Numerous sources, including ABC News, CBS, and CNN, are reporting that the California woman who gave birth to six boys and two girls last week is a single mother of six (now 14!) children, who became pregnant through in vitro fertilization.
My first question is what kind of support system does she have? (Okay. That's not true. My first question was "What was she thinking?") But seriously, does she have friends and family lined up to help with all those diaper changes and feedings? (A basic question any single mother by choice should ask.)
Fortunately, it seems as though the octuplet mom has been getting a great deal of help from her mother, Angela Suleman, who has been taking care of the other six children, ages 2 through 7, since their mother was hospitalized seven weeks prior to the octuplets' birth. However, Suleman has also reportedly given her daughter notice that she will "be gone" as soon as the new mother gets home from the hospital.
Granted, this may simply be her frustration talking. Some sources are also reporting that the octuplets' grandfather plans to return to Iraq, where he worked previously as a contractor, in order to support the family. So perhaps the mother of 14 will continue to receive practical, hands-on help from her parents, despite her mother's comments. But in any case, the entire situation raises multiple (no pun intended) questions, such as:
- Did the octuplet mom's doctor blatantly ignore the guidelines set forth by the American Society of Reproductive Medicine, which state that patients under 35 years of age should not be implanted with more than two embryos? If so, will there be any repercussions for those individuals involved?
- Can we even ask whether it was appropriate for a doctor to administer IVF to a single mom of six without limiting the options of other choice moms--most of whom don't have six children and are prepared to independently handle the rigors of motherhood, including the emotional, logistical, and financial ramifications?
- Will companies jump at the chance to "sponsor" the single mom with gifts and donations, as they have other families of high-order multiple-birth children?
- Will the members of the community volunteer to help this single mom raise her babies--taking take turns providing round-the-clock care as residents of Carlisle, Iowa, did for the famed McCaughey family when their septuplets were born back in 1997?
I'm curious to find out. How about you? What's your reaction, and what questions are you asking? Let us know by leaving a comment below or sharing your thoughts in the Single Parents' Forum.
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I cannot believe anyone in their right mind would even CONTEMPLATE having 14 children!! As for the doctors, they should be ashamed of themselves!! Who would implant a single mother, with obviously no partner, no income with so many embryos?? This woman shouldn’t be lauded as a wonderful person, but as an idiot who has put her children in an untenable position,as she would not have enough time to spend with any of these poor children on a one-on-one basis. She has obvioulsy not thought anything through properly?? I have three children, and sometimes find it a struggle for myself to have one-on-one time with them, with work, study. Shame, shame, shame.
I’ve always said that there are those moms who loves children and then there are the moms who love their children. I am the latter. This woman must have a lot of love to give and must require a lot since I am viewing this as a selfish act. To me, its hard creating a “normal” life for my son since I work full time and sometimes am too tired to read with him. Let alone 14 children. And as a single mom by choice, our job is a solo act where we can or should not rely on the kindness of others to raise our children.
I am all for it, I am a single mom of 6 under 8 years old, and I would have 10, I am 100% mom, I homeschool, I am always here, never go anywhere. I don’t see the big deal. She is doing what women have been doing for decades, large family.
I guess my first comment has already been made – who were the doctors who implanted the embryos in the first place? I personally think they should be financially responsible for this group of children. But more importantly, I have heard nothing about what source of income this mother has. She lives with her parents (now her mom is going to be gone but her dad states the family will be disappearing to their HUGE house somewhere). Does she work? If so, who handles day care? If she doesn’t work, then are we the taxpayers supporting these children who were brought into this world by a mother who is fixated on having more children? Does the Dept of Children & Family Services need to check into this situation and make sure all is well?
