The tricky thing about encouraging your ex to be more involved with your kids is that you can't control his (or her) actions. Really, all you can do is create conditions that welcome and support that involvement.
For example, let's say there's a school event coming up, like conferences, and you want to tell your ex about it. Pay attention not only to the words you use, but also to your tone of voice and body language. If your words are inviting, but your body language and tone are judgmental -- because you're thinking things like "I bet you can't be bothered," or "Please say you can't make it!" -- you could inadvertently influence him against coming.
Instead, take a matter-of-fact approach and keep your tone of voice warm. And recognize that whether he shows up is on him (or her) but genuinely extending the invitation is practical way of advocating for your kids' best interests. It takes practice, but in time it will begin feel more natural!
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