a great post, because it’s a tough issue without an easy answer. I voted yes. Should all books called “My Dad” be banned? No, but when they devise curriculum they should include representations of a variety of family structures, such as single moms, single dads, two moms, two dads, stepparents, etc.
I also thought your answers to “Why Don’t I Have a Daddy” were right on. My stepdaughter’s mom gave very similar, neutral answers to that question, so when her dad WAS ready to be a daddy, she accepted him and they were able to build a great father-daughter relationship.
I respectively disagree with you. I’m a single parent and a father with full custody of both my little girls. My thoughts on the curriculum – the publishers are not being insensitive, just being sensitive to dads like me
Also, if the mere mention of dad induces anxiety to a child I recommend the parent take a long hard look at themselves and how they are dealing with their own separation. Children are often subjected to our own thoughts and behavior. Nice post though.
I strongly feel this subject need to be address.To advise all children that life starts from a father and a mother,meaning man and woman and not man or woman, and no 1 person can reproduce without the 2 pair and no 2 of a kind. Justice
Yeah, that was stupid. They’re supposed to be teaching kids to read, not inculcating their version of societal norms.
I guess I see what you’re saying, but I don’t think it’s a big deal. My children are really struggling right now with the fact that their father doesn’t want to be involved in their lives. I try to point out different kinds of families to them and actually, we have lots of books about dads that they love. When we read those books, sometimes they get sad and ask hard questions, other times we talk about fun times that they’ve had with their dad, what kind of dad they want to be when they grow up, other men in their lives that help fill the void Dad has left, etc. I think you can go too far in the name of political correctness. There are children who don’t have a mom, children who don’t have grandparents, etc. You would never ask the school to remove all references to “my mom” would you? I’m not trying to be insensitive, I just think there are some realities that children have to learn to live with and as parents that means that sometimes we have to deal with those awkward situations and view them as teachable moments with our children.
My vote on this issue would be, only if they also banned the My Mom books as well, for the children who’s life experiences are such that they do not know or met or have a mother.
I think that the books are probably fine. If the book brings up questions for the children, then we just have one more parenting tool. Plus, I think that we should give the kids a little credit, too- they know that books aren’t always real- they tell stories! Single parent kids know that other kids grow up with moms AND dads, and they also know that some kids have only a mom or a dad or maybe a step-mom or step-dad, or one of the millions of combinations that make up families today.
Having a great Dad, who exert influence & can be COUNTED on for unconditional Love/acceptance) is only UNKNOWN to TOO MANY children in the U.S.! WRite stories about these human beings! TELL the next Generation “There ONCE WERE such things”: but PRIMARILY, MAKE these men Happen! (I’m ADDRESSING MEn/Adults, here: So I Do raise this Issue directly +unapologetically:) NEVER LOWER the STANDARDS to the LACKing fathers around the children. Because some men CHOOSE to relinquish their parenting role , rights, by their own Low Values; the NEXT GENERATION should NOT be SUBJECTED to THAT ful manlessness, as A NORM/a Standard, nor MANhood.
In many other cultures, (in which I’ve lived) FATHERh0Od is STill regarded as a HIGH Calling. NOt what it is ALLOWEd to be in America! SExuality is fine: but CREATING CHILDREN can be the outcome. THERE are NO EXCUSES for PUTTING CHILDREN through the Hell of EITHER parents Selfishness: Since ALL Adults had a childhood: they have a REsponsibility to GIVE it/& Better, to the NEXT offspring. I, for one, DO NOT LOWER MY STANDARDS: BECAUSE I HAD a Good FATHER~! A MAN. TERRIFIC. Although I did Not “get” one for my children, that does NOT LEAVE me the Option to Disregard teaching my son, my daughter about them!
I agree with you, up to a point. I think maybe makers of curriculums and school districts SHOULD evaluate whether or not subjects can be taught outside of variable social contexts. IF it can, then by all means. However, I firmly believe that one of the first places a child begins to learn about the world around them is in school; going to classes with children of different backgrounds, and learning about people and subject matter different from their own experiences. When I was a kid, we had a dedicated subject called Social Studies. As a kindergartener, I clearly rememebr learning about people in my neighborhood, families and how they interact with each, etc. I think that society has changed such that a revamping of that subject is in dire need, but there is a place for those sorts of teachable moments. I think the problem has come in when curriculums nowadays are set up so that students spend most of their year preparing for an annual spring exam, so that whole subject areas are either combined with two or three more, or have been erased. In light of that, educators have had to come up with really innovate ways to combine subject matters. I think the real question comes in when you are dealing with things like Father’s Day and Mother’s Day. I also came from a single mom household, and also clearly one time when the teacher actually said that those of “us” could do another art project while the kids were making Father’s Day cards that looked liked ties. Now, THESE are the situations that need to be evaluated for sensitivity revamping or training for the teachers!
This is a very interesting topic to me. My daughter and I live in a community that is very family-oriented, very 2-parented, very small-minded, too. (Listen, we don’t always end up exactly where we want.) Anyway, I’ve played it very low key outside the home; I basically never talk about the fact that we’re a single-parent home. But in the home between myself and my daughter, I’m very open with her and always leave all doors open to discussing the issue any time or any way she may like. I’ve often asked her if a story about the father bothers her or makes her feel anything at all. So while I’m tempted to say I don’t think there should be a My Dad book, on the other hand, it’s an opening for meaningful communication with a child who doesn’t have a dad at home.
Well, as a single mother of a 6yr old boy, I personally think that the focus should remain on the “there are different types of families” concept. That way there is no added pressures or insecurities for the child to feel. My son is in a “big brother” program, a white belt participating in martial arts classes and very busy with organized sport activities. For him, I focus on nurturing and encouraging his growth potential. That really should be the focus, not who is wearing what hat!! so to speak.
I am a widow with two girls, 13 and 7. My oldest daughter has never had a functional relationship with her biological father since he cant keep away from drugs and prison. I also grew up without my real father and my step dad left after 10 years. Do I feel these kinds of books are insensitive? NO! I believe it is a great experience for children who have not had that sort of family. I welcome the questions and emotions from my girls. It means they are alive and still have feelings. I let my children do what needs to be done to be sure they get all they can out of life. And that means going through pain and confusion so they can grow. Sheltering them makes things harder later.
She has since brought home a book titled “Mom Can Do It.”
But seriously, my issue isn’t with books that feature moms and dads in general, but with “My Dad” being presented in the first person point of view, right at the point where these kids are just learning to read. I really do appreciate all the insightful comments, though. This is such a thoughtful group!