Non-custodial Parent Being Denied Visitation

dear single dad.

My question to you is, was their visitation granted in the divorce. If there was she cannot keep the children from you. You can literally take a copy of the divorce papers that show you are entitled to visitation and a sheriff or police officer and pick up your children when you are entitled visitation. You must make sure that your divorce papers state that you have visitation. Most of the time it is every other weekend and on certain holidays. She cannot stop you from seeing your children if you papers say you have visitation. Thats a fact.

Now on the other hand. If you dont have visitation stated in your divorce papers, the best thing to do is get a lawyer and file for visitation rights. And make sure that if you pay child support that it is up to date. Having a shower only is not a proper reason for her to keep the children from you.

Also may single fathers with small children not living with them does not have a bedroom just for the kids.
that being said, i would try to get a twin bed for the oldest. you can set in you bedroom also. The baby sleeping with you is not a problem.
review your divorce papers.
good luck

My ex is constantly doing this. I have a one-bedroom apartment and 2 teenage girls and one 8 year old boy. I want weekend visits (without going to court about it) and she is whining about living conditions as well. Through a number of people I have found that it is best to have a ‘bed’ (couch or matress) for each child. You can pair them up if the bed is big enough. Your best weapon against her is to have your Child Services Agency come to your home and give you a written ok. This could also go against you, so call them and ask what are the living conditions for a non-custodial parent they recommend are. Follow their advice, document it, and use it without having them come over. They may find a bug somewhere and make you miserable, but there are good social workers that want to see happy families. I did foster care and I know what these folks go through and some are emotionally unstable, but a phone conversation would be ideal and get a name. Most important, look up National Fatherhood Initiative on the net and BE THERE for them and do not say mom is bad, but only looking out for them. The NFI is the best father resouce I have found no matter your situation. I hope other readers can benefit from this worthy organization as well. Tell them you love them, always, no matter what.

I am not a non-custodial parent, I am the custodial parent and I find the fact that the mother of his children is denying him visitation repulsive….. I have known custodial parents to have DIRTY living conditions and they get to keep their children.. This gentleman does not have dirty living conditions and it just seems this mother is doing this to be malicious.. My advise to the father is take her to court — keep on it,, a judge will not allow her to get away with this !!!!!!

Hi,
I’m in australia, and the non custodial, slightly different laws, but here court orders are toothless lions. By law my ex can’t stop the visit (contrevene orders) for poor reasons.
That said going to court for contrevention is better being done as a self litigate it’s much much cheaper repetisious, and needs to be done several times before you start getting serious orders. the first few times are just warnings, then psychology appointments for the ex, before they start issuing police arrest orders.

In australia anything mentioned in the act such as living arrangements is a legitimate excuse to deny access, I had to get a social worker to assess my place and a child psychologist to assess my arrangements to protect myself.

just remember the vast majority of custodial women are not like this, just like the vast majority of fathers are not abusive. But there are enough of them that the courts are always slow and painfully slow and careful to intervene.

cheers

I’am the custodial parent and my ex has visititation rights, my son is 12 years old and he says tht his father do not pay him any attention when he is at his home, he does not buy milk for him because he and his one don’t like it, he es in the parkun supervised because his father wake up around late noon. He comes back filthy and witn his clother dirt. I have requested family reunion to talk about this but he does not want any communication wiht me. I think my son is in danger since he is a pre teen and this is very dangerous age. what should I do since his pather and stepmother do not want communicate al all.

I am the custodial parent for my kids, and I have been letting them stay with their father every other weekend and for dinner on Wednesdays. He left us because he wanted to continue his relationship with another man. I made it clear to him that I did not want him to have men around his apartment when he had the kids over for a visit. He decided about two months ago that it didnt matter to him any longer what I thought and he started having men over to sleep with him when the kids were there for their visits with him. When I found out about the conditions that he has been living in, He has a 1 room apartment, so everyone sleeps together, I told him that the children would not be spending nights there any longer, he could see them his Wednesday nights and pick them up on Saturdays for the day. Since that decision he has been acting out in all sorts of ways that are upsetting the kids. Telling them that he has to give me all of his money so he never has any left over to live himself and making my son very upset. Is there anything I can do to encourage him to stop taking it out on the kids?

Upset Mom

Ok try this 1. My 25 yr old son is currently battling his esrtanged wife for custody and is being denied visitation. Until this past Saturday he had not seen his son since February. There have been court dates and appearances, lawyers and a law guardian, changes of venue, writs of habeus… and yet no visits. Oh I left out CPS, founded reports of neglect against the mother, home visits on and on and on. In March my son filed for sole custody of his 5 yr old son, dt the fact his estranged wife was, and we believe still does, resideing in a home w/ a level 3 sex offednder ( don’t believe me see the registry) Dion Rice now living in Hornell, NY although the address on the registry is a phony (I goggled it). We have no phone # cell or otherwise for my daughter in law, nor a valid address since she left Onadaga cty. We had no phone # there but we did have an address. Our only manner to contact her is by calling her fathers house. They frequently don’t answer our calls although recently they have but we can’t speak w/ Danielle she is busy or not home or sleeping, we ask if we could come pick up the child and they say we will give her the message and get back to you, they never call back. We call back and get “she ain’t here” “she hasn’t made a decision”… It is frustrating for months we didn’t know where he was now we have found him and can’t see him. What can we do?

I am a no-custodial parent with a similar situation. We HAD a good faith agreement. She evidently does not understand how that works because I have able to see my children three times in the last two years. This last time my children complained about her boyfriend abusing them so I asked CAC to have an interview with the children to determine how much of their stories were true. She showed up the next day took them while I was at work and I haven’t been able to see or speak to them since. I have called every day. It seems if you are the mom you can get anything you want, but if you are a non-custodial dad bend over.

we are the custodial parent and non-cust. parent lives in dif. state goes weeks w/o calling kid it has now been 4 months since we have heard from her does kid have to go if she contacts us

We are going through a tough custody battle right now as well, but the best thing you can do is to get a lawyer. Same story, same result as most others on this wite. It sucks and is awful that it has to come to that, but we tried every other way we could and none of them worked. During the last 5 years we have learned many things. Our knowledge is unfortunately vast, so we will try to answer a few questions.

