A Michigan judge has recently ordered men he calls "deadbeat dads" to watch episodes of the talk show "Maury." Over the last ten years, the controversial program, hosted by Maury Povich, has included a "Who's Your Daddy?" segment, where men and women invite former partners to join them on the show for the purpose of conducting a DNA test. Those results are then shared on air.
If you've never seen it, a quick glance at the show's "Story Tracker" page will show you that it's not pretty.
But that's the point behind Judge Wade McCree's decision to impose forced Maury-watching as a penalty for non-payment of child support in his Wayne County (MI) courtroom. As Judge McCree explained to Ben Leubsdorf of The Associated Press, in an article titled Michigan Judge Sentences Deadbeat Dads to Watch Maury Povich, he doesn't assign this non-traditional form of penalty to all dads who have fallen behind on their child support payments. In his own words, "some are hopeless and have to go to jail," while--in others--he sees the potential for real change.
"It's that group in the middle: What can I do to impact their lives?"
It's certainly a rather creative approach to transforming our current system of child support enforcement. I wonder, though, if there are other options that we're missing. What about parent education, career counseling, and financial coaching? Or, what impact might increased visitation time with one's children have on some of these cases? I agree with Judge McCree that, unfortunately, some parents--men and women alike--are choosing not to pay. But there are many, many non-custodial parents who have fallen so far behind--in some cases, through no fault of their own--that they'll never be able to pay the penalties and arrears they owe in full.
So what do you think? If you were in charge of the existing system, what changes would you introduce? Share your thoughts by participating in this week's single parents' poll, or by leaving a comment below.
I wrote about this the other day because I couldn’t help but laugh when I heard about it. Don’t we have laws against cruel and unusual punishment in this country?
As for how to improve compliance with child support orders, it’s obviously a complicated situation. Research has shown that fathers with more involvement in their children’s lives tend to stay on top of their child support better. That doesn’t mean that joint custody or more liberal visitation is the reason they pay, but there is a correlation and it warrants some thought.
One thing that would definitely help is an overhaul of the way child support is calculated. I’m a custodial mother and there are very few of my peers who agree with me on this, but many child support awards are unreasonably high and there is no hope that they’ll ever be paid. In my situation, I settled for roughly half the guideline amount because I thought my ex could reasonably afford to pay that and was likely to do it. If I had gone with the guideline amount, he would have quit his job, moved in with his mother, and never paid anything or ever visited his children. Our situation was a little bit unusual because of our relative incomes, but I hear horror stories of men ordered to pay several hundred dollars a week which is almost always excessive. Of course, I also know of men who have quit their jobs in order to lower their income and reduce their child support…unfortunately, it seems that the courts look on all men suspiciously because of those few.
Another thing that might help is if custodial parents were required to account for the money they spend on the children. Again, I’m a custodial mother (and no fan of bureaucracy!) but it would certainly put to rest the argument that custodial mothers are living high off their ex-husband’s hard-earned money while the children do without.
Another option would be to allow non-custodial parents to offset their child support with other contributions. If my ex wants to pay for daycare for the children while I work, buy the kids new shoes when they need them, buy them winter coats, etc., then he should be able to provide receipts and get credit for supporting his children. Of course there would have to be limits…giving my son a hand-me-down jacket from his girlfriend’s son (in April!) doesn’t really help when what the child needs is new shoes. If it could be worked out, it might help the NCPs be more involved in knowing what the children need and choosing how they want to help and reduce the bitterness of sending a check to the ex-spouse.
This is by far the most controversial and I have mixed feelings about it myself, but maybe men should be allowed to “sign off” on a pregnancy and terminate their rights and responsibilities. Women have the option to abort a pregnancy or give the baby up for adoption or even abandon it at a safe haven…why should men not have the same right to walk away? The opting out would have to be done as soon as the pregnancy is announced or very shortly after the baby is born…it would not apply to a man who has been acting in the capacity of father for any length of time. But if he doesn’t want to be a father, he would be able to terminate his rights and responsibilities. That way the mother could know right off that she’s going to be doing this alone and make an educated choice about whether she wants to raise the baby or give it up or what. It doesn’t seem fair that when a woman gets pregnant, she has choices but the man is on the hook no matter what. I’m still trying to sort this out in my mind though.
Charging more for parents who don’t pay in the first place is useless, suspending driver’s licenses is useless, offering more involvement is uselss (to a lot of NC parents).
I think there should be a law that places the question “Are you under any current court order to pay child or spousal support in the United States?” on EVERY job application. This would alert the employer to contact Child Support Enforcement to start Income Deduction Orders, and at the same time, eliminate fraud because it is unlawful to lie on a job application and, in most causes, is cause for immediate termination.
