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Jennifer Wolf

Non-custodial Parent Being Denied Visitation

By April 24, 2008

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A single dad in our forum asks: Can a non-custodial parent do anything when we're denied visitation, aside from keeping track of it and filing police reports to be used in court? My ex-wife is saying that, due to the living conditions at my house, she is not going to allow my children to come see me anymore. The living conditions she's unhappy with are that they have to shower at my house (because I don't have a bathtub), and I don't have a bedroom set aside for just them (my daughter sleeps on her Dora inflatable on the floor, which she loves; and my son, who is almost 2, sleeps with me).

Jen's response: I would definitely keep good records and speak with your lawyer. In addition, try to communicate with your ex-wife about your parenting goals for the kids' visits. Communicate to her that the sleeping situation is temporary, and ask whether there is anything you can do to put her mind at ease concerning the children's safety.

For example, you could put a bed railing on the bed to prevent your toddler son from rolling over and falling out. (If you don't have one already, try using Freecycle to see if you can find one for free.) Also, consider making a "bathtub" in your kitchen using a large Rubbermaid container. It's a little messy, but it's easier than trying to hold a slippery toddler in the shower.

In addition, begin to make plans for how you're going to provide age-appropriate accommodations in the years ahead, when the kids are older and will need their own sleeping space during visits. For example, you might not be able to move into a larger apartment in the next six months, but being prepared to show that you're already saving to move into a larger place a year or two from now can help.

Asking the community: What do you think? If you've been in this situation before, how did you handle it? Was there anything that made the situation better or worse? Share your thoughts in the comments area below.

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Comments
April 25, 2008 at 2:22 am
(1) paidmom says:

dear single dad.

My question to you is, was their visitation granted in the divorce. If there was she cannot keep the children from you. You can literally take a copy of the divorce papers that show you are entitled to visitation and a sheriff or police officer and pick up your children when you are entitled visitation. You must make sure that your divorce papers state that you have visitation. Most of the time it is every other weekend and on certain holidays. She cannot stop you from seeing your children if you papers say you have visitation. Thats a fact.

Now on the other hand. If you dont have visitation stated in your divorce papers, the best thing to do is get a lawyer and file for visitation rights. And make sure that if you pay child support that it is up to date. Having a shower only is not a proper reason for her to keep the children from you.

Also may single fathers with small children not living with them does not have a bedroom just for the kids.
that being said, i would try to get a twin bed for the oldest. you can set in you bedroom also. The baby sleeping with you is not a problem.
review your divorce papers.
good luck

April 30, 2008 at 3:20 am
(2) Brian Devereaux says:

My ex is constantly doing this. I have a one-bedroom apartment and 2 teenage girls and one 8 year old boy. I want weekend visits (without going to court about it) and she is whining about living conditions as well. Through a number of people I have found that it is best to have a ‘bed’ (couch or matress) for each child. You can pair them up if the bed is big enough. Your best weapon against her is to have your Child Services Agency come to your home and give you a written ok. This could also go against you, so call them and ask what are the living conditions for a non-custodial parent they recommend are. Follow their advice, document it, and use it without having them come over. They may find a bug somewhere and make you miserable, but there are good social workers that want to see happy families. I did foster care and I know what these folks go through and some are emotionally unstable, but a phone conversation would be ideal and get a name. Most important, look up National Fatherhood Initiative on the net and BE THERE for them and do not say mom is bad, but only looking out for them. The NFI is the best father resouce I have found no matter your situation. I hope other readers can benefit from this worthy organization as well. Tell them you love them, always, no matter what.

April 30, 2008 at 10:18 am
(3) Sheila says:

I am not a non-custodial parent, I am the custodial parent and I find the fact that the mother of his children is denying him visitation repulsive….. I have known custodial parents to have DIRTY living conditions and they get to keep their children.. This gentleman does not have dirty living conditions and it just seems this mother is doing this to be malicious.. My advise to the father is take her to court — keep on it,, a judge will not allow her to get away with this !!!!!!

May 3, 2008 at 1:12 am
(4) shaggy says:

Hi,
I’m in australia, and the non custodial, slightly different laws, but here court orders are toothless lions. By law my ex can’t stop the visit (contrevene orders) for poor reasons.
That said going to court for contrevention is better being done as a self litigate it’s much much cheaper repetisious, and needs to be done several times before you start getting serious orders. the first few times are just warnings, then psychology appointments for the ex, before they start issuing police arrest orders.

In australia anything mentioned in the act such as living arrangements is a legitimate excuse to deny access, I had to get a social worker to assess my place and a child psychologist to assess my arrangements to protect myself.

just remember the vast majority of custodial women are not like this, just like the vast majority of fathers are not abusive. But there are enough of them that the courts are always slow and painfully slow and careful to intervene.

cheers

June 12, 2008 at 5:25 am
(5) niurka canetti says:

I’am the custodial parent and my ex has visititation rights, my son is 12 years old and he says tht his father do not pay him any attention when he is at his home, he does not buy milk for him because he and his one don’t like it, he es in the parkun supervised because his father wake up around late noon. He comes back filthy and witn his clother dirt. I have requested family reunion to talk about this but he does not want any communication wiht me. I think my son is in danger since he is a pre teen and this is very dangerous age. what should I do since his pather and stepmother do not want communicate al all.

June 23, 2008 at 8:28 am
(6) NY Mom says:

I am the custodial parent for my kids, and I have been letting them stay with their father every other weekend and for dinner on Wednesdays. He left us because he wanted to continue his relationship with another man. I made it clear to him that I did not want him to have men around his apartment when he had the kids over for a visit. He decided about two months ago that it didnt matter to him any longer what I thought and he started having men over to sleep with him when the kids were there for their visits with him. When I found out about the conditions that he has been living in, He has a 1 room apartment, so everyone sleeps together, I told him that the children would not be spending nights there any longer, he could see them his Wednesday nights and pick them up on Saturdays for the day. Since that decision he has been acting out in all sorts of ways that are upsetting the kids. Telling them that he has to give me all of his money so he never has any left over to live himself and making my son very upset. Is there anything I can do to encourage him to stop taking it out on the kids?

Upset Mom

August 1, 2008 at 2:53 pm
(7) NY gma says:

Ok try this 1. My 25 yr old son is currently battling his esrtanged wife for custody and is being denied visitation. Until this past Saturday he had not seen his son since February. There have been court dates and appearances, lawyers and a law guardian, changes of venue, writs of habeus… and yet no visits. Oh I left out CPS, founded reports of neglect against the mother, home visits on and on and on. In March my son filed for sole custody of his 5 yr old son, dt the fact his estranged wife was, and we believe still does, resideing in a home w/ a level 3 sex offednder ( don’t believe me see the registry) Dion Rice now living in Hornell, NY although the address on the registry is a phony (I goggled it). We have no phone # cell or otherwise for my daughter in law, nor a valid address since she left Onadaga cty. We had no phone # there but we did have an address. Our only manner to contact her is by calling her fathers house. They frequently don’t answer our calls although recently they have but we can’t speak w/ Danielle she is busy or not home or sleeping, we ask if we could come pick up the child and they say we will give her the message and get back to you, they never call back. We call back and get “she ain’t here” “she hasn’t made a decision”… It is frustrating for months we didn’t know where he was now we have found him and can’t see him. What can we do?

August 7, 2008 at 12:55 pm
(8) Jeff says:

I am a no-custodial parent with a similar situation. We HAD a good faith agreement. She evidently does not understand how that works because I have able to see my children three times in the last two years. This last time my children complained about her boyfriend abusing them so I asked CAC to have an interview with the children to determine how much of their stories were true. She showed up the next day took them while I was at work and I haven’t been able to see or speak to them since. I have called every day. It seems if you are the mom you can get anything you want, but if you are a non-custodial dad bend over.

August 13, 2008 at 10:15 am
(9) ritalou says:

we are the custodial parent and non-cust. parent lives in dif. state goes weeks w/o calling kid it has now been 4 months since we have heard from her does kid have to go if she contacts us

August 28, 2008 at 9:30 pm
(10) FightingDad says:

We are going through a tough custody battle right now as well, but the best thing you can do is to get a lawyer. Same story, same result as most others on this wite. It sucks and is awful that it has to come to that, but we tried every other way we could and none of them worked. During the last 5 years we have learned many things. Our knowledge is unfortunately vast, so we will try to answer a few questions.

The cust. parent technically cannot keep the child from the non-cust. parent for any reason, short of physical abuse. However, the only way any police entity will be able to help you is if the custody decree states a specific time-sharing schedule and that is not being kept. Otherwise, you have to go back to court and have the order revised in order for the police or courts to enforce it.

No custodial parent is allowed to keep the child from the other parent if there is no order stating they do not have the right to visitation. However, this is family law and it is very complex, by the book, and most likely no one will be arrested for any of these offenses. They are also not criminal offenses.

You have to go back to court ultimately to get your order revised. Many states have low-income or free lawyers. Many states also have do-it-yourself kits you can buy or download to file yourself, but many judges will not hear you or take you seriously without a lawyer. There are also many father’s rights groups that may be able to help. Whatever you do, do not sit on it and wait for things to get better. The judge’s biggest problem with our case is that I didn’t come to court sooner. I couldn’t afford to and tried to do it myself, but he still doesn’t like it. People don’t realize how truly hard it is for non-custodial parents to keep their rights and how easy it is for the custodial parent to take over, even if it is joint custody. Good luck.

September 24, 2008 at 1:22 pm
(11) FightingMom says:

I agree with FightingDad. Whether you are Non-Custodial Mom or Dad, contact the Father’s Rights Orgs. Many times they have attorneys involved in their groups who will give advice for free. If there are any law schools in your area, you might want to contact them as well. I know here in Philly, there is one school that takes on cases for a particular class. There are attorneys who teach the class, and young, eager law students who have plenty of energy and spunk to do the work. The attorneys / professors oversee the work the students perform. It’s like having a team of attorneys at your disposal … for free!

To those who are facing contempt issues (where the custodial parent isn’t following an order), keep careful record – dates, times, what happened, who witnessed it, pictures if appropriate, etc. There is a balance btw waiting too long (like in FightingDad’s case) and going back too quickly. Don’t go back to court with every little thing. Gather them up and when there is a pattern, and you feel it is a significant pattern, THEN go for contempt. You can file the paperwork yourself if you can’t afford a lawyer (and father’s rights groups can help). Judges hate it when you come in for every little infraction. That’s why you should wait until you have a significant pattern of violation (but don’t wait too long).

To NY Mom, it’s not illegal to be gay. Some single straight parents feel it is okay after 6mo, a year, to introduce a new partner to their kids – even to have them cohabitate (some do it even sooner than 6mo). Just because this partner is same-sex has no bearing, other than for homophobic people. You said they are all “sleeping together.” They shouldn’t be in the same bed together – that’s clear. Since it’s a one room apt, have they sectioned it off at all? How old are the kids? In terms of dad saying inappropriate things, wouldn’t you be angry if he was keeping your children from you just because he didn’t like how you live? I’m not saying I condone it, but if he wasn’t acting like this before, you can bet that’s a huge contributor. You can’t get him to stop (well, unless you get over your disgust at his living situation and give him the time back). But that disturbs me – you “let him” have time with the kids. Does that mean there is no order? And you feel like you have the “right” to allow or not allow him to see his own kids? I think we’re looking at power and control issues here. But aside from that, having a solid order might be your solution. Take yourself out of being judge and jury, and leave that to the courts. They’ll tell him what he can and can’t do. And maybe he’ll stop saying things to the kids. But you should be aware that they will also tell you what you can and can’t do.

Ritalou – if you have a court order saying she gets specific time, then yes, you have to send the kids or you are in contempt.

To the original single dad – I never had a bathtub. My son showered with me once he was too big for the sink. Yes, they’re slippery – that’s what towels are for. But since you have a toddler, it’s much easier – they stand and sit on their own. And it isn’t a reason to withhold visitation. I would go back to court to have them enforce visitation.

NY gma – I would hire a Private Investigator. It is definitely expensive, but you need the proof. If you think she’s living with this person, go and verify it yourself. Sit and wait to find out for sure. Then send a PI to get it on tape. If you can afford to have the PI follow her for several days or a week, do it. If the PI finds a pattern in her comings and goings, then the PI can come back over a period of a month, sit for a couple of hours, get the footage and be off. They will give you a report, DVDs, and they can testify in court. Seriously, I did this. I had them sit on my kid for 3 hours a day – a couple of times it turned into longer. Turns out my ex had a second job and my kid was staying with anyone and everyone (well, except for his stepmom where you would think he’d be). Makes a difference with Child Support, makes my ex a liar, and proves that my kid is not with his parent when he is supposed to be.

Anyway, I’ll sign off now. I know this comment is kind of late in the game. I hope some of you are still checking back and someone gets some help out of this. Good luck!

October 13, 2008 at 10:45 pm
(12) Dion Rice says:

to NY grandma I guess you just forgot to add that your son is also a convicted sex offender who don’t have to register because of a youthful offender status as for your so loved grandson I took care of him made sure he he had food clothing and a great Christmas and that my therapist supported me being involved in your grandsons life also i guess that you forgot to add that your son is living with 2 or 3 other guys who have had child abuse charges and that your son just walked out on your grandson and his mom also the false allegations of child abuse constantly leveled against Danielle and myself as the last time i was investigated for child abuse of your grandson we didn’t even live together Go Danielle! I hope your son never gets to see your grandson again

October 17, 2008 at 12:45 am
(13) krncrn says:

I am single mother who fought hard to limit my son’s father’s visitation. My ex-husband has multiple arrests for driving under the influence of alcohol and one for doing so with his girlfriend’s 13 year old son in the car during a hurricane evacuation (a little less than a year after our divorce had been finalized). To this day, he blames the girlfriend (now obviously an ex) for the arrest. She had been driving for 14 hours straight and pulled over to rest at a truck stop far out of the storm’s reach. My ex saw the evacuation as an excuse to down as much vodka as possible in as short a time period as physically allowable. While his girlfriend slept, my ex decided he wanted to keep going to his mother’s (several states away) and began driving. He got pulled over and the cop woke his girlfriend to ask how old her son was. Shocked and confused, she answered with the truth–the child was twelve. My ex was arrested for driving under the influence with a minor in the vehicle. The prince among men whom I once had the bad judgment to marry continues to blame the girlfriend for not lying about her son’s age for his extended probation.

I tell this story to explain why my ex has only supervised visitation. He is neither a bad man nor a stupid man–he is a severely alcoholic man. At 36, he is already suffering from cirrhosis of the liver. I am not being vicious by disallowing visits at his home, I am being protective of my son’s well-being.

For this reason, I am offended when good fathers are denied access to their children. When my ex is sober, I am willing to drive half an hour each way to pick him up for visitation at my home. Sober, my son’s father is a lovely man and I would never deny my son the knowledge that his father loves him.

If my ex were writing this, his rhetoric would be peppered with “that controlling b—- this” and “that evil wh— that.” If he were writing drunk that is. There are two sides to every custody battle and I am no perfect mother. He very likely would be making very valid points between the insults and name-calling.

All of that being said, I would never call a child services agency to help me in my fight to protect my son unless my ex had been allowed unfettered access and visitation.

I am a child welfare investigator. I spend countless hours investigating custody disputes that have no business being taken care of by state officials paid by tax dollars. Children who are actually being abused or neglected may be pushed to a back burner as fabricated claims of abuse or neglect are called in on the advise of divorce lawyers. Do not place children in danger by trying to use your state’s CPS to resolve custody disputes.

Using child welfare agencies to resolve custody disputes puts truly abused and neglected child in even more danger and also wastes tax dollars.

Beyond that, let me tell you that when you open a case on your family, I don’t just look at your ex–I look at you, the grandparents, the neighbors, the employers. I document what I find. What I find enters a permanent record. Do you really want me to decide if you are an adequate parent or person? Do not use child welfare agencies to determine custody issues if you are not willing to entertain the possibility that the state may wind up with custody of your children. As a worker, I bend over backwards to make sure this happens as rarely as possible, but calling you child services agencies opens up the possibility.

November 6, 2008 at 11:27 pm
(14) Lost says:

I am the non custodial parent. My childs mother has moved and will not provide her new address. This makes it hard for me to file a police report when I do not know what her new address is. What are the steps I can take to find out where she lives, so I can attempt to pick up my son for my court ordered visitation? I have been told there is a process at the local post office that can assist me in locating her address in a circumstance such as this. Please advise.

