Not part of the family
- My father was a piece of filth. He didn't become physically abusive until after the wedding. He stole thousands of dollars from us, kicked us out of our house, avoided paying child support for ten years, never once called or visited for my or my brother's birthdays or Christmases, didn't bother with my brother when he was diagnosed with depression, ripped off his own parents, tried to take us off our mother while she was in the hospital out of spite, denied that I have a disability, and lied to his family for years about us to the point where my uncle said he doesn't consider us part of the family anymore. The most astonishing thing is that so many people have said to my mother, "Its your fault because you had kids with him." Oh, so its always the woman's fault and the man is blameless? Maybe he shouldn't have whipped it out in the first place!
- —Guest GueatHeather
Custodial Parent of Twins
- I am a single professional with 18-month-old twins. Most people say, "Wow, I thought you were married," and most of the time they tell me they, "Don't know how I handle twins." I will tell you. It is through the grace of God. Their father helps financially a little and physically helps barely, but he thinks he does a heck of a lot. I learned very quickly that "God provides all our needs according to his riches and glory." Everyday my outlook is improving. Being a single parent is not the end of the world. I love my children and would not change my decision to leave their dad due to verbal abuse. My babies are happy and live in a peaceful household.
- —Guest Single Mom of Twins
Single Dad at Age 17 of Two Boys
- I became a father at the age of 15, and then at the age of 17 had my second child. Everything seemed to be prefect, but being young teenage parents always seems more difficult for the mom. She started to go out clubbing at a very young age and got involved with gangs. Finally it came to the point where she had 1 of the boys and I had 1. Right before, she left me and my oldest son, she became pregnant, and we both knew. During her whole pregnancy she was dating other men, and continuing to go out clubbing, etc.. It came to the point where she was 8 months pregnant and she wanted to get back with me. I accepted her and was there for her when she gave birth. At one point I believed her when she told me she loved me and we would be a family. When my daughter turned 3 months, she moved out with my daughter and left me and my two boys. I became a single father at the age of 17 over night, clueless of what to expect. Now at age 20, I have custody of my boys, and I'm fighting for my lil girl. I believe in God and have faith that God will guide me.
- —Guest DAD15195
It All Comes Full Circle
- Many years ago, when my 22-year-old daughter was a toddler, her father told me that he "didn't ever worry about his daughter at all because I was such a good mom." He always knew I would take such good care of her. What an insult. I sure could use a hand when we were sick and needed some help. My pain has since diminished because all these years later, he has custody of our granddaughter. He and his wife are wonderful to her and I can see her whenever I want. I could have never seen that coming. How have our lives come full circle?? Now he asks me to watch our granddaughter!
- —Guest old mom
Stop Lying!
- Before my father passed, he and my mother took me and my brothers to family court. They were in the process of getting divorced and my mom said that he owed child support. She also tried to make me and my two brothers lie to the judge about how he was treating us. She told us to say that he beat her, that he used drugs, and that he would always put himself before the family. All of that may have been true in the past (before my brothers and I were born), but from my remembrance, he did EVERYTHING for us: food, clothes, family trips and weekly visits to the toy store! If he owed child support, then ok. But don't dare lie about the way he's "mistreated" you just because you're still mad and bitter that he doesn't want you.
- —Guest allison
Deadbeat Mom--Yes, They Exist!
- I got sole custody of my son a little over a year ago, after years of custody battles with his mother over her constant drug abuse. The family court system kept putting him back with her, only to be neglected time and time again. She hasn't tried to contact him in over two years. No calls on birthdays or holidays, nor does she pay the court ordered child support. I get funny looks when I tell people he is better off without her. They think just because she is a mom she is entitled to see her son. I agree in some cases, but not when she chose drugs over her wonderful son. I pray she gets it together, and that people stop judging me for doing what any good father would do...protecting his child, no matter what.
- —Guest diddy42
Tired of People's Rude Questions
- I am not poor. I've never received welfare or any form of government assistance. I am currently completing my courses for my master’s degree for behavioral sciences. I am 28 and hate when I get the, “You look so young,” and “Don’t you think being in school takes away from your son?” routine. What? Seriously? I am teaching my son to strive for better. I am showing him what it takes, and guess what? I am always smiling, because I am happy. Now I can provide for him. I am able to stand on my own two feet. I do not have to beg or ask anyone for anything. My child attends private school and private skating lessons. So the looks I get when I walk into a room with my child and the, "Oh, he's yours. How can you afford all of this ice skating lessons and his clothes and the house?" I worked for mine just like you! I may only be one person, but I manage. I am not poor. The looks I get because I am black and not on welfare amaze me every day. People are judgmental and plain out rude.
- —Guest single.mom
More Hurtful Words
- I'm a 22 year old father with a 1-and-a-half-year-old son. I left his mother when he was about 10 months old. It was an unhappy relationship. I didn't ask for much, just to be able to relax after work with out getting yelled at, and not regularly being accused of cheating. (I didn't ONCE!) I did all kinds of things for her and got nothing in return. Almost everyone I meet says, "Oh, you've got a kid. How old?" And of course (since I'm single), "Do you ever see him?" or "Are you in his life?" These judgmental questions piss me off! And as a matter of fact I have him every weekend, from Friday after work , until Sundays at around 7 pm. (My parents usually let me bring him over to their house for a night so I can still have a life!) Everyone asks, "Do you pay child support?" (as if it's any of their business), but no, I don't. I drop off everything he needs, whenever his mother texts me and asks for it (we are still on somewhat friendly terms) and I drive them anywhere. She did not file for or ask for child support!!