So, you either tell the truth and start automatic IDOs or you lose your job.
There should also be more cooporation between states and a NATIONAL new hire registry that would enforce monetary penalties to the employer who doesn’t report a new hire WITHIN 30 days. (That’s plenty of time for an employer to get the info into the system – right now, there are NO penalties and some employers do not report for 90 days, if at all!)
I think that most “deadbeats” get away with it by hiding employers. THAT has to stop.
I have to say that I completely disagree with Barbara T.’s comment that custodial parents need to account for how they spend the child support money. To me, that is one more thing in favor of the non-custodial parent and it’s ridiculous.
Both parents have an obligation to provide for their children financially and the child support guidelines are so tight (in my state) that I am certainly not living high off the measly child support I get. In my case, my ex is in the military so he could never be a deadbeat dad if he tried. However, he also has rental property and lies about how much he makes off of it a week. My first lawyer warned me about this: she said non-custodials who have either their own business or rental property can (and most times will) fudge the numbers so it seems they make less than they do.
To me, the non-custodials call the shots… my ex generally sticks to his visitation schedule yet never offers or wants anything extra. He does cancel last-minute and I am left figuring out what to do. (I work my work schedule around his visitation schedule.)It’s long and complicated but I’m tired of his parenting by convenience and it puts a greater burden on me. To me, having to account for the child support is one more thing I don’t have time to do and it’s insulting.
If the non-custodial parent keeps losing their jobs then there should be a law that they would be put into a work progrm and the money they earned would be put towards their child support.
Also I had this judge reduced my child support in half b/c my son dad told a lie about not working. If the judge feels like reducing my son income then there should be a law where the governmnent has to pick up the my child housing,food,clothing and healthcare.
“If the judge feels like reducing my son income then there should be a law where the governmnent has to pick up the my child housing,food,clothing and healthcare.”
Sorry, but I dont think that more public assistance is the answer here. I am a single momma too, and my ex couldn’t hold a job to save his life! So, I work full time and provide my own housing, food, clothing and healthcare. Are there other things that I would like to be doing? Absolutely! I would love to go back to school and get into a nursing program, but right now, that just isn’t an option for me. Life isn’t fair- kids and parents (yes, moms AND dads) get screwed over every day so you have to just suck it up and do the best that you can with what you get.
I loved the idea of a work program though! I also agreed that the father should have the right to sign off on a pregnancy. Yes, it takes two, but if a woman has the choice to terminate a pregnancy, then a man should also have the right to terminate his rights before the child is born.
Please no more government programs!!!! The success rate of the current programs is dismal…what makes you think a new government program would be successful. I am a single mom of 3 teenagers…i work 2 jobs…I am very fortunate that my services as a RN are needed in this economy.I receive no assistance from their dad, their family and yes, my family. It is often bleak, but I count my blessings everyday that I am able to provide for my family on my own!!!
I agree completely with Barbara (and I’m a CP as well). The courts have created situations where sometimes the NCP can EVER have a chance. The costs of the child should be split in half and each parent covers it. Period. There are plenty of women (and maybe men) who think that the CSP is a “paycheck”. The system needs SERIOUS reform.
Do not make the mistake of thinking that a military man cannot be a deadbeat dad. My kids ‘deadbeat sperm donor’ is in the National Guard and Child Support Enforcement in Florida, in their infinite ‘foul up the case for our own job security’ has told me more or less that he cannot be served with a paternity suit or child support suit while he is overseas. This is in fact not true, as anyone who bothers to READ the “Soldier’s and Sailor’s Civil Relief Act of 1949″ would know, but nonentheless, after a year and a half of other ‘archaic laws’ that prevented him from being served, on May 4, when his ‘Sargeant’ was contacted for an address for service, CSE ‘left a voicemail message.’ As of today, May 19, 2009, this ‘Sargeant’ has not returned their phone call but must have alerted the father since he himself called CSE on May 14 to tell them that he was going to Iraq the following week. This is not even proper procdure, yet, there remains no service.
Furthermore, here’s what it’s going to take. IMMEDIATE ACTION. The MOMENT that the CP reports to the state that there has been a breakdown of the family unit, both parents need to be IMMEDIATELY Ordered into “Family Crisis Intervention Counseling” where the ‘actions’ and ‘words’ by each are heard and noted by an Independent third party authority figure who will not allow the slowness of the court systems to be used by the NCP to not do the responsible thing and support the children until it gets to court. That ‘authority’ figure needs to be the person who says, “I am here to tell you that if you refuse support now, when it does go to court, I will be there to testify to your ______ rage, spite, hate, etc, and in the end, you will pay anyway, but you will not be permitted to be alone with your children, and you will be ordered to undergo counseling to help you figure out why you think you don’t have to care for these innocent lives that are made from your flesh, blood, and DESIRES.
