From the article: Mother's Day Celebrations for Single Moms
What challenges do you face as a custodial single mom? Whether your ex takes the kids for regular visits, or you're completely on your own, let us know what your biggest challenges are, and how you handle them. You never know, your words might just be the encouragement another single mom needed to hear! Share Your Insight
Single Parenting Challenges
- I've been on my own for 17 months with a one-year-old and a two-year-old. No support, no visits. I have four things to say: 1. Allow yourself to grieve and adjust. Don't be ashamed that you miss your old life, or even your ex sometimes. It gets better. Talk to someone who focuses on the POSITIVE. 2. Single parenting has daily challenges that everyone hears about, but only single parents understand. Join a support group. Or MOPS. No car? Carpool. No sitter? Bring a coloring book. GO. 3. But don't join a gym & a support group & the PTA & a committee at work & try to date. You will want to escape, but you have to say no to everything & everyone else & yes to your kids. Realizing how hard it is to be a single parent is one thing, ACCEPTING it will save you. Coffee date? "No, I have to put a puzzle together." Walk to the park? "Nope, reading Cinderella today." Your kids really need you. Loneliness comes with the territory, but are not alone: your kids are with you. 4. Accept that it will never be what you thought. Let things go.
- —Guest LS
Balance
- The biggest challenge is how to balance responsibilities. In addition to responsibilities, a single parent must try to balance time. In addition to time, a single parent must try to balance finances. In addition to finances, a single parent must try to balance an act. The act is wearing a smile that easily and so often transforms to a frown. I had absolutely no idea that I would end up like this after divorcing a drug addict. I had no idea that this would be the single most difficult job I have ever held. I had no idea that God would keep his word and sustain me mentally, financially, emotionally and spiritually. I thank him, but I am very cognizant that it takes two. "Two are better than one."
- —Guest Michelle
Single Parenting is Hard But Worth It
- I am not knocking the male role model if he is accessible, but sometimes they do more bad then good and it is better off without them. Remember we have our kids here to have the stress and some times I think we lose sight of that. I pray a lot and God is good to me. Sometimes it takes a community to raise a child and maybe if you are having a lot of stress with time you should look into what kind of free programs might be available to help you or sign up for single parenting groups where you can all lean on each other like this forum. I also heard of a book called "Singled Out" by Bella Depaulo and though I haven't read it I like her statistics that she has researched on single parents and how they overcome obstacles. Good luck, ladies, and let's try to make a movement to show the strength that we have in us and how our children are the next presidents and Kevin Durants.
- —ShannaHunter
Single Mom of 4 Kids
- I am a single mom of four kids. Yes, they all have the same dad. He is a lawyer, and nobody is making him pay child support. Maybe that is a blessing. Otherwise I wouldn't get Medicaid for the kids. He has not seen them since he left 9 years ago when the twins were 8 days old. I am lucky. My mom took us in. It is nearly impossible to work since my back surgery with 14 vertebrae fused, but I can't get disability. My mom helps some, but she hates me and the children and is very mean. My brother hates me for "taking advantage of my mom." My dad hates me because I am a Christian and he is an atheist. My husband isolated me during our 12-year marriage, and I have no friends (and I am to overwhelmed to make new ones). I just feel like I am a total failure and can't figure a way out of this.
- —Guest Julia7.
Alone
- I've been raising three children, ages 12, 7 & 5, for three years. Their father has them every other weekend and Wed. nights. Help or no help--I am so overwhelmed. My demanding job leaves me drained, We still have to struggle financially, and my house is a mess. My entire family is 1,200 miles away, and I am trapped by divorce laws to stay within 50 miles. My house is a mess, and my weekends without the kids are spent recuperating, trying to socialize, or just feeling depressed and lost without my kids. I often stay positive, but this life is difficult--to say the least. God is the only reason I haven't lost my mind completely.
- —Guest Alicia
From a Grandmother
- It is time to celebrate the strength of single mothers who so often struggle against the odds for the sake of their children. These are the parents who refused to walk away. Let's stop punishing them for being the ones who accept their responsibilities to the best of their abilities. They are heroes! It is in the country's best interests to invest in families and children. Given a chance, some children of single parents are rather successful in life (i.e., President Obama). Sometimes it helps to learn the facts, such as the fact that the former AFDC used a mere 6% of the federal budget at its highest (in the 1970s), and that a full 80% of recipients voluntarily quit welfare for work by the time their children started school. What we spent on welfare was a fraction of what we spend on handouts to corporations. Isn't it time to change our priorities, protecting families and enabling people to become as productive as they can be?
