Everyone tells you to move on with your life, but that's a lot easier to talk about than it is to do. Here are ten ways to accelerate your own healing and begin to get over the hurt and pain you've had to face:
1. Give Yourself Time and Space to Grieve
You won't be able to move on until you've had time to grieve. However, that's not easy to do in front of your kids, especially if they're already tuned in to your emotions. While it may seem unnatural to carve out specific times to grieve and process your thoughts, dealing with your losses little by little along the way will help you deal with all that has happened. Try journaling your thoughts each evening, talking long walks (around the block or on a treadmill), and listening to music that makes you feel stronger.
2. Spend Time With People Who Love You
Especially if you're just getting out of an unhealhty situation, it's important to remind yourself that the people who love you also believe in you and support you. Spending time with people who make you stronger does take time and require intentional effort, but it's also a key component in being able to move on.
3. Decide What's Really Important to You Now
It's likely that the events you've already gone through have redefined your values and helped you identify what's most imporant in your life. Take the time to make a list of what is really, truly important to you. This is all that matters right now. After you've begun to move on, you'll find that you have time and energy for other goals and priorities, but for now, focus on what matters most.
4. Write Down What You've Learned
Finish this sentence: "I will never again..." Writing down what you've learned through this experience isn't just a cathartic step, it can also help you to move on more quickly.
5. Get it Off Your Chest
Sometimes when we've been hurt by another person, it helps to tell them that. Even if we know that they will never "get" what they've done to us, articulating the impact their choices have had on us can help us to move on.
6. Focus on the Future
What's past is past, and it's important to recognize now that your future is full of hope and promise. You may not know just yet what you'll be doing in six months, or where you'll be living. But, certainly, the strength you possess today is a strenth you didn't have six months ago, and you can trust that you will be able to do all that it takes to get your life back on track and meet your goals.
7. Accept That You Won't Get All the Answers You Want
Feeling like you're owed an apology or explanation is a double-edged sword, because the frustration over not getting one only hurts you. Free yourself from this disappointment by allowing yourself to move on whether you receive the explanation you deserve or not.
8. Make a List of the Things You Can Control
When other people hurt us, it feels like there's very little we can do about it. We can't control their thoughts, actions, or words. However, we can control ourselves: how we choose to respond, our own attitudes, and our outlook moving forward.
9. Be Kind to Yourself
Learning to move on after loss and disappointment is hard work. Make sure that you're getting as much rest as you can, and that you're eating well and drinking enough water. In addition, avoid self-destructive behaviors, like drinking too much alcohol, taking up smoking, or engaging in high-risk sexual activities.
10. Redefine Forgiveness
We often think that forgiving someone else for what they've done to us is a gift to them, but it's really about us. Forgiveness is about freeing ourselves from the energy-draining quest for retribution and focusing instead on creating a new life for ourself and our families.