November 12, 2008 at 4:36 pm
(15) distraught mom says:

Hi, I am 23 and I am a mom of two. I have a 4 year old son and a 2 year old daughter. Due to my son’s being able to get out of my house a few times a year ago, I was charged with neglect and my children were sent to live with their abusive father. I have gone through hell and back to prove that I am fit and I know have visitations as agreed upon by the father and I. This past Thursday, the children came to visit me and they had Staph infections and their father said that he would NOT be taking them to the doctor. I took them to the local ER and they were prescribed antibiotics. I notified their father and he said that he would not give them their medications. I told him that I would not be returning the kids to him because he was breaking the law and putting our kids in danger. He showed up at my house this morning and I called the police. They told me that since he had custody of the kids, I had to return them to him or I would be in violation of a c misdemeanor. Now what do I do? My son climbs out my window and that makes me horrible, but my ex refuses to give my children prescription antibiotics and he is allowed to take them home??? Please help.

November 15, 2008 at 12:28 pm
(16) newstepmom says:

I recently married a man that has two children, six and eight. His ex goes along with the visitation until she does not get her way. By this I mean that he works for Ford Mo. Company and now with their struggle he is being layed off. He will work a week or two and then be off for three weeks. Everything goes according to plan until it is time for the lay off. Unemployment delays his child support until he can file and when she does not get the money, she tells him in text messages that if she gets no money then he gets no kids. My husband is not a dead beat dad. He loves his kids and would do anything for them. He pays his child support and goes out of his way to do extra things for his ex like keeping them extra weekends and picking them up during the week. I can’t believe that some people would be that self-centered and would hurt their children.

November 30, 2008 at 6:25 pm
(17) MommyInMisery says:

What about a Mother’s Rights Organization??!! I have not seen or heard from my 6 year old daughter in 7 months now!! People who do not know how to truly THINK should not have children! The sickness just goes on and on and on! WAKE UP ignorant parents! This is not about you anymore…it’s about your children!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

December 7, 2008 at 2:08 pm
(18) Amanda says:

I am custodial parent of my 4 year old son and I have been having problems with his father since he was 9 months old. He has visitaition rights and dosen’t follow the divorce papers at all. I let him see his son as it says and the majority of the time he has excuses, being as my son is in school and his work dosesn’t work around his schedule to get his son I let him get him on holiday break or my weekends with my son. He lives 4 1/2 hours away and in papers we agreed to meet halfway so it wasn’t so hard on either of us. 99% of the time I’m having to drive al the way because he refuses to bring him home or answer my calls and laughs because his girlfriends family is good friends with the court system. How can I go about doing something so he will stop. I’m a single mother don’t have a lot of money and need some serious advice!!!

January 19, 2009 at 4:17 pm
(19) Charlotte says:

Insanity- Parents using children as leverage in arguements where noone really wins and the most important people loose. There are times when fighting is necessary. You see your child has bruises on thir face and you know the mother’s boyfriend has a temper… FIGHT!
You see your child is sick and the other parent wont do anything about it… FIGHT!
But bickering between eachother will never solve anything (hince the reason you are now divorced) I am a single mother, Custodial and I receive benefits and monetary child support from her father. Call me lucky. But none of theses things replace the fact that I fought with him so much he moved over 3000 miles away and she never gets to see him. In the two years since our divorce my daughter has been nothing but confused on what that word “daddy’ means. She can point out pictures of him, but to her he may as well be dead. He is a picture on the mantle and distant memories neither of them will ever have back. All it took for him not to miss the last 2 birthdays, the past 2 christmases and the millions of milestones in between was for me to shut up and let him be a dad. Mothers- everything is not always going to go your way, this is a lesson you should have learned in primary school, but if you havent yet- do so quickly. Fathers- I commend your trying, please dont give up because your baby momma is giving you grief. Hopefully one day she will come around. If she dosen’t take her to court and nail her ass to the wall. You do have rights as a father. Learn what they are and be aware when the mother is legally overstepping her boundaries. Please dont forget- our children are the legs we stand on as a community. If we cant manage to show them how to have good relationships our society will never be stable. Do you really want you kid hating you because you had no idea how to properly explain the real world to them? Will you forgive yourself when they are pregnant at 15 because they wanted someone to love them? The things your child sees today, no matter how small you may thing it is shapes who they will become. Pedophile or upstanding citizen, Teacher or alcoholic drain on the economy. Please consider these things before you let another word come out of your mouth. And quit arguing, it will come back 10 fold when your child is 13 and trying to prove you wrong. Teach them now how to be polite and to compromise. You will be pleased with the work of art you see when you are done.

January 26, 2009 at 2:34 pm
(20) chris says:

Does anyone have any phone numbers for a good family lawyer in tn around the cookeville area,I dont have a lot of money and my ex refuses to let me see my children and the police will not help

March 6, 2009 at 8:38 pm
(21) bryan says:

in my case i settled on court ordered vists (against my favor) at the local mall every sunday from 11am-2pm. this was fine for me i was happy cuz finally i was able to see my son! mind you she denied me the chance to see my son born and hold him for the first time… and so i went almost 6mos without knowing what he looked like. everything went well till about may of last year she stopped bringing him there were 2 vists that i didnt go my mother was in the hospital she had a infection in her intesines and had to get 2 blood transfusions. newayz i had tryd to call my sons mother but they changed theyr house number and the times ive knocked on the door they dont answer. so i kept goin every week but shes no show i get 3 police reports i tryd to get a fourth one the next time but the cops were like “thats not our job” she has full custody. i really want the visits changed shes not stickin to it, and the vists are supervised which makes me feal like a im some criminal, when im not. what do you do witha 1 yr old in a mall for 3 HOURS!! its so aggrevating when i live literally 3 blocks around the corner and she wont agree to dropping him off.. she told one of her friends she doin this to spite me. i doesnt get me angry im just sad i cant see my son. i havent waited so long cuz i dont care its that between takin care of my mother who can barely get around cuz of her arthritis, workin to pay my student loans back, fixing the house up, its hard i feel like my life is a mess. im afraid to go to court without a lawyer cuz honestly i dont know the law and all my rights and what to do. im only 25 my hair is fallin out. all i wish is that shed be more cooperative. i just wanna to be there for my son!

March 9, 2009 at 1:43 am
(22) gramma in b.c. says:

It has been 7 months since my son/us have been able to see our little man…even with papers signed this woman gets to choose..or feels she is above the law ..and take access away..they are in couert againand sheis dictating..but not folling thru…what does it take..feel like almost kidnapping as that is what she is essentially doing..rediculous i know ..but how do you win..just last year she ade up a bogus stoey of how much he was calling and testing..then had that chargedagainst him..and laterbecause she changed dates/times ..control on him he responded by text..and she had him charged and sent to jail overnite..now its like he’s afraid to do anything incase she plays this again…it is so darn unfair,..and she is using our granson as apawn…how do you win in the courts and get them to see what is happening!!!frustrated/hurting and sad!!!

March 10, 2009 at 9:38 am
(23) Frustrated Mom says:

I have a different situation! I am the custodial parent and my ex is refusing to come see his daughter! She is very upset by his lack of caring! She sees him with his new fiance (going on #3) and her 4 children. He seems to be there for them and them alone and will not even make an attempt any more to see his 8 year old daughter! I have tried and tried to get him to step up and be a good father! I have never denied him visitation, I am usually begging him to spend a little more time with her because she wants his love and affection so badly! Although at the same time, I almost feel that maybe she is better off not going with him since he just ignores her, makes her take care of her little 1 and 2 year old brothers on the weekends that he does take her and gives all of his time and devotion to his “new family” while she is there! Sometimes I guess kids are better off without a bad parent!

March 19, 2009 at 9:04 am
(24) Dad Missing Daughter says:

My story and I will make it brief. I met my ex wife when I was 25 and married (as a big dummy) after only knowing her for 6 months. We had our daughter the following year. Shortly after is when the fun started. She told me she was no longer going to work, however, did not stop shopping or going out with her friends to country line dancing night. About 9 months after our daughter was born, she flipped out on my with racial slurs (I am black and she is white). I put up with it for months but then called it quits. I paid her CS before it was court ordered, gave her money to pay bills and even bought diapers and baby stuff every time I came to see my daughter. (I have receipts to prove it!) When we got to court..BAM…she accuses me of being violent and diddling my daughter! WHAT!! Visits stopped, court ordered evalutions on me some with some without my daughter. Had to see my daughter at a visitation center. (This is all over a 5 year period of time) Finally I won overnite visits. That lasted for one week before the ex started lying yet again! This went on until the final eval was done. It concluded that after being evaluated by 8 hospitals, visitation center and GAL documents that the Judge stated that I never did anything (DUH) and that my ex was behind all of the nonsense (did I mention they thought my ex wife was a mucnhausens by proxy case?). However, due to the fact that my daughter has been hurt by the constant back and forth between us (like I kept my wife lying) that visitation would stop!…WHAT!!! So because my ex kept lying, cause all of these evals, was the person that cause the constant back and forth…SHE WINS!!? I have not seen my daughter in 9 years. The court told me all I could do is send letters and gifts and I have. The order said that this should last till my daughter was 13. At age 13, I called..my daughter hung up on me. I continued to write. Tried her at 15..she says she believes I left her and she doesn’t need me anymore. I tried to be there for my daughter. I fought. I got nothing. I am extremely sad. I did not want this for her or me. The court sided with a liar. Women get away with whatever when it comes to court.

I never hurt my daughter ever. Thats my word! And I have 8 professionals including GALs and DSS (Dept of Social Services) that back me up!

How is that fair?

- A sad father who has missed out on everything…

April 7, 2009 at 12:19 pm
(25) SickandTiredMother says:

I to am the custodial parent of my soon to be 13yr old son. Since the day he was born it has been a roller coaster ride dealing with his father. Mind you, I was 13yrs old when my sons 19yr old father got me pregnant! I, 14yrs old when I gave birth gave up everything to take care of our son that didn’t choose to be put on this earth. I was a child to, but I did what I had to do. My parents allowed him to live at the house to help me, he never did so he was asked to leave. He moved away, then moved back and continued carrying relationships with 13yr old girls, LIVING WITH THEM and everything. I allowed him to see his son every other weekend, he would come and pick him up approx. noon on saturdays and bring him back the same time the next day. 48hrs a month!! I agreed at the time for $40 a week for child support, I was lucky to get it twice a month. He had plenty of time and money for drinking and drugs but never for his son. When he wanted to be sober and put on a show for people he put himself and our son on a pedestal. While with the 13yr old girlfriend he constantly brought her over, picked fights with me and then he stood back and laughed because I guess he thought we were fighting over him. ALL IN FRONT OF MY CHILD. My parents constantly had to call the police to have him removed. He was ALWAYS nasty towards me and my family…and would get nasty towards the police if he was feeling bullet proof. Police reports speak well for themselves. I should have never allowed any of this and should have stopped him then, but I didn’t….instead not wanting to take him or my son thru the court system and trying to let him ” grow up ” and do right by his child. After 4yrs I had enough and told him if he wanted his right he needed to take me to court. Suddenly he wanted to give a crap and start showing up to my parents, but I stood by my word on taking me to court. He tried to file paralegal paperwork for JOINT CUSTODY among other things, in a county that the child never lived in…ever. I hired an attorney to have it done in the county I lived in, and the Judge agreed that the jurisdiction should be held where the child has ALWAYS resided. So the non custodial hired an attorney as well and took it to the county I lived in and we went head to head for 2yrs in and out of court. He was still seeing the child every other weekend…even when the child was coming home sick and wreaking of cigarette smoke and extremely exhausted and hungry. I just addressed this to him, he laughed me off, I addressed it thru the attorneys, his attorney justified everything by basically saying I should just ” suck it up ” and allow him to be a Dad….I was but I WILL as HIS MOTHER look out for his best interest. And also by this point I was finally receiving court ordered child support because he could not be depended on to pay. During the court hearings(which took 2yrs to finalize) there was nothing but issues with him. Our son was complaining of the treatment he was receiving from his father, telling me that ” I slept on the floor while my dad and his NEW girlfriend slept in the bed “, constantly referring to his fathers S.O’s as ” new girlfriend ” and ” old girlfriend ” as he could not keep their names straight. Then oneday his father found somebody older than him, instead of illegally younger than him and actually started acting decent, or so it seemed. So I allowed more liberal visits as she atleast seemed like she would make sure my child was being taken care of. That didn’t last long as the father was lying to her and misleading her, and then in turn it caused alot of miscommunication between all 3 of us and nobody knew who to believe, but again I AS THE CHILDS MOTHER forbid her from communicating with me anymore about my son. I also learned thru her only a few weeks before it was to happen that apparently his father was moving to IDAHO, mind you we lived in FLORIDA, and when I heard this(before the court order was final mind you) I was taken back and suprised and she said..” He told you this already “…UM NOOOOO. Because again he was going to try and be secretive about it. He didn’t tell our son OR ME but told others that he did. He left his son hysterically crying with all of his stuff, when our son asked me to make him stay I then called him and asked him NOT TO DO THIS TO HIS SON, in which he then said…” there is NOTHING for me here “….apparently his son wasn’t good enough. He chose to move to Idaho, there wasn’t a job waiting on him, but only family members that had never done anything for him up to that point since I had known him. He was mislead by his attorney that he would for sure gain his visitation rights in Idaho during the summer, it would be no issue for him to move away and let his attorney handle his dirty work for him. When he moved, he claimed he couldn’t find a job and did not pay ANY chid support for 3 months, so I held him in comtempt because I knew better than that….of course I was right, he had a job about a month after he had moved there. Thankfully I was able to obtain that information and recieve regular payments for the most part. It finally ended up in a Trial in the Judges chambers where we discussed numerous issues, such as the revolving door of girlfriends, the way Damien was being treated by him, forcing him to drink Alcohol(to teach him a lesson apparently-what he sais, not me), addressing the issue that most of these girlfriends were 18yrs old and younger(high school girls or drop outs), he first lied about it and then in cross examination admitted to it, there were actually numerous things he lied to the judge about and was in fact exposed with not only his slip up but evidence. He tried to modify the court order child support from 390$ a month, stating that was to much!! Judge requested his pay stubs, his attorney handed the Judge unemployment information, information that they failed to give my attorney when requested but did in fact give my attorney his real pay stubs where he made a considerable amount of money. So again, he tried to pull a fast on on the judge as if he was living solely off of unemployment(he works construction so he has winter months off in Idaho therefore claiming unemployment during lay off months-Legit)…and the list could go on as to what he did in those chambers that day. That was the last time he seen his son…FEB 2003!! The Judge ordered him to pay much more in child support and carry benefits for our son, as I was finally finishing up college(tech degree only) and hadn’t got a job YET, as I was trying to graduate first but the Judge asked me how much money i’d make on average so he could base his child support off of what I had the ability to make. The judge also said no to visitation rights in Idaho during the summer, considering that nobody made him move there, he just did it on his own, and that he had winter months off, and there was no need for the child to obviously spend his time with babysitters, being that it was so far away from the only home he has ever known it was the mentally healthy choice for the child. He was no longer aloud to have over night visitation due to the things that went on while he had him over night, but was in fact granted days time visitation where the child in the city/state the child resided(not completely supervised, just no overnight stays) and the Judge also stated that the father need a psychological eval before the order would being considered for modification. The Judges order made things VERY VERY CLEAR as to WHY he made his decisions, none of which had anything to do with what I said, but what the father said and lied about in those chambers. Since then the father sais that I ” f’ed his life up
” because apparently its still all about him. A few years AFTER this trial I married and a few months after getting married moved out of the state because that is where the military stationed my husband. Not only did the father make no attempt to see the child the almost 3yrs before I left Florida, he has made no attempt since, claming he is broke, which has not always been the case, but he is now due to the economy. It has been almost 7yrs since he has seen our son. Nobody has denied him his right to see him other than hiself. He claims time is on his side and he will just take me back to court when the child is older and make sure our son can speak to the Judge hiself(which isn’t easy to get done) because I lied about this, that and the other blah blah. Instead of proving hiself, exercising the rights the best that he can he would rather warp our sons head and make him choose because apparently that is the mentally healthier choice. He has told my son his every intention, has told my son I lie to him about everything, as well as my husband so we can destroy his relationship with him(bio father) but has nothing to back it up. Tells the child how broke he is and how I’m taking all his money, but failing to tell the truth on even that, as his wifes myspace speaks well for itself!! He only calls when he feels like it, atleast once to twice a year he has stopped calling for a month or more at a time with no explanation, and up until now I let it go, this time demanding some answers so I could actually do some damage control with our son instead of our son confronting him. That got me no where, it angered my son because he knew he hadn’t called for awhile, while angry completely misunderstood me telling him that his father had in fact called a few times these past few weeks and I was waiting for an opportunity to speak with his father before I spoke with him about the situation. My son over stepped his own boundaries and at his request he wanted to speak with him ALONE, OUTSIDE and didn’t want him near him so I could not stop the situation as I didn’t know until it was to late. After the fact I corrected my son, but apparently as his father told him I’m nothing but a liar that hides the truth from him, as well as my husband to destroy everything and that one day he will know the truth, that our son has NO IDEA who his mother really is etc etc. Of course pushing my son to question me over money etc etc, in which I feel forced to attempt to defend myself as well as prove and show the truth. N-CP’s wife thinks every single bit of this is her business, although she has done nothing but complain about how lazy and screwed up her husband(childs father) is on her myspace. Threatens me with ” fraud ” charges because I was able to see their myspace(nothing is private on the internet…not even what i’m typing)…..She has gone as far as asking for legal advice on the internet and posting all about my personal business. She has NEVER met our child, not even a phone conversation before she and my sons father decided to marry and put themselves in grand attempt to say to our son ” by the way meet your step mom and step brothers ” because that is just great for a childs self esteem when he hasn’t seen his father for at this point almost 4yrs and hardly talked with him on the phone. Just goes to show where the fathers priority really is. The new wife thinks she is an attorney herself and is constantly quoting law and is completely in- accurate,but gives her husband lots of false hope. They both constantly complain about the amount of child support he is paying, he finally opened up a child support case in Idaho hoping for a modification, I guess not realized it wasn’t an easy or fast process. A few months later realized because he owed so much in back child support because he hardly payed for him during the first 5yrs of the childs life, that I would be getting his tax return so he tried to turn the case off. I in turn had it put on my name so I could continue to GET SOMETHING. I had never recieved his tax returns before because the Judge didn’t order it that way, he ordered it so that the N-CP pay a certain amount every month and a portion of that went towards back child support. So you would think all these years of him actually getting his tax return he would have taken that to see his son but instead he was always broke. Oh and also the judge made it to where during unemployment/lay off months he only paid $200(and some change) in child support since he paid such a considerable amount during working months!!! Now N-CP tells our child that i’m taking all his money and thats why hes broke, and that he can’t see the child because his step dad threatened him(because he called my husband quite a few names for no good reason and we have it on tape)….is CONSTANTLY guilting our son. I make sure my son knows the truth, probalby in way I shouldn’t but sometimes parents are backed into corners….especially when you have a determined child that is not in the mood to be lied to by the people he thinks he can trust!! My son is to the point that he trust no one and quite frankly I don’t blame him….I wouldn’t either!!! This isn’t even the half of it with the N-CP, I could entertain someone for months, but i’ll spare you..