First off, we need to stop judging a woman based on what the MEDIA has reported. We need to keep in mind that this media is biased against families, single moms, and those who go against the feminist “choice” grain. Secondly, it is NONE OF OUR BUSINESS how this woman will be supporting her children. Do we want family services, our neighbors, or the media scrutinizing our abilities as single moms? Why her just because she has more? This woman has a family who is willing to help her. That is more than many of us can say. I would not make the decision she did and if her doctors broke an ethics rule, they will be held accountable. Certainly though, even the doctors knew this birth would not go unnoticed so they must have taken that into consideration before implanting her.
how selfish….The doctors should be ashamed…and she should be sterilized!! Does no one care about these children, only their own selfishness? Disgusting!
Well I just wonder why anyone in this time era would want to have more children when they already have 6. Possibly one but multiples….. You have got to be kidding….. woo hoo…. U Go Girl N Good Luck She will need it…..
It’s interesting how this discussion is evolving. How about the Duggar family (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20134584/) who I believe just had their 20th child. They believe that birth control is the same as abortion, so the couple (in their 40s) just keeps reproducing. They have been featured multiple times on cable TV, have been lauded as a family that works hard and counts their blessings. They don’t have extra support — just 2 parents (and 3 or 4 older teens) to take care of 20 kids ranging from 18 to newborn. No one rages at their “immaturity” or “stupidity.” Is it just because this woman is single? Is she considered crazy because she made a CHOICE, rather than being a victim? If she’d carried octuplets by chance, everyone would feel pity? Would we then hold her up as a hero when she chose to carry the babies to term and not abort? And then everyone would rush to help? But because she made a choice to have 14 on her own, people call her selfish. And how many adults does it take to care for a large family? The Duggars only have 2 — apparently it’s enough? I think all this anger and debate about “ethics” is because the woman is SINGLE, rather than MARRIED. Shame on us — a single-parent forum — for our hypocrisy.
I think it is very selfish of her to have so many kids. Who is paying the hospital bills for her and the children? One person can not care for 14 children..I personally think she should not benefit financially from her decision. I am a single parent of 1, that is all I can handle.
Loving children is one thing- being a responsible parent is another. You can have 100 children if you are able to support them and have family and friend support systems to enable the children to have some individualized time. Relying on financial aid (although that is not mentioned anywhere) or hoping for sponsors is not being responsible. What does that say about us as a human race? Where is all the money coming from to support these children? Please say it is not me who works more than full time to pay for my daughter and home. As for the medical Doctor- he should be brought up on ethics charges. I am a nurse and most of the medical field I work with is outraged- understandably. Just because science enables us- does not mean we are always able. I hope laws will be made re this because I don’t think some (not all)people are making wise decisions on thier own
Mary says: “One person can not care for 14 children” — can two do that much better than one? You ask: “Who is paying the hospital bills for her and the children?” Probably the same person who pays in a two-parent family where both parents are working, right?? C’mon folks, drop the self-righteous judgment!
AMEN!!! My point earlier. Who is paying her hospital bills? Who cares. Who pays mine or yours? It is none of our business who is paying for anything unless she comes to us PERSONALLY and asks, “will you pay this?”
She is not a burden to you, your children, or your pocket book. If you want one child, two children, or are happy with more, go for it.
And for the person who asked if there is this much outrage about the Duggars; Amen to that also. Because this woman is a single mother (the title of this article and most others is: “Octuplet Mom is a Single Mother by Choice”), she is receiving more attention and more outrage.
When people on a single parent site come on and say that she is selfish, irresponsible, and all the other self-righteous adjectives, what judgement does that offer of all single moms? Some are single parents because they choose to bare children without co-parents. Some choose to become single parents after children.
Who is buying our food? Who is paying our bills? Who is loving our children because we supposedly don’t have time to do it ourselves. IF we start advocating family services to check up on her because she made the choice to be a single mom to many children (and for that reason alone), where do we draw the line? Do single moms with 10 kids need supervision? What about 8? 3? 1?
The day she comes to you and asks for your help, you have a right to complain.
Dear God help this mom and her 14 children. She definitely needs our prayers.
I think she is crazy,she doenst know that there is more to motherhood than bringing forth.
