Ann Coulter, You've Missed the Point Completely!
Hey single moms, are you feeling exalted today? According to author and columnist Ann Coulter, in her new book, Guilty: Liberal Victims and Their Assault On America, we live in a nation that has exalted single motherhood. Imagine that!
You can see it for yourself when you watch Ann Coulter's interview with Matt Lauer on NBC's Today Show. The entire interview is more than nine minutes long, but if you click "launch," and fast forward to minute three, you'll find the spot where she talks about her chapter targeting single mothers. After watching it, here are a few thoughts I'd like to share with Ms. Coulter:
What do you think? Take a moment to share your thoughts, or write your own "open letter to Ann Coulter" in our comments section below.Exalted? Actually, Ann, exalted means to raise up, to praise, to magnify. Look around you. Single moms--and single dads--are anything but exalted in this country. Here in the real world, single moms continue to be looked down upon, viewed as irresponsible, even thought of as "a burden." But then, you're familiar with that, since you dedicated an entire chapter of your new book to singling out and condemning single mothers for just about every problem that exists in our society today!
Oh, I understand that you're pointing to "facts," like the statistic that 70% of all inmates were raised by single moms. But you're missing the point, entirely.
It's just not that cut and dry. It isn't that raising a child on your own will automatically increase that child's likelihood of turning to crime later in life--it's that raising a child on your own, without emotional or financial support, increases the chances that you'll either fall into poverty, or live in limbo--earning too much money to qualify for government assistance, but not enough money to live on: factors which serve as greater influences on the very outcomes you choose to blame on hard-working, decent single parents, who are out there in the world doing the very best they can to raise 26% of this country's future, without acknowledgment or fanfare.
But you know what, Ann? I have to tell you that even though we have completely different takes on how to accomplish transformational change in the world, you were on to something when you told Matt Lauer that The New York Times (About.com's parent company) "exalts" single mothers. See, the community we've built here at Single Parents at About.com is a place where single mothers can turn to be "exalted"--raised up, praised, magnified.
Rather than instigate change by placing blame and tearing down, I believe--with everything within me--that real transformational change happens when individuals are supported and encouraged. When someone comes alongside you and says, "I've noticed what you're doing, and I know it's hard, but it's worth every sacrifice." That can keep a single mom going, and when she keeps going, she begins to realize how strong she really is--and with that knowledge, she can claw her way out of the pit and away from the very outcomes you're so eager to blame on her.
So, who knows, maybe you took notice of what it is that we do here in this community of support. Maybe that's why "exalted" came to mind when you were thinking of single mothers.
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Comments
Yes, I feel horrible exaulted. After a day of taking care of both my children alone and helping my sick parents , I feel wonderful. Especially after having someone basically attack my life.
There were more babies being born from teen mothers in the past than there are now. And regardless of whether or not there has been a raise in single mothers, the fact that society has made it extremely difficult for any single parent families to truly succeed. Most families do fall in that middle area, too much money to get help but not enough to really have a decent life.
The family is changing, that is true. But it is not all the fault of single mothers. Who else is to blame?
Maybe men who help those single mothers be single mothers. Or maybe outrageous women like Ann Coulter who give other women a bad name. Let’s see… I’m going to blame racism on you Ann Coulter. You are a conservative white woman…so it must be your fault. Ahh! I’m aggrivated.
I hate to give Ann Coulter to get any attention, negative or positive (though I can’t say that I’ve seen an occasion where she deserved positive attention). She just feeds off of attention; it only further convinces her (and her fans) that she is right.
I really think her only true cause is self-promotion.
It’s easy to blame those with the least voice in our society as her “liberal victims” often are because they have the hardest time countering her claims.
So I’m glad to see that you spoke up on behalf of single moms. And who knows maybe her kind of negativity (blame people for society’s problems without offering any real solutions) has run it’s course.
Why does this woman get so much attention? She’s obviously intelligent but she’s also obviously mentally unstable. Why don’t people just ignore her??
I apologize if my opinion offends anybody here, but Ann Coulter is FAR from being mentally unstable. She’s simply pointing out that singe parenthood IS difficult and the kids suffer the most in the end, which is why women should choose NOT to be single parents. This means making responsible choices about who to have sex with, when to have sex, and putting adoption at the top of the list when deciding what to do if a woman finds herself unwed and pregnant. Responsible choices for the child’s sake – this makes her mentally unstable?