The cust. parent technically cannot keep the child from the non-cust. parent for any reason, short of physical abuse. However, the only way any police entity will be able to help you is if the custody decree states a specific time-sharing schedule and that is not being kept. Otherwise, you have to go back to court and have the order revised in order for the police or courts to enforce it.

No custodial parent is allowed to keep the child from the other parent if there is no order stating they do not have the right to visitation. However, this is family law and it is very complex, by the book, and most likely no one will be arrested for any of these offenses. They are also not criminal offenses.

You have to go back to court ultimately to get your order revised. Many states have low-income or free lawyers. Many states also have do-it-yourself kits you can buy or download to file yourself, but many judges will not hear you or take you seriously without a lawyer. There are also many father’s rights groups that may be able to help. Whatever you do, do not sit on it and wait for things to get better. The judge’s biggest problem with our case is that I didn’t come to court sooner. I couldn’t afford to and tried to do it myself, but he still doesn’t like it. People don’t realize how truly hard it is for non-custodial parents to keep their rights and how easy it is for the custodial parent to take over, even if it is joint custody. Good luck.

I agree with FightingDad. Whether you are Non-Custodial Mom or Dad, contact the Father’s Rights Orgs. Many times they have attorneys involved in their groups who will give advice for free. If there are any law schools in your area, you might want to contact them as well. I know here in Philly, there is one school that takes on cases for a particular class. There are attorneys who teach the class, and young, eager law students who have plenty of energy and spunk to do the work. The attorneys / professors oversee the work the students perform. It’s like having a team of attorneys at your disposal … for free!

To those who are facing contempt issues (where the custodial parent isn’t following an order), keep careful record – dates, times, what happened, who witnessed it, pictures if appropriate, etc. There is a balance btw waiting too long (like in FightingDad’s case) and going back too quickly. Don’t go back to court with every little thing. Gather them up and when there is a pattern, and you feel it is a significant pattern, THEN go for contempt. You can file the paperwork yourself if you can’t afford a lawyer (and father’s rights groups can help). Judges hate it when you come in for every little infraction. That’s why you should wait until you have a significant pattern of violation (but don’t wait too long).

To NY Mom, it’s not illegal to be gay. Some single straight parents feel it is okay after 6mo, a year, to introduce a new partner to their kids – even to have them cohabitate (some do it even sooner than 6mo). Just because this partner is same-sex has no bearing, other than for homophobic people. You said they are all “sleeping together.” They shouldn’t be in the same bed together – that’s clear. Since it’s a one room apt, have they sectioned it off at all? How old are the kids? In terms of dad saying inappropriate things, wouldn’t you be angry if he was keeping your children from you just because he didn’t like how you live? I’m not saying I condone it, but if he wasn’t acting like this before, you can bet that’s a huge contributor. You can’t get him to stop (well, unless you get over your disgust at his living situation and give him the time back). But that disturbs me – you “let him” have time with the kids. Does that mean there is no order? And you feel like you have the “right” to allow or not allow him to see his own kids? I think we’re looking at power and control issues here. But aside from that, having a solid order might be your solution. Take yourself out of being judge and jury, and leave that to the courts. They’ll tell him what he can and can’t do. And maybe he’ll stop saying things to the kids. But you should be aware that they will also tell you what you can and can’t do.

Ritalou – if you have a court order saying she gets specific time, then yes, you have to send the kids or you are in contempt.

To the original single dad – I never had a bathtub. My son showered with me once he was too big for the sink. Yes, they’re slippery – that’s what towels are for. But since you have a toddler, it’s much easier – they stand and sit on their own. And it isn’t a reason to withhold visitation. I would go back to court to have them enforce visitation.

NY gma – I would hire a Private Investigator. It is definitely expensive, but you need the proof. If you think she’s living with this person, go and verify it yourself. Sit and wait to find out for sure. Then send a PI to get it on tape. If you can afford to have the PI follow her for several days or a week, do it. If the PI finds a pattern in her comings and goings, then the PI can come back over a period of a month, sit for a couple of hours, get the footage and be off. They will give you a report, DVDs, and they can testify in court. Seriously, I did this. I had them sit on my kid for 3 hours a day – a couple of times it turned into longer. Turns out my ex had a second job and my kid was staying with anyone and everyone (well, except for his stepmom where you would think he’d be). Makes a difference with Child Support, makes my ex a liar, and proves that my kid is not with his parent when he is supposed to be.

Anyway, I’ll sign off now. I know this comment is kind of late in the game. I hope some of you are still checking back and someone gets some help out of this. Good luck!

to NY grandma I guess you just forgot to add that your son is also a convicted sex offender who don’t have to register because of a youthful offender status as for your so loved grandson I took care of him made sure he he had food clothing and a great Christmas and that my therapist supported me being involved in your grandsons life also i guess that you forgot to add that your son is living with 2 or 3 other guys who have had child abuse charges and that your son just walked out on your grandson and his mom also the false allegations of child abuse constantly leveled against Danielle and myself as the last time i was investigated for child abuse of your grandson we didn’t even live together Go Danielle! I hope your son never gets to see your grandson again

I am single mother who fought hard to limit my son’s father’s visitation. My ex-husband has multiple arrests for driving under the influence of alcohol and one for doing so with his girlfriend’s 13 year old son in the car during a hurricane evacuation (a little less than a year after our divorce had been finalized). To this day, he blames the girlfriend (now obviously an ex) for the arrest. She had been driving for 14 hours straight and pulled over to rest at a truck stop far out of the storm’s reach. My ex saw the evacuation as an excuse to down as much vodka as possible in as short a time period as physically allowable. While his girlfriend slept, my ex decided he wanted to keep going to his mother’s (several states away) and began driving. He got pulled over and the cop woke his girlfriend to ask how old her son was. Shocked and confused, she answered with the truth–the child was twelve. My ex was arrested for driving under the influence with a minor in the vehicle. The prince among men whom I once had the bad judgment to marry continues to blame the girlfriend for not lying about her son’s age for his extended probation.