Preach-it mominIN!!! I agree fully!! To those who have somehow judged that she will not be good at motherhood due to your own insecurities… SHAME ON YOU!!! We all struggle as moms. I have a 11 week old boy and a 4 and 6 year old and I know I am not the “perfect” mom. My kids know I love them and I do my best to teach them respect, love, integrity, hope, and to love our most amazing heavenly father (who chose to have trillions of babies as a single parent ;D), but there are definitly things I could do to give them more of me. (Like turning off the TV, computer, phone, or not working, etc.) We should NEVER judge just because we subconsciously feel less than adequate. I agree with mominIN 100% and hopefully the rest of you (who make negative judgements) realize how ignorant you sound making the assumptions you are without even knowing all of the FACTS!!! Have a great day – and try not to judge people unless you would like to be judged.
As a mother of five who is pro life, I say, it is none of my business what other people want to do. All I can say is what I believe in for me. I love kids, believe in life, born and unborn and love all my kids and grandkids. That’s it.
Who really cares what she was thinking? The question is what is she going to do now? What is in store for all of her kids? Another good questions is how can I help? I’d like to donate something – money for formula, diapers, whatever. Lots of people seem very intent on judging her; I’d just like to know if there is a way to get her a donation… Anybody?
Having been a single parent of two and now a great grandmother I can say there is a difference between “judging” and making comments based on insight and discernment, there is a difference.
Although I worked hard for most of those years, early on I received government assistance. I didn’t go and ask individuals directly for help but it did come in the form of taxpayer’s money. I didn’t have a very strong family support system and relatives never babysat. It was definitely a struggle and my children paid a high price. I wish I could say we have lived happily ever after. There have been some serious consequences of being a single parent. I still love my kids and grand kids but in retrospect I would not recommend single parenthood. I’m not sure having a partner to “help” is much better. This is just too much of a fragmented world. There are no guarantees even in what seems an ideal situation.
Not all single mothers are struggling. Not all feel lonely and not all need assistance. I think this forum has decided that being a single parent means a struggle and the need for outside assistance. From what I read, the grandfather has told the press that they have “a large house somewhere else,” where the mom and her brood will go live and the press won’t find them. I mean, a family that lives in California and has 2 houses — maybe they just aren’t struggling like some of us are! And even if they are, how does any of us know they will be asking for governmental handouts, welfare, or their anyone else’s help?? And how does any of us know that the kids will be “neglected”? She may be independently wealthy, she may decide to stay home and home-school the kids. We don’t know her or her situation — how can we make judgments at all? Seems like people have forgotten — “single mom” does NOT mean “downtrodden.” I can say — as a single mom and a professional woman — that being a single parent to my beautiful daughter is pure joy.
Wow, I am awed by the comments that laud this situation with this mom. She’s simply not cool. This misguided, self-righteous “some single mothers are happy that way” I have an intuitive hunch that if this woman were evaluated on a psycho-emotional-spiritual level, serious imbalances exist. It’s her inner child/coping mechanism or something. She needs her head checked. Right on Barbara, heard that!
TO SLB,
The press has stated she has no visible source of income (except the grandfather who now has to go back to work in Iraq as a contractor). Had he retired and is now feels obligated to bail her out? Maybe he is independently wealthy but I doubt it if he has to return to work while she and her “brood” live in the “big house”. The grandmother has stated the “new” mother is obsessed with children (at least bearing them) and her mother has “given notice”. These factoids say a lot if true and that everything is not all sunshine and roses. But who can trust the media?
As far as “struggle” goes, it’s not all about what good financial shape you may be in. I recently sold a million+$ home and live comfortably now. If there is not some struggle somewhere I have to question your honesty. There are always issues with children from “fatherless” homes, not that they can’t be overcome .If you want to deny it and be Pollyanna that is your choice. Down the road, if not in your daughter’s life and something you can readily see but in her children’s lives it will show up in some form or other, I’m sorry to tell you. That being said, there is always hope. It’s like how we forget any pain in childbirth and continue to have more (nature’s little trick). It’s all part of the perpetuation of the species.
