What Advice Do You Have for Jon and Kate Gosselin as They Attempt Joint Custody?

Recognize that Single Parenting is a status and not an identity. Single Parent IS more difficult and be very careful with your decisions. Be motivated by love for your children to do what is best so that they feel happy, healthy, safe and loved. Be patient with them and most of all FORGIVE each other. We all make bad choices-Jon’s was made public. If you really want to work on your marriage-do what will be the best long term outcome for YOUR family.

I think that the idea of birds’ nest custody is an absolute stroke of genius. I was the same age as Jon and Kate’s sextuplets when my parents got divorced and it was hell for me. I was afraid, I didn’t understand and ran a large gamut of emotions, even as a five-year-old. My best advice, albeit too late, is quit this circus of a show and get some help!

Since it is too late, I think that the bird’s nest custody agreement, carried out in such a manner, is as stress free for those children as possible. The only other advice I can give is simple: NEVER fight over your children, be fair to one another and to them and things will work as well as they can.

They should stop being self centered jerks and think of their kids.

I didn’t know there was a name for the living arrangement (”equal parenting”). It’s what I suggested in 1997 when my husband and I divorced. We kept the family home, where our kids lived, and we went back and forth each week. We each had another place, him staying with his dad and me renting a room at a friend’s house. I didn’t want them constantly living out of suitcases. Have never heard of anyone else doing it. Glad it’s an option as it really worked well for us. Of course it helps when the parents are truly able to put the kids first and not make it messy and bitter.

The children did not ask to be born. Get over yourselves and take care of the children. They need two parents that are nice to each other. After they are in the late teens go your own ways. I think the father seems to be playing at being a child too. Whaere are his parents. Where are Katesparents?

Who cares. Another couple getting divorced. What were they thinking. 8 kids and their lives on tv. You’ve got to be kidding. Next.

With eight children Jon & Kate need to find a way to work things out. The children need to be the priority, and they will be highly damaged by this separation. The TV show is damaging enough for the xchildren. What are they really learning about life? What values are being imparted to them as they grow up?

Jon and Kate need to think long and hard about this decision. Eight human beings is a HUGE responsibility and they need to reach deep down inside themselves before they pursue this any further. At the end of their lives will Jon and Kate be proud of this decision? No one can really rpedict what the outcome will be for the children butI can tell you it will be more harmful than they can imagine. please for the sake of the children rethink this decision. FIND AWAY TO MAKE IT WORK!!!!

From looking at how much they have changed in just the short amount of time the show has been on the air; Jon is now sporting earings in both ears and drives a flashy sports car; and Kate with her funky hairdo, endless tan, short skirts and highheels, it seems that they are spending more time on themselves than anything else. In watching the show, you don’t see Kate or Jon working with the children on learning new things or seeing new places. It’s flashy birthday partys,high powered chefs, big houses with lots and lots of land that Kate declares “all mine”. I think they have lost the true meaning of the showing. The focus is definitely not on the kids anymore.

If they don’t get Dr. Phil or Super Nanny on there they are missing a great opportunity to hook even more viewers. I never heard of the Jon and Kate show til they decided to break up. I agree that the bird’s nest idea was the most mature thing that 2 people who hate each other’s guts can do.

Maybe they both should go back to the tape of Kate on Larry King back in January, February when Octomom was the headline. On that show, Kate talked about how difficult it was to raise multiples even with help. She went on to say how very, very concerned she was about Octomom’s kids. I bet little did she realize she would be in the same boat shortly.

They should cancel the television show. It bothers me that they want to continue the series. Those children need privacy.

Wow! Does everyone actually believe that this isn’t made for TV drama?

My advice is to follow what the producers tell you.
In a year when the “divorce” is finalized but you realize what a mistake you made and you begin to plan your new wedding, the ratings will soar.
The kids will be flower girls and ring bearers!
What drama! What excitement! What a load of crap!

we never think it will happen to us, but more often then not it does.. and when it comes about we tend to only think of our selfs. But in real it HURTS our kids more then we ever see it at the time,they can write all kinds of books on what to say or do.But I know for a facted that each kid will see it as if they were the cause of it, you need to think about it really hard. What brought you to this to end it, you can blame him or her… but when it all comes down to it.. it took two of you to say I DO.. and it takes two to say no more. If I had just sat down more often and just learn to talk things out, then I might not of been the one to leave. Its so hard to stay and work at those things that come up in your lifes, but it is so easy to just walk away.. what a true lost. Need to talk with every one in that makes up the family, wife, huband, kids.. your all in it together. look at it as a JOB’… make the best of what you have and share those times together as a family.

they need to both grow up! This all started because of the children…it’s still about the children. It’s not about YOU…pick yourself up, dust yourself off and be the parents your children deserve. there will be collateral damage unless you both stop this now. You may not be thrilled with each other, but you say the children come first…then show it. John and Kate can put their differences on the back burner for those children. A very wise man once told to “act as if”. It really works. make this work as parents for those children that you both wanted so badly. It was your idea.