I to agree that that are good fathers out there getting screwed, I have a very good friend that is in fact being screwed over and what his EX did was wrong. I have NEVER lied about my sons father to my son or the court system….I’m not that retarded. There is 2 sides to every story and then there is the truth and the truth will always speak for itself, as it always has and continues to do so. I regret showing my son the things that I felt at the time I was forced to because I was being back in a corner every which way I turned!! I’ve spoke with him sine and made it very clear how wrong I was for that and that it won’t happen again. I have made the ground rules for phone conversations clear and I will no longer fight over being called name by the N-CP, but I will disconnect the phone if that is what it calls for. I, the childs mother and the one that has raised him from day one has the right to look out for the best interest of the child. The father in this case has been the one to deny himself his own rights and only complain over money, all of which he to brought on himself!!

Some CP’s are backed in corners to, and we to have to stand up and fight, and its not right for the N-CPs to back us in corners and then ridicule us for it, just as it isn’t right for CP’s to do that to N-CPs….and none of which I have done. He moved on his own, he has chosen not to spend any time with his son, he has chose to have hit and miss phone contact with the child. I, as well as his son have begged and pleaded with him to make some sort of effort to come and see him….but if its not one excuse, its another. But yet he thinks a Judge is going to hear this out?? and allow a child to speak for himself??? What can the child say for him that, if he is such a changed person would be able to prove and say on his own???? That is injustice to the child…bottom line.

The entire system for Non-Custodial’s as well as Custodials is completely screwed up!!

April 13, 2009 at 8:17 pm
(26) Katie says:

Okay so you make it seem so easy to talk to the other parent about things to do with the kids but my mom denied my father’s visitations for two months because she didn’t like that he had a girlfriend. he kept records and brought it to court and i’m not saying that it happeneds often but one of the police officers said they lost the reports and pictures of my older brother when he got beat by her[my mom's] boyfriend. talking to my mom, for my dad, is hell. He honestly has to have me start something over my cell phone to talk to her. sometimes the mother can be a royal pain in the rear and vise-versa. it isn’t that easy

April 17, 2009 at 11:18 pm
(27) Karol says:

Hello I’m a non custodial parent and today my ex denied me visitation.He said that because i told my daughter not to take her depression pills that she doesn’t need, he says that her psychiatrist and him find that its unsafe over here.I have 2 kids 17 and 14 and they want to live with me.

April 20, 2009 at 4:08 pm
(28) trina1023 says:

A FATHER HAS THE RIGHT TO VISIT WITH HIS KIDS,AS DOSE A MOTHER. IN INDIANA IT’S WED. FOR 3 HOURS AND EVERYOTHER WEEKEND. IF YOU GO TO PICK UP THE KIDS ON THE DAYS THAT ARE SET BY THE COURTS(FOR PARENTS THAT CAN’T AGREE)
ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS CALL THE COPS AND THEY WILL MAKE SURE YOU GET THE KIDS THOSE DAYS.
NOTE BRING YOUR VISITATION PAPERS WITH YOU.
THIS MOTHER SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF HERSELF,KIDS NEED THERE DAD,AND THEY DON’T CARE WHERE THEY SLEEP OR HOW THEY GET CLEAN.SHE SHOULD BE THANKFUL YOU ARE IN THERE LIFE AND NOT DOING IT ALL BY HER SELF………SINGLE MOM,NO HELP,NO VISITS

May 19, 2009 at 2:13 am
(29) Lela says:

hey karol…get your head on straight?!what were you thinking when you told your daughter she didnt need her meds? I am the step mom of two boys with a custodial father and his ex wife tries the same crap…bcuz his youngest is ADHD….she has problems with this or that…then I take her with me to the Dr. and she says nothing but ya…ok…i agree….then its the same control issue behind the scenes…get a life and speak up for yourself in these matters…tell the Dr. the truth…then bitch at the other parent…You arent here every day…so how the hell would YOU know wether she needs it or not?

June 28, 2009 at 2:57 pm
(30) Scanner says:

Karol:

I agree with the poster above. It is not your determination to decide whether a child needs to be on or off psychiatric medications. Frankly, it is dangerous for some medications to discontinue all at once and could induce suicidal thoughts if you tamper with them.

You are playing with fire.

The father had every right to deny you visitation as the child’s life may be in danger because of you.

I can see why you are the non-custodial parent. Remember – all future medical decisions are betweeen the father/custodian and the doctor, not you.

July 1, 2009 at 11:03 pm
(31) angryinTN says:

I am so sick of hearing how FATHER’S always get the raw end of the deal, what about the MOTHERS out there who have lost custody???!!! (rare I know but it DOES HAPPEN!!)
When my ex husband committed statutory rape, and got away with it, I got custody of our daughter. When he married the “little girl” he had been screwing around with and took me back to court I lost custody because I was a SINGLE parent and he was married so therefore HE was the “more stable parent”. Now almost 8 years later, my ex has decided to DENY my court ordered visitation, yet I am still required BY LAW to pay this jerk child support. The cops won’t help because they say it is a matter for the family courts. The courts won’t help because he has family connections and I can’t afford a lawyer. Amazing how many different sites and lawyers there are in this world who will work for FREE if you are not receiving child support but NOONE helps the NON CUSTODIAL parents when they are not getting to see their children!!!! If anyone out there knows a lawyer who will work to help the NON CUSTODIAL parent please let me know; I am so frustrated after years and years of fighting with this man and being in and out of courts, jail you name it and yet he still pulls the same BS whenever “wifey” doesn’t get her way or doesn’t like something I say or do they try to deny my visitation, my phone calls etc. There has GOT to be a solution to this terrible epidemic!! Why can’t parent’s recognize the only one who is TRULY being hurt here are the children!!!!!

July 16, 2009 at 4:51 pm
(32) Pissed off says:

My husband and I went to pick up his 2 daughters for his court ordered visitation on Wednesday. When we got there we found out that his ex-wife had taken the girls to Kentucky on vacation. He will also miss out on his court appointed time on his daughter’s birthday. This is the 8 visitation she has denied him this year. This woman as been a constant nightmare for us. She took him to court once for doctor bills that she had been holding onto for 4 years. He had never even seen them. The judge made him pay half and gave her a time limit of 15 days to hand them over. She still isn’t giving them to him on time. She is also living with a man that is 35 years older than her and is a convicted drug dealer. He spent 10 years in prison and used to supply her drugs. We have spoken to many lawyers and can’t get help. They always say the same thing…keep a record. Okay…we have for 2 years. Still no help!

July 29, 2009 at 12:33 pm
(33) John says:

My ex-wife won’t even let me talk to my daughter. She has no problem taking the $540.00 a month I send in child support every month though. I can’t afford an attorney to fight her on this. I am a disabled veteran, and she and I live in different states. I can’t get any help even from the sheriff’s office in her state. They tell me to stop bothering them they have more important things to do. What can I do? I miss my daughter and I would like to know she is safe. Her mother has been accused numerous times of child endangerment. She was even arrested once and lost custody of my daughter. Of course they couldn’t find me so that I could come and get my daughter. Oddly enough she can find me when she wants to sue me for more child support. The laws are not for fathers, we are supposed to pay our child support and keep our mouth shut about everything else. I for one and damn sick of it. When are fathers going to get the rights they deserve?

August 1, 2009 at 3:21 pm
(34) KayJo says:

The bottom line is — it’s all about the children –letting them know that BOTH of their parents still love them and will keep them safe from harm. The main problems occur because there is often no real communication between the custodial and non-custodial parent. If the two parents cannot be in the same room together, then of course there will be problems witht the children’s visitation arrangements. There will be a tendency for both parents to take their hostility towards each other out on the children. Also, nothing is harder to hear than the children coming home after their visit to the non-custodial parent complaining about the visit OR the children complaining to their non-custodial parent about living conditions at home. If you & your ex are not on speaking terms & you never allow each other in your homes, then you will worry about the conditions under which your kids are living or visiting. Although it is very difficult & requires great discipline & maturity, the best solution would be if parents, even once divorced, can maintain a “unified front” for the purposes of parenting. If your only communication is through the children, then they are running the show — not you, the parents.

August 11, 2009 at 6:59 am
(35) Tasha says:

The cops will do nothing even if you have papers stating you do have visitation rights they will tell u its a civil matter and u need to contact a lawyer.. Been there..

August 13, 2009 at 3:54 pm
(36) Cris says:

It is disgusting when a mother keeps the children away from the father. I am a grandmother who’s son is going through similar situation parental alienation. Even though there is an MSA with shared parenting she acts like she is the only parent. He has spent over $20M in the court system over the last 2 yrs. fighting her. Our lovely court system slaps her on the hand. Even the guardian we requested now 18 mos. is not involved but sure loved the $ given to her!

August 19, 2009 at 8:44 pm
(37) Kathleen says:

can someone jtell me what to do? my sons father has chosen not to be a part of his 6 yr olds life there is no communication, if he sees him in town he ignores him. Now im afraid after 7 mos of counseling and learning to cope with the loss, so to speak that all of the sudden he will return and want to visit he has finally adjusted and is moving foward is this fair???

August 23, 2009 at 4:13 pm
(38) vicderic says:

my husband is the non-custodial parent of a 17 year old. she states and has been for the last 5 years she wants to live with us. (fL) also the mother lives in (FL). He has a visitation schu but it seems like she doesnt care what the 17 year old wants. She is acting nasty as always. What rights does he have and what rights the 17 has.

August 23, 2009 at 5:08 pm
(39) AnotherAbusedDad says:

Wow, 11 years after my divorce these stories still charge me up.

In my case after 5 years of appeals, battles at every visitation exchange, tens of thousands of legal debt, and lie after lie from my ex, I just took a job out of state and said to hell with it. I’ve never missed a child support payment, and fly my kid out to see me whenever I can, including 2 months every summer. I don’t talk to the ex – pretty much ever. Don’t see her. She still plays games like calling CPS, or the latest, blocking my kid from getting a passport so my kid couldn’t go on the Disney cruise with me. Courts have never done a darn thing to punish her (yet have ALWAYS seen through her BS).

Bottom line is that a dad can’t get custody unless the mom is a cocaine dealer (and maybe not even then!) My ex is on welfare, minimum wage, boyfriends galore, now has 4 kids from 4 different dads (only married once to me). I’ve been remarried for 6 years, 2 new kids in wedlock, awesome job, etc. still, no chance in hell that I could get custody (no, I don’t have a criminal record, no dirty laundry except marrying a cheating ho whose dad was the sheriff.)

Withhold visitation for 6 months, consequences = nothing.

Withhold child support for 6 weeks, consequence = jail. (didn’t happen to me, but I’ve seen it).

I particularly love the black hole of accountability around child support. My kid never has good clothes, doesn’t get birthday parties (unless it’s with me). Guess my child support money is feeding the 3 half-siblings from the deadbeat boyfriends her mom boned.

Great country we live in. So glad I gave my blood to protect it.

September 19, 2009 at 7:28 pm
(40) berkslaw says:

About the taking of the med,how do you know that the children are not screwed up due to bad parenting? Yea,get the little ones hooked on meds at an early age;that is always the answer. Thoughts of suicide and other damage may occur if the meds are discontinued? That ought to tell you something right there. And we wonder why society is screwed up with crap like custody battles. IT IS DISGUSTING!!!!!

September 26, 2009 at 10:22 pm
(41) Tish says:

I am the custodial parent of a soon to be three year old. My sons father had nothing to do with him until he was about a year old, then he filed to have his last name changed to his, no vistation, support or anything else. We went to court and got an agreement, which in my opinion just gave me a piece of paper to wave at him and tell him he isn’t following it, nothing more. I’ve tried to be the bigger person and allowed extra visitation, for instance instead of just Saturday and Sunday on every other weekends, I allowed him to pick him up Friday nights. I’ve done this and yet it gets me nowhere, he doesnt pay support, quites a job to avoid support increases, wont pay the medical bills he is suppose to, yet I try and still do what I can. I figure there’s tons of parents who don’t stick around, so if he wants to see his son that is better than nothing, right? And it’s better for my son if he knows his father. Now,I’m wondering. In the last month he has been evicted from his house, has bought prescription pain pills illegally and even stollen them out of my medicine cabinet, lost his car, after it repeatedly broke down on the side of the road with our son! He even sent me a picture via cell phone thinking it was funny! He has no contact number, quite his job which he was making about $1500 a week, when child support was based off of $400 a week. Even then I said please just help when you can, I don’t want to change child support, just help out. Buy a box of diapers, buy him a winter coat or new shoes or even used clothes would help, anything. But he refused. He now is living in a college dorm with his 18 year old girlfriend, he is 31 and doesn’t seem to think he is doing anything wrong. I told him that until he got things back on track he could see our son but our son was going to stay at my house. Just until he got things back on track… now he’s not seeing him at all, it’s been a month now he has not called, he will text but it’s just to pick a fight. I told him I didn’t want to fight, it’s not about money or the girlfriend it’s about our sons best interest. He throws back at me that it is not best for him not to see his Father, which I agree with, but I worry how this all will affect our son, I am trying to be nice and work with him but I get nowhere. We were never married, but I don’t know what to do anymore. I have a lawyer but to go to court over these issues it will cost $600 up front, which I don’t have. I am working full time and take full time courses online for school, I’m doing what I can financially to pick up the slack and am at my whits end! I’m not asking for much I don’t think and I hate that he doesn’t see him, but he won’t make the connection and make good choices which affect our son! Any advice would be appreciated, Thank you for listening and understanding!

October 21, 2009 at 11:14 am
(42) Father Missing Daughter says:

Lets face it…

Even though there are mothers who get shafted during this process, the overwhelming amount of people left without their children are fathers!

One thing for sure, the court system does not work in these situatuions.

I think its because Judges have been so conditioned to automatically think the MAN is the problem.

You can see the trend in criminal cases. A man kills his kids. Goes to Jail for Life. A woman like Andrea Yates, the woman who chased down her kids and drowned them was initially found guilty. Next, the court lets her have a new trial because they blame the father for making her have the kids.

I mean when does it stop? How is it that Justice is dowled out differently?

People are not blind. Out of 42 messages here, the majority are about dad’s who are denied seeing their kids. Most times (92% percent of the times kids go with mom in the courts eyes). The other 8% go to dad if mom is on drugs, abandoned the family or has died.

