Fear of Staying vs. Fear of Leaving
- My heart and prayers are with all of you that are currently DV victims afraid to leave and vindicates like myself that have gotten out. I left my abuser of 17 year in 2011. The mental and physical violence started during the honey moon phase. All the redflags were there from the beginning. My rose colored glasses along with the emotional blackmale, manipulation, physical abuse and mind programming prevented me from seeing the reality of this journey. My normal became my normal and confusing as to how, why and where it began. The jealousy began in our 1st 3 - 6 months of dating. Proceeded with monitoring of my time, disapproval of friends/family (isolation), restraining me against my will, pinching, lunging, biting, pushing into walls, guns, stalking, sexually assaults and defamation. I obtained a 2yr protective order and intense therapy. There's LIFE after leaving what feels like a death sentence. It's hard, but we're smart, beautiful, loving & worthy of a QUALITY LIFE! Peace and love
- —Guest MLN
- I'm only 18. My boyfriend and i packed up and left home town to move to Austin, Texas. Well my parents helped pay the rent, not him. He hits me. Calls me a bitch everyday and tells me I'm stupid. He pulls me by my hair. Drags me by my hair. I'm 5 ft. and weigh 105. I'm two moths pregnant. He punched me in the face this morning because I took a roll of toilet paper to the room so I could blow my nose. A few weeks ago he almost snapped my neck because I was screaming during his beating.... I'm so scared. I wish someone could help me. I don't feel strong enough.
- —Guest Raquel
- My story goes like everyone's else. He is the father of my last child. It's been eleven years. Everything was okay when we first met, when to work and came home. Then he changed started cheating when I got pregnant not coming and etc. It last like that for while then he stopped working, still cheating and wanting to do nothing but stay out all night and play the game. Down the road I started picking up the mess he made by working paying the bills and taking care of the kids. He started to get verbal with me by calling me names and etc. That lead to him getting physical wore because I didn't want to take his threats anyone. Start asking me about my whereabouts, blaming me of cheating, asking for my money for bills and taking my keys and leaving. He always yelling about stuff that does make since like no gas in the car for him to leave. Always telling me he wish I was a Guy so he could hit me like one. I am tired. Afraid to call police... I did once and nothing happened...
- —Guest Marilyn
I Got Away!
- I got away because my abuser went to prison for another reason. It was a living hell until that happened.
- —Guest Debbie
Never Ignore Those "Red Flags"
- My story is long sad -- and never ending, it seems. When I was 21 my father died. He was great and I was not dealing well. I'm one of those who was in one bad relationship after another. This particular piece of, you know, what was a very typical abuser. As I am now 31 and slightly more aware, the signs were oh so obvious. He helped with everything at first -- it seemed, anyway. But really he was just inching into every aspect of my life: home, job, family. He had infiltrated all areas. He insisted on knowing everything about me -- the good and especially the bad. (Weapons for later control!) He was an alcoholic and the mean kind, although that was not visibly at first. After some time (a year, I think) the physical abuse began (although the mental abuse was already in place). He made me move away from family and friends. Got me pregnant and kept me homeless for years. I didn't leave until the baby got hurt as well! That was my one true regret. He ruined my credit and my self-esteem. This is my advice: don't wait for it to get worse. They don't get better. See the red flags!
- —Guest Sarah
I Can't Get Away From My Abuser
- My husband gets abusive and punches me every time he drinks. We have 3 kids and he doesn't care if they see it. He has been locked ip for this before. I called the cops previous times. I know if I call them again he will stay there locked up for a while. I'm afraid of him. If I leave him out of the house, he breaks my windows and kicks my doors. Tonight it happened again after years of us being OK. He couldn't find his phone and was really drunk and punched me on my head until he got tired. I went outside and because I didn't want to let him in, but he broke the window. My baby was crazily crying on his crib, so I had to run to my room and get him. That gave my husband time to come in, and he was back at yelling at me even with the baby in my arms! He wanted to hit me for no reason. He was mad, acting like a macho. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to divorce him! I want a violence-free life!!
- —Guest Susy1
Abusive Husband Received Custody
- I divorced my husband after I called 911 in Dec. 2005. He was arrested and taken to jail. The judge granted him custody of my 5 minor children. The 14-year-old ran away and came back to live with me. The others were too small to do so but wanted to. They begged and cried to be with me. I couldn't afford a lawyer and we had a trial that lasted over 2 years. Needless to say he lied about everything, from abusing the children to abusing me. He got away with it even though there was a PPO against him in the beginning and he went to jail for the abuse. Now the abuse is happening again; not only from him but from his sister (my children's aunt) as well. I have contacted the police once again. They're putting detectives on the case and are going to interview the children. It's about time! This is in a new county with a new judge, so hopefully the verdict will be different this time and the truth will set us all free.
- —Guest Johnson
- My boyfriend has hit me more than six times. It started with hair pulling, then two fingers to my forehead saying I ruined his life, then smashing my head on the dashboard of my car and calling me names, to shoving me on top of my son. The last time was four days ago when I knew he would hit me again. He took me in to the bathroom, slapped me, and shoved me into the tub. He grabbed me by my hair and smashed the side of my face into the wall and busted my lip. My son said, "Daddy hit you, mommy." And I said, "No, baby, mommy fell." I have no money and I want to leave before it gets worse!