- —Guest AKAM.ONER
My Mom Took My Child!
- I am a mom at 17. My little girl is only four months old. My mom decides to step in like she is her mother, so arguments come often, which caused me to move in with my dad. While I was there she called the Department of Social Services on me, saying that I was running the roads when I wasn't. I stayed at my dad's the entire time looking for work. My case worker believes everything my mother says and won't listen to me. I now live with my sister and visit my child every weekend. It hurts to know that your own mother would degrade you and manipulate you so low that you feel like there is no hope. I'm going to get her back, it just seems like everything and everyone is standing in my way.
- —Guest audrey
Single Mother is Still Struggling
- I am a mother of three children, ages 12, 11 and 7. The crazy part is that their dad is not a deadbeat. He takes care of them more now than he did when they were babies. I've always worked and have always been independent. I still am, but things have gotten a little rough these last few years. Since I had my daughter back in 2003, I have been in and out of work. My kids' dad and I broke up 6 years ago, and he got with this new girl and has tried to make me look like the bad mom. He would tell the kids that I can't support them and I am unfit, and he even munipulated the kids into thinking that. He's also buying them everything that they want. I am in school full time and haven't found a real decent job. My kids' dad doesnt pay me child support because we have shared parenting. He says he doesn't need to pay me child support. I am not an unfit mother! I have been taking care of all three kids without his financial help, and I was working a good job. It hurts now not having money to buy my kids stuff.
- —Guest melissa and her three
I Know What it is Like
- I am a non-custodial mother who pays child support and has had to follow a visitation schedule for the last four years, which his father has full control over, not because I am a unfit mother but becuase I allowed my son to live with his father when he was 4 years old. At the time I was a struggling single mother who couldn't give him the things his father could, and I was tired of competing with his dad. I didn't relize at the time what a huge mistake I made, because I am labeled an unfit mother who abandoned her child, and have to always defend myself to my son's teachers, doctors, etc., because his dad likes to give his own version of why our son lives with him. I also have to carry my amended parenting plan daily, which states that we have joint physical and legal custody of our son. YES, I AM A PART OF MY CHILD'S LIFE!!! So I know exactly what good, loving, and supporting fathers have to go through, to have a relationship with their child when their ex-spouse makes it extremely hard to co-parent.
- —momlittle
His Family Believes His Lies
- My boyfriend and I were supposedly "in love" when I found out I was three weeks pregnant. We had discussed what would happen if this came up. We agreed we loved eachother would keep our baby and make the best of it. I got a positive pregnancy test and he promptly left me without so much as an in-person breakup. His grandmother sends a gift to my baby shower because I am close to his mother and sister. I call his grandmother to say thank you and she tells me, "I'm just waiting to see if it's his, considering he told me he thinks you've cheated on him." I loved him deeply and still have a hard time being without him. Most people in his family believe his lies which makes it okay for him to not speak to me in three months. I'm due in one week, and he has not returned my calls in three months.
- —Guest Rachel
Hurtful Words From My Toxic Family
- I'm a single mom of 18-month old doll. My son is happy, laughs, smiles, and loves his mommy! And we are together 24-7 until CS comes through and helps with "carefully sought out daycare." So many hurtful assumptions were made by my own family members, who are clueless! My son and I were playing in front yard where I rent. My sister rents on second floor. Anyway, she comes outside and looks at my son and I laughing and playing and says, "I feel bad for you, Brandon!" I was in disbelief. I could not even comment. Another was because i joined a gym. Because there is daycare in the gym, I am "selfish" and "neglected him!" Yes, this was from the same sister, and it was a free trial membership. Neglect! How degrading and careless to use of such a strong word. One hour a day while I workout is "neglect." Yes, I think im still shocked . I keep staying strong for my son, and I will not be broken by my toxic family. They have thier own issues, yet deep down it hurts and feels very lonely.
- —Guest skylair
So What?!!
- I work. I, too, never never got any help from any one (sorry to the few). The point is that I got no government help. In fact, I was penalized for working because my income is such that I don't qualify. The unemployed are making more than me. I recall a certain person trying to help me thinking I'm too stupid to get the apropriate paperwork in line for help, despite time issues with the job and all. And all she could do was agree that the system is prejuduce, give me a McDonalds gift card, and send me on my way. The sad part is that a few months later the gift card was needed. But I consider myself one of the lucky ones. I have a job, and I can still get an advance or payroll loan in an emergency. Family help would be better, but it is what it is.
- —Guest shawn
Rich Husband, Poor Wife
- After adopting two children and then having two of my own, the ex found a woman who thought I am as evil as he did--thereby verifying the fact I deserved no support for our four children. He made $500,000 getting home loans for people, and he never paid a dime toward his back support. When dad leaves, mom has to leave also to find money to support the kids. I wonder how many children go hungry just because of dad's greed, just like mine did.
- —Guest Jeannie
