When it comes to dealing with your ex and texting, establishing a set of clear boundaries is essential. For example:
- You're welcome to use text messages to convey quick information to me.
- Do not expect me to respond immediately to non-emergency text messages.
- Texts received after 10:00 p.m. will be ignored until the next day.
- I don't respond at all to text messages that are rude.
Consider creating a set of rules you can both live with, and then treating it like a contract. This way, when one you breaks the contract by texting after 10:00 p.m. or expecting an immediate response to a non-emergency message, the other can refer to the guidelines you both agreed to.
Remember, too, that we teach other people how to treat us by what we tolerate. So if your ex is texting you incessantly and expecting to get a rise out of you, do not respond.
Alternatively, if you have not created a set of guidelines yet and you feel that not responding would make things worse, simply send a message that says, "I'm not going to respond to this," and address it with a follow up phone call or a face-to-face meeting at a more convenient time.
Remember, too, that you also have to stick to the rules you've established with your ex, which means not using text messages to start an argument or stir up trouble when you're the one who's agitated and upset.