Wow, if we single parents are going to perpetuate stereotypes and judgment against each other, we have NO CHANCE with the “mainstream” families who will jump at any chance to do the same. There are those that are single by chance and those who choose it, plan financially and thoughtfully, and who do not struggle in exactly the same way. These comments are sad because YOU are perpetuating the very biases that keep us all viewed as “poor little victims” who either need pity or who are “always looking for a handout.” Maybe that’s YOU but it’s not me. I resent the stereotypes and prejudice out there against single parents. Now I know where it comes from: US!
The mom now has a spokesperson who appeared on Good Morning America yesterday. Here’s the link: http://www.abcnews.go.com/GMA/Parenting/Story?id=6792835&page=1.
I am glad you are having such a terrific and problem free life as a single parent SLB and you enjoy this state for many years to come. I am not perpetuating any stereotypes and do not consider myself “typical” or even a victim but trying to honestly portray the realities of being a single parent without sugar coating and misleading others who may be contemplating it.
Not to beat this into the ground but I have seen too much being the second of four generations of “single parents”. My mom’s father died young, my father died when I was 10 (two of my now deceased sisters were also single parents). By this time it seemed “normal” in my family to not have a father around. My daughter has 3 children (not married but in a 20+ year relationship) and her daughter is in a several year relationship with one child. My son also has a child which he has been the primary caregiver for since his son’s birth 2 ½ years ago. I like this website because it gives tips on how to improve life as a single parent and doesn’t assume things are blissful and you don’t need any help.
Some people are missing a very serious point here. It can be summed up with a previous statement which starts with: “The press has stated…” Do you honestly believe that “the press” has obtained from this family their financial documents? We cannot make any judgements based on what the press has reported. Plain and simple.
In this country, we have reproductive choice. Our choices will never agree with many other choices. She chose this path because it is what she wanted and we live in a country of freedom.
Being a single parent is not easy and to suggest that anybody here has claimed “a terrific and problem free life” is unfair. Nobody has even made that suggestion.
You do not know what any of our PERSONAL struggles are just as we have no idea what yours are unless you share them with us. As fellow single moms we can empathize with you. Feel for her if you think she is struggling, but don’t judge her. Your “common sense” may be completely different than hers (or mine).
Single parent struggles are not even the point. The point behind all this is being unfair without knowing anything about this mom and her very supportive extended family other than what the PRESS has told us.
Some of the people on here have suggested that she should be investigated by family services. Why?
Some of the people here have made the very UNFAIR insinuation that she is going to be relying on public welfare. Why?
If she could afford the implantation and hospital birth, don’t you think she is at least a LITTLE financially secure? Do you honestly think public medicaid pays for that?
Being a single mom is not easy. We take on what we know that we personally can handle. You have done that. I have done that. This mom has done that.
Go ahead and think she is crazy. Go ahead and say, “I can barely handle my own situation with many less kids.” But please, don’t ever, ever suggest that because she is not doing what you think prudent, she deserves to have her private life invaded with questions about her competence, finances, or mental health. If we think that just because she has chosen to have so many children she is open to invasion then all the rest of us are also.
I think it is really sad, as the children are the one’s who will be affected by all of this. How could a single mother give all of these children the attention they need and deserve. Unless extremely wealthy, which there is no evidence to support that. There is no way one person could nourish all of these precious hearts in her situation. I believe the Mother is being very selfish, and I don’t blame the grandmother for leaving. Which brings up another sore subject, where is the daughters love for her own mother? At one point the children need to take care of their parents? Seems she was just using her parents for her own gain. I don’t believe a mom is called a mother just because she gives birth, the title has to be earned by ones actions, caring and loving for their children, and providing them with a happy life, and happy memories. It’s just so sad! I feel for the Grandfather too, as he is supporting all of them. When does he get to retire, and when is this mom going to be responsible? People go through hard times, but she is creating an even greater whole for herself. It’s unthinkable! They say she loves children, but I can’t see it, where’s the evidence supporting this? Will she ever be held responsible to provide for these children? Or is everything going to be handed to her? Personally I think the children should be taken away from her, and placed with a family that can love them, as children require a parents love, and she (the mother) is obviously not capable. It bothers me that children don’t have more rights? More and more I believe parents should have to have a license to have children. I also do not believe a parent with children, should be able to see a fertility doctor, there should be limits and laws protecting the unborn children as well as the current one’s. It’s no doubt a touchy subject when children are concerned. I am a single parent of four, a full-time student online, and I could not even imagine how this woman was able to get her education they claim she has, and having all of these children. I don’t even know how I will make it through getting my AA let alone a BA or my Masters. I miss my children and spending my time with them, the schooling is taking a lot of my time, but I have no choice with two deadbeat fathers. I love my children and I want to provide for them and see their dreams come true. I also want to help my mom and see her retire, as she has been there for all of us, and she deserves the world. I am very grateful and I love my children and my mother, I would do anything for them, they are my world, and one day I will be able to provide for all of them, and I will be a proud mother and daughter because of it.
