From the article: I Need Some Parenting Advice. How Can I Control My Emotions?
Many parents struggle with how to discipline in the wake of a crisis. For example, let's say your child forgot to tell you that he was going to a friend's house after school, and he wound up giving you a terrible scare. What do you do first--hug him, or ground him? Tell our readers how you've handled discipline in the midst of a crisis when, no matter how angry or scared you felt, you were just glad your child was alive! Share Your Experience
Positively Discipline Your Child
- When my son disappeared at 6 years, I felt so terrible! He appeared after two days. It was a scary experience, but when I found him after the search, I leaned a lot that needs to be done by parents - especially the working class mothers. Here are tips on what I did and what has worked for me: 1. In such situations, run and hug your child. 2. Give yourself room to cry and then walk home with smiles, allowing yourself to sieve out your emotions and words. 3. Settle and introduce the subject, but in a calm, friendly, but serious manner. Avoid using hash words, as they will only scare and drive your child away. Give him a chance to explain what happened, and listen very attentively. 4. Explain to the child why what happened was bad, how you freaked out, and how you do not want that to happen again. Then give your child the opportunity to decide the best disciplining measure in case a similar incident happens again. My son said, “Ma, always remind me of the rules when I am going out to play!"
- —Guest Deborah Kirabo
Discipline When Kids Are Very Young
- My 18-month-old son took a dive off the back of the couch, catching his nose on the window sill going down (ouch!). He broke it, of course, and I became one of those lunatics in pajamas and crocs in the emergency room, with my hair in a messy ponytail, sobbing hysterically, sure that my baby had brain damage. You can't punish a baby effectively, and of course, as soon as we got home, he tried to do a re-enactment. I don't think "No" means the same thing to him as it does to me, even when I say-shout-scream it. He seems to think that means what he is doing is particularly more fun since I'm trying to stop him from doing it. I'm considering a large cage suitable for primates at this point so he can reach pre-school someday...
- —Guest Karen
So Glad They're Alive!
- I think at first I just hugged them and loved on them. Then, when we were talking, I went over the why's and why not's of being careful, and what it does to others and themselves.
- —AnnieQ
Just 2 Weeks Ago
- On the way from an outing to a sea, my 3.5-year-old went off by himself along a path where cars could come, and he didn't respond to my calling him back. I was loaded with heavy stuff and felt so helpless I screamed at him. Two cars came, and I was so frightened I was sobbing by the time I got him, near the car. He walked that nearly 500 meters! Besides having nightmare scenarios running through my mind, and feeling relieved he was alive, I felt so angry that I gave him three smacks on the bottom and sat him down firmly in his seat and was (for me) extremely brief and harsh in communicating with him over the next hours, and when I did talk to him it was only to tell him very firmly he should NEVER do this kind of thing again and must ALWAYS come when I call him. But honestly, I had a hard time berating myself for not having realized how tired we both were, and for not having taken a buggy just in case (I was told one HAD to walk so I assumed it would be too sandy for a buggy).
- —Lilac12
Scolding a Child
- It's natural to have to scold the child at first, but after that things go back to normal...
- —Guest antoniette
Lost 13-year-old
- My 13-year-old son didn't come home after school. By the time I did find him I was crying so hard all he could do was run to me. He hugged me so tight and cried with me. He's 15 now and always stays in touch with me.
- —Guest Denise
Seeing Parent Upset is Upsetting to Kid
- It's been a while since I faced this situation, but I have no memory of any disciplinary follow-up on the numerous occasions when one of my kids gave me a scare. I really think that seeing how frightened their parents were had such an impact on them that they would have never repeated the experience. Generally speaking, kids really hate seeing their parents in distress. That did not, of course, keep them from finding new ways to scare us to death!
- —Big Paw
Been There
- Preschooler disappeared for 2 hours -- she had walked to the park around the block by herself without telling anyone. She may have been young, but she knew she was not allowed to do this. I cried and hugged and breathed -- and then took away dessert and visits to the park for 2 weeks. Reminding her every day of why.
- —Guest Maisey