I think that a decision to divorce without attending counseling for parents of eight children is unconscionable. Jon and Kate OWE it to those precious children to stay together and learn how to live together as responsible adults.

Have they thought of marriage counseling? With that many kids one would think they would do everything they could to hold things together. The kids will be affected by all this.

i think they are both very selfish people. they need to get it together for the sake of the kids. divorce is not the answer, and for the kids sake get out the limelight.

I am appalled that they haven’t gone to marriage counseling once they thought there was a problem, especially since they keep saying that they are thinking of the children first. Who are they kidding? Kate has had a taste of the ‘good’ life and her priorities have changed. She could never have all the goood stuff if it weren’t for the TV show. These children are the victims here. When is she going to wake up?

Wow–these people manufactured eight kids-shows what an artificial world we live in–raised in a glaring public enviroment-the whole world watched their potty training on and on–Mom witch got more glamorous and detached-Daddy-jerk revered to ateenage idiot-motorcycles-women but what else could two of the most selfish people on earth do. Eight kids ripe for more falls than can be imagined- And we watch and promoted this stuff yuk

The entire problem could be solved if Kate would learn how to talk to people. The first show I watched I was shocked at how horribly degrading she treated her husband. A husband who was obviously being a tremendous help. A lot of husbands given that future would have RUN SCREAMING! He was doing his best to be a good Father. She was doing her worst at badgering and treating him as though he were a slave, not an equal. I told my husband that before long this man would either cheat on her with the first woman was kind to him, or he would do something desperate to get away. No man can stand to be treated this way and like it. Kate acted so obnoxious ON CAMERA, that I can only imagine with HORROR, what she was like OFF CAMERA. Even a divorce won’t help them if she continues to belittle him this way in front of the children especially. The girls will learn to be BITCHES, ONE IS ALREADY. The boys will either become hostile to women or whimps that put up with woman treating them so poorly that they eventually go out and cheat or kill a woman. What a great future she is creating for her children that she claims to LOVE.
I think they should go to marriage counceling and Kate should go to anger management and a course in how to be a human being to others. She is not trying to keep a bunch of Pirates in line, she is supposed to be teaching young children how to respect, love and be kind to others.
Horrified at Kate,
Barbara J. Cartwright

Counseling, counseling, lots of counseling. Seriously, they must talk to a professional. I feel that Kate thinks she knows everything is Jon’s fault, that she shares no blame, and that she must be a martyr now. How sad; those adorable children don’t deserve this. I do hope someone can talk J & K into working it out. But, I’m not too optimistic about that. Sad, sad, sad!

If you treated John with a little respecst taht might help. But as he said you treat him like a dog and expect him to jump thru hoops to your tune. He could not even dress the kids without you telling him how. You are rediculoua.

How sad for all 8 of them. I got “hooked” on the show because I felt it reflected a real marriage & parenting with all its ups & downs, bumps & bruises. It was refreshing to see them handle the daily problems we all faced & are facing in our marriages & as parents.The program is a must for our 5 year old;I think she related to seeing problems happen & being worked out that involved children her age & the family unit continuing. I hope that Jon & Kate can continue the unity where the children are concerned. I have heard of the “home belongs to the children” concept with an even odder twist with the parent on duty downstairs with the children & the off duty parent upstairs. Most of all I hope they don’t use the children as pawns in their game of life but treat each other respectfully & pass that on to the kids. And Jon & Kate really evaluate & make sure this isn’t a “10 year” itch compounded by the pressures of public life & lack of time for each other. You’ve done a good job with the kids, please think what the future will truly be like with the family split. Too bad Jon & Kate can’t read the outpourings from all the people who care.

I think that the children should most definetely come first. I think that in order to let everyone who will be affected by this decision deal with it, the show should be cancelled. I am a great fan of the show but i would prefer missing out on the show if it means the children will be looked after and allowed to deal with the situation with a little privacy.

Do you ALL (except David) really think this is real??
Even if the divorce is real, it’s like watching the Truman Show (rent it, it’s great).
I promise, they’ll get back together in a season ending “blockbuster”!!