I tell this story to explain why my ex has only supervised visitation. He is neither a bad man nor a stupid man–he is a severely alcoholic man. At 36, he is already suffering from cirrhosis of the liver. I am not being vicious by disallowing visits at his home, I am being protective of my son’s well-being.

For this reason, I am offended when good fathers are denied access to their children. When my ex is sober, I am willing to drive half an hour each way to pick him up for visitation at my home. Sober, my son’s father is a lovely man and I would never deny my son the knowledge that his father loves him.

If my ex were writing this, his rhetoric would be peppered with “that controlling b—- this” and “that evil wh— that.” If he were writing drunk that is. There are two sides to every custody battle and I am no perfect mother. He very likely would be making very valid points between the insults and name-calling.

All of that being said, I would never call a child services agency to help me in my fight to protect my son unless my ex had been allowed unfettered access and visitation.

I am a child welfare investigator. I spend countless hours investigating custody disputes that have no business being taken care of by state officials paid by tax dollars. Children who are actually being abused or neglected may be pushed to a back burner as fabricated claims of abuse or neglect are called in on the advise of divorce lawyers. Do not place children in danger by trying to use your state’s CPS to resolve custody disputes.

Using child welfare agencies to resolve custody disputes puts truly abused and neglected child in even more danger and also wastes tax dollars.

Beyond that, let me tell you that when you open a case on your family, I don’t just look at your ex–I look at you, the grandparents, the neighbors, the employers. I document what I find. What I find enters a permanent record. Do you really want me to decide if you are an adequate parent or person? Do not use child welfare agencies to determine custody issues if you are not willing to entertain the possibility that the state may wind up with custody of your children. As a worker, I bend over backwards to make sure this happens as rarely as possible, but calling you child services agencies opens up the possibility.

I am the non custodial parent. My childs mother has moved and will not provide her new address. This makes it hard for me to file a police report when I do not know what her new address is. What are the steps I can take to find out where she lives, so I can attempt to pick up my son for my court ordered visitation? I have been told there is a process at the local post office that can assist me in locating her address in a circumstance such as this. Please advise.

Hi, I am 23 and I am a mom of two. I have a 4 year old son and a 2 year old daughter. Due to my son’s being able to get out of my house a few times a year ago, I was charged with neglect and my children were sent to live with their abusive father. I have gone through hell and back to prove that I am fit and I know have visitations as agreed upon by the father and I. This past Thursday, the children came to visit me and they had Staph infections and their father said that he would NOT be taking them to the doctor. I took them to the local ER and they were prescribed antibiotics. I notified their father and he said that he would not give them their medications. I told him that I would not be returning the kids to him because he was breaking the law and putting our kids in danger. He showed up at my house this morning and I called the police. They told me that since he had custody of the kids, I had to return them to him or I would be in violation of a c misdemeanor. Now what do I do? My son climbs out my window and that makes me horrible, but my ex refuses to give my children prescription antibiotics and he is allowed to take them home??? Please help.

Hi webmaster!

I recently married a man that has two children, six and eight. His ex goes along with the visitation until she does not get her way. By this I mean that he works for Ford Mo. Company and now with their struggle he is being layed off. He will work a week or two and then be off for three weeks. Everything goes according to plan until it is time for the lay off. Unemployment delays his child support until he can file and when she does not get the money, she tells him in text messages that if she gets no money then he gets no kids. My husband is not a dead beat dad. He loves his kids and would do anything for them. He pays his child support and goes out of his way to do extra things for his ex like keeping them extra weekends and picking them up during the week. I can’t believe that some people would be that self-centered and would hurt their children.

What about a Mother’s Rights Organization??!! I have not seen or heard from my 6 year old daughter in 7 months now!! People who do not know how to truly THINK should not have children! The sickness just goes on and on and on! WAKE UP ignorant parents! This is not about you anymore…it’s about your children!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am custodial parent of my 4 year old son and I have been having problems with his father since he was 9 months old. He has visitaition rights and dosen’t follow the divorce papers at all. I let him see his son as it says and the majority of the time he has excuses, being as my son is in school and his work dosesn’t work around his schedule to get his son I let him get him on holiday break or my weekends with my son. He lives 4 1/2 hours away and in papers we agreed to meet halfway so it wasn’t so hard on either of us. 99% of the time I’m having to drive al the way because he refuses to bring him home or answer my calls and laughs because his girlfriends family is good friends with the court system. How can I go about doing something so he will stop. I’m a single mother don’t have a lot of money and need some serious advice!!!

Insanity- Parents using children as leverage in arguements where noone really wins and the most important people loose. There are times when fighting is necessary. You see your child has bruises on thir face and you know the mother’s boyfriend has a temper… FIGHT!
You see your child is sick and the other parent wont do anything about it… FIGHT!
But bickering between eachother will never solve anything (hince the reason you are now divorced) I am a single mother, Custodial and I receive benefits and monetary child support from her father. Call me lucky. But none of theses things replace the fact that I fought with him so much he moved over 3000 miles away and she never gets to see him. In the two years since our divorce my daughter has been nothing but confused on what that word “daddy’ means. She can point out pictures of him, but to her he may as well be dead. He is a picture on the mantle and distant memories neither of them will ever have back. All it took for him not to miss the last 2 birthdays, the past 2 christmases and the millions of milestones in between was for me to shut up and let him be a dad. Mothers- everything is not always going to go your way, this is a lesson you should have learned in primary school, but if you havent yet- do so quickly. Fathers- I commend your trying, please dont give up because your baby momma is giving you grief. Hopefully one day she will come around. If she dosen’t take her to court and nail her ass to the wall. You do have rights as a father. Learn what they are and be aware when the mother is legally overstepping her boundaries. Please dont forget- our children are the legs we stand on as a community. If we cant manage to show them how to have good relationships our society will never be stable. Do you really want you kid hating you because you had no idea how to properly explain the real world to them? Will you forgive yourself when they are pregnant at 15 because they wanted someone to love them? The things your child sees today, no matter how small you may thing it is shapes who they will become. Pedophile or upstanding citizen, Teacher or alcoholic drain on the economy. Please consider these things before you let another word come out of your mouth. And quit arguing, it will come back 10 fold when your child is 13 and trying to prove you wrong. Teach them now how to be polite and to compromise. You will be pleased with the work of art you see when you are done.