And to those who want to let men ‘opt out’ I ask, and at exactly what age of the child should the cut off decision for that be? My ex is the one who WANTED kids. Threatened to leave me if I didn’t have our first. He left when that boy was 22 months old. Is it ok now to say, “hey, I thought I wanted a kid, but now I don’t want a kid.. do over.’? Being a mother was the second hardest job I’ve ever had to do. Being a single mother, was the first. And having been forced into both with no choice of my own, I don’t get to ‘quit.’
Could I put my children up for adoption? Sure, I could. But society would judge me and ask “how could a mother give up her own child” and my child would always suffer wondering why Mommy didn’t want him. Dad’s on the other hand, don’t give a damn about whether or not their kids will wonder why their Dad didn’t want them, because society has let men abandon their children and called it ‘civil’ while a mother who would do the same would be in arrested for abandonment. Immediate authory intervention specialists who will hold NCP’s accountable and responsible are the only answer. Forcing these NCP’s to have to FACE the fact that they are not permitted to just ‘abandon’ their family without scrutiny or repercussion, and these NCP’s need to be made aware of the damage they are inflicting upon the children with these seflish, walk away attitudes.
DCSE is funded by federal money. Child support enforcement should be contracted out/ outsourced to a collection agency not a state government agency. If bonuses were paid to collectors based on money paid, there would less uncollected arrearages. The child would getting support from both parents and there would be accountablity instead of these ridiculous arrearages which are allowed to accure because getting action from DCSE takes to long. As it is a DCSE worker can have 100 to 150 cases and there’s no incentative to collect the arrearages or prevent.
Candie – I understand what you’re saying. I’m a custodial parent too and I agree that it’s insulting, but I hear the argument from NCPs CONSTANTLY that their ex-wife is just living it up with their child support. I KNOW what the expenses are for having children and I know that the child support I receive doesn’t even put a dent in those expenses. So every time I hear that argument, I think “Fine. I’ll show you where every penny of the child support goes and then you’ll have nothing to argue about!” In my case, if I had to account for the child support and my monthly budget, it would turn out that a significant increase in child support is justified. I don’t think it will ever happen, but it would go a long way toward easing the animosity between the two sides.
Tamicka – I have to disagree with your last statement. I know what it’s like to skip meals so that my children can eat, not go to the doctor when I’m sick because I don’t have the money, have the power turned off because the kids had an unexpected medical bill, etc. I’m not an elitist by any means. I do, however, feel that it is MY responsibility to support my children, period. Should their father have to chip in? YES. But if he doesn’t, then the responsibility is on me, not the taxpayers or anyone else.
Vanessa – I like your idea of counseling/mediation/whatever immediately. In our case, we (I) wanted to do the divorce uncontested so we went back and forth for almost a year before I finally gave up and filed contested so we could get a hearing. During that year, I drained what little savings I had, and he got used to not paying anything.
As far as “paper abortions” or allowing a man to opt out of a pregnancy, like I said, I have mixed feelings on that. It doesn’t really matter because it will never happen, but I do think it’s an idea that has some merit. I’m sorry that your husband pressured you into having children, but you did have a choice. When he left, even with your baby almost 2 years old, you still had a choice. It’s not a choice that you like, but it is there. When a woman announces that she is pregnant, the man has no choice from that moment forward. The woman can have an abortion to end the pregnancy, she can place the baby for adoption (often without the consent of the father), she can abandon the baby at a safe haven (again without the knowledge or consent of the father), but if SHE chooses to keep the baby, then HE is financially responsible. It seems that he should have some choice in the matter. Since it would not be right for him to be able to force an abortion, adoption, etc, then one alternative is the “paper abortion” where he relinquishes all his rights and responsibilities. That way, the woman knows what she’s getting into, knows she’ll have no financial or emotional support from him, and can decide whether she’s willing to do it alone. Otherwise you wind up with women who keep the baby thinking that they’ll get child support from the father and then regret their decision later.
Karen – Actually, one of the biggest problems with the way child support is handled is that the states do get bonuses based on the amount of child support they collect. Some people claim that’s the reason some states award insanely high child support and insist that all collections go through the state even if the man is not likely to fall behind. The state only gets federal matching funds if the money goes through their offices.
It’s definitely complicated all around. Re: “paper abortions,” I agree that it would be helpful for unmarried, pregnant women to know up front if the guy isn’t going to help out, but let’s take teen pregnancies for a moment, just for the sake of discussion. How many young (teenage) guys would opt out of signing a “paper abortion” type document? If legally opting out were an option for guys, it would take a really strong young man, IMO, to say, “I know I could opt out, but I’m not going to.” In our forum, we frequently advise unmarried moms and moms-to-be to file for support, but to also make plans to provide for their kids on their own (by furthering their education, etc.). When the support is there, it’s great. But it shouldn’t be regarded as a given, because in so many cases, it isn’t.
