The County Where I Filed for Child Custody
San Bernardino
The Ages of My Kids
9
The Type of Custody I Filed For
I filed for joint custody.
My Experience Filing for Child Custody in California
When I started, I only saw my daughter on Wednesday overnight and alternating Fridays and Saturdays, and I had to return her on Sunday evenings. This schedule was not what I wanted, however, during the divorce. It was just something I had to agree to in order to have my divorce. Eventually I tried asking the mother for more time. When we divorced, my daughter was only three. When she was five, I started asking for more time. However, her mom refused. Then when my daughter was six, in the first grade, I took my ex to court. What worked in my favor was that I was consistent with the time I saw my daughter. I never got a babysitter for her, and I only missed getting her when I was either out of town or ill. In four years, that only happened three or four times. I was always on time, too. The judge did not give me what I wanted all at once. However, he did give me something each time I went to court. First he gave me overnight on Sunday, so I could take my daughter to school. Then he allowed my significant other to pick my child up when I couldn't. My ex didn't want that. Then the judge allowed me to pick my daughter up from school instead of at 6 pm, as the old judgment ordered. Each time he gave me more because he saw I was trying to do the right thing by my daughter. My ex did not want me to have anything other than what the order stated, and that was her mistake. I tell men, if you want to spend more time with your children, stay consistent in what the existing order says. It helped me. Also, I have a great new wife. She showed up in court each time and the judge saw that. I now have joint physical and I love it. My daughter loves it, too, but my ex doesn't like it. She didn't even sign the judgment. The judge signed it. Also, I was detailed in every positive thing I'd done and did not bash the ex. She attempted to bash me, and the judge saw that as well.
Lessons Learned
- I learned that you don't have to give up your parental privileges just to be divorced. You can have a divorce without compromising your rights as a parent.
- Write everything down that you do that is positive for your child. Documents are what the judge sees.
- Be truthful and don't bash your ex.
- Don't pretend you're the perfect parent. It's good to show the judge that you're doing the best you can and that you sometimes make mistakes. They like to see real honesty.