Does anyone have any phone numbers for a good family lawyer in tn around the cookeville area,I dont have a lot of money and my ex refuses to let me see my children and the police will not help

in my case i settled on court ordered vists (against my favor) at the local mall every sunday from 11am-2pm. this was fine for me i was happy cuz finally i was able to see my son! mind you she denied me the chance to see my son born and hold him for the first time… and so i went almost 6mos without knowing what he looked like. everything went well till about may of last year she stopped bringing him there were 2 vists that i didnt go my mother was in the hospital she had a infection in her intesines and had to get 2 blood transfusions. newayz i had tryd to call my sons mother but they changed theyr house number and the times ive knocked on the door they dont answer. so i kept goin every week but shes no show i get 3 police reports i tryd to get a fourth one the next time but the cops were like “thats not our job” she has full custody. i really want the visits changed shes not stickin to it, and the vists are supervised which makes me feal like a im some criminal, when im not. what do you do witha 1 yr old in a mall for 3 HOURS!! its so aggrevating when i live literally 3 blocks around the corner and she wont agree to dropping him off.. she told one of her friends she doin this to spite me. i doesnt get me angry im just sad i cant see my son. i havent waited so long cuz i dont care its that between takin care of my mother who can barely get around cuz of her arthritis, workin to pay my student loans back, fixing the house up, its hard i feel like my life is a mess. im afraid to go to court without a lawyer cuz honestly i dont know the law and all my rights and what to do. im only 25 my hair is fallin out. all i wish is that shed be more cooperative. i just wanna to be there for my son!

It has been 7 months since my son/us have been able to see our little man…even with papers signed this woman gets to choose..or feels she is above the law ..and take access away..they are in couert againand sheis dictating..but not folling thru…what does it take..feel like almost kidnapping as that is what she is essentially doing..rediculous i know ..but how do you win..just last year she ade up a bogus stoey of how much he was calling and testing..then had that chargedagainst him..and laterbecause she changed dates/times ..control on him he responded by text..and she had him charged and sent to jail overnite..now its like he’s afraid to do anything incase she plays this again…it is so darn unfair,..and she is using our granson as apawn…how do you win in the courts and get them to see what is happening!!!frustrated/hurting and sad!!!

I have a different situation! I am the custodial parent and my ex is refusing to come see his daughter! She is very upset by his lack of caring! She sees him with his new fiance (going on #3) and her 4 children. He seems to be there for them and them alone and will not even make an attempt any more to see his 8 year old daughter! I have tried and tried to get him to step up and be a good father! I have never denied him visitation, I am usually begging him to spend a little more time with her because she wants his love and affection so badly! Although at the same time, I almost feel that maybe she is better off not going with him since he just ignores her, makes her take care of her little 1 and 2 year old brothers on the weekends that he does take her and gives all of his time and devotion to his “new family” while she is there! Sometimes I guess kids are better off without a bad parent!

My story and I will make it brief. I met my ex wife when I was 25 and married (as a big dummy) after only knowing her for 6 months. We had our daughter the following year. Shortly after is when the fun started. She told me she was no longer going to work, however, did not stop shopping or going out with her friends to country line dancing night. About 9 months after our daughter was born, she flipped out on my with racial slurs (I am black and she is white). I put up with it for months but then called it quits. I paid her CS before it was court ordered, gave her money to pay bills and even bought diapers and baby stuff every time I came to see my daughter. (I have receipts to prove it!) When we got to court..BAM…she accuses me of being violent and diddling my daughter! WHAT!! Visits stopped, court ordered evalutions on me some with some without my daughter. Had to see my daughter at a visitation center. (This is all over a 5 year period of time) Finally I won overnite visits. That lasted for one week before the ex started lying yet again! This went on until the final eval was done. It concluded that after being evaluated by 8 hospitals, visitation center and GAL documents that the Judge stated that I never did anything (DUH) and that my ex was behind all of the nonsense (did I mention they thought my ex wife was a mucnhausens by proxy case?). However, due to the fact that my daughter has been hurt by the constant back and forth between us (like I kept my wife lying) that visitation would stop!…WHAT!!! So because my ex kept lying, cause all of these evals, was the person that cause the constant back and forth…SHE WINS!!? I have not seen my daughter in 9 years. The court told me all I could do is send letters and gifts and I have. The order said that this should last till my daughter was 13. At age 13, I called..my daughter hung up on me. I continued to write. Tried her at 15..she says she believes I left her and she doesn’t need me anymore. I tried to be there for my daughter. I fought. I got nothing. I am extremely sad. I did not want this for her or me. The court sided with a liar. Women get away with whatever when it comes to court.

I never hurt my daughter ever. Thats my word! And I have 8 professionals including GALs and DSS (Dept of Social Services) that back me up!

How is that fair?