As far as the idea of having custodial parents (moms and dads alike) report how they’re spending the support money, that might alleviate a degree of the animosity for some, but I also believe that, unfortunately, it would become one more thing to scrutinize.
Child support is a mess, probably always will be. Fact is, 2 households are more expensive to upkeep than 1. Always. It’s hard enough supporting a household on 1 income, let alone 2 households on 1 income. So when you have that situation, BOTH households are going to end up short.
My dad was a non-CP, and poor as dirt. Yes, my mom was also poor as dirt and we lived off welfare for a while. My dad was hardly able to feed himself, let alone pay child support and by the time I graduated he owed around $50k to the state. All us kids are grown now and my dads CP debt just keeps growing. What’s the point? Is it going to help us kids if he pays that debt? NO. What if he doesn’t pay it, does it get passed to his inheritors?
As for the father “opt out” I think this is reasonable and fair. We all know that teenage pregnancy can destroy young dreams, completely altering a young persons life. Young mothers who make this mistake have options, that many take up on, like abortion or adoption. What choice does a young man have? If your 14 year old son makes a mistake, do you want him to have his dreams destroyed? Never going to college, never being able to grow as a young man. Child support is restrictive, there is no realistic way a young man could put himself through college and pay CP at the same time.
Some may say “he made a mistake and now he HAS to pay” and I ask, do you feel the same way about young mothers?
Fatherhood is a great gift, I wouldn’t trade it for the world, but if it came 5 years earlier in my life I cringe to think of how my life would’ve turned out.
~ single father of 3
Yes, I had a choice. And I made it, like an adult, and suffered the consequences, like an adult. He has faced no consequences for his actions, so the ‘paper abortion’ issue, is one of the few that actually sort of ‘level the playing field’ so to speak.
Yes, women have certain rights that men do not have when it comes to the decision to abort, adopt or keep the child, but women don’t have the right to use ‘maternity tests’ to stall legal proceedings the way men do.
That is the reason men don’t get a say in the abortion debate. Adoption, they actually do have a say in, however, as the Putative Father Registry allows fathers the right to assert parental rights and the chance to prove that they can and are willing to care for the child that is to be adopted.
WOW Vanessa….having children is suffering the consequences??? I was just a kid myself when I had my first child, 18 years old. My boyfriend left me when I was 4 1/2 months pregnant, so I did it alone. I went back to work when he was 3 weeks old and have been working ever since to provide for him. I never considered it “suffering” EVER! As a mother who actually loves my child, I was willing to do anything to raise my son to be a mature and responsible man, which is he is today. Not to mention he is now a father of 2 children himself. It’s really time for you to either “get over it” and get a job and raise your children or just give them up now, to someone who won’t look at them as a “thorn” in their life. All this time you spend on the internet bitching about what a deadbeat dad your ex is could be spent WITH your children or even maybe working so that child support isn’t something you have to depend on. Yes, it would be a beautiful thing for your ex to pay for his children, but they are also YOUR children, and when you are the only one responsible for them because the other half won’t help, then just do it! There are too many options out there to assist you when you are a single parent, such as coordinated child care to help pay for day care, financial aid to go to school for a better career, and also housing assistance. So there is NO excuse whatsoever to sit online, bitch about $ and the ex, when you can be out there working and become independant!
I think child support is another way for the government to try and control peoples lives. In most cases how does it help anyone. I have a friend who had girlfriends who got pregnant just so they thought they were gonna keep him. Or punish him for leaving them. He has children he never knew about till child support came looking for him. Children he has never got to spend anytime of their life with them. Now he owes thousands and it keeps getting more and more every month. He in on disability and they already take 235.00 a month from his 694.00 a month. On top of it they want him to pay another 130.00 a month out of that. The federal government says you can only take 65 % of it and they want to take 90% of it. How is he suppose to live on that. He gets violated once a year from not paying the 130.00. They threaten to put him in jail for up to 10 years. WTF is this all about!!! I have no faith in the michigan child support system. Make a man a felon because of child support. There is something really wrong with this picture. This friend of mine is in failing health and the last time he was in jail. They took him off his pain meds and wouldnt perscribe him no psyche meds in jail. Being pulled offf them almost killed him. Now he has a lawsuit against the county for millions for the awful treatment of him. I hope he wins the money is able to pay off his child support and tell wayne county court and that lousy attourey general to kiss his a##. It’s funny how a child molestor gets out of jail but they want to keep men in who dont pay support.