Perhaps her demeanour is the most pleasant, but her opinions are the opinions of many of us out there and we’re not ALL mentally unstable.
Ann Coulter’s comments are not based in fact. What she says about single parents and children growing up to be criminals is erroneous. She doesn’t say single parenthood is difficult; she says it’s responsible for most of the world’s ills. Sweeping or what.
I’m a fulltime single dad, and I agree with some of the other comments. Don’t give her the attention. She doesn’t deserve it – she has nothing intelligent to say.
I salute all the single parents who manage to raise their kids well and have done everything they could to support them financially.
As a PhD with a minor in stats, I know that stats can so often be misused, especially to perpetuate stereotypes so we protect ourselves from the things we fear. There is an excellent body of sound research on this topic – “Raising Boys Without Men” by Peggy Drexler from Stanford (I think she’s at Cornell now). The research shows that, in fact, boys raised by single moms tend to have normal to above average moral reasoning and have a balanced sense of self. Coulter misses a great number of statistics to single out only the ones that support her argument. That is what we call bias.
In Robert Browning’s poetry, his characters reveal their true selves by trying to increasingly hide who they are to make themselves look better and others look bad. All they wind up doing is painting a negative portrait of themselves. Same with Coulter. I don’t have a message for her. Let her make a fool of herself. But it IS necessary to continue getting good information out as well. Perhaps Matt should interview Peggy Drexler next.
One more comment – Anonymous, your argument assumes that marriage is the only path to stability for a child, when in fact a marriage can in and of itself be a disastrous situation. It is not better to raise a child around abuse, addiction, or immoral behavior for the sake of having two parents when that child will grow up to model those behaviors. Again, the implicit assumption is that all mothers are uneducated, young teens having children out of wedlock. The picture is far more complex than you paint it, so the answers are far more complex as well. And Ann Coulter does exhibit every sign of a narcissist – self-serving. The editor of this blog is dead-on – if Ann’s motivations were truly on improving lives, then her approach would be different. She tells on herself by her own words and actions (or lack thereof).
We have to move past assumptions to think more deeply and effectively about complex societal issues.
This woman (A.C.) is so completely obnoxious, it’s hard for me to believe anyone gives her the time of day, let alone the status she apparently has. I’m an American who has lived outside the US for 20 years, so I marvel at the stuff that goes on in the US with the perspective of a bit of an outsider. Her logic is completely wrong. Even if statistics show many problematic people having grown up with only their mother, to say that that is the cause of their problems is ridiculous. Why not look at what caused these women to be on their own, i.e. being used by men, breakdown of modesty and other “traditional” values, etc. Or, why not look at all the problematic situations that grow out of families with 2 parents? And this Ann character comes across so arrogant and paranoid, it’s really hard to take her as seriously as so many apparently do.
I must add: I am a single mother of an 8-year-old girl. She is the most popular girl in her class, she gets 100 on every test, she’s smart, funny, clever, and a delight to me and everyone who knows her. She’s displayed leadership qualities I never even dreamed of when I was her age. I could go on and on. There are many many factors that influence a child’s growing up, and having one or both parents in the home is only one of many. My sisters: please don’t take this kind of stuff to heart. Do the best you can in whatever situation you find yourself in. Need I say it: just give your kids all the love in your heart. That’s worth more than anything else.
Ann Coulter is part of the problem. She is not using any information (good info or bad) to help any situation. She is using it against people. She is promoting herself, and then putting down those whom she really knows nothing about.
She is a single, self promoting finger pointer. These types of personalities rarely do anything good for people. Only for themselves.
Having dated many single moms, I agree with Ann. I think it’s a shame you all get so easily offended rather than looking at the source of the problem: poor choices in breeding partners. If you all would take the necessary precautions, maybe Ann wouldn’t have to write a chapter that “offends” you all so much. And if it were only one child that each of you had, you might have a point. But most of you are repeat offenders many times over.
Maybe people should be licensed to breed.
But here’s where you’re wrong: The majority of single parents are not women who were just irresponsible with birth control! That stereotype is off. Most single parents–men and women, alike–never anticipated raising their kids alone. They were in a committed relationship that ended (for many of them, by no choice of their own!), and now they’re rising to the challenge, with or without the financial support and involvement of the other parent.
So what good does it do to slam these men and women for their efforts? How does that do anything good for this country? Instead of being critical, what if our culture became supportive? What kind of difference would that make in thwarting the negative outcomes A.C. is talking about?