- A sad father who has missed out on everything…

I to am the custodial parent of my soon to be 13yr old son. Since the day he was born it has been a roller coaster ride dealing with his father. Mind you, I was 13yrs old when my sons 19yr old father got me pregnant! I, 14yrs old when I gave birth gave up everything to take care of our son that didn’t choose to be put on this earth. I was a child to, but I did what I had to do. My parents allowed him to live at the house to help me, he never did so he was asked to leave. He moved away, then moved back and continued carrying relationships with 13yr old girls, LIVING WITH THEM and everything. I allowed him to see his son every other weekend, he would come and pick him up approx. noon on saturdays and bring him back the same time the next day. 48hrs a month!! I agreed at the time for $40 a week for child support, I was lucky to get it twice a month. He had plenty of time and money for drinking and drugs but never for his son. When he wanted to be sober and put on a show for people he put himself and our son on a pedestal. While with the 13yr old girlfriend he constantly brought her over, picked fights with me and then he stood back and laughed because I guess he thought we were fighting over him. ALL IN FRONT OF MY CHILD. My parents constantly had to call the police to have him removed. He was ALWAYS nasty towards me and my family…and would get nasty towards the police if he was feeling bullet proof. Police reports speak well for themselves. I should have never allowed any of this and should have stopped him then, but I didn’t….instead not wanting to take him or my son thru the court system and trying to let him ” grow up ” and do right by his child. After 4yrs I had enough and told him if he wanted his right he needed to take me to court. Suddenly he wanted to give a crap and start showing up to my parents, but I stood by my word on taking me to court. He tried to file paralegal paperwork for JOINT CUSTODY among other things, in a county that the child never lived in…ever. I hired an attorney to have it done in the county I lived in, and the Judge agreed that the jurisdiction should be held where the child has ALWAYS resided. So the non custodial hired an attorney as well and took it to the county I lived in and we went head to head for 2yrs in and out of court. He was still seeing the child every other weekend…even when the child was coming home sick and wreaking of cigarette smoke and extremely exhausted and hungry. I just addressed this to him, he laughed me off, I addressed it thru the attorneys, his attorney justified everything by basically saying I should just ” suck it up ” and allow him to be a Dad….I was but I WILL as HIS MOTHER look out for his best interest. And also by this point I was finally receiving court ordered child support because he could not be depended on to pay. During the court hearings(which took 2yrs to finalize) there was nothing but issues with him. Our son was complaining of the treatment he was receiving from his father, telling me that ” I slept on the floor while my dad and his NEW girlfriend slept in the bed “, constantly referring to his fathers S.O’s as ” new girlfriend ” and ” old girlfriend ” as he could not keep their names straight. Then oneday his father found somebody older than him, instead of illegally younger than him and actually started acting decent, or so it seemed. So I allowed more liberal visits as she atleast seemed like she would make sure my child was being taken care of. That didn’t last long as the father was lying to her and misleading her, and then in turn it caused alot of miscommunication between all 3 of us and nobody knew who to believe, but again I AS THE CHILDS MOTHER forbid her from communicating with me anymore about my son. I also learned thru her only a few weeks before it was to happen that apparently his father was moving to IDAHO, mind you we lived in FLORIDA, and when I heard this(before the court order was final mind you) I was taken back and suprised and she said..” He told you this already “…UM NOOOOO. Because again he was going to try and be secretive about it. He didn’t tell our son OR ME but told others that he did. He left his son hysterically crying with all of his stuff, when our son asked me to make him stay I then called him and asked him NOT TO DO THIS TO HIS SON, in which he then said…” there is NOTHING for me here “….apparently his son wasn’t good enough. He chose to move to Idaho, there wasn’t a job waiting on him, but only family members that had never done anything for him up to that point since I had known him. He was mislead by his attorney that he would for sure gain his visitation rights in Idaho during the summer, it would be no issue for him to move away and let his attorney handle his dirty work for him. When he moved, he claimed he couldn’t find a job and did not pay ANY chid support for 3 months, so I held him in comtempt because I knew better than that….of course I was right, he had a job about a month after he had moved there. Thankfully I was able to obtain that information and recieve regular payments for the most part. It finally ended up in a Trial in the Judges chambers where we discussed numerous issues, such as the revolving door of girlfriends, the way Damien was being treated by him, forcing him to drink Alcohol(to teach him a lesson apparently-what he sais, not me), addressing the issue that most of these girlfriends were 18yrs old and younger(high school girls or drop outs), he first lied about it and then in cross examination admitted to it, there were actually numerous things he lied to the judge about and was in fact exposed with not only his slip up but evidence. He tried to modify the court order child support from 390$ a month, stating that was to much!! Judge requested his pay stubs, his attorney handed the Judge unemployment information, information that they failed to give my attorney when requested but did in fact give my attorney his real pay stubs where he made a considerable amount of money. So again, he tried to pull a fast on on the judge as if he was living solely off of unemployment(he works construction so he has winter months off in Idaho therefore claiming unemployment during lay off months-Legit)…and the list could go on as to what he did in those chambers that day. That was the last time he seen his son…FEB 2003!! The Judge ordered him to pay much more in child support and carry benefits for our son, as I was finally finishing up college(tech degree only) and hadn’t got a job YET, as I was trying to graduate first but the Judge asked me how much money i’d make on average so he could base his child support off of what I had the ability to make. The judge also said no to visitation rights in Idaho during the summer, considering that nobody made him move there, he just did it on his own, and that he had winter months off, and there was no need for the child to obviously spend his time with babysitters, being that it was so far away from the only home he has ever known it was the mentally healthy choice for the child. He was no longer aloud to have over night visitation due to the things that went on while he had him over night, but was in fact granted days time visitation where the child in the city/state the child resided(not completely supervised, just no overnight stays) and the Judge also stated that the father need a psychological eval before the order would being considered for modification. The Judges order made things VERY VERY CLEAR as to WHY he made his decisions, none of which had anything to do with what I said, but what the father said and lied about in those chambers. Since then the father sais that I ” f’ed his life up
” because apparently its still all about him. A few years AFTER this trial I married and a few months after getting married moved out of the state because that is where the military stationed my husband. Not only did the father make no attempt to see the child the almost 3yrs before I left Florida, he has made no attempt since, claming he is broke, which has not always been the case, but he is now due to the economy. It has been almost 7yrs since he has seen our son. Nobody has denied him his right to see him other than hiself. He claims time is on his side and he will just take me back to court when the child is older and make sure our son can speak to the Judge hiself(which isn’t easy to get done) because I lied about this, that and the other blah blah. Instead of proving hiself, exercising the rights the best that he can he would rather warp our sons head and make him choose because apparently that is the mentally healthier choice. He has told my son his every intention, has told my son I lie to him about everything, as well as my husband so we can destroy his relationship with him(bio father) but has nothing to back it up. Tells the child how broke he is and how I’m taking all his money, but failing to tell the truth on even that, as his wifes myspace speaks well for itself!! He only calls when he feels like it, atleast once to twice a year he has stopped calling for a month or more at a time with no explanation, and up until now I let it go, this time demanding some answers so I could actually do some damage control with our son instead of our son confronting him. That got me no where, it angered my son because he knew he hadn’t called for awhile, while angry completely misunderstood me telling him that his father had in fact called a few times these past few weeks and I was waiting for an opportunity to speak with his father before I spoke with him about the situation. My son over stepped his own boundaries and at his request he wanted to speak with him ALONE, OUTSIDE and didn’t want him near him so I could not stop the situation as I didn’t know until it was to late. After the fact I corrected my son, but apparently as his father told him I’m nothing but a liar that hides the truth from him, as well as my husband to destroy everything and that one day he will know the truth, that our son has NO IDEA who his mother really is etc etc. Of course pushing my son to question me over money etc etc, in which I feel forced to attempt to defend myself as well as prove and show the truth. N-CP’s wife thinks every single bit of this is her business, although she has done nothing but complain about how lazy and screwed up her husband(childs father) is on her myspace. Threatens me with ” fraud ” charges because I was able to see their myspace(nothing is private on the internet…not even what i’m typing)…..She has gone as far as asking for legal advice on the internet and posting all about my personal business. She has NEVER met our child, not even a phone conversation before she and my sons father decided to marry and put themselves in grand attempt to say to our son ” by the way meet your step mom and step brothers ” because that is just great for a childs self esteem when he hasn’t seen his father for at this point almost 4yrs and hardly talked with him on the phone. Just goes to show where the fathers priority really is. The new wife thinks she is an attorney herself and is constantly quoting law and is completely in- accurate,but gives her husband lots of false hope. They both constantly complain about the amount of child support he is paying, he finally opened up a child support case in Idaho hoping for a modification, I guess not realized it wasn’t an easy or fast process. A few months later realized because he owed so much in back child support because he hardly payed for him during the first 5yrs of the childs life, that I would be getting his tax return so he tried to turn the case off. I in turn had it put on my name so I could continue to GET SOMETHING. I had never recieved his tax returns before because the Judge didn’t order it that way, he ordered it so that the N-CP pay a certain amount every month and a portion of that went towards back child support. So you would think all these years of him actually getting his tax return he would have taken that to see his son but instead he was always broke. Oh and also the judge made it to where during unemployment/lay off months he only paid $200(and some change) in child support since he paid such a considerable amount during working months!!! Now N-CP tells our child that i’m taking all his money and thats why hes broke, and that he can’t see the child because his step dad threatened him(because he called my husband quite a few names for no good reason and we have it on tape)….is CONSTANTLY guilting our son. I make sure my son knows the truth, probalby in way I shouldn’t but sometimes parents are backed into corners….especially when you have a determined child that is not in the mood to be lied to by the people he thinks he can trust!! My son is to the point that he trust no one and quite frankly I don’t blame him….I wouldn’t either!!! This isn’t even the half of it with the N-CP, I could entertain someone for months, but i’ll spare you..

