Many single moms and dads struggle with this issue because they know their kids are comforted by the closeness and security of sleeping together; and yet they may find that they don't sleep so well, themselves, alongside squirmy, kicking youngsters.
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Help! Iam a single mother of 2 children my daughter is almost 3 and my son is 10 months. My son is having problems sleeping through the night he wakes up frequently and will just continue to cry untill i come and get him if i leave him crying he wakes up my daughter. so i put him in the playpen in my room but I dont want him to think he can sleep in my room everynight. I dont know what to do, we just moved from a 2 bedroom where he slept in my room now we have a 3 bedroom and he finally has his own room but wont sleep in it I dont know if hes just so used to sleeping in a room with me but now he has his own room if you have any suggestions to help that would be great.
When I tried to change my daughter over into her own bed I gave her a special “lovy” – a soft stuffed doll I had owned when I was a girl – and a pair of my PJ’s that I had already worn for several days. No washing because that way they carry the very best, most comforting scent of you at bed time. When I would peek in on her, she’d have the doll in one hand, and my PJ’s in the other. Every few days, I’d switch out the PJ’s for whatever I had been wearing. She was fine the first night and after a few months, the lovy was enough.
Jessica,
Most likely, your son is responding to being in a new location. Does he have a special “lovey” he sleeps with? As Debbie explained, sleeping with a special doll or something that smells like “Mom” can help. Also, try putting him in his crib drowsy but awake. That way he’ll know where he is when he awakens periodically during the night. Be patient and comforting, and this will get better with time. We tend to forget, too, that learning to sleep alone is quite an accomplishment for our kids! With time, he’ll get there, and you’ll both feel really good about it, too!
Best,
Jen
With both of my boys, I would wrap (swaddle)them in the shirt that I was wearing when I put them down. We started putting them in their own beds when they were around 2-3 months old.
We are foster and soon to be adoptive parents of a two year old who has been through alot. She will not go to sleep without me lying in bed with her. I gave in not wanting to impose more trauma on this poor child, but I cannot continue to sleep in her twin bed since she is such a wild sleeper and has night terrors. Will I cause more damage by forcing her to sleep in her bed by herself? Any advice?
HELP!!! I have a boyfriend of 6 months. We are unable to sleep in the same bed at night because his 3 and 7yr old daughters sleep in bed with him every night. Am I wrong to get mad at him because he does not try to make then sleep in thier own bed at night.
Diann,
How are things going? I think that as long as you are intentional about reassuring her and giving her lots of love and attention during the day, then having her sleep alone won’t be “damaging.” When my son was about 18 months old, he started throwing up whenever I’d leave him in his crib. It was a nightmare, but eventually I just started staying in the hallway at night–sitting on the floor, reading a book, etc.–so that he could see me. After a bit, he’d fall asleep, and eventually I was able to put him to bed without him needing that extra sit-in-the-hall step. Good luck, and keep us posted when you can. Bedtimes aren’t easy, but it does get better.
~Jen
I hear your frustration! It seems to me that it’s an issue that your boyfriend really needs to handle directly, though. Is he interested in having them sleep on their own, or is it something that he’s not really all that concerned about? My sense is that making it a hot-button issue between you isn’t going to turn out in your favor. I’d recommend that, some time when the two of your are alone, you let him know how you feel about it–but also give him the time and space to deal with it. That might even mean not sleeping over until he’s resolved the sleeping arrangement issue with the girls, so that they don’t associate his new “rules” with you. Good luck, and keep us posted!
~Jen
He does want them to sleep in their own bed but he is so worried that “they wont love him anymore” His older daughter runs his life. If she doent want to do something he has planned it doesnt happen cuz he doesnt want to upset her. She calls him names like idiot and dummy she also tells him no when he wants her to do something. If they dont want whats for dinner he gets up from the table and makes them something else. How can I explain it nicely that this is damaging to them. I have told him that he is going to have major behavior issues when the reach their teenage years unless he gets a handle on it now.
Tabitha I feel your pain. My boyfriend of six months has a 2 1/2 yr old son who sleeps with him as well. Oh situation is a little differant because my boyfriend works 7 days on and 7 days off. He gets his son the whole 7 days that he is off work. I have tried to explain to my boyfriend that him sleeping with his son is putting a strain on our relationship because we dont get anytime alone. The situation right now is that I sleep in the spare room and my boyfriend puts his son to sleep and “IF” he dont fall alseep he will come to bed with me, but to be honest that isnt very often at all. And most of the time his son wakes up in the middle of the night and my boyfriend goes back to bed with his son. My boyfriend and I have been talking about marrage and he doesnt understand why I will not agree to it until his son is in his own bed, I dont think its healthy to get married when we cant even sleep in the same bed. He thinks that if he waits till his son is “old” enough to understand that it will be easier, I think that its just gonna get harder.. I try not to get mad over the situation but I cant help it, what do we do?
we have 2 boys 7 and 6 whom share a room and bed they were in separate beds for a few years till we moved and now bought bunks and they wont sleep on top and want to sleep together in the double bed on bottom we send them to bed at 7.30pm and don’t fall to sleep until 9pm they muck around wrestle scream out and disrupt the other kids sleeping who are 3 and 1.what can we do please
My son slept on his own as a baby, but his dad moved out when he was two. He would whine, “Mommy, I want to sleep in your bed,” and I would feel sorry for him and let him snuggle with me. He’s almost six now and at night, we go to his room, I read him books and then rub his back. If I don’t fall asleep, I get up and go to my bed… and he wakes up and yells for me.
I’ve not dated since my divorce, but I am ready in all other ways except this. I know this would hinder a romantic relationship and it would be unfair to a significant other.
How do I shorten the bedtime routine and get out of there without compromising my son’s desire for closeness and comfort?
Niki, would that all were as considerate as you.
I’m dating a single dad, 50/50 custody. He is very close to his 7-year-old daughter, and often lets her (and his 5-year-old son) sleep in his bed. I believe this goes on more because he relies on his children for emotional support than their bad dreams, etc. I’m very concerned about the implications this may have on our future together. What happens when/if we marry? I don’t want to be kicked in the back by his children all night– which I know they do from our camping trips– but don’t want to be the wicked stepmother who puts an end to the snuggling either. Single parents- I really don’t think it’s fair to place your significant other in that position. I suggest not entering a relationship until (or unless) you and your children have emotionally moved past the divorce enough to sleep in separate beds.
i need help with my 3 year old. both kids bunk beds are in my living room, in a one bedroom trailer. the 4 year old is semi-good. But the 3 year old will put himself into a panic attack if i put him in his bed (bottom)
(note: the beds are gated in… they cant fall or get out without mom and dad)
so he sleeps with me on the couch in the livin room.. i would liketo eventually ge back in my bed with my fiance… but..
if i do get him to sleep and put him in is bed, at say 9, he is awake and panicky again no late than 2 am.. so i get him out… someone please help.. blanket and lovey dont