- —Guest g
Get Away From Abusers
- I was in an abusive relationship for 18 months. I was assaulted badly twice, thrown around, bitten, throttled and headbutted. I reported him to the police and he was cautioned for assault. It's not enough, and I am still angry and rebuilding myself 8 months later. I am glad I managed to get away. My message to all women is that no one deserves to be assaulted. It is never the victim's fault. Victims have nothing to be ashamed of. Report these disgusting cowards for their disgusting violent crimes and get away from them as soon as you can. Abusers do not love their victims. The fake love they offer is not worth the incalculable damage they do, whether physically or emotionally. Get away from abusive men!
- —Guest Amy
I'm Still Here and Scared
- I'm in a very bad way. My ex fiance and I are renting a house together. I can't run away because I don't have the funds. Now his brother has been with us for a couple of weeks and he is saying I'm doing drugs, which I'm not. But he believes it and he has started to push me around. I have many bruises now and I'm not sure what to do. I know I should call the police but...his brother has now made me very nervous and I really am in love, but my ex is just going to end up killing me.
- —Guest bonnie
Still Fighting for Freedom
- His mum pushed me twice until I fell backwards, moments after finding out I was pregnant with her grandchild. He and his family surrounded me and told me they wanted me to leave. It was always my fault for not working full time, or not being able to keep clean our half-made shed/house that was physically impossible to keep the mice and bugs out of. I suffered years of physical, emotional and mental abuse from him AND his family. He also recently told me he was feeding them lies about me the whole time we were together and that's why they gave me so much hell! He threw keys and a bottle at me, spat on me, dragged me through the dirt and rocks, smashed my head into the concrete, and punched me in front of our son. 2 DVO's later he began to send messages through our son to say he'd changed and how much he missed me, etc. (poor kid). I gave him a chance and it turns out he was cheating and lying this time. Now he and his family are getting nasty AGAIN. I can't be controlled anymore, but I can't leave the state with my son!
- —Guest Kat
Patience and Prayer
- My abuser whisked myself and our baby boy away to Texas. I prayed that I would get a chance to leave. When I was less then two months from having our second baby (a daughter) he broke the no drugs (marijuana) policy of the shelter we were in and we couldn't find anywhere else to go. Homeless help is very limited in San Antonio. So I was patient trying to do what I could, and my prayer of getting away from him was answered when he said let's go back to Oregon. He came up with the idea. so it wasn't something that I was going to get any attitude from him for. I let him think I had to think about it, eventually saying yes. That was the longest and worst Grayhound trip of my life! But I said my last goodbye when we got off the bus in Portland. I haven't seen him since. He has never met our daughter. If I have anything to say about it he never will. He is a sociopath. He has no emotions, no remorse, no feelings. I am so thankful I was able to get away...
- —Guest patricia
Verbal Abuse for 16 years
- I have been with my husband for 16 years and am looking for the strength to escape. I have four kids, and the issue I have is making it not so horrible for them. The times I have brought up divorce he says, “If you divorce me, you are going to ruin their lives and I will leave and you will have to do everything yourself.” He yells at me constantly, tells me I don’t appreciate him, and has to control my every move. Yesterday I went to my mom's house for a few hours while he was away with one of my kids. And when he found out I went, he was so mad -- like the world falling down! It all had to do with that two-hour visit. The house not getting cleaned, homework not getting done, etc. Sometimes he can be sweet, but the ups and downs are horrible. When he came looking for sex one night, I asked him how he thinks I can go from being yelled out to him being funny, telling jokes, and then being affectionate. My brain can not take the conflicting messages.
- —Guest NeverThoughtItWouldBeMe
He Lied and Got Military Orders to Leave
- He is a Marine. He would drink, fall asleep while caring for my daughter (who was 2), and would be at the neighbors. He called me names, belittled me, ignored me, was cruel, and would always blame me for everything -- no matter what. He would never say sorry once. He told me he got orders to back home and one day after closing (he wasn't even there) he told me the military changed the orders and an order of protection was on him. I never did that! He blamed me and would call and yell. But he never once tried to get us to him. He took all my access to his pay, doesn't pay bills, and lives a fun single life. I saw his bank statements because they came by mistake. He buys things everyday, dinners for $60! Splurging, and me and my kids are starving. He says if I want us to work, I have to show effort. He constantly said I cheated and he has "proof." He would steal my meds, lie, and was addicted to porn. He watches a lot of movies and eats out a lot. I saw him four months ago, after three years of separation. He wouldn't touch me, fought me, ignored me. My life's empty.
- —Guest mellychipper
- I am a survivor of Domestic Violence two times in the last 20 years. I have two beautiful children from my children's daddy. I loved him at first and refused to see the red flags that should have clued me in to the coming years of abuse. He was a working alcoholic, and I enabled him to drink and abuse me verbally and emotionally for five years until I found myself able to leave. He threatened to have my son's balls cut off once! At first he only hurt me emotionally and did not hurt me physically until after the separation. He damaged my car, expecting to find me stranded, but my guardian angel interceded. I am alive today by the grace of God, giving me the words to make him take his hands off my throat. The stars and flashes of light in my head were horrible from the beating on my left eye and nose. I ended up with a fractured nose and no brain damage. He got misdemeanor charges instead of attempted homicide. I am doing much better 10 years later, and I'm taking things one day at a time. Philippians 4:13--I can do all things through Him who gives me strength!
- —Guest Crystal