I think that a lot of what some folks perceive as judgement should rather be considered “concerns”. Most of the people on this site are single parents and are all too aware of the struggles and hardships that go along with the single parent title. All of us care deeply for not only our children, but ALL children and one woman having so many children at one time is going to be an enormous task.
I heard on the news that she did the last invetro because she didn’t want her eggs (which had been previously harvested) to be wasted- why couldn’t she have donated them? I do applaud her for not aborting, but also worry about the outcome of the situation.
I think it is important to question the fertility Dr., why so young, she was single & how was this paid??
Question her motive. She was lonely as a child doen’t cut it. her twins were only 1 yr. old when she implanted the octuplets. You don’t have enough time to really know your baby, find their likes, dislikes and such in 1 yr. this stinks. The lady is warped, and fraudulantly collecting State funds.If ever the people wanted a public investigation, this is it.
I may have missed comments addressing this, but WE are paying for all those kids. OUR insurance rates are affected, OUR taxes go up to support children born too early, too small & weak to develop normally. So all of you who say it’s none of my business, please think again. It turns out that it’s ALL of our business, whether we like it or not. She’s taking food out of OUR kids’ mouths.
“The Los Angeles Times has reported that Kaiser Permanente Medical Center, where the babies will remain for several weeks, has asked California’s medical insurance program, Medi-Cal, to pay the tab.” And where do you think Medi-Cal get its funding? And what about the food stamps, disability and student loans she receives? Where do you think that comes from? Not to mention the ongoing care and special education that these sickly little guys are going to need. Make no mistake, WE ARE PAYING. So to all of you who say it’s none of our business – it’s exactly our business, and our money.
It is terribly sad that so many people have nasty things to say about this mom. The fact is she needs 8 basinets, pampers, milk, clothes and other things for the baby. The children are here. If nobody helps her the state will still have to help and they would be prepared to pay foster parents unlimited dollars to care for those children. So everybody needs to get over it. The babies are not going anywhere and they will need a lifetime of care. If no one plans to help her they need to shut up and get a life.
I can see how crazy and upsetting this is for people, but the children are here now & we can’t have the children suffer for the mother’s mistake.
Ok; the babies are here.All this squawking
with opinions. People pay more attention and judgement about people’s personal choices rather than contributing positively to a solution. Ex;illegal immigration, human rights,birth control,abortion,etc. How will you offer to help the family? It takes a village….
This Lady is crazy. I am a single mom of two with a full time job and I currently attending online classes to get my Master’s degree. I have no family in the immediate area; they are two hours away. I have NO help from the government because I make to much is what they say. Their dad quit his good paying job for a smaller paying one and now my boys suffer. I do the best that I can but I would never consider bringing another child into my home until I am more financially sound. I have trouble keeping up with the bills that I do have. The unexpected dr appointments are getting to me. I am struggling to stay afloat and to see her have 14 kids knowing that my hard earned tax money will be going to help someone who chose to do something so stupid. What quality of life will those children have? What was the doctor thinking? There is no way it is right to let her get pregnant again. After I had my second one and I was married at the time my doctor asked every visit while I was pregnant about birth control after I had my baby. I do not think she should be given a free ride. I think that we should help each other out in this world and neighbors need to do the neighborly thing but I honestly do not think that she can do this on her own. What kind of vehicle will she need to take the children where she need.