Ooooooooohhhhh

When you both have bought all the material things, money can buy such as, tans, earrings, sports cars,fancy homes, motorcycles, tattoos, and all of the rest of those goodies you have acquired you will still ‘hurt’ there will be nothing more to buy that can make you happy. These things are all material objects you can’t take any of them with you, and when wach of our lives are over we wo’t be ask how much money we all each made, or what we each acuired. Money is nice to have at least for awhile. Maybe the old saying is so, Money IS the root of all Evil. whether it’s not ever having enough of it, OR in some cases having or wanting to Much. It doesn’t matter what type of home you have or what you bought, it’s what type of life you led think long , think hard, Do You both honestly not love eachother anymore? Ask yourself….

These guys have no idea how hard it is being a single parent..event with the money. What is going to happen when the money stops rolling in? They are still going to have to deal with each other…..my 02

My advice?

Get off TV, out of the limelight focus on yourselves and your family.

And what David said.

God bless.

Regardless of the problems it would have been a good idea to go to counselling. Having done it myself (as a couple) a good counsellor can assist and help make significant improvements. THe thing is, both partners have to want to go. I get the sense that Jon had already checked out and may not have been interested in that. Kate had her moments of being bossy, but I have no doubt in parenting competencey and devotion to her children, who by the way all mostly well behaved and well adjusted. We all lose it sometimes, and with many less children to deal with. It was Jon’s responsibility to speak up and say his concerns, not take it and then act out.

Seriously, who cares??? Maybe if they concentrated on being a family instead of a tv show this might have worked.

But really, maybe now they can take this stupid show off the air. What makes it so entertaining to those loyal viewers? The fact that they don’t have a life of their own and are so desperate for one that they have to watch a family on tv live their lives? It’s a family, living their lives on tv…how is that entertaining?

the public is ruined their marrage and their kids think they have to be rowdy and annoying to get attention or to be loved.

This is all probably a ratings deal, but IF is not, may advice is suck it up. Marriage is hard. It is hard BC (before Children) and it is hard after kids. Y’all made a comment to each other and probably to GOD that you would love, honor and obey until DEATH do you part. Live up to your commentment. Get tough on yourselves, not each other. Make it work. Get off TV. What a stupid decision to start with.

They ARE taking a break from filming for a few months. They resume in August. Its sad to have such personal stuff displayed for the world to see. Its Truman Show in real life. I think they should stop filming altogether for a few years for the sake of the children.

They should be stopping the show and trying to fix their marriage. They say its all about the kids, and yes they are important, but their marriage needs to be solid first and foremost. They say they want the kids to be happy, but they kids won’t be happy if mom and dad aren’t happy. Jon is long gone, has a gf, etc, but they should have quit the show when things got tough and gotten counseling instead of wanting the stay on the show for the money. It just makes me really sad. They decided to have these 8 kids! It wasn’t by chance! So man up and make your marriage work: 9 times out of 10 couples will be glad they stayed and worked it out instead of giving up and thinking you would be happy with the person you left for. “The grass is always greener on the other side.” I think we all know this isn’t always true. Ugh.

The best way to focus on your children is to focus on your marriage!

They already proved they are unfit parents by choosing to allow their children’s lives to become a freak show for reality TV audiences. They chose wealth and fame over the well-being of those kids long ago. It should be illegal. Why should we expect them to be in a well adjusted marriage? GET THOSE POOR CHILDREN OFF TELEVISION ALREADY! Give them a chance at a normal life.

It’s O.K. sometimes very helpful to have a “Time Out” from each other. It’s great that all of the kids can stay “home”. I watched the program for the first time last week. (I’m not much for reality shows.) Many years ago I was divorced when my two kids were 9 and 4 so I have been there and done that and some times it has to be “done”. However, it’s much better for the children if the parents sacrifice themselves for the present and future good of their kids. This can take a LOT of work! I believe that “Jon and Kate Plus Eight” should go on to provide financial support for them and possibly give us an even more meaningful take on today’s reality. I must say I was happily surprised at how well these five year olds expressed themselves verbally! Media exposure?

When I heard that there would be an “announcement” and everyone was assuming it would be divorce, I was holding out for a more positive announcement. My hopes were for either them announcing that they were stopping the show to focus on their marriage… OR for them to go to marriage counseling and continue the show. Now that the announcement is out, and they are divorcing, I really think they need to change their minds about this. If they want to continue the show, that’s great… but show the public that marriages are worth fighting for, especially when there are children involved. If it still doesn’t work out, at least they gave it a shot… if it does work out, perhaps they could be an inspiration for other troubled couples out there. Just giving up, announcing you’ve given up, and then continuing a show which glorifies the dysfunction could be detrimental to society if people are convinced this is just a normal thing for everyone to do when the going gets tough.