- —Guest DHFabian
Daddy?
- My daughter calls strange men Daddy! Well, not just strangers, but my friends, as well. It makes for a very awkward visit!
- —Guest Dixie123
Single Parent Challenges
- My biggest challenge as a single parent is dealing with the child's father, who can't seem to make up his mind about whether he wants to be in his son's life or not. He just recently sent me an ugly letter stating how much he didn't love the kid, and for me not to contact him. But then two months later, he sends me a message saying that he really wants to give his son Christmas presents... I am like, dude, make up your mind!
- —Guest missdoitall
Single Moms
- I am a single mom of 2 kids, and I find it challenging now more then ever because I cannot get food stamps or qualify for any aid because of something illegal my soon-to-be-ex-husband did to me. He made it possible that I cannot work or go back to school. So how do I feed myself and 2 kids and support us? Now that to me is challenging because I have no income and he ruined our lives.
- —Reina04
Single Parent Challenges
- Being a single parent isn't easy, but it can be done. Your child or children can grow up to make you feel so proud and you will know everything you went through was well worth it. It hasn't been easy raising a male child to be a man when I don't really have a clue myself. A big challenge for me was trying to explain to my son why his father wasn't there. I always try to be positive and not to talk bad about my children's father because I wanted my children to see things for themselves. Lots of prayer and help from family helps me to get through it!
- —MsThang2209
Great Yet Frustrating
- I feel very empowered raising my two children on my own. Their father was physically present but not emotionally or spiritually present. He was just another object in the room taking up space. He never helped me clean, bathe, feed or get them ready. The only contribution he made was a month's disability check. Even though he worked, he never contributed any of the money. He always frustrated me and so I in turn would be angry around my kids. Without him I feel so much stress relieved. I can do everything I need to do minus him & I can enjoy my kids without having to see him taking up space. My husband never wanted to do things and now me and my kids go to the store, parks, & play. We do a lot together. Bath time is always fun & bedtime too. I do get frustrated at times though because I'm doing all this & he gets to walk away with only himself & his money. No worries. It's disappointing & sad but I will always continue to be strong for my children.
- —Guest J
Challenges of Being a Single Mom
- I have 2 kids, and both of my kids have no memorry of what their dad looks like, because he completely disappeared from our lives. The kids ask about him, and I haven't the slightest idea of where he is. This hurts all of us so much, but all we do is to speak well of him, maintain a forgiving heart towards him, and we pray to God for the strength to see us through the hard moments of remembering him.
- —Guest juliet
Very Poor
- I just got a job making $11.00 an hour in a daycare facility. I am living in a friend's basement with my three kids. I eventually need to find a place of my own, and I am really scared that I won't be able to afford it on my small salary.
- —Guest Single mom4131
The Challenges of Single Mothers
- What if we took the challenges of single motherhood just like we take challenges in our workplaces? Imagine a woman with potential who manages an office with more than 20 staff members reporting to her? If she can do that, how can't she also do her role as a mother and still asume the resposibility of a father? Don't look down at yourself, just have a right attitude and you will win this race. Don't press the panic button just because you find yourself being a single mother. If other women single handedly could raise presidents, doctors, and celebrities, what makes you think you can't? As a woman of today, don't ever make the mistake of missing the opportunity of raising your own child, making the excuse that you are not financially viable. You will cry and wish for that bond with your own child and time will not be in your favor--for once lost, it is never regained. Shifting your responsibility of bringing up your own child to someone else is never a solution. Be there for your child through thick and thin, in wealth and in porverty. Don't ever regret doing what is right. I am on the same ship. It's a pool of challenges, but it wont sink. Let us learn to accept and embrace situations that we cannot change. What is important is being a mother. Single or not, being a mother is a challenge, so let's support each other! If God though that a child couldn't be brought up by a single mother, He would not have allowed there be any single mothers on this earth. You have what it takes! Good luck and enjoy your single motherhood.
- —Guest G 4Tshwanelo
Being a Single Mother
- I used to see it as a challenge, but as I look at my 2-year-old gal, I feel pride and think God was a custodian too. He supported me, and I embrace my single motherhood and say one day I will leap with pride!
- —Guest g 4Kutlo
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