Helping Kids Cope With Divorce
Tuesday May 6, 2008
As a solo parent, you set the tone in your home. That's true whether we're talking about getting up on time in the morning, or coping with the most difficult circumstances you've ever been faced with. Your kids learn more from what they see in your behavior than from anything you say to them directly.
When it comes to divorce, though, many parents wonder how they can best help their kids cope.
For one thing, remember that each child and each family situation is different. Don't assume that since talking it out is helpful to your older child, that your younger child would just naturally feel better, too, if only you could get him to express his feelings. I believe that it's just as important that you respect your children's space while they come to grips with this news, as it is that you remain continually available to them, should they want to talk. There's something to be said for striking a balance between encouraging your kids to open up and just quietly being there for them without forcing them to talk about it before they're ready.
At the same time, taking care of your own needs is also crucial. When you force yourself over and over again to suppress your own emotions for the sake of your kids, you're setting yourself up to either explode or seriously delay your own healing. What I recommend is that you find one or two close friends or family members who can serve as your support system at this time, and make sure that you get together with them often to vent how you're feeling. (Our forum is also a great place to get that kind of stuff out of your system.) When you give yourself that opportunity to purge some of those feelings of anger and resentment on a regular basis, you'll find that you're better able to be patient with your kids and not disclose to them the degree of your own frustration with the other parent.
For more tips on how to help your kids deal with the aftermath of your separation or divorce, read the article How Parents Can Help Their Children Cope With Divorce.
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When it comes to divorce, though, many parents wonder how they can best help their kids cope.
For one thing, remember that each child and each family situation is different. Don't assume that since talking it out is helpful to your older child, that your younger child would just naturally feel better, too, if only you could get him to express his feelings. I believe that it's just as important that you respect your children's space while they come to grips with this news, as it is that you remain continually available to them, should they want to talk. There's something to be said for striking a balance between encouraging your kids to open up and just quietly being there for them without forcing them to talk about it before they're ready.
At the same time, taking care of your own needs is also crucial. When you force yourself over and over again to suppress your own emotions for the sake of your kids, you're setting yourself up to either explode or seriously delay your own healing. What I recommend is that you find one or two close friends or family members who can serve as your support system at this time, and make sure that you get together with them often to vent how you're feeling. (Our forum is also a great place to get that kind of stuff out of your system.) When you give yourself that opportunity to purge some of those feelings of anger and resentment on a regular basis, you'll find that you're better able to be patient with your kids and not disclose to them the degree of your own frustration with the other parent.
For more tips on how to help your kids deal with the aftermath of your separation or divorce, read the article How Parents Can Help Their Children Cope With Divorce.
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Comments
I think this good article should be added on singleparentdate.com so that can let more single parents to know how to cope with the divorce with their kids!
not one mention of a father in this less than helpful article?