I to agree that that are good fathers out there getting screwed, I have a very good friend that is in fact being screwed over and what his EX did was wrong. I have NEVER lied about my sons father to my son or the court system….I’m not that retarded. There is 2 sides to every story and then there is the truth and the truth will always speak for itself, as it always has and continues to do so. I regret showing my son the things that I felt at the time I was forced to because I was being back in a corner every which way I turned!! I’ve spoke with him sine and made it very clear how wrong I was for that and that it won’t happen again. I have made the ground rules for phone conversations clear and I will no longer fight over being called name by the N-CP, but I will disconnect the phone if that is what it calls for. I, the childs mother and the one that has raised him from day one has the right to look out for the best interest of the child. The father in this case has been the one to deny himself his own rights and only complain over money, all of which he to brought on himself!!

Some CP’s are backed in corners to, and we to have to stand up and fight, and its not right for the N-CPs to back us in corners and then ridicule us for it, just as it isn’t right for CP’s to do that to N-CPs….and none of which I have done. He moved on his own, he has chosen not to spend any time with his son, he has chose to have hit and miss phone contact with the child. I, as well as his son have begged and pleaded with him to make some sort of effort to come and see him….but if its not one excuse, its another. But yet he thinks a Judge is going to hear this out?? and allow a child to speak for himself??? What can the child say for him that, if he is such a changed person would be able to prove and say on his own???? That is injustice to the child…bottom line.

The entire system for Non-Custodial’s as well as Custodials is completely screwed up!!

Okay so you make it seem so easy to talk to the other parent about things to do with the kids but my mom denied my father’s visitations for two months because she didn’t like that he had a girlfriend. he kept records and brought it to court and i’m not saying that it happeneds often but one of the police officers said they lost the reports and pictures of my older brother when he got beat by her[my mom's] boyfriend. talking to my mom, for my dad, is hell. He honestly has to have me start something over my cell phone to talk to her. sometimes the mother can be a royal pain in the rear and vise-versa. it isn’t that easy

Hello I’m a non custodial parent and today my ex denied me visitation.He said that because i told my daughter not to take her depression pills that she doesn’t need, he says that her psychiatrist and him find that its unsafe over here.I have 2 kids 17 and 14 and they want to live with me.

