Question: I Need Some Parenting Advice. How Can I Control My Emotions?
"I need some parenting advice. Sometimes I just get so angry with my children over things that they're doing, or over them not listening to me! How can I control my emotions when I'm disciplining my kids?"
Answer:
It's natural to feel intense emotions around raising your kids, especially when every aspect of their care falls to you alone. Here are some tips for how you can control your emotions so that you can make clear, level-headed decisions in the spur of the moment:
- Take Care of Yourself - It's much easier to react to your kids' behavior with anger and frustration when you're overtired, hungry, or stressed out. So make sure that you're taking the time to take care of yourself, and getting some alone time now and then.
- Have a Clear Set of House Rules - Make sure that you communicate rules and expectations to your children clearly and consistently. If necessary, set up a family meeting to discuss your rules and let your kids know what consequences will be enforced if those rules are broken.
- Use a Controlled, Firm Voice - How you speak to your children communicates to them whether you are really in control. When you're feeling overwhelmed and distressed, and you react to your kids by raising your voice, you inadvertently send them the message that you're not in control.
- Know Who's Running the Show - Remind yourself, if necessary, that you are the parent, and you are in control. Around our house, saying "Raise your hand if you're a parent?" has become a family joke. My kids usually laugh and throw their hands in the air, but it's a lighthearted way of reminding them who is really in control.
- Deal With Your Own Issues Separately - Many times, we react emotionally to our children because we're really feeling inadequate in other areas of our lives. For example, I know that I'm much more likely to raise my voice or be short with my kids when I'm in a rush and berating myself for not being more prepared. By dealing with that issue, myself, separately, I'm better able to engage my children in the moment without bringing my own baggage into our relationship.