First off – Russ, you’re an idiot for suggesting the porn idea. Get a life.

Second, I think that John & Kate are in need of some major help. I think their marriage is worth saving.

My wife and I had been married for 8 years when we became so isolated from one another that we put work, children, and other interests before our marriage. By doing so, we merely made our marriage worse.

All the marriage counseling in the world didn’t help. But then we went to a seminar called, “Weekend to Remember” with Family Life. It completely changed how we viewed our marriage and how we should communicate with one another. It absolutely saved our marriage and our ability to parent our children together.

I would bet that John and Kate would save their marriage if they attended this seminar.

Check it out at http://www.familylife.org

always remember what is best for the kids. Never bash each other in front of the kids. Never let the kids see you fight.
Have a happy environment no matter who has the kis.

Grow up and don’t be so selfish and self-centered. Before jumping into a divorce, they should have been in marriage counseling. You have to work through these things and only when you have tried every possible resource to try and save your marriage, and can come to the conclusion of divorce with a clear conscience that you have tried everything that you can do you have the right to do this.
When you marry, you are not only one…you become a pair. When you have children, you put yourselves on the back burner because you are now a family, and the children should be your first priority. Money is not that important. Someday your children will be older, and will confront you with a bigh “WHY?”

do not bash,or talk bad about one another parent infront, or around the kids.even when you dislike one another.and treat the kids equily at all times…

I love the Jon and Kate plus 8 show in the beginning and early shows they were genuinely caring and loving parents. I think they should think long and hard about what this will do to all of them, especially the kids. They should also make a concerted effort to go to counselling and try to work on their marriage. I can’t believe they are filing for divorce without giving counselling an honest effort. That seems extremely selfish to me. They brought these children into the world and they are responsible for that decision. I believe that they should cancel or postpone anymore taping and see if removing that stress helps their marriage and get counselling. I can clearly see that Jon loves his children in the episodes. I believe Kate does as well. It seems to me while watching the show that the more money they’ve received and the more that they have acquired has changed Jon and Kate’s perspective and focus on their family. They have become more money oriented and selfish. Life is not about how much you can acquire or do.. it is about your relationships with one another and your children. They are not teaching their children anything positive behaving the way they are. What about the morales and values learned while attending church as they used to when the children were infants? Were did those lessons go…. out the window once they became wealthy and famous? I believe that they will regret the decisions they are making right now. It they do separate I believe that they should stop taping the show for the children’s sake and let them have some privacy while they adjust.
I think that the constant taping without breaks would be extremely stressful on any family never mind a family of 10 during a marriage breakdown. I think they have just killed the goose that laid the golden egg. Were has their appreciation gone to? They have been so fortunate to receive all the help they have while doing this show. Without it none of the trips,homes,vehicles,appliances,clothing and food that this family has already received would have been possible. Is this how you thank all the people who have helped and supported them for the last 5 years. They really do need to step back and take a good hard look at what they are doing and about to destroy out of their own greed and selfishness. I so hope that they go to counselling and get the help that they so desperately need. Get Doctor Phil involved if need be. Pleas Jon and Kate think seriously about what you are about to do!

I can’t believe it! My wife and I love this show – we’ve only seen the first 3 seasons, and feel like we know the family – din’t see THIS coming!

Obviously, the decision is theirs, but I believe they’ve made the wrong one. How can a couple grow so apart that they’d choose to break their vows and put their kids through the hellish life that divorce can bring?

Granted, each marriage is unique, and bla bla bla… but when we get married, we make a life-time commitment, through thick and thin. What Jon and Kate need to do is work things out and fall in love again, and remember that 8 are greater than 2.

Come on guys, turn to God – because we know you believe in Him and His Son Jesus – and allow them to help you work through this.

I’d tell Jon to leave the goggles off when he goes fake-baking! At least once in a while dude! Your face is all fake tanned but the light skin around your eyes makes you look freaky deaky!

Jon and Kate from a Catholic perspective

Jon and Kate, from the popular reality show called Jon and Kate Plus Eight are allegedly separating and eventually divorcing after 10 years of marriage and 8 children. They say they are arguing a lot and that it’s not good for the children. But I think one thing that is surely worse is divorce. Divorce is never the answer and Jesus specifically forbade it. He said if a man divorces his wife, and she goes to be with another man, she is committing adultery.