A FATHER HAS THE RIGHT TO VISIT WITH HIS KIDS,AS DOSE A MOTHER. IN INDIANA IT’S WED. FOR 3 HOURS AND EVERYOTHER WEEKEND. IF YOU GO TO PICK UP THE KIDS ON THE DAYS THAT ARE SET BY THE COURTS(FOR PARENTS THAT CAN’T AGREE)
ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS CALL THE COPS AND THEY WILL MAKE SURE YOU GET THE KIDS THOSE DAYS.
NOTE BRING YOUR VISITATION PAPERS WITH YOU.
THIS MOTHER SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF HERSELF,KIDS NEED THERE DAD,AND THEY DON’T CARE WHERE THEY SLEEP OR HOW THEY GET CLEAN.SHE SHOULD BE THANKFUL YOU ARE IN THERE LIFE AND NOT DOING IT ALL BY HER SELF………SINGLE MOM,NO HELP,NO VISITS

hey karol…get your head on straight?!what were you thinking when you told your daughter she didnt need her meds? I am the step mom of two boys with a custodial father and his ex wife tries the same crap…bcuz his youngest is ADHD….she has problems with this or that…then I take her with me to the Dr. and she says nothing but ya…ok…i agree….then its the same control issue behind the scenes…get a life and speak up for yourself in these matters…tell the Dr. the truth…then bitch at the other parent…You arent here every day…so how the hell would YOU know wether she needs it or not?

Karol:

I agree with the poster above. It is not your determination to decide whether a child needs to be on or off psychiatric medications. Frankly, it is dangerous for some medications to discontinue all at once and could induce suicidal thoughts if you tamper with them.

You are playing with fire.

The father had every right to deny you visitation as the child’s life may be in danger because of you.

I can see why you are the non-custodial parent. Remember – all future medical decisions are betweeen the father/custodian and the doctor, not you.

I am so sick of hearing how FATHER’S always get the raw end of the deal, what about the MOTHERS out there who have lost custody???!!! (rare I know but it DOES HAPPEN!!)
When my ex husband committed statutory rape, and got away with it, I got custody of our daughter. When he married the “little girl” he had been screwing around with and took me back to court I lost custody because I was a SINGLE parent and he was married so therefore HE was the “more stable parent”. Now almost 8 years later, my ex has decided to DENY my court ordered visitation, yet I am still required BY LAW to pay this jerk child support. The cops won’t help because they say it is a matter for the family courts. The courts won’t help because he has family connections and I can’t afford a lawyer. Amazing how many different sites and lawyers there are in this world who will work for FREE if you are not receiving child support but NOONE helps the NON CUSTODIAL parents when they are not getting to see their children!!!! If anyone out there knows a lawyer who will work to help the NON CUSTODIAL parent please let me know; I am so frustrated after years and years of fighting with this man and being in and out of courts, jail you name it and yet he still pulls the same BS whenever “wifey” doesn’t get her way or doesn’t like something I say or do they try to deny my visitation, my phone calls etc. There has GOT to be a solution to this terrible epidemic!! Why can’t parent’s recognize the only one who is TRULY being hurt here are the children!!!!!

My husband and I went to pick up his 2 daughters for his court ordered visitation on Wednesday. When we got there we found out that his ex-wife had taken the girls to Kentucky on vacation. He will also miss out on his court appointed time on his daughter’s birthday. This is the 8 visitation she has denied him this year. This woman as been a constant nightmare for us. She took him to court once for doctor bills that she had been holding onto for 4 years. He had never even seen them. The judge made him pay half and gave her a time limit of 15 days to hand them over. She still isn’t giving them to him on time. She is also living with a man that is 35 years older than her and is a convicted drug dealer. He spent 10 years in prison and used to supply her drugs. We have spoken to many lawyers and can’t get help. They always say the same thing…keep a record. Okay…we have for 2 years. Still no help!

My ex-wife won’t even let me talk to my daughter. She has no problem taking the $540.00 a month I send in child support every month though. I can’t afford an attorney to fight her on this. I am a disabled veteran, and she and I live in different states. I can’t get any help even from the sheriff’s office in her state. They tell me to stop bothering them they have more important things to do. What can I do? I miss my daughter and I would like to know she is safe. Her mother has been accused numerous times of child endangerment. She was even arrested once and lost custody of my daughter. Of course they couldn’t find me so that I could come and get my daughter. Oddly enough she can find me when she wants to sue me for more child support. The laws are not for fathers, we are supposed to pay our child support and keep our mouth shut about everything else. I for one and damn sick of it. When are fathers going to get the rights they deserve?

The bottom line is — it’s all about the children –letting them know that BOTH of their parents still love them and will keep them safe from harm. The main problems occur because there is often no real communication between the custodial and non-custodial parent. If the two parents cannot be in the same room together, then of course there will be problems witht the children’s visitation arrangements. There will be a tendency for both parents to take their hostility towards each other out on the children. Also, nothing is harder to hear than the children coming home after their visit to the non-custodial parent complaining about the visit OR the children complaining to their non-custodial parent about living conditions at home. If you & your ex are not on speaking terms & you never allow each other in your homes, then you will worry about the conditions under which your kids are living or visiting. Although it is very difficult & requires great discipline & maturity, the best solution would be if parents, even once divorced, can maintain a “unified front” for the purposes of parenting. If your only communication is through the children, then they are running the show — not you, the parents.

The cops will do nothing even if you have papers stating you do have visitation rights they will tell u its a civil matter and u need to contact a lawyer.. Been there..

It is disgusting when a mother keeps the children away from the father. I am a grandmother who’s son is going through similar situation parental alienation. Even though there is an MSA with shared parenting she acts like she is the only parent. He has spent over $20M in the court system over the last 2 yrs. fighting her. Our lovely court system slaps her on the hand. Even the guardian we requested now 18 mos. is not involved but sure loved the $ given to her!

can someone jtell me what to do? my sons father has chosen not to be a part of his 6 yr olds life there is no communication, if he sees him in town he ignores him. Now im afraid after 7 mos of counseling and learning to cope with the loss, so to speak that all of the sudden he will return and want to visit he has finally adjusted and is moving foward is this fair???

my husband is the non-custodial parent of a 17 year old. she states and has been for the last 5 years she wants to live with us. (fL) also the mother lives in (FL). He has a visitation schu but it seems like she doesnt care what the 17 year old wants. She is acting nasty as always. What rights does he have and what rights the 17 has.