If this woman is able to support all of her children, give the love and support, then I think its her business and she has the right to bare her children as she saw fit. No one says anything about the religious woman who has 19 children with her husband. And, I know in this case the woman is married, but this still proposes some of the same issues.
Reading some of these comments, I wonder, what world are some of you living in? Being a single parent, whether always or by divorce, hasn’t been stereotyped or thought of as bad or horrible for about 2 decades now, at least. Have you read the divorce stats lately? Nowadays, the “mainstream” family is the single parent family or the so called “blended” family. Even when dealing with elderly people who tend to be more traditional, I have only heard applause and positive affirmations, even though I was never married.
Almost nobody has a problem with single parenting–its the ridiculous that people have a problem with. A single mom with 14 children is ridiculous. A married couple with 14 children is ridiculous. That Duggar family is ridiculous, but at least they chose to space their children out; they didn’t have 8 babies at one time on purpose.
When you are using the children’s grandparents to parent, its depriving the children and the grandparents of the opportunity of a wonderful and special relationship. My brother and his wife have 4 children and rely on my mother for a lot of daycare/money/ etc. My mom spends her time parenting them and they all miss out on the grandma-grandchild relationship that my daughter and mother have, because I parent my child and my mom gets to do fun grandma stuff with her.
Anyway, this has become long and rambling, but my point is this: to those of you who are defending this Octomom on the basis that single parents have the choice to do whatever they want and we all have to stick together; get real!!
How much of this outrage is simply because she has 14 children? The media is giving this story way too much attention, the woman should at least have a chance to prove herself, and it’s not any of our business anyway.
For those of you who say it’s coming out of your tax money, maybe it is… but still, you have going to have to pay taxes to the government for them to do with as they see fit whether this mother has her children or not. It’s not up to you, which is why it is TAXES.
I think that:
1- everyone is over-reacting. It’s not your life, it’s not your business. This woman maybe didn’t think things through but it’s still her choice and you cannot possibly say she CAN’T do it until she DOESN’T. Understand?
2- Until she does something to prove she CAN’T, child services has ABSOLUTELY NO business even knowing her name. The number of children in a family doesn’t constitute abuse, nor does the number of parent’s available to tend to those children.
3- She shouldn’t be attacked for merely wanting children. The desire to propagate and bear children is a PRIMAL INSTINCT that people have perverted in the pursuit of the almighty dollar.
You guys seriously need to chill out and worry more about your own life and family and let this poor woman worry about hers.
I really have no opinion on the subject about the mother herself. I agree with the people who stated unless we were asked directly for help it doesn’t affect us. What I do have to say is about the children. I am a single mother of three. Not by choice their father walked out and never looked back. No phone calls, no cards, and no child support. My children now 11, 8, and 6 are struggling with all of this. Their dad’s been gone 3 years so it isn’t the point of him just leaving. It is we don’t have lots of money for anything. I live paycheck trying to make ends meet. I work as a middle manager and do my best to take care of them. But the disciplining alone as a single parent is hard enough. Then dividing time between them. Trying to give them the things they want and not just the things they need. It is difficult and I couldn’t imagine trying to do it for that many children. My kids are affected by all these aspects and it shows in their behavior as well as their academics. I don’t see that how two parents could provide everything these children need mentally, physically, and emotionally, let alone one parent. And it is one parent without a strong support system. I have both my parents, two sisters, and some great friends and still find myself overwhelmed with not even being able to go to the store without packing up three children to go get a few things. I just think we should be concerned for the children and what affects this will have on them. Will they get enough one on one parent time, will they get enough discipline to teach them right from wrong, will they get enough homework help so they don’t potentially become dropouts. Will they get the love and attention they need so there is no envy between them causing more not needed stresses on the family.
I say good luck to the mother and I hope she is able to do for her 14 children what I have been unable to accomplish with my 3.