I'm really not much of a gossip, but a blog post on The Washington Post's "The Reliable Source" blog caught my eye today. Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are now engaged! Of course, it's natural to wonder whether their relationship will last. (And certainly all the guessing will add another degree of pressure to the parents of 18-month-old Tripp.)
Rather than speculate on the Palin-Johnston engagement, specifically, let's consider some "do's" and "don'ts" for getting back together with your ex, in general:
The Do's:
- Do consider getting back together if you've been able to work through some of the differences that pulled you apart in the first place.
- Do communicate what you've learned about one another and about yourselves during your time apart.
- Do consider how possibly getting back together (and even possibly breaking up again) will impact your children.
- Do consider what you want for yourself in life, as well. Think about the long-term, here.
The Don'ts
- Don't ever put yourself or your children in physical danger for the sake of a romantic relationship.
- Don't ignore red flags, such as lying, cheating, or disrespecting you or your children.
- Don't ignore the past. It's imperative to actually work through what went wrong if your relationship has any chance of working the second time around.
- Don't be pressured into getting back together, by your ex or by anyone else.
What would you add to this list? Let us know by leaving a comment below.
Related: "Should We Take This Relationship to the Next Level?" Quiz
Great post- well said! Thanks
so many things to consider and unless it’s mutually agreed, then go ahead … but i still have reservations,, just can’t commit now on being together again
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so many things to consider and unless it’s mutually agreed, then go ahead … but i still have reservations,, just can’t commit now on being together again
))
I believe the second try depends on the reason it has come to pass. If the first try failed because of something you could not control, what leads you to believe the second try will? On the other hand, if the first try failed because of something that has been rectified… have at it & be more vigulant this time!
also if they are emotionally abusive its probably best not to go back…
I think in my case, I’ve pushed too hard on getting back together and reconciling. There are still the same issues during my divorce process that were occurring throughout the 14 year marriage. Unfortunately, the issues we had were largely circumstantial, such as the effects of my brain cancer on my wife. It was painstakingly difficult for her to deal with my anger outbursts. The cancer is now in remission, and I’m doing much better, but I’m afraid to say that from her standpoint, she shut down when I got the cancer and distanced herself. There have been, during the separation issues with both of us, but reconciliation is something I want regardless, because I took solemn vows to take care of my wife for better of worse. She did her best, but there was an illness involved that she wasn’t able to overcome. I think it is important to consider whether or not circumstances can be worked through with both parties mutually in agreement to seek out help from outside resources, such as individual therapy or just people in your church community, or people who have been mutual friends. I think humility is “very” important for both parties, and to learn to acknowledge indivual faults. But, again there has to be mutual agreement. My advice, don’t just throw in the towel on your marriage, w/o at least trying to allow yourself to be accountable for your own mistakes. It was starting to work for me, b/o she seemed to be coming around as I learned to be more humble (w/God’s grace), but I began pushing too hard on her to reconcile. Maybe someday we could possibly get back together, but I don’t believe we will just simply b/o I ended up putting too much pressure on her (actually a separate, yet related, point to consider. Good luck to all of you who are in mutual agreement to give eachother ample space and time, but don’t let whatever “true” love you have for the other person just die out. Try to send a nice note from time to time, or even flowers if appropriate. Just be careful, please. I learned the hard way that pushing the other person to get back together with you is “not” the answer. Take care, and God bless.