Having sex with your ex can create a multitude of challenges, from interfering with your ability to get over the relationship, to giving your kids false hope about a reunion. This is why it's important to set clear boundaries with one another and avoid having sex with your ex after a breakup.
It's important, too, to recognize that the pull toward intimacy with your ex is legitimate. After all, the two of you are raising your children together, and there's a familiarity to the way you interact with one another. However, because there is no way to continue having sex with your ex without impacting the entire family - especially your children - it's important for you to exercise restraint in this area. Developing your own personal set of "rules" or guidelines, and sharing it with a trusted friend, can help you to be accountable to sticking with your rules in the future.
For example, your own personal set of rules might include the following statements:
- There is no need for us to be alone together.
- When we need to meet in person to discuss issues related to our children, we meet in public.
- I will not call my ex for comfort or companionship when I am upset.
- I will not invite my ex in for a drink when he or she drops off the kids.
Some of these guidelines may seem simplistic, but having a clear set of "rules" in your own mind ahead of time can help you avoid falling into the trap of having sex with your ex after the relationship has ended.
Finally, if you've already slipped back into a sexual relationship with your ex, it's important to re-set your boundaries and clearly communicate that that part of your relationship is now over. It may be difficult at first to assert yourself, but creating clear boundaries is a vital step toward building your new life.