Wow, 11 years after my divorce these stories still charge me up.

In my case after 5 years of appeals, battles at every visitation exchange, tens of thousands of legal debt, and lie after lie from my ex, I just took a job out of state and said to hell with it. I’ve never missed a child support payment, and fly my kid out to see me whenever I can, including 2 months every summer. I don’t talk to the ex – pretty much ever. Don’t see her. She still plays games like calling CPS, or the latest, blocking my kid from getting a passport so my kid couldn’t go on the Disney cruise with me. Courts have never done a darn thing to punish her (yet have ALWAYS seen through her BS).

Bottom line is that a dad can’t get custody unless the mom is a cocaine dealer (and maybe not even then!) My ex is on welfare, minimum wage, boyfriends galore, now has 4 kids from 4 different dads (only married once to me). I’ve been remarried for 6 years, 2 new kids in wedlock, awesome job, etc. still, no chance in hell that I could get custody (no, I don’t have a criminal record, no dirty laundry except marrying a cheating ho whose dad was the sheriff.)

Withhold visitation for 6 months, consequences = nothing.

Withhold child support for 6 weeks, consequence = jail. (didn’t happen to me, but I’ve seen it).

I particularly love the black hole of accountability around child support. My kid never has good clothes, doesn’t get birthday parties (unless it’s with me). Guess my child support money is feeding the 3 half-siblings from the deadbeat boyfriends her mom boned.

Great country we live in. So glad I gave my blood to protect it.

About the taking of the med,how do you know that the children are not screwed up due to bad parenting? Yea,get the little ones hooked on meds at an early age;that is always the answer. Thoughts of suicide and other damage may occur if the meds are discontinued? That ought to tell you something right there. And we wonder why society is screwed up with crap like custody battles. IT IS DISGUSTING!!!!!

I am the custodial parent of a soon to be three year old. My sons father had nothing to do with him until he was about a year old, then he filed to have his last name changed to his, no vistation, support or anything else. We went to court and got an agreement, which in my opinion just gave me a piece of paper to wave at him and tell him he isn’t following it, nothing more. I’ve tried to be the bigger person and allowed extra visitation, for instance instead of just Saturday and Sunday on every other weekends, I allowed him to pick him up Friday nights. I’ve done this and yet it gets me nowhere, he doesnt pay support, quites a job to avoid support increases, wont pay the medical bills he is suppose to, yet I try and still do what I can. I figure there’s tons of parents who don’t stick around, so if he wants to see his son that is better than nothing, right? And it’s better for my son if he knows his father. Now,I’m wondering. In the last month he has been evicted from his house, has bought prescription pain pills illegally and even stollen them out of my medicine cabinet, lost his car, after it repeatedly broke down on the side of the road with our son! He even sent me a picture via cell phone thinking it was funny! He has no contact number, quite his job which he was making about $1500 a week, when child support was based off of $400 a week. Even then I said please just help when you can, I don’t want to change child support, just help out. Buy a box of diapers, buy him a winter coat or new shoes or even used clothes would help, anything. But he refused. He now is living in a college dorm with his 18 year old girlfriend, he is 31 and doesn’t seem to think he is doing anything wrong. I told him that until he got things back on track he could see our son but our son was going to stay at my house. Just until he got things back on track… now he’s not seeing him at all, it’s been a month now he has not called, he will text but it’s just to pick a fight. I told him I didn’t want to fight, it’s not about money or the girlfriend it’s about our sons best interest. He throws back at me that it is not best for him not to see his Father, which I agree with, but I worry how this all will affect our son, I am trying to be nice and work with him but I get nowhere. We were never married, but I don’t know what to do anymore. I have a lawyer but to go to court over these issues it will cost $600 up front, which I don’t have. I am working full time and take full time courses online for school, I’m doing what I can financially to pick up the slack and am at my whits end! I’m not asking for much I don’t think and I hate that he doesn’t see him, but he won’t make the connection and make good choices which affect our son! Any advice would be appreciated, Thank you for listening and understanding!

Lets face it…

Even though there are mothers who get shafted during this process, the overwhelming amount of people left without their children are fathers!

One thing for sure, the court system does not work in these situatuions.

I think its because Judges have been so conditioned to automatically think the MAN is the problem.

You can see the trend in criminal cases. A man kills his kids. Goes to Jail for Life. A woman like Andrea Yates, the woman who chased down her kids and drowned them was initially found guilty. Next, the court lets her have a new trial because they blame the father for making her have the kids.

I mean when does it stop? How is it that Justice is dowled out differently?

People are not blind. Out of 42 messages here, the majority are about dad’s who are denied seeing their kids. Most times (92% percent of the times kids go with mom in the courts eyes). The other 8% go to dad if mom is on drugs, abandoned the family or has died.

The courts are slanted toward women. I do not hate women, however, I dislike the fact that women support other women in these instances even when they are wrong!!

Kids need both parents.

Just look at all the bad things that happen to kids when both parents are not around. The 4 boys who killed in NH comes to mind……

“paidmom” is partially incorrect.

While it is true that legally, the custodial parent cannot keep your children from you, a police officer is not going to enforce a divorce decree or parenting time order. You can take your papers to an officer and they will escort you to the custodial parents home. They can attempt to reason with the custodial parent and reach a resolution, but they are only there as peace-keeping officers. They cannot and will not enforce a court order, but they serve as an excellent witness if you are denied your parenting time. The only enforcement of an order you will receive is from an enforcer of the court. There is a parenting time officer assigned to each FOC in MI. That is the person you need to be making complaints to. They will require proof of denied visitation, and that is where the police officer will be needed.

Just wanted to clarify that you can’t just run to a police officer and expect that they are going to enforce the order. Only a court officer can enforce it.

Do what the advice says, but in the mean time feel fortunate that you get to have them overnight. I have been divorced for 10 years now, and the bitch has allowed only one overnight in all those years. I have not seen my daughters since August, and what will eventually happen is that they will come to resent her as my relationship with them deepens when they are out of the house (soon).