The courts are slanted toward women. I do not hate women, however, I dislike the fact that women support other women in these instances even when they are wrong!!

Kids need both parents.

Just look at all the bad things that happen to kids when both parents are not around. The 4 boys who killed in NH comes to mind……

November 3, 2009 at 10:46 am
(43) Rinnie says:

“paidmom” is partially incorrect.

While it is true that legally, the custodial parent cannot keep your children from you, a police officer is not going to enforce a divorce decree or parenting time order. You can take your papers to an officer and they will escort you to the custodial parents home. They can attempt to reason with the custodial parent and reach a resolution, but they are only there as peace-keeping officers. They cannot and will not enforce a court order, but they serve as an excellent witness if you are denied your parenting time. The only enforcement of an order you will receive is from an enforcer of the court. There is a parenting time officer assigned to each FOC in MI. That is the person you need to be making complaints to. They will require proof of denied visitation, and that is where the police officer will be needed.

Just wanted to clarify that you can’t just run to a police officer and expect that they are going to enforce the order. Only a court officer can enforce it.

November 7, 2009 at 11:26 pm
(44) Michael says:

Do what the advice says, but in the mean time feel fortunate that you get to have them overnight. I have been divorced for 10 years now, and the bitch has allowed only one overnight in all those years. I have not seen my daughters since August, and what will eventually happen is that they will come to resent her as my relationship with them deepens when they are out of the house (soon).

November 24, 2009 at 3:02 am
(45) amy says:

My 12 yr old daughter hates me for having to get a restraining order against her dad (my ex-husband). She was only 2 when I divorced her emotionally and physically abusive severe alcoholic father. I had a 3 mth old daughter at age 16 when I started dating him. During our 5 yr marriage, together we had a daughter and a son a year apart in age. I had to beg for any childsupport and often gave it back to bribe him to watch his own kids. When my children were 1, 2, and 4, my ex, knowing I had absolutely no one to help and no transportation or income and our son (born 2 1/2 lbs) had round the clock breathing treatments and medications had left me exhausted and desperate to for relief. I either would have to return the childsupport his mom would have paid me (denying it to her) or have forced sex with him. Against my judgement and ridiculed by his family, I allowed visitation at his conveinence despite his inconsistancy, negligence and unsafe, inappropriate situations with the kids. Their ages when I remarried a great man was son 3, daugter 4 and I quit begging the NCP to visit. The few times he called promising the kids he’d pick them up, he never showed or called. I always lied telling our daughter that he had to leave town to go work, so he could make money to help me take care of them even though he rarely had a job. He’d go up to six mths at a time without any contact only to show up with lies that he had been working real hard so he’d be able to afford visitation expenses (finding out now, for 10 years he told our daughter that I denied him visitation and forced him to pay me all of his paychecks leaving him unable to have a home or buy groceries was the reason for his abcense.) As our kids got older, the excuses became redundant, so ignorant me told them I couldn’t answer for him and suggested they ask him their questions. I wanted to believe that the truth would find it’s way no matter what. The NCP left the state with a girl and her kids, unable to be located by me or support enforcement. He returned to his mom’s over a year later because his relationship ended and he had nowhere to live. He asked to get the kids more often when he married a different woman (who hated me something aweful and didn’t know me). Their alcoholism exposed our kids to their extreme violence involving police, and severe injury to each other and to other adults who partied with children. As I became more assertive, demanding safety, structure, routine , appropriate behavior, and childsupport he didn’t bother and moved out of state again with his wife avoiding childsupport enforcement. 6 mths passed before he divorced and moved home. When he started dating a woman who didn’t have custody of her own children, he began to demand weekend visits because I was recieving $41 of his unemployment check. Our 11 yr old daughter at the time and son was 10 visited for a weekend returning home with pleasant stories. After about 3-4 visits our son complained of being teased by children who bruised his arms and he inadvertantly mentioned being unable to sleep while at dads because of all the drunk people and loud profane music. Our son decided on his own to not visit his dad due to the lack of supervision which allowed the teasing. Our daughter’s behavior began to change becoming very disrespectful and began dressing very provocativly bringing inappropriate clothes home and wearing heavy eye makeup. She’d slam doors, refuse my requests and scream as loud as possible that she hated everyone in our house when I told her it was unacceptable and expressed dissatisfaction with her dad’s allowance of it and the girlfriends distastefulness and incompetence. There have been lots of back and forths & ins and outs over the years with things done that people can only shake their heads in disqust at. It is these previously mentioned that lead up to this past New Year’s Eve 2008,
The ex-husband called and asked could he stop by my home to bring the kids a gift on Christmas morning. I knew it would mean alot to our daughter and trying to be the better person, I agreed to it. Upon his arrival with his ggirlfriends children who boastfully referred to him aas “daddy”. My daughter corrected them through gritted teeth, then began pleading to go visit dad. I refused very openly explaining her dad’s refusal to to return them home on time, sober, and most recently not at all, causing school to be skipped. My ex (her dad) convinced me ther wouldnt be a problem. New Years morning I knew that an unsupervised gathering of intoxicated people without morals or maturity would not be who my 111 yr old was gonna be around. I was able to get a message to my daughter to call me asap. I was ready for her to come home and she demanded to stay for fireworks then hung up on me. Her dad finally returned my call asking why she couldn’t stay and after i said i just missed her for Christmas and needed her home. He agreed to leave her with his mom to spend time with her and that she’d bring her home home . The day progressed and it wasnt unusual for his mom to get her home late evening. I learned that my daughter was still 60 miles away but now there was no sober adult there. I had to go get her and had to take directions from a highly intoxicated (but friendly) ex’s girlfriend who welcomed me and assured me that my daughter would be packed and ready to go upon my arrival. I was on the phone getting turn by turn directions the last few miles until i arrived thanking the girlfriend and asking to have my daughter come on. I still have PTSD and can’t give the details, but I had been tricked, refused access to MY daughter with 5 adolescents cursing and insulting me while all the adults laughed and encouraged the taunting. I returned to my car informing my ex that if i called the law, he’d likely be arrested with a warrant for owing over $30,000.00 in childsupport. All their kids and 3 women, & 2 men (my ex), surrounded my car preventing me from closing my door with kids jumping on my hood. After dialing 911, my phone was jerked from my hand and slapped my face. Then a large woman broke my phone in two and smashed it into my eye, skipping the details, 10 people pulled me from my car, refused to let me go, and all took turns and simultaniously beat, stomped, punched, kicked, slapped, slammed, dragged and pulled and yanked my hair until I could no longer struggle, i had quit begging and became limp hoping they’d stop if they though i was dead. It worked until i began to crawl to my car. A few kicked my face and stomach before i made it. My ex was arrested and jailed for 30 days. I was granted a restraining order against the ex and now my daughter hates me for it, doesn’t care that I could have died and hasn’t apologized for being a part of plan to assault me. The first week or two with broken ribs and a ruptured disk was extremely hard for me to even look at her. Nearly a year later and i love her unconditionally and have tried every day to show her she can trust me, and proving to her that I’ll love her no matter what. I’ve been too leiniant for fear of her hating me. She’s allowed to love her dad, I don’t degrade him, though I’m certain she knows I don’t like him. But I have opened my eyes wide and will not knowingly allow anyone so indecent and so full of hate to be an active part of my kids lives. She (my daughter) is currently inpatient in a mental hospital for severe depression, self mutalation, and suicidal thoughts. She’s only 12, I have done things the way I thought was right (taking the high rode), but that sick bastard has brainwashed her and poisoned her against me, and I could lose her.

December 5, 2009 at 10:56 am
(46) C says:

My son is a non-custodial parent. He has visitation and the mother of our grandchild sends him over with no clothes for the weekend, and/or clothes that are way to small.

My son lost his job recently and has not been able to pay child support. But when he gets money he pays.

He is remarried now and this is putting a strain on his marriage.

His ex refused to let my son have his son on his scheduled days of visitation. He call the police and the sheriffs and they said it was a civil matter. They refused to help him.

Any suggestions???

January 14, 2010 at 1:12 am
(47) the other woman says:

My boyfriend pays child support and has court order visitation but the mother denies him because of me.we have been dating for almost two years.she is still holding on she has not gave me a chance.I am a mother of 4 and she will not let us be apart of their life unless I am out the pic.I haven’t done nothing but love him.what do we do?do I give up because I know he loves his kids very much.please someone give me some good advice.

January 20, 2010 at 11:45 pm
(48) Michele says:

The family law system is based on the hopes that people will act like adults when it comes to their children. Naive’ but true. By the time people divorce there are serious issues on the burner. The visitation access law is not, and I say not being monitored by a court system that is overburdened by too many cases. So they leave all the monitoring up to you. Ha! This leaves the custodial and noncustodial parent to find some third party to be a witness to something they do not want to become involved in. Including the police, neighbors, friends and relatives. This means that the custodial parent and noncustodial parent need a babysitter in order to pass off thier children. And so the custodial and noncustodial are doomed to return to the courts which keeps the lawyers in business and buys them a nice Bentley. Believe me, the judges hear this stuff all day long. Hoping that waring adults that come into divorce court because they are already waring and getting along because of the kids is like putting a couple of irresponsible teenagers in charge of a day care center and hoping they won’t get into a fight and let the kids run all over the place. In the era of rubber stamped divorces where the justice system is so overloaded, babysitting on the part of the system was not written into the final legislation. This leaves the custodial parent and the noncustodial parent in the lurch. Due to nonmonitoring by the legal system itself, ie babysitting adults, this is left to the parents themselves. Whether or not your ex is not letting you see the children is a mystery, because we are not there to see it and no one is there to monitor it for the legal system. People lie on a daily basis. I have seen about 100 cases where the visitation access law was being used by the noncustodial parent as a blackmailing device by both parents. Why because you would have to have monitored visitation to prove it. A judge once told me that out of 100 divorces 25% were perineals. They bloomed every six months. The rest settled their hash. So here’s my advice. If the queen of England and her son came to visit you, would you throw a mattress on the floor, or would you give her a bed? And would her son sleep with you? It’s all in priorities. So ask yourself. What would the Queen of England say? The court system cannot sit at your house and monitor whether or not someone is giving you or not giving you visitation. There are so many cases like this in the courts because of the lack of monitoring by the system itself, this leaves you to either get an attorney, get a babysitter, buy a professional witness or the like.
The legislatures kind of left us out to dry on this one. It is true that they made alot of laws, but they just weren’t willing to pay for the resources to monitor them on a daily basis. So whether she is or not letting you see your kids, back to the court you go. Now is the judge going to give you a court ordered babysitter, paid for by the state to see that you get to see your kids? In other words the lawmakers left the custodial parent and the noncustodial parent out to dry. You can tell judge this story all day long but he really doesn’t know who is telling the truth! I once saw a noncustodial parent who used the visitation law to blackmail the custodial parent and get her over a barrel, he wasn’t even in the state for a year. He got visitation, used it for himself, and then dumped the kid in the Conciliation Court and bailed. Not only did he try to get the discount for visitation, he used the time he was given for himself and the child had almost no support, and had no visitation. This left the child with nothing!!!!
The judge will wonder who is telling the truth here because no one is there to monitor all this. This is frustrating for both the custodial and noncustodial parent.
I hear people say all day long that adults should growup and let their kids have decent homes. That’s a nice idealistic point of view but not reality. The courts have become a war zone for the custodial and noncustodial parents. By the time it is all done the kids are left in the dust. How could the courts resolve this? By seeing that the custodial and noncustodial parents are not adults and that this is what brought them to the courts for a divorce in the first place. I am an outsider, but I have found that boundaries need to be set for waring adults. How can you find a way to cut to the chase? We are your audience. How would you persuade me you are telling the truth? How would she? This is the adult way to look at it.

January 26, 2010 at 9:39 pm
(49) Worried mama says:

I am a 21 year old single mother of 2, my kids father, which just turned 21 today, is soooo irresponsible!!! He also has a 17 year old girlfriend. His girlfriend is one of those “kids” who wants a child really bad, but it looks like she can’t, so its like she’s tryin to take over, he won’t talk to me but she constantly texts me wanting my kids, they live in jasper with his mom, brother, and cousin, and I live in marietta. I send my kids up there for days at a time, the whole time there gone I constantly worry! The house their living in isn’t fit for a pig! My 2 year old son still sleeps in a pack and play and my 4 year old daughter sleeps wid her nanna. There father has been arrested for a quarter pound of marijuana, wid intent to distribute (while in a car) and for purse snatching, they ride around all day wid my kids, she just got her liscence and neither one of them have a job! Not to mention when my daughter was 9 months old she got taken into foster care, we had visits 1 time a wekk for 1 hour, we had to take a drug test b4 gettin to see her, every week he fell for sumthin! I did the whole 4 page case plan on my own! He is on child support, hich he dosent pay, I’m sick of worrying what can I do!!??

February 3, 2010 at 9:26 am
(50) Doc says:

have only read some of this, but like # 40 this really irks me…i am a physician who, to date, has paid over a half a million dollars in child support and alimony over the last 10 years and has had less than 1 month TOTAL time of visitation for the 10 years combined…my wife (a college professor) and i are currently researching hostile aggressive parenting and parental alienation syndrome…unfortunately, the courts are turning a blind eye to these manipulations by the custodial mothers…like # 40, i have bought my 16 yr old son everything his heart has desired, including his new mustang…in return, i maybe get a single one minute phone call every week or two…however, yesterday i was going to work and that song “cats in the cradle…” came on…i had always thought that song justified how moms come out the hero and dads come out the jerk in divorces, even though all the mom did was spend everything and the dad did nothing but work, and etc…however, i now think of the song in reverse and if nothing else feel better…relationships are two way streets, and unfortunately a dad cannot force a relationship to exist with a child who has been brainwashed by an alienating mother; BUT likewise when my son reaches 18 and the child support stops and he is no longer an asset to his so called loving mom, i suspect he will show up at my door and attempt to “start a relationship with dear old dad”…i am not sure if dear old dad will be there, though…all you moms out there need to realize that what your child sows today will be reaped tomorrow…when your kids reach the teenage years, the skill of ignoring the non custodial parent was taught by the custodial parent, but is practiced by the child…sounds tough, but unfortunately it happens and that is just the way it is.

February 7, 2010 at 2:01 pm
(51) A Father says:

What about millions of Fathers who are MIA because of the family court system? Political figures often discuss the welfare of our children but never discuss the problem regarding our family court system, unfair visitation laws and how those laws effective fathers who want to be part of their children’s lives.

There is a Child Support Enforcement agency in every state but not a Visitation/Parenting Time Enforcement Agency. Why?? This needs to be an issue addressed at the federal level and not decided by the states because the system at the state level is not working. Most states call the time Fathers spend with their children as “Visitation” instead of calling it what it is “Parenting time”. Parenting time is a time to be a parent to your child. Visitation is what the family court force on fathers, as they want fathers to become an occasional visitor. Family courts wants fathers to settle for becoming a ‘Disney Dad,’ one whose role is nothing more than outings to theme parks once or twice a month. Why can’t the family courts grant time to fathers in a frequency, duration, and type reasonably calculated to promote a strong and loving relationship between the child and the parent? The standard visitation which is four days a month is not enough time to be an effective parent to your child. The family courts very, very rarely enforce visitation. Here, the prejudice is against fathers and their parental rights. The congress refuses to acknowledge the injustice, cruelty, brutality and inhumanity of denying the love and companionship between a father and their child. Divorce from a spouse is not a divorce from your children, nor should custody decisions be used as a punishment. Joint custody can benefit the children, the divorced parents, and society in general by having both parents involved in the child’s upbringing.

Fathers are systematically eliminated from their children’s lives. Father’s parental rights are systematically terminated by family court judges who have a deep seated gender bias against fathers. Termination of parental rights is both total and irrevocable. Termination of parental rights is the family law equivalent of the death penalty in a criminal case. The primary casualties in our Domestic Relations courts are our children.

Courts are supposed to approach cases of child custody, support payments, and visitation rights in a gender-neutral posture. It sounds fair, and it is fair. But it is a myth. Judges are not enforcing these gender laws fairly, and few seem to care. Unless you have been forcefully removed from the everyday upbringing of your child by the Court, you can not fathom the emotional distress. To discriminate against fathers because of their gender in this day and age is no different than telling a person to go to the back of the bus because of their skin color. With sole or primary custody going to the mother in roughly 90% of cases, claiming custody is not based on gender would be like claiming hiring is not based on race if 90% of a particular race, though equally qualified, was unable to obtain employment. This was missing from the Obama’s Father’s day speech. What about millions of Fathers who are MIA because of the family court system?