When I was a teenager, I heard a sermon on the sanctity of life, and the pastor challenged his congregation that if they were going to be pro-life, they needed to get off their butts and go babysit for a single mom. I’d love for A.C. to have heard that. In my mind, anyone with genuine pro-life convictions ought to be willing to lend a hand!
But what everyone here is afraid to break the statistics out on is how many of our US single moms are black and repeat offenders. That certainly would get everyone’s panties in a wad. I also think many women have children due to the ticking of their biological clocks but never intend to actually be wives.
Wow. It sounds like your experiences with women have been negative, in general. I agree with you that those statistics exist. However, they don’t represent the majority of single parents, and that’s the issue I have with A.C.’s generalizations. In addition, even specific to the statistics you’re referring to in regards to multiple unplanned pregnancies and the impact of single parenthood on the black community, I stand by my position that with support–rather than condemnation–we could mediate and possibly even completely turn around the things that contribute to negative outcomes.
70%+ of all Black babies are born to single moms. That being the case, maybe we should be focusing on black culture. As for my other comments, they are based on two things: my position as a teacher who works with your bi-products daily and my status as a single man in his thirties. Single moms are so prevalent in our society today, it’s nearly impossible to date without crossing paths. I’m sorry, but from everything I’ve seen, heard, and experienced, Ann is dead on. And again, poor choice in breeding partners and lack of commitment to being wives rather than moms are your vices.
Dear Evan,
I hear where you’re coming from, but you have to realize you are missing the mark. If you and A.C. are talking about black culture, then say so. I happen to be white, have a university degree, and when I married at age 40, never dreamed I would even get pregnant, let alone end up raising my child alone. You must take into account all the hard-working devoted single mothers who are not, please G-d, raising troubled children. Dare I add: take a glance at the new president. Some black product of a single mother, huh?
Exhaulted? Try Exhausted!!! A typical week for me includes 40 hrs at school, 10 hrs of homework, 20hrs of work, taking care of an elderly parent 2 days a week, and of course my pre-teen daughter 4 days a week with homework and soccer. Oh don’t forget, the laundry, cleaning, dishes, meals, shopping for food (you can barely afford), and all the other little things us single mom’s have no time for. None of which includes the emotional or financial stresses of differing parental styles and lack of child support. Mrs. Coulter you should be thankful you never had to go through what we do and ashamed for believing you have the answers when all you really had was a generation that stood by the commitment they made instead of running away. By the way, my ex who ran was raised by both parents. Maybe that is where the problems lie.
I’m not a fan of Ann Coulter, but I do believe there could be an argument made that single moms are glorified to some degree. I don’t have the statistics, but there are an awful lot of women having kids out of wedlock these days. Yes, I’m aware they’re not doing it alone, and the dads should not be let off the hook.
The term “Baby Mama” for example. Despite the meaning behind it, it doesn’t seem to be viewed as a negative thing, but rather a term of endearment. Fantasia sings a song delcaring that there should be a national holiday for Baby Mamas. I realize it’s intended to be a song of encouragement for struggling single mothers, but it is celebrating the fact that they had children out of wedlock. It doesn’t necessarily make them bad people, but it also doesn’t reflect well on the choices they made.
Obviously life has a way of throwing curveballs at us, and the ideal “mother/father/child” option is taken off of the table. Death, divorce and disappearing parents will happen despite the best intentions. I’m not suggesting that single mothers (or fathers) should be stigmatized. But there does seem to be an increasing trend of women who volunteer to raise their children alone, and seem awfully dismissive of the role of the father.
Please note that Ann was NOT referring to women who were divorced or widowed. She was referring SOLELY to those women who voluntarily have sex with men and then give birth to children they cannot afford. They, in turn, EXPECT the American taxpayer to “help” them out. These women are NOT victims.
At what point is it THEIR responsibility to help themselves by either giving the child they can’t afford up for adoption to a family that CAN afford to provide for them, or stop being loose and having sex with men who, obviously, weren’t interested in having children with them? Yes, it’s also the mens fault, but men will have sex with just about anyone who will give it up, as these women obviously were willing to do.
Pro-choicers can’t have it BOTH ways. YES, it’s a woman’s choice as to what she will do with HER body. I completely agree. However, I also agree that it’s time they start taking responsibility for those actions and quit expecting a hand out for THEIR choices.