God gave us the sacraments as a visible sign of invisible grace. I believe marriage represents God’s love for us, like all sacraments do. But God wil never leave us, no matter what. Even when we disobey him, when we sin against him, no matter what we do, God welcomes us back. When people get married, they make a commitment to stay together for better or for worse, not until the other one does something I don’t like. Because God would never leave his people, spouses should never separate.

But what about if a spouse is abusive or if one stops loving the other? Well, love is a choice of the will, or should be. It’s not a fuzzy feeling. It’s a decision. If a spouse abuses the other, then the abused spouse can leave, but they still made a lifelong commitment. If a brother hurts his sister, she cannot stop being his sister. She can stay away from him though. The abused spouse should leave and be safe, but the lifelong bond is not broken. Regardless, most couples do not divorce because they are being abused. They divorce because they are not having fun anymore.

I also acknowledge that the Church recognizes the possibility that a marriage was not valid to start with. If there is a pre-existing situation which rendered the couple incapable of entering into a valid marriage, then it can be said to be null. This is where the term annulment comes from. There are many reasons a marriage might not have been valid. Perhaps one of the partners was immature, was coerced into marriage, was under some kind of influence, etc. Other reasons are that one spouse has predetermined that he will be unfaithful or was not making a lifelong commitment. Also, if a spouse was closed to the possibility of children. There are many reasons for a possible annulment. These are sad cases as well, but they indicate the couple was not truly able to marry and therefore the marriage they believed they were involved with was not real.

If a marriage is valid and you make a commitment, what does that mean? If a man says he’ll always stand by his wife’s side, does this mean only when he has a fuzzy feeling about her? Like Jesus said, you have heard it said to love your friends and hate your enemies, well I say love your enemies. It is similar in this case. Jon and Kate ought to love each other beyond fuzzy feelings. They made a commitment, an oath. If this oath can be broken nilly-willy, then it wasn’t an oath to start with.

But the people who will lose out the most in this case are the children. People should be married before they have children because a child grows up best with a mother and a father in a single household. A divorce causes enormous stress and instability to the life of a child. If mommy leaves daddy, maybe she’s abandon me as well. It’s a very sad situation. People sometimes mock those who “stay together for the kids”. Well, why not? What is a better alternative? Let’s finish this sentence. Instead of staying together for the kids, maybe they should split up to find a better sex partner. This puts things into perspective. Give me the other reasons why people divorce. Maybe they don’t feel the attraction. Maybe they have grown apart. Well, are these reasons equal or more important than the emotional, mental and spiritual growth of their children? I don’t think so.

Finally, divorcees have been shown to fair much worse than those who stay together. Couples who are contemplating divorce but stay together are almost always happier 5 years later than couples who decide to split up.

I do not know all the details behind Jon and Kate’s marriage, and I am only going on what I do know. I understand there are many circumstances in which people feel there is no choice but divorce. We ought to pray for these people. I do not wish to condemn these people either. In fact, I want to recomment what is best for them. I do not believe allowing divorce is the most compassionate thing to do. A valid couple loved each other at some point and this love ought to be selfless, and therefore it can be rekindled. Again, it a very sad situation when a couple thinks about divorce. I hope they make the right decision.

I believe Jon and Kate ought to try to resolve things and stay together to raise their family like they committed to doing. Let’s keep them in our prayers so that they will do not their will, but God’s will in this matter.

I can’t believe all the religious posts, like THIER lives are in perfect condition heh heh…(where’s your messiah NOW?)

Unless Kate gives up her ego-driven career, Jon will be the primary parent.
I hope religious influence isn’t a factor, regardless.

@Zee,

Not sure where you understood that “religious” means “life in perfect condition”… nor that believing in God makes someone saintly or holy. On the contrary, Christianity or Catholicism is about recognizing that humans AREN’T perfect, which is why we need God’s loving grace.

My point is the same as yours – We aren’t perfect, most of the time we create our own grief.
Quit looking for salvation from someone or something else – it won’t get done. It never has.
Fix it yourself! Deal with it!

I’ve heard, and I believe it’s true, that the best thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother. The best thing a woman can do for her children is to love their father.

I began watching the show a long time ago because the children were so delightful. In the last year, however, Kate’s frustration/impatience/anger at her husband has troubled me. From the beginning Jon has been reserved on camera and it was obvious he was not entirely comfortable. Though he remained impassive during moments when he was scolded, it was very discouraging to watch and I couldn’t imagine what kind of feelings he was harborning.

The bickering between them, even with the declarations that they loved each other and “weren’t going anywhere” without each other, was very discouraging and I stopped watching.

I am so sorry for all of them. I wish, as others have said, they would seek couseling for themselves and their family