Anguish is experienced by hundreds of thousands of fathers across the country. Their grievances include: blocked visitation and unenforced visitation orders; “move away” spouses who use geography as a method of driving fathers out of their children’s lives; acceptance by the courts of false and/or uncorroborated accusations as a basis for denying custody or even contact between parent and child; a “win/lose” system which pits ex-spouses against one another by designating a custodial and a noncustodial parent; courts which in determining custody tilt heavily towards the parent who initiates the divorce, thus encouraging each parent to “strike first”; burdensome legal costs; and judicial preference for mothers over fathers as custodial parents.

The child’s right to equal access and opportunity with both parents, the right to be guided and nurtured by both parents, the right to have major decisions made by the application of both parents’ wisdom, judgment and experience. The child does not forfeit these rights when the parents divorce.

March 8, 2010 at 10:43 pm
(52) Graham says:

A child just want to be loved. As long as the children are living in a safe condition that’s clean, it shouldn’t matter. you don’t have to have bed rails, just use pillows. as far as a shower is concerned… their is nothing wrong with that! I have a 3,000 square ft home and I take showers 99.9% percent of the time. She have no right to deny you your visitation… Join Arag.com and take her to court… to enforce your visitation! I have the same similar problem with my sons mom, and he is now 13. She just wont give up! After 12 years… She did the same thing false allegations etc. My final advance is to make sure your place is clean and you a safe environment than see her in court. Join Arag.com Attorney insurance. $29. per mo.

April 1, 2010 at 6:59 pm
(53) ann day says:

How can I prove that I never went to court to deny visitation rights? I found out that my sons father told my son that in 1984 I denied visitation for 6 months. My ex remarried and moved up north and told me he could not see my son for 6 months because of the distance. My son was in counseling and apparently the subject came up. Now my adult son states he is very upset that I dragged it through court for 6 months therefore denying visitation. This NEVER happened. What can I do?

September 19, 2010 at 12:44 pm
(54) l smith says:

im a single father and have been awarded temporary custody of my 3 boys.their mother has been diagnosed with schizoeffective disorder bipolar type in january 2010 and hospitolized several times over the last few years.In late june 2010 I caught her cheating on me and she abandoned our 3 children.the week prior to me catching her cheating she and the boys went to her moms for a weekend where her 21 yr old sister also lives.the subject of how were you treated last time you went to mamaws with mom was brought up and my two oldest sons 10 and 8 replied that their aunt pulled her pants down wearing no panties,held them down and put her “privates” in their faces and that they were scratching at her trying to get her off them because they couldn’t breathe.I called CPS to report it my two sons and myself took an individual videotaped statement and they said i fabricated the incident being vindictive twards my ex.just because the sister passed a lie detector test and that the boys mom and myself seperated recently.they’re aunt and mother also said a friend and myself were preasent during this incident which is a lie because i would be in jail for choking her sister. and my friend or myself weren’t questioned or givin a lie detector as we requested.and the case was dissmissed by the shelby county sherriffs department indiana the officer who did the investigation stated that the boys mother,sister and aunts statements were 100% consistent and that the boys and mine wasn’t..those 3 women collaberated for a month preparing for the interview with the detective and being 3 very outgoing and beautiful woman they persuaded the detective they were innocent and now my children are being put back into this environment where they were being abused..on top of 8 persons living in a 3 beedroom app.and the boys sleeping on the floor every weekend ..all that and the fact that their mom wasnt taking her pshyc meds which i found a whole wal mart bag of after she left the residence..all this and the court awarded her supervised visitation with her worthless mom being the supervisor thats the same woman whom was in the room with the aunt and mother and done nothing to stop this kind of behavior to me warrants neglect…our legal system is in shambles and the so called professionals whom handle these cases are putting children in these environments on a daily basis and they justify their actions to their socalled education credentials..it’s impulsive to me when the system fails a child thats being abused the judge that heard my case stated to me that your children aren’t pawns in a chess game nor wittnesses to ponder in court.if my children cant be heard in a court of law where the hell are they supposed to seek justice

November 16, 2010 at 9:20 pm
(55) Keith Wooldridge says:

I have a question about Visitation also. I have been to court and had my visitation amended and the court ruled against her. My ex lives in Kentucky and has since we split, I have had to provide almost the entire cost to have my kids here in Texas for my visitation times. The court said that because I became disabled, and fixed everything with SSDI so that the she gets money from them, that she was responsible for bringing them to now instead of the standard order. However I am suppossed to get them for: spring break, summer break, they have a fall break in October that I am suppossed to have them for also, and every other Thanksgiving and finally opposite to Thanksgiving I am suppossed to have them on the first week one year and the second week the next year.

The problem I have is that she has not done what the court ordered and I dont know how to make her comply. I have not seen the boys since last christmas and do not know for sure if I will this year. I am 32 and was put on disability in 2006 due to an accident so money is tight and I can not afford an attorney again. Can some one help please? She has also flaked out on my being able to talk to the boys also, recently the last three months I have only been able to talk to them maybe once a month

Thank you,

Frustrated Dad
Keith

December 13, 2010 at 10:54 pm
(56) negativenohe's says:

SO,
I am the custodial parent. what I want to know is why is it ok for the non-custodial parent to get away with some of this? No I could not have my children sharing a room with me and living on the couch so why is this ok?? Why is it ok that custodial parents need to provide all the childs cares, concerns, loves and any and all things and non custodial dont? It pisses me off! If you want your kids then dang make the same sacrafices the custodial parent is making and life would be good. My daughters father sees her once (for 5 days) every OTHER year, and if it doesnt work for me I become the jerk and im denying visits yaddy yaddy.
i want to know why is custodial parent held in contempt when visitation may not work out, but non custodial can go months, years with little to no contact and the minute they decide to bless their children its supposed to happen? Why cant they be held in contempt for not abiding ny the visitation schedule? WHY are that not more custodial rights when it comes to visitation? My ex’s wife lost custody of her daughter, no one knows why and yet I have no legal rights to know and I have to send my daughter half way cross the country? Its not fair, incase you cant tell it upsets me.

February 3, 2011 at 3:17 pm
(57) LoriLynn says:

A friend of mine just recently committee suicide because he was not being allowed to see his child he was out of work could not afford to pay and his ex left town not saying where she was she did bring the kids for a visit but was reluctant to make sure he did not know. All this ate him up inside. He was a great dad and great with all kids she did not like the way he lived so i guess if being you and enjoying life is wrong then what is this world coming too. He was Dad when he had to be Dad 24 hrs a day. The canadian legal system is not fair in the ways they are with dad weather they pay support or not money should nto interferr in a relationship between kids and parents. My husband when through years of hell from his ex girlfriend and was always afraid to go back to court and they knew it but finally he did this year and now no longer had to pay support great the system worked after 20 years of her lies never followed through by FRO or a judge. Just love your kids do what you have to for now and in the end they will love you and get to know you not the person your ex says you are..

February 5, 2011 at 10:34 am
(58) Andrea says:

We are going through the same situation as most ofyou right now, only we have a court order. My husband has 2 children that that we are fighting like hell to protect from a system that is so corrupt and broken. When we originally went to court 4 years ago, mt husband tried to voice complaints and fears about “mom” and her new boyfriend. As soon as the papersw were filed, we did not see the kids for 6 months. It was not until she was ordered to do so. It’s not about what we as adults are going through, it’s about my kids, and not just those 2, we have 2 more that are affecte4d by this every single day.
Now, our worst fears have been confirmed and there have been numerous founded complaints of abuse directed toward ythe 4 year old. They come here for visits and they are a mess.This time we were able to hire an attorney, but as soon as the papers were filed she withheld his visitation. After 3 missed visits, we contacted the local police department and asked them to do a “welfare check” and just as the kids have been telling us, they don’t live there anymore. She has in the last moth alone violated the court-order a half a dozen times, but we have to wait until wee can get on the docket in order to be heard. Like I said, we don’t care what this is doing to us, it’s what it is doing to all of my kids that I am concerned about. I can only imagine what must be going through their minds (they are 8 and 5). I just hope that by the time this finally gets into court, it’s not too late or that she hasn’t left the state.

May 20, 2011 at 2:04 pm
(59) John says:

I am also a non-custodial parent and I find it offensive that so many parents use their children as pawns to hurt their former spouses. My ex-wife and her boyfriend relocated over 1000 miles away without notifying the courts and sent me a letter in the mail only five days before they moved.

I called the number she provided and requested visitation, she laughed at me and hung up. I called back and asked if I could call back and make arrangements for visitation and she told me to call back in two days. She disconnected the number that very day.

I went to the address that they provided and nobody is living at that address, it is vacant. I have had to hire private investigators over the past 3 1/2 years to find the location of my son and the police keep telling me that my son is not missing as long as he is with his mother, regardless of my not knowing his location or being able to make any contact.

My issue is with both my ex-wife and her boyfriend. He controls her and my child’s every aspect in life. He decided to take my child to another state and hide my son away from me to prevent any parenting time.

May 20, 2011 at 2:06 pm
(60) John says:

Every time that I find the location of my child, both my ex-wife and her boyfriend file restraining and stalking orders against me. When the truth comes out in court and it is found there is no threat and the case is dismissed, they relocate with my son again.

I had my ex-wife and her boyfriend served with a fourth court order for parenting time enforcement and they retaliated by filing a restraining order against me. It was dismissed and they turned around and filed a staking order against me after my most recent trip to visit my son.

Recently I travel the 1000 miles again to see my son and they attempted to have me arrested for criminal trespassing as well as made a false 911 call about me coming to my child’s school to kidnap the child.

The boyfriend even admitted in two police reports that he took my son out of school and took my son to another state just to make sure I could not have my parenting time.

May 20, 2011 at 2:07 pm
(61) John says:

Now I have to travel once again the 1000 miles to fight a stalking hearing that the boyfriend filed against me for showing up at his residence with two police officers and a court order to attempt to see my son.

This man is not married to my ex-wife, they have been living together since November 2008 and he has no legal guardianship over my child, yet he decided upon himself that I am never allowed to see my child again.

The biggest issue that I am facing is that my child is autistic and because of all of the trauma that his mother has put him through since she took him away from me the first time when he was one, he has severe separation anxiety.

The other issue I am facing is that because what the boyfriend has put my child through for the past 3 1/2 years, he has selective mutism which I have been informed is the result of severe trauma to the child.

May 20, 2011 at 2:08 pm
(62) John says:

I cannot prove it, but the boyfriend has openly admitted in a deposition to having sex with the child in the bed as well as boasted about coming over my house every night just to have sex with my ex-wife with the child in the bed with them.

This man has also stated that he was discharged from the military in 1988 for being severely bi-polar and he does not take medication for his bi-polar disorder, but rather heals himself by using self-hypnosis. I think this way; he can live off of SSI benefits and never have to work.

It is so very hard not to lose control when I see him driving what used to be my BMW and his boasting online and to the courts as well as emailing me to let me know how he is the primary caregiver of my autistic son and he has made my son call him daddy now as well as telling me that my son does not ever remember me.

I wish I could find some way for the courts to see what this man is doing to my child as well as that the mother is allowing her own son to be neglected and suffer at the hands of this man. How can I get before a judge and request that the courts prosecute this man for his crimes?

July 12, 2011 at 4:53 pm
(63) Tim says:

Say goodbye to your kid & keep walking. I wasted 3 years salary on court(in NJ) costs for Judges who don’t up hold their own orders, lawyers who never saw a procedure they couldn’t make money off of, cops who have nothing but contempt for Judge’s orders & non-custodial parents, County volunteers who work against Judges orders on your tax dollars, therapists who never end therapy nor issue findings that will end parental alienation. Haven’t seen my 3 kids in 11 years. They haven’t answered a call or card. The last words I heard from them was, “you’re the best dad in the whole wide world, I love you”. I hear I’m a grand father but I’ll never see the kid.
The family court system is a corrupt, self sustaining organization based on money generation, favoritism, preconceived attitudes and the power of Nazi Germany. It has nothing to do with a child’s best interest. If you are a non-custodial parent who has been successful at seeing you own child it is because both sides communicate or you’ve beat the other side into financial ruin with endless court cost. If a lawyer tells you you have right to your kid, that’s nice…try finding someone who could care less about enforcing them.
And to you women who are saying, I wonder what he did to deserve that”…go straight to hell.

July 30, 2011 at 11:54 pm
(64) Steven says:

I am non-custodial parent of a 6 year old and 12 year old that I pay court ordered child support of 542 a month and I Also have 18 month old that does live with me but to a different person to whom I live with, my ex girlfriend that I never marriedblackmails me into paying her cell phone bill each month or she threatens to take me back to court for more money and at the time of last hearing I did not have another child and now I do and can barely afford to pay for anything for her so my Question is can she get away with blackmailing me into paying cell phone bill

November 23, 2011 at 7:53 pm
(65) J Hoansen says:

On the Isle of Lesbos men knew what they were up against, in this mess called Australia having children is just a precursor to a visit to the Family Law Court and a life of misery. Reform is needed to allow women to see just how much pain they inflict with their selfishness.

November 26, 2011 at 11:50 pm
(66) Dominick says:

Hey, my heart goes out to all of Y’all fathers and mothers who are going through these child visitaton problems. What I wrote was just a fraction of what I’ve been through the last ten years. This women has destroyed jobs that i’ve had not to mention the mental stress that she put on my son from 2yrs. old from constantly overdosing. Thats why I took her to court and got custody from her. I raised him for 8 years while I worked, with no direspect to women yes men can carry this load also if they have enough love for their child.She has recently used the system against me,she has a masters of education so she knows how to use it.She cannot work because of her addiction so she just sits around an plots against me.She has temorary domicile,she took me back to court and had a sympathetic,bias bitch custody evaluator,well lets just say we didn’t get along!The report that she gave the judge he read it and took it in stone like it was the Ten Commanments. God forgive me.All I can say is don’t give up I know its hard to sleep @ nights and get through the days,but if you believe in God just keep praying. God Bless Y’all

November 29, 2011 at 4:41 pm
(67) Robert says:

I am a non custodial parent. I haven’t seen my daughter in thirteen and a half years. I have never missed a child support payment. Shortly after the hearing my ex-wife got custody and she promised that I wouldn’t see my daughter ever again. My whole side of the family doesn’t know the child and her grandparents reside in the same county and the city where she goes to school. Recently, I was summoned to court where they made up a number for my income and increased my payment. Only five more years of this….

December 28, 2011 at 3:08 pm
(68) Seriouslydealinwithadeadbeat says:

I am the custodial parent of my 7 year old daughter. Her father hasn’t contacted her since October. In September she had told him that she didn’t want him to be her dad anymore, because he doesn’t have anything to do with her, doesn’t take care of her, and always sends her off during his visitation. He proceeded to call (in Sept. and call her a liar multiple times and made her very upset, and she cried for a long time. I eventually told him that is enough he would not call my daughter a liar ever again, and he couldn’t contact her on her phone anymore, he would have to contact her on my phone and it would always be on speaker, because my daughter doesn’t need to feel this way. So he called in October talked for under a minute, the rest of the phone call (total 3 mins) was him griping about it being on speaker phone. He hung up and hasn’t contacted her since by phone. He has wrote her a total of 3 messages on facebook, the first was 2 days AFTER her birthday, one asking her if she was coming to see him for Christmas, and one telling her merry christmas. Is facebook a good way to contact a 7 year old, and does it count for “communication?”

December 28, 2011 at 3:09 pm
(69) Seriouslydealinwithadeadbeat says:

There are many other things that have went on in the past 7 years since we separated, and even some before I left him. One being that he got drunk, didn’t wear his seatbelt and wrecked his truck over the summer. He had summer visitation with both his girls, and luckily had sent them home early, otherwise they could have been in that wreck with him because it happened the day before he was supposed to send the girls home (arranged date). So he now has a DUI that he is going to court on. I just don’t know what to do at this point. My daughter goes to school and tells her teachers that she wants my husband to be her daddy and wants to change her last name, she tells everyone this. Her daddy doesn’t believe her of course, but she is very smart, and sees the things he has done and is doing, and she has made that decision on her own. I just don’t know what to do at this point. A man that doesn’t pay child support, well we get like $20 a month now because he gets unemployment, or SSI because of his wreck; but other than that he is behind in child support and refuses to pay unless the state takes it out of his check. He never turns anything in. He keeps moving in with different girls, not informing us of that, or his address, changes his phone number without informing me or the courts. He never follows by the court order. What should I do?

