What prompted me to bring it up
I have an incredible 4-year-old boy. I first brought up the question of his absent father when he was 2. I always make the effort to be positive when I talk about his dad, because they are so much alike, in their features and actions. My son does not take his absence lightly, though. He boycotts speaking to him on the phone and constantly reminds me that his daddy should be here with us. I know this kind of attitude will pass, as he does not act this way when he visits his dad for holidays. Also, I am thankful to God that we have a male figure in our life, a stepdad who loves, cares for, and supports both of us.
How I explained his or her absence
I told my son that things did not work out between mommy and daddy. I also assured him that this was not because of him. It is because of the pressure and challenges that mom and dad were facing at the time. Every night when I tell him how much I love him, I also remind him that he should know that daddy has the same love for him. I further encourage him to speak about his feelings and the fact that his daddy is not a part of our life. I further told him that he must never be ashamed or feel deprived, because he has me, his grand parents and friends. Therefore, he is fortunate. I remind him that not everyone has that and that he must forever be grateful.
Advice
- Before you answer the question, always sit back and remember the good things between you and your ex-partner.
- Do not think about why you decided to part ways. Do not even think about why you fought nor what brought the relationship to an end. It is difficult enough that the other parent is not present; bringing up other sad and depressing issues will make the situation worse.
- For a child to be present, there have to be some good memories, like the first time you fell in love, met each other, and what made you love him/her. (This is, of course, if the child was not as a result of a rape.)