January 17, 2012 at 5:29 pm
(70) rbs says:

My ex-husband is continually moving, bringing different women and their children in my childrens life then it ends in about 2-6 months. No car,different cell phone numbers,,,unstable. I told him he can see the kids and visit with them just no more over nights til he shows some stability. He is living in an effitientcy and we have two children together. Girl 8, boy with special needs,5. Dont feel the living arrangments are appropriate and the constant instability not good for my children…am I wrong?

February 6, 2012 at 9:22 pm
(71) saddad says:

My brother has been denied visitation with his daughter several times now and no phone contact in the last few months. A Contempt was filed and he got to see her one weekend and three days of phone contact and it started all over again two weeks ago. The ex girlfriend is constantly stating the child is sick when she gets her back when in fact she is sick constantly when my brother gets his visitation, 102 fever and she never took the child to the doctor!!!! He took her to the doctor this last time and she had a viral infection. This child absolutely ADORES her father and I am sure she is just heart broken that she is not able to speak or see her daddy. Hopefully in the next few weeks when we go to trial something will be done and she will sit in jail for the amount of days she has denied him visitation. I think withholding visitation is the worst thing you can do to you child and to tell them lies after lies about the non-custodial parent. breaks my heart.

February 28, 2012 at 2:35 am
(72) *L* says:

Hi, I don’t want to be specific on here, but I need help. I am the custodial and sole parent for my children. All of them are older than 12 and younger than 17. 2 of them have extreme special needs. I have been divorced for almost 12 yrs and was given NO contact, No visitation, No stalking, etc for me or the minor children as written in the divorce decree. I was also given an order of protection and restraining order at that time. In the past 11 yrs, their dad has stalked us to the point where we have had to flee our home because we are done living in fear. I called the police a few times while we were being stalked but because he was in another state, and it was done by email they couldn’t do anything. When he would show up at the kids school, he would leave as soon as he heard the call come in, as he was a policeman in the state where he was residing and had a police scanner. We left that state, which makes 3 states we’ve lived in, in the past 11 yrs because he keeps finding us.

This last time he found us, he let me know that he was going to the justice building with a lawyer to file for visitation. I need to know 1. if he can’t find me to serve me, are they allowed to post it in a local newspaper for 60 days and allow that to be served (that’s what they did for the divorce)? 2. If it is allowed and I don’t know, what can I do? I’m terrified to call and find out because I’m scared they can trace the call and find out where I am! 3. What’s going o happen????? This man is dangerous and has threatened to kill me and the kids, he even said so to a Judge for the Order of protection, but because they knew him, they didn’t throw him in jail for contempt. Please, I need help!

March 18, 2012 at 9:35 pm
(73) ericathomas89 says:

My ex took my 5 yearold to a party at 12:45am she called me and told me he was there drinking and his girlfriend and drunk 1 to and the drove 3 kids homethat night what can I do I live in Alabama please help me

May 24, 2012 at 4:37 pm
(74) franny says:

i am the custodial parent of two boys, 6 and 2. I was letting their dad take them for the weekend without paying child support or even buying diapers. i was giving him groceries to stay with them for one night. he would pick them up on saturday night and drop them off sunday afternoon. i know right. he lived and worked within walking distance of where the kids and i live. he never came over during the week,or even called. this continued until one weekend, i spent the lil money i had on groceries for dads house, and he takes them to chuckecheese and buys them toys. i ask why not buy pampers and stuff they need. then he takes them to his girlfriends house and sleeps in the bed with his girlfriend and my kids. that was the last time he saw them. i refuse to have my kids in the bed with a stranger. women can be child molesters too.

May 29, 2012 at 6:14 am
(75) concerned stepmom says:

In my husbands case his exwife and her boyfriend lived with us temporarily for 2 months to avoid being homeless. She refused to let us take their daughters on Christmas for a couple hours to see his family. He had a job and was required to work Christmas eve. They had joint custoday. She and her bf and kids ended up moving out and then in with her sister and she refused to let him see his kids after that. Her dramatic scene in moving out got us kicked out of ur apartment and WE THEN BECAME HOMELESS. She refused to correspond with him and kept the kids from him. He ended up going on a downward spiral and ended up in prison for a little less than a year. He would constantly write her attorney asking for updates on their girls and pictures. Now we have a nice apartment and decent jobs. They had a hearing a few months ago where he volunteered for supervised visits to let the girls become used to him again. She goes out of her way to deny him his set times, makes up lies as excuses why he cannot see them. We both work, she hasn’t held a job in over 4 years, they do have one daughter with health problems that she gets ssd $ for and she is constantly trying to find mental health issues with their 3 yr old who has been having these issues since the month she stopped letting him see them over a year ago. I have no kids of my own, but have much experience around all types and ages of children and their 3 yr old acts like any other 3 yr old., even their daughter with health problems is very intelligent for her age. The mom is always talking in front of them about their diabilities instead of their abilities. More…

May 29, 2012 at 6:18 am
(76) Concerned stepmom2 says:

Hope this is posted in order…its long: . Anyway..speaking of what she says in front of them. When the oldest was just under 2, she would look at her when she would call out for her daddy and say her name and then say “he’s. Not ur daddy, he’s just a sperm donor.” And when their now 3 yr old was starting to accept him as her dad again, mom would say he’s not ur dad, he has to earn that. She is 3 years old! Plus the judge told her the girls have a right to know he is their real dad and she will still not do it it, even when my husband told his girls that its ok to have 2 dads. Yep right in front of him at visitation, mom will say to her kids referencing her bf, go see ur daddy. I think that’s cruel and very confusing for the girls. I will tell u this much, they know their real dad is their dad and the oldes only calls him his name as to not piss off her mom who has a bad temper. I’ve heard and videoed her yelling and cussing at my husband right in front of the girls. I’m talking MF’er this and MF’er that. Meanwhile, my hubby, remains calm but assertive in his questions about why she behaves this way. I think at the most he told her she needs to grow up. I really think her behavior is inappropriate and abusive

May 29, 2012 at 6:20 am
(77) Concerned stepmom3 says:

Last part: Anyway, yes he did a few months locked up and he has fees to pay and child support, he setup to just have his wages garnished and because the support website doesn’t always show the money rightt away mom has made a scene over it a few times. So much more crap she’s pulled and I want to tell it all, but I’m only on a phone right now and my fingers are starting to cramp up. I love my husbands kids and I love him of course, I just want to see him get to be the daddy he has been struggling to be for a few years now. Btw he has a 1 yr old son with another girl, and she has no issue with he and I taking his son to see family, even my mom…or to some of the visits so his sisters can know him. So, I don’t get why his exwife is so bitter and violently angry…sure he wasn’t the best husband to her…BUT HE REALLY DOES LOVE HIS CHILDREN!!! Sorry just hurts me to see him suffer…and the girls suffer too.

May 30, 2012 at 10:04 pm
(78) Curious says:

My husband has a 4 year old that he pays child support for. The mother makes the child do work around the neighborhood and get payed for it. I feel like this is wrong because that’s what the money for child support is for is there anything that can be done about this? She had written all if this in a letter to my husband.

June 11, 2012 at 10:40 am
(79) jerry newport says:

Can I sue for back child support for not being allowed to see my son? She also doesn’t want me to be apart of his life. All she wants is the child support. I have emails from here saying that I will never see him and I haven’t seen him since 12/10. Please contact via email. Thank you

June 22, 2012 at 1:35 am
(80) Concerned Mom says:

What about the deadbeat NCP’s whom disappear for years, never giving a crap, then reappear when it is convenient for them just to disrupt & tear apart everything these children have? Mother or father, it doesn’t matter, these are lives, either be a full-time parent or non at all & don’t try to come back around when you start to feel guilty or other people are pressuring you to do something.

June 25, 2012 at 12:48 am
(81) j groves09 says:

I am currently a single mom and having trouble on where to start. My son will be 3 July 2nd and for the last 2 1/2 years i have been begging his father to spend time with him or even keep him 1 night out of a week and he doesn’t. My son asks about him all the time he’s dad don’t never see him nor does his family. Well today i told him i wanted copyrights or atleast set up visitation so that my son actually get to see him but i don’t know where to go or who to talk to in order to establish this. And advise please help.

July 24, 2012 at 2:00 pm
(82) grandma says:

My 17 year old grandson refuses to visit or talk to his non custodial father. This is hurting my son and me very much. The x-wife and her family are telling the boy that his father is manipulative. The boy and his father got along fine until the divorce was final. Now he will not talk to his father, or visit. If my son asks the younger boy (who visits and talks regularly) to give the phone to his brother, the boy (17yr) hangs up the phone. My son wants communication and visits with the boy, what can or should he do? If he forces it with the courts I am sure it will cause more hostility and are not sure he wants to do this since he really does not know what caused the hostitity to begin with. All the boy will say is that he is mad at his father and does not want to discuss it. The boy has since made sure he does not run into me either and this is extremely sad as I have always been in his life. There is not a day that goes by that tears are not shed. Any advise?

July 24, 2012 at 4:36 pm
(83) Patrick Miller says:

If the mother is giving such a hard time when the children are this young, it can worse…you need to take her to court ASAP and make sure have a good relationship with the children…if you don’t, she may eventually turn the children against you! My ex has been poisoning my child against for ever since we divorced (due to her having an affair with my now ex-bestfriend). Now that my daughter is 12, in the state of TN, she can refuse to visit with me, and there is absolutely nothing I can to do, unless I can prove in court the mother has been negatively influential, which I can’t. I still pay child support, but don’t get my little girl….apparently the only one bound to the court papers is me….moral of he story: unless you want to be heart broken like me, go to court, get it legal, and always always document, record, take pictures etc, any situations that come up!

August 3, 2012 at 9:03 pm
(84) indy dad says:

Hi I am from Indiana and my children she has changed phone numbers moved and eventually changed jobs when I would call her at her job (the only number I had for her) she would never return my call. I found her once last year and the website I found her on had 10 addresses listed within a yr. My girlfriend and I have a 3 bedroom house so there’s plenty of room for her daughter my daughter and my son. I don’t know what I should do or how to go about getting to see my babies if anyone has any advice please let me know. Thanks.

August 5, 2012 at 11:36 am
(85) Single dad says:

My situation is a little different, I am the father and custodial parent of my three boys – two are teens (one over 18) and an 8 year old who is on the autism spectrum. I recently found out that my ex’s apartment is not a legally demised premise.- typical NY illegal apartment ion one family home. I told my ex that I do not want the kids sleeping at her place but I have no problem with her picking up the kids in the AM to spend the day during her visitation weekends – just bring them back by 9- 9:30 to sleep in the LEGAL apartment that I provide. Now she wants to drag me into family court and has been spreading more of her rhetoric that I am denying her access, etc..Would love to hear feedback

August 14, 2012 at 11:48 pm
(86) Mary says:

I’m the custodial parent and the non custodial parent never took the advantage of the visitation never so we’re both married to other people and now all of the sudden he wants to see them which is cool it doesn’t last long at all he doesn’t call for almost two months and now he want to take me to court cuz he says that I’m keeping them from him are you serious he hasn’t called in two months wat an I’m supposed to do stalk him get for real I hope he takes me to court.

August 21, 2012 at 10:08 pm
(87) Tris and Claire's mom says:

To all of you custodial and non-custodial parents on here, please listen closely because I am fixing to give you the most valuable piece of advice you could ever have. RESEARCH! If you have access to a computer, use yellowpages.com and call EVERY attorney in divorce and family and civil law that you can. Attorneys can sometimes give you advice without being hired. Ask EVERY ONE OF THEM for any pro-bono time they may have left if any at all.

August 27, 2012 at 12:57 am
(88) lm says:

What can I do about my exhusband?? My daughter misses school every time she goes to see her dad just because he doesn’t want to bring her home the day he is supost to. Please help he does that really often

August 31, 2012 at 12:56 am
(89) Flacoinohio says:

I am reading comments and have seen both sides of the coin. Many of these comments involve the following situations that I think both parents should pay attention to and keep in mind when dealing with their issues with former spouses and their children.

-Children are being used as a weapon in most of these comments.
-Child visitation is being used to control former spouse, especially in regards to new relationships which may involve same sex partners.
Neither parent should be able to use an intimate relationship as a rational to withhold visitation.
-Substandard NCP housing and living conditions are most likely a direct result of getting a divorce or separation. Unless a NCP is very wealthy or takes on an additional full time job after a split, they are going to be dirt poor for several months, maybe years due to having to start over again. Most NCP’s are required to leave the family residence with little more than their clothing and some divided assets.
-”L” you need to buy a video camera, a tape or digital voice recorder, and some surveillance cameras to put out side your place. Document your incidents and record as much as possible. If you have to, send your recordings and camera footage to your Sherriff or State Police, hell put it on YouTube or send them to your local newstation, they love to share stalker stories with the public.
-NCP’s rarely have adequate if any legal representation during a divorce, it is a fact that most males do not have a lawyer at all during a divorce or separation because they think the divorce will just work it’s self out. Most men learn the hard way.

September 6, 2012 at 10:03 pm
(90) YaYa says:

My son is a father of an 8month old and he is trying to get custody of his daughter from a very unstable ex girlfriend. Tonight after returning the baby from his weekly visit she informed him via text that “he isn’t even her dad”. He is so distraught. What the hell is wrong with these girls these days. He has done nothing but followed all the rules and done everything by the book and all she can do is get in his head and say hurtful things? What kind of person makes a man doubt the paternity of his own daughter?

September 7, 2012 at 4:34 pm
(91) Bob says:

I am the custodial parent of my 5 year old son and there is no visitation or support order. My ex has refused to pay support for the last 3 1/2 years and while she wasn’t fighting me for custody before she said she would if I asked for money. Being a man and knowing there is still bias out there I sucked it up and just made do without any financial support from her. When we originally got divorced we were out of the country while she attended school and cheated and when I said I was taking my son back to the states she barely protested. Over the next 2 years she could have transferred to the US and for her last year choose to do her residency 1600 miles away when she could have done it locally. Now she has graduated and moved back. At first she still lived 120 miles away and immediately met a guy who within a month she told my son she was going to live with. I don’t know what happened but about 5 months ago her plans changed and in the meantime I found out that she had left my son alone with this guy for the entire day once and my son broke down hysterical that he yelled at him the whole time. He also came home from a weekend visit with her one time with a big bruise on his arm. I asked him what happened and he wouldn’t answer but recently he finally admitted his mother pinched him really hard when she was mad at him and wouldn’t let go until he was on his knees. This alone has me weary of how much time she spends with him but last week she moved to the same town we live in and brought a guy she met during her residency with her to live there. Suddenly she wants split visitation and I am weary of even over nights right now. I love my son and I want what’s best for him and I’m torn about what to do. I want him to see his mother and I have let her see him pretty much everyday but over nights scare me right, let alone giving her split custody. I just want to do right by my son and it would help to hear other people’s opinon’s.

September 18, 2012 at 10:23 pm
(92) ana says:

I am the costodial parent my children are teens now there dad has never been apart of their lives 5 yrs ago he ws given visitation rights and never acted
on then until nov. Of 2011since then he has beaten his girlfriend infront of my daughter and pulled a gun on the girlfriend while my children were on a weekend visit with him. My children are scared. For the past 2 months he has not showed up for his visits until he discovered he can cite me,now he coming just to try to put me in jai. I don’t what to do anymore I feel like I’m helpless at protecting my children

November 9, 2012 at 3:31 am
(93) Shelly says:

Here is my delima and I need some advice please!!!!! I had to send my son up to a Ranch in Utah. We reside in Oklahoma. My X (non custodial parent) walked out on my son 7 years ago and said he hated him and never wanted to see him again along with a bunch of other drama during that summer visitation in CA. We have been through so much trying to put pieces back together and it’s just gotten to the point he needed proffesional help so he is working through a program there in Utah. He has made it to level 3 of 4 so he can now have visitors and over night home visits and now all of a sudden Dad has popped up in the picture from CA and wants to pick him up and take him for a couple days and bring him back. My son will be 18 in July and right now is on target to graduate in May but I am so afraid Dad will hurt him again and we will be back down and fall back into the anxiety issues, the depression and all the other things we have been working with Joe on. Is there any laws that can be used that can protect him or that I can say No I dont want Dad in the picture until Joe has completed the program and graduated high school? I pay 3000.00 a month for this school. I do get 500 a month child support on good months. Any advice would be great. I am 26 hours from my son wheres his Dad is only 7 and it scares me.

November 25, 2012 at 8:38 pm
(94) Renee says:

I need some advice myself. I have been divorced from my ex-husband for 14 years now. He has had Primary Custody and we share Joint Legal Custody. He is a master manipulator. I can’t seem to find any help for Mom’s Rights. Their all for Dad’s. My children are 16 & 14 years of age and they currently are living with their father in Texas & Louisiana. My 16 year old lives with his EX-Wife in LA, while my 14 year old lives with my ex in Texas with his 4th wife that he just married a week ago. He never told me he was moving to texas and obviously never told me my daughter would be living with his 3rd ex-wife. I also just found out this 3rd ex-wife took my daughter and got her a tattoo! The law states the parent has to accompany the minor!!! My children were told not to tell me anything, my ex mother in law was the one who finally contacted me. He gets away with everything. We went to mediation about a year ago because I was seeing our son exhibit some aggressive behavior and our daughter was doing a 360 degree turnaround with school & behavior. She ordered the children be put in counseling within 45 days. He never did. I even found a couple of counselors for him to look into. He left his 3rd wife a week after mediation and blamed me for his breakup to the kids. My son won’t talk to me and if I don’t act like a friend to my daughter she won’t talk to me either. I am scared for my kids, but I have spent my savings on lawyers the last 10 years so I have nowhere to go to seek help!!

November 25, 2012 at 10:56 pm
(95) Memo says:

Me and my ex spilt up about two yrs now. And we have three beautiful little girls. But ever since me and my girlfriend now fiancé moved in together she won’t let me see my daughters . She has gone to my job and literally attack me she even made me bleed. She don’t let me see my daughters , I give her money for what ever my daughters need. I go see them but she never let’s me in to see them. She threatens me tells me if I don’t leave my girlfriend and move back in with her she will take them away so I won’t see them again and I don’t want that I love my daughters and I will do anything for them. But I love my girlfriend she’s expecting she’s 4 months and we are getting married I don’t want to leave her. But I don’t want to loose my daughter please help me.

November 29, 2012 at 12:18 am
(96) My best freinds was a evil ex-wife and mother. says:

I’m aware of a mother in Volusia County, fl completely manipulated the system. Everything from alienating her daughter against the father, to denying visitation, even used corrupt cops to literally stage a fake baker act against the father to discredit him. Amazingly it worked in favor of the bad mom, or at least until god or karma or something repays her for her awful behaviour. ( she was amused that her stunt worked! and laughed!)

Sad thing, the daughter is now 23 or 24 year old, been arrested, kicked out of schools, can’t keep a job, takes up with criminals boyfreinds, eats prescribed pills like candy, a couple aborted pregnancies….

The ironic thing about these folks, the father was contacted by a married man’s wife and she informed him, her husband was having an affair with the itty Bitty bad mom. The father righfully telephoned her to ask what was going on regarding the affair and that’s when the bad mom went into action. Lying, cheating, fabricating a scenario to tell her corrupt cop freinds. I no longer consider her a real freinds after watching her not only destroy her now ex-husband and father to her daugher, but literally ruined her daughter.

All the drama was created so she could have an affair with her 70ish year old boss, they eventually split. A decade later she now pursues a drunken used car lot owner to get in his wallet and his boat! If the system worked in Volusia County, they would have baker acted and discredited the mother instead of a real good dad and husband.

As a woman, i’m very ashamed of what some women do,

December 1, 2012 at 7:27 am
(97) Ed says:

I am going through similar situation. Ex-wife and I have joint physical and joint legal custody. She did not want it but I have been the day to day parent and was able to prove this. By the way, being challenged and questioned on everything you do and what your child does is one of the most stressful experiences.

Ex has refused to honor court order, moved to another state. Then you have the ‘Home state vs where the child was moved to. My point is that although it is illegal for an ex-spouse to do these things, you will receive limited help from authorities. Deputy’s, local police, state police; I have talked with them all. None want to get involved unless there is eminent danger. I still fighting so good luck to each of you that has to go through this.

Make sure that you are doing this because you really want to be the one to give the baths, shopping, preparing meals, home work, house cleaning, laundry, school events, neighborhood involvement, etc. Don’t do it just for the feeling of revenge. Children are people, not objects in one’s fight.

January 12, 2013 at 9:59 pm
(98) dadsfriend says:

I am a woman who is friends with a non-custodial parent who has not seen his children in months. This father has made several legal errors but he also has willingly given up a lot of tangibles & intangibles for the children. He & I can only communicate with his children by cellphone but candid conversations & texting are difficult because the cellphone is heavily monitored by the mother. I can never quite ascertain the desires of the children because of this, but I see repeated attempts by the older child to create schemes to see the father. These attempts repeatedly get thwarted by the mother. One of the children has just become of age to have his/ her intentions regarding visitation or maybe even living arrangements in court. I wish to help this child . I would hire a lawyer to represent him/her but i don’t see how I could ever get the two to meet since I have no current access to these children other than the cellphone. Does anyone have any useful advice for me? Does anyone know of any hotline for fathers’ & childrens’ rights?

January 19, 2013 at 8:04 pm
(99) Bill Giamou says:

Only a WOMAN could be such a cold hearted bitch from hell!!!!

January 22, 2013 at 9:44 am
(100) jon says:

Can someone help me???? i have a 6month old son my youngest out of 9 i pay child support for the ones i dont have cust.. of my youngest childs mother wont let me get my child i went to court and filed for vist.. they put the court date out 3months 3days later she went and filed an epo on me and i have not been around her in months or talked to her we went to court and she told her lawer that if i would give her cust then she would drop it but any way i agreed to reasonable vist. that is all it says on the papers and the epo was dropped now she wont let me get my son she says i get him when she says or not at all that i can tell it to the judge in march when i ask about getting him she says can i come to your house i dont want her at my house i dont trust her what should i do??????

February 12, 2013 at 3:41 pm
(101) Dave says:

Jon, I do feel for you… I too find myself in the same situation as you, and the internet is rife with so many situations like ours… When you’re a man, the laws just work different. It’s not “equal” it’s beyond digusting in how unequal the scales are. Yes, a woman can (or anyone) can file for a protection order at any time for any reason. The fact is, the person applying for such needs proof that they require an EPO, they’re not just given on a whim. I had the mother of my child file for an EPO, and like you, I had zero contact with her. Hadn’t drove by her house, knocked on her door, phoned her, nothing. Just simple text messages. And nothing that would show “threat” to her. Roll with it, go to court, file your response on time, the judge will see that nothing “untoward” has occured to warrant the EPO. Hopefully it will be dropped. Yes, I have to say “hopefully” as you’re a man, she’s a woman, and the law, beyond a shadow of a doubt, favors women. I’m being denied access to my child, since birth, and there’s no sign of imporvement. There’s nothing we/I can do as a man to fix that. The courts are biased beyond belief against the man. I used to feel bad for women in divorce, their standard of living drops, they’re often destitute… I don’t feel badly for them anymore. If they went to court and the court decided the outcome… They got what they deserved. End of story.

February 17, 2013 at 11:16 pm
(102) lou says:

My husband and i currently hired an attorney so he could get his rights to his son we ended up with an attorney who charged us about ten thousand dollars and this attorney would not fight for his rights when it came to the final trial . During the last trial this attorney threatened to charge me two thousand more dollars if i did not agree to what the other party wanted so i was forced into agreeing on something i did not want to i did not get any custody rights, i ended up paying more child support than what the form 14 says and i have to drive 40 minutes to pick my son up and i have to drive 40 minutes to take him home. His son is almost 12 years old and my husband and I and our four children have been in his life for 11 years and since this court order i have missed several visitations with him because i cannot afford the gas money to get him and take him home. We don’t know what to do and his sons mom is also denying him some of his weekend visitations too because we cannot afford to drive him all the way back to the place we pick him up and take him home at to take him to his basketball games thats what she is expecting him to do and we have four other children to support and provide for theres no way we can afford all that driving and the court order states that she is suppose to discuss with him before she enrolls him in a sport that is going to interfer with his weekend visits and she never talked to him about it she just put him in and expects him to do all the driving all weekend long on his weekend visits. what do we do????

February 18, 2013 at 3:06 pm
(103) Amos says:

I am a custodial parent, and I just fond out that while my kids where visiting there mother for the summer. She was letting my 12 year old drink alcohol. Would I be Abel to take visitation away?

February 25, 2013 at 11:08 am
(104) patricia emrick says:

In 2013 I would expect something different. when you seperate what most people don’t realize is that you are allowing the government(courts) to raise your children. they will tell you when you can see your child , for how long, how they will live, what church they will go to. People need to wake up and fromthe stories I am reading the courts seemto just keep things spinning. come on they allow alot of this stuff to go on. Seriously do you really thin a non custodial parent who has a median income and pays child suppurt can really afford to have each child their own sleeping quarters, hmmm how many teens go to slumber parties and sleep on the floor. A shower how wonderful people have made do with many “things”. I hate to use the cliche, but all we really need is love. these poor children . Remember we pick our childrens fathers and mothers.

March 22, 2013 at 6:20 pm
(105) Kimberly Stone says:

so what i think i am hearing is the custodial parent can bring the police to the non custodial parents house to demand children be turned over if 1 hour later than visitation order states and further refusal might result in non custodial parent arrest but in the end child is returned???…if situation is reversed that parent can deny visits and phone calls etc and the police will do nothing to enforce order??? wow…it should work the same way whichever side your on…tom line, right is right wrong is wrong only God can judge me or you

March 25, 2013 at 2:27 pm
(106) Tera says:

My daughters father has recently lost his house, quit his job, and has no car. He has visitation every other weekend and we split the holidays. I have always let her go with him when it was his time but now that he has no place to live and is just staying with random friends i dont know what to do. He says he will call the cops if i don’t let her go with him and i obviously dont want to go to jail but i also want my daughter in stable living conditions and not hopping around from place to place. He has recently threatened to murder my boyfriend (who has raised her and loves her like his own) as well as my family members. He is degrading towards me and has no worth in my opinion. I would never in a million years keep her from him unless i thought necessary because she does love him. I’m torn on what to do. I want to do the right thing but i’m terrified for her safety. I love this little girl more than words could explain and would go through war to keep her safe. Any advice would be helpful?

April 12, 2013 at 12:44 am
(107) Father who's been there. says:

No disrespect to “paidmom”, but it is not as simple as showing proof of court documents to local law enforcement & then picking up your kids. Most law enforcement – when it comes to non-custodial parents (dads) – will not get involved. Stating it’s a court matter & should be handled in the courts. Not surprising, if you don’t return said child(ren) to the custodial parents, local law enforcement will be all over you. It’s a total double standard. And it’s something you need to get used to.

Here’s some “helpful advice”. Draw her out in email correspondance. Nag her about denying you visitation. When she admits to it in email, click “extended headers”. This will prove exactly where the email originated from (i.e.: your ex’s home). Write a letter to the judge that handled your divorce/custody arrangement. Tell him you are “formally requesting a motion of contempt” against your ex. Take printouts of the emails w/ extended headers highlighting the sections she admits to denying you custody. This is considered a form of abuse.

Further, consult this link:

http://www.fathers4kids.com/html/VisitationHelp.htm?article_id=926

I hope this helps you & other fathers that are taken advantage of. I’ve been there, I’m still there & I understand.

May 8, 2013 at 3:29 pm
(108) Adrian says:

This situation happens for both custodian and noncustodian parents. It’s not just unfair to the parents who pay child support and get visitation. I am the custodian parent whose had to argue for 4 years for my son’s father to do right and he didn’t. As soon as I say he can’t see him unless he takes me to court, and I take him to court for child support, all of a sudden he wants custody. It took nine months for me to get a final order in child support court. He was ordered to pay a temporary amount and he paid whenever he felt like it. he showed up to court 4 times with no pay stubs or any documentation and got a way with it. I believe he gets away with so much because he’s a cop. He has visitation with our son, and he never has him. He leaves our son with whoever will babysit, when he does have him, he does nothing with him; my son watches tv and plays his DS from Friday to Sunday; he always has a ring worm, a rash, or some type of allergic reaction when he comes back from a visit and the referee/judge does or says nothing about it!!! The court system sucks!! Our children are case numbers to them while we’re the ones living this out in real life!

May 8, 2013 at 3:39 pm
(109) Adrian says:

I think we should start a petition to get some of these laws changed! Every case is not the same so different rules apply to each case. Every child should have both parents in their lives and every parent should love and make sure that child is taken care of correctly at all times!! But not all parents deserve rights just because their DNA match! Those parents that are motivated by revenge toward the other parent and are not dedicated to loving their child and taking care of that child, do not deserve that child!

May 14, 2013 at 11:12 am
(110) Juanita says:

X is currently in South Korea until January 2014. My daughter is residing with her stepmother in CO. I never gave her guardianship of my daughter. I would like to know if I can legally have her come back without being charged kidnapping.

X has not responded to any of my communications. the New wife is corresponding with me, i informed her of that i purchased a flight for my to come live with me because i’m the only legal parent in the US, the step mother stated in an email “i am not putting her on any flight unless the judge says so. She is interfering in my right to visit my daughter. (they live in CO, i live in VA)

i was the physical custodial parent for 13 years, i only gave Mr. X physically custody i thought was temporary. i had financial hardship. I’ve had her for 13 years

May 25, 2013 at 1:37 am
(111) miracle says:

I am a mother of three amazing children and in dec of 2012 my husband beat me and almost killed me and I have a ? he just got out of jail and I have a permanent protective order can anybody tell me if he can take me back to court for visitation the order is for two years on me and my kids

June 11, 2013 at 1:23 am
(112) wizzywomen says:

The “best interest of my son” was nurtured in an alienation accusation in court. This unfounded syndrome was used by the Family Court system in Mecklenburg County, Charlotte, NC.

The Council for Children’s Rights which operates in my area not only believed this accusation, but they also placed me in a VERY defensive stance. I had gone to court because I was trying to protect my son from the abuse he was telling his counselor. Basically my judgment/sanity, was questioned because I believed my child.

Via email, a representative for The Council for Children’s Rights specifically stated that my disability and psychological issues were the primary reason used to determine custody. I am not just someone who has lost custody of my child. I have lost my leg, my confidence, my trust, my independence, and my financial security.

I am now on disability and getting ready to file bankruptcy. The pompous attitude of the Council was unnerving. No one should believe so adamantly that they know what is best for a child that they really don’t know. When we don’t continue to examine our beliefs and philosophies, then we stop growing and our interference becomes ineffective and bias.

June 18, 2013 at 2:43 pm
(113) tina says:

i have a question on behalf of a friend of mine he has two little girls and the mother of his children is insane. There is physical abuse and neglect. He has attempted to get custody and has called the police numerous times on her. But still the state of Ohio will not give him his children. I am afraid for these two babies. i feel like she hurts and torments her children to get under his skin. The court system is so screwed up that its going to take for her to fatally harm one of these children in order for the court to give this man his children after they look at him and ask him why he didn’t take his children from this women. He has a case with CPS and a ton of reports from when he has called the cops. I am on here asking for help today because this women pushed her child down a steep hill today could have killed the two year old if my friend the father would not have been down to hill to catch her. The police were called and they did nothing. What can this man do to save his children besides take them and run like hell out of the state of Ohio.

June 29, 2013 at 6:41 pm
(114) kindle says:

Any advise please. I have beautiful children all from my ex after a long DV relationship towards our kids as well fuled by substance abuse, alcoholism , angression and mental health issues. Severe to the point our kids have childhood anxiety, depression all under the age of 10. I gave my kids to Child services the day after my kids woke to him stragling me after breaking into my home. I couldn’t keep them safe and don’t regret my decisions. Reunification with me was not met due to ongoing abuse by my ex and now Child services has placed them in his care. I have seen my kids once in 8 months as Child services have ignored my attempts to show them evidnce of his manipulatiion and abuse to keep me away from my kids information including hundreds of txt messages like ” kids don’t even call you mum anymore” or worse ” go kill yourself, kids never going to have anything t do with you again anyway.” These are tame. My ex txted me saying child services told him to ignore me and so will they. I have made all the right steps through complaints with Child services as even the case worker remarked ” you had your time, its to late for you and your kids, We don’t want to talk to you anymore goodbye.” Right so this is only a rough rundown. Here is my problem. I have no problem with im having our

June 29, 2013 at 7:25 pm
(115) kindle says:

Any advise please. I have beautiful children all from my ex after a long DV relationship towards our kids as well fuled by substance abuse, alcoholism , angression and mental health issues. Severe to the point our kids have childhood anxiety, depression all under the age of 10. I gave my kids to Child services the day after my kids woke to him stragling me after breaking into my home. I couldn’t keep them safe and don’t regret my decisions. Reunification with me was not met due to ongoing abuse by my ex and now Child services has placed them in his care. I have seen my kids once in 8 months as Child services have ignored my attempts to show them evidnce of his manipulatiion and abuse to keep me away from my kids information including hundreds of txt messages like ” kids don’t even call you mum anymore” or worse ” go kill yourself, kids never going to have anything t do with you again anyway.” These are tame. My ex txted me saying child services told him to ignore me and so will they. I have made all the right steps through complaints with Child services as even the case worker remarked ” you had your time, its to late for you and your kids, We don’t want to talk to you anymore goodbye.” Right so this is only a rough rundown. Here is my problem. I have no problem with him having our kids, they deserve there father and I think he deserves to give them that. He wil always be there dad and I believe they should see him not as an abuser but a father. Problem and dispuit that’s being ignored is my ex has a history of abuse and dependencies. Our kids have mental problems as a result and in the begining of the order refused face to face contact with him because of these issues. They gave him 6 wks which was when the order expired o be ready for our kids to live with him fulltime. I’m argueing the point of not enough time for the righg help he should get to ensure the safety and wellbeing of our kids.

June 29, 2013 at 7:29 pm
(116) kindle says:

Continued…1 councilling session has taken place between him and kids for the emotions and impact of his abuse. When reunification was with me I had to go through several services for no less than 3 months to show i was capable…I just don’t understand. Now the order just expired and his motives are to punish me so he refuses any contact between kids me family and friends i can’t even get his address. We are in the first stage of mediation for a parental plan but he has told me and remember I have all this documented that he is not going to agree to anything and all he wants is for me to take him to court so he can get my past criminal history ( minor,) made available to him to quoted ” show him the truth, and to embarrass me.” Child services are aware of everthing that’s happening have a voice call of my ex asking me while the kids were in his care to pick them up if I new what was good for them, he was intoxicated I was sorry d About our kids safety so I called the police who said as to call Child service to get them to call the police back as ii couldn’t cause I didn’t have there address. Child services updated me and said they only rang my ex no police were involved they asked him if he was ok he said yes and that was that. No help from Child services…still in ongoing battle over dispuits and complaints waiting for an appointment with them still. Mediation that will go no where. Children I cannot contact. What is my next step this is a very confusing situation I think as he has Child servces beside him in court its in my beet interest to NOT take him to court and wait for him too. I don’t know. All I want is to see my kids and to know what services and measures have and will continue to be taken to ensure the safety and wellbeing of my kids with there father. What do I do.

August 19, 2013 at 2:06 am
(117) Notinyourrightmind says:

I am a custodial parent. I don’t get why non-custodials think paying child support gives you any entitlement. Child support and visitation are two separate issues. I don’t believe in the malicious acts of parents who deny the other parent visitation but if you doing something wrong, making impaired decisions, not providing suitable living and sleeping conditions for your children then you must right the wrong. These are your children. So it didn’t work out with the ex. Don’t take it our on the kids or cause strife with the other parent. Learn how to get along. You are missing out on very important years and special moments with your children.

My ex is a selfish and egomaniacal but I still allow him the opportunity to have visitation. He is wage assigned for child support and drags his feet on paying their medical support. He will rack up a bill for thousands of dollars until I take him to court. Since the state took just a few months ago, he won’t be able to play around with paying on time anymore. You have to let law work for you and your children and use the resources available. Many times parents denied or miss visitation because he/she is pissed off about something. Something that affects their ego.

August 19, 2013 at 2:07 am
(118) Notinyourrightmind says:

Continued from my previous post:

My ex has missed out on the past 5 with our 3 children. All because the state took over jurisdiction of our case. Well good because it’s not about me or him-it’s about our children. In the meantime, because he ditched his visitation, our daughter won’t even speak to him anymore. One of my sons doesn’t respect him and the other one feels slightly sorry for him. He is a sociopath and he will get the damaged he has caused. It is definitely his loss and he is a bigger fool but no one can make him be a good father. He has do it himself. I feel my children’s pain when they are disappointed. I continue to be the best I can be by acknowledging their pain, their disappointment. He has proven himself to them and it has nothing to do with me. My concern is that my children grow up knowing they are loved and I’m looking out for them. I know he will disappoint them again. He never fails to do that.

August 19, 2013 at 2:31 am
(119) Trustyourself says:

Dear “miracle”,

I’m sorry to hear about your situation. There is a lot you can do to protect yourself and your children especially since your husband was put in jail for DV/assault. If you are still married then you to the rat then you have a lot more leeway on where you go with your children. Contact a women’s shelter and they can help. I did it on my own to get away from my husband. Yes, I know your situation personally. I had to leave my hometown and move to another state. While in jail, I served my husband divorce papers. He begged me not to leave him bc he “changed”. Yeah, right a-hole. He was serving a 6 month sentence for DV. It was the best 6 months for me but not long enough. I knew I had to get out of my house before he got out of jail. I was tired of running my name through the courts with orders of protection. I believe in them but I know they don’t always work in protecting you if the offender doesn’t abide by them. I knew an OP wasn’t going to be enough after he got out so I decided to move away. I rented out my house which I solely owned and got out. I knew eventually he as going to kill me. A lawyer told me that It was better for me to file in my new state because if I filed in my previous state then I would held to a temporary injunction which prevented me from leaving the state with our child, etc. Also, because we are still married it is not considered kidnapping for me to take our child out of the area. As you may have guessed my husband reneged on signing the divorced papers. Like all narcissitic psychopaths they blame games with people. I was upset but not surprised.

August 19, 2013 at 2:34 am
(120) Trustyourself says:

Con’t from my previous posting-

I decided to pursue plan B which was to file for divorce in my new state. I have to wait 6 months to establish residency for my type of case (with children). The way the family court is here he won’t be able to play games like he did before, He will get served and then have to file an answer with the court here within a specific time if he disagrees.He’ll then have to come to my state which I knew he couldn’t do because he can’t afford and no one is going to help him pay for a trip here. I wanted an uncontested divorce to just be done with him plus it costs less but I’m fully prepared to use his criminal record and psychiatric history against him if necessary. I feel safe because I’m thousands of miles away from the lunatic and his family but legally I want to be completed dissolved of him. My advise it to research victim’s rights, check with your state of the privacy of your address especially if you move. There are about 30 states that have programs for victims of DV or stalking to protect their address.Good luck

August 19, 2013 at 3:11 am
(121) Believeinyourself says:

Dear “amy”,

I’m so sorry to hear about the assault against you. it sounds to me that you are doing the absolute right thing by keeping your ex away from your kids. He sounds like a horrible person and a menace to society. Your daughter needs help. Intensive mental therapy. There is hope. She is young and full of anger. I certain she is angry at the situation and acting out. Don’t give up just keep loving her. She will eventually open her eyes and see the truth. She is desperate to be loved and accepted by her father. She doesn’t see him for what he is, only want she wants him to be.. I have a 14 year old who has been in similar situation so I understand your dilemma. The safety and peace of mind for your family is non-negotiable. My daughter found her way into a mental hospital when she self-mutilating-cutting her hair bizarrely, putting her eyebrows out and angry about a lot of things that were beyond my control. It has a LOT to do with her father. She felt abandon by him. She was hurting inside. Lashing out at me and anyone in her path. She was nice to her friends but horrible to her family. I refused to allow it and for her to allow her waste of flesh father poison her and our father. I has been over a year. She is much better and sees him for who he really is. She won’t speak to him anyone. She still goes to counseling to help with the issues but she has come a long way. I wish the first for both of you.

August 19, 2013 at 3:22 am
(122) Believeinyourself says:

Dear “John”,

How is this nutjob boyfriend not behind bars for the rest of his life for rape of a minor and reckless endangerment. He is a pedephile. If he stated in the disposition he had sex with your (or any child) then he should’ve been immediately locked up. What kind of creature is his mother to engage in sex with her son in the same bed or allow her son to be violated? They must think because he’s autistic he doesn’t know what’s going on. Well, that’s a lie and they are idiots. Their crude and illegal behavior is what traumatized him at a young age resulting in his selective mutism. . NO, NO, NO, This is assine and completely wrong.. Get someone’s attention. Request access to his testimony and consult with a lawyer. This man is a menace to society. I’m so sorry to hear about your son and what that idiot boyfriend is putting him through but he must pay for his crimes. Do what you have to do to get your son way from this snake. He has no claim to your son. Mother appears to be very unfit to parent and make appropriate decisions. I hope you find recourse.

August 19, 2013 at 3:37 am
(123) Believeinyourself says:

Dear “NY mom”,

I totally agree with your decision to stop visitation with your ex. It’s not necessarily about the fact that he is gay and has his lover over. It’s totally inappropriate for them to be share a bed and the children in the bed so two very wrong actions there. Whether it’s legal or not to be gay is irrelevant. It’s about family values. You are the custodial parent and you have the right to decision what your children should be exposed to. Based on what you have shared your ex has visitation rights so he is limited. If you feel that the children are being exposed to harmful behavior then you have the right to assert that opinion. Your children weren’t born and raised in a gay household either. They probably are very confused by his actions. If sounds like he is just acting out and being very immature. Neverthless, if he wants to reestablish visitation then let him do so and pay the bill. Revamp your parenting plan to specify no overnight visits with paramour or those of the same or opposite sex and that children have their own beds. Legal gay marriage in NY has nothing to do with how you want your children to be raised. That is your ex’s choice not yours. When you first get a divorce its the standard jargon. It’s only when the other party starts “acting out” that you have to litigate this issues. I woudn’t budge if I were you. Let him pursue his own visitation privileges at his own expense. If mediation is part of your PP then you mediate your conditions. Be firm and do what you feel is best and healthy for your children.

August 19, 2013 at 3:44 am
(124) Liz says:

Don’t let any misjudge your kindness as a weakness. Be firm but not boorish. Assert yourself constructively. Our children see how we behave and they think this is how mothers and fathers treat each other. Don’t take your ruining relationship out on your kids. It’s foolish and makes you look bad. Pay your. bills. The children do come first. Don’t complain about paying child support or medical bills and don’t just do the bare minimum. Get them whatever they need but just the what it takes to keep yourself out of jail. It’s what it takes to mothers and fathers to take care of their children. Don’t withhold what the children need. One day they will look back and see all that you have done and what wasn’t done. They may not realize it now but they will one day. Above all it’s about love and showing them that you do love them.

August 25, 2013 at 11:36 pm
(125) Nette says:

I just hate reading these comments. The bigger picture are the children. Its so said that parents are being forced out of their children’s lives as payback. My brother has 3 boys with his children mother (2 of them he’s the custodial parent and the other 1 he is the non-custodial parent). Even though they were back and forth between the children, they are now working together for all 3 kids sake and its great. However, he was married and had a baby with someone else, he asked for a separation and tried his hardest to work out a verbal schedule for the baby, which she actually followed for 3 weeks. But she began to act jealous of his relationship with his children’s mother, then saw that there will be no reconciliation with their marriage and now refuses to let him see the baby unless she’s around to supervise. Keep in mind, my brother has been proving to be a fit parent, he already has custody of his children and there has never been any issues or complaints about his ability to parent his children. There is no reason for her to force him to monitored visitations plus this doesn’t allow the baby and brothers a chance to bond. In the end, he’s filed paperwork so that he can have his baby without the interference of his soon to be ex wife. I’m praying that the judge sees and acknowledge that my brother has done everything to promote a healthy relationship between both parents but I’m afraid he may get the short end because she’s the mom and my nephew is still an infant, even though she interferes with his ability to co parent and bond with the baby. This is just so said that children are being used like this. Everyone just need to grow up!

October 3, 2013 at 1:55 am
(126) Diana says:

Our son is the custodial parent of his 11 year old son. He has had full custody since his son was 3 years old. They were never married. The Mom has had battles and struggles with alcohol and drug addiction. She is currently staying in a sober house with 2 other recovering addicts. This is not her first round with trying to get sober. She wants her normal visitation with her son, while she is staying in this sober house. The court documents that she is to get him every other week-end from Thursday thru Sunday and also every Tuesday. Since she moved out of town, she does not have transportation to get him except for Friday thru Sunday. She was staying with family but, for a reason unknown to us, she is no longer staying with them. My grandson says that he does not want to stay there because he doesn’t know these other ladies and he would have to sleep on a couch because they do not have provision for over night visitation. Does he have the right to refuse a week-end visitation which requires his son to stay in a sober house during his Mom’s recovery? Does he need to contact a lawyer for modification? This is tearing up our grandson because he wants to see his Mom but doesn’t want to stay in a strange environment with people he does not know? Tonight he had a total melt down because of all the broken promises she has made to him over the past few years.Her temporary has now lasted 8 years. I try to reassure him that his Mom loves him but she is just having a hard time getting back on her feet. He said he is sick of all her lies. I know that he is just hurting and that he really does love his Mom. We’ve all tried reasoning with her and suggesting that she spend time with him in a different atmosphere but she doesn’t think there is anything wrong with him staying with her while she is a resident of this sober house. Are we all over reacting or should we be concerned? Any advise would be appreciated…Respectfully, A concerned Grandma

December 6, 2013 at 9:41 am
(127) steve says:

my question is my wife gave my 3 yr old someone’s elses prescription medincine and i am trying to fight for the son in a way to protect him from any unnessesary harm..i believe the mother can be held accountable for her actions in diverting this medincine to our 3 yr old..please contact me with your thoughts..thxs steve

January 8, 2014 at 2:33 pm
(128) despretemom says:

Back 2 years ago I was going thru a tuff time in my life and cap got involved. I was then given the option between going to six month inpatient treatment which ment dropping out of college or signing temporary custody to my father and his wife. Trusting the conversation with my father where he told me when I get some things in order and off probation and he know I am doing well he would sign custody back over to me. Meanwhile during me getting my life in order my father passes unexpectedly. Now my step mother is filled for papers to terminate my parental rights and refuses to let me see them I have seen them twice in 6 mths. I called everyday, no answer and won’t return my call. I do not have money for attorney to file visitation papers. MY HEART IS EMPTY WITHOUT MY CHILDREN AND I FEEL HELPLESS. WHAT CAN I DO????? IS THERE ANY ASSISTANCE IN NORTH CAROLINA TO HELP WITH THIS FOR FREE?????

January 11, 2014 at 9:58 am
(129) jj johnson says:

I am a single father whom has sole legal and physical custody of our 11 year old daughter. My ex-wife has no visitation rights or contact due to mental illness ( paranoia personality disorder). During the past year I did allow contact only to try to get her to get mental help in which I paid for those services out of my pocket but she refuses to go back and denies any illness and blames everyone else including psychiatrist, courts and guardian. She recently found a lawyer to take her case and filed a motion for a new trial saying her attorney did not represent her properly because he too wrote her a letter telling her that her best option is to get help. The divorce was finalized a year ago do you feel she would have a chance at this even due to the fact the court ordered mental health proffesionals are testifying voluntarily?

February 17, 2014 at 3:23 am
(130) Mike says:

my ex wife is taking me to court for custody modification and she recently got pulled over with cocainemy ex wife is taking me to court for custody modification and she recently got pulled over with cocaine

February 17, 2014 at 4:11 am
(131) rhome mom of 2 says:

I am a un wed mom of two,kids dad walked out on us with eviction notice, no help from him what so ever… I was a stay at home mom up to that point, we both agreed that it would be better for kids that i raise and care for them. Now he is holding that against me and doesn’t think its hard for stay at home moms to find work. I have been actively looking and interviewing with several companies. i have not kept kids from him what so ever and because i don’t trust him now because of how he did his kids he is telling me that i have to do what he wants or he will take me to court. By law i have the rright to deny him since we were never married , but i haven’t. The only reason he is bring nasty is cause new girlfriend whom also played part in hurting kids as well so i requested she not be allowed to be with him during visitation since he neglected his kids for 7yrs needs to start giving them his full attention, and also the kids are going through so much right now to bring someone else whom may not even be around in a few months and wants to control how and when he sees his own kids. Am i wrong to think she shouldn’t have any say about how handle anything to do with our kids? How do i handle this in a polite manner, he is missing the point that

he was the one who hurt them and continues to do so because girlfriend can getget her way .

May 15, 2014 at 6:08 am
(132) IndianaDad says:

I am not really expecting an answer and if so it will probably be scathing from moms but will post anyway. I live in Indiana and went through a divorce 8 years ago . My ex made sure I got NO visitations even though there was no reason for it (at the time she claimed abuse <proven false> and emotional trauma <more to me than to her>. I ended up not having a lawyer because before her mother went and hired one she had gone to query legal aid . So when I went to them they turned me away . I ended up having to leave the state 1 yr later to move to Washington and settle my father’s estate after his death . I looked for my children all the time but from the day she left the children were hidden from me . Now I know what city they are in … I have moved back to the state but live 2 hours north of them and I do not drive because of Migraine Headaches(diagnosed seizure disorder). I have read the state law and it says that hving BOTH parents involved is ALWAYS to the best interests of the children . Is there a snowballs chance in hades a judge would modify now that my daughter is almost 14 and my son almost 10

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