1. Parenting

Many women learn that they're going to become single moms through the surprise of missing a monthly period or seeing the little blue line show up on a pregnancy test.

There are other single moms, though, who entered -- or are perhaps right now thinking of entering -- motherhood through artificial insemination, in vitro fertilization, or adoption. We commonly refer to these moms as "single mothers by choice" or "choice moms."

Typically, these moms have ample opportunity to reflect on the impact of bringing a child into their lives, carefully weighing the pros and cons of their decision. Imagine that a co-worker or friend approached you tomorrow and said, "I know you're a single mom. Do you mind if I ask you some questions? I'm thinking of adopting a child. Can you tell me what to expect or what questions I should ask before becoming a single mother by choice?"

What would your reaction be? And what advice would you have for her? Share your thoughts by leaving a comment below.

I gave the matter some thought, too, and developed a set of 10 Questions to Explore Before Becoming a Single Mother by Choice, to support and encourage women in the process of weighing this life-changing decision.

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December 19, 2008 at 2:26 am
(1) Beth says:

I love being a Choice Mom. If you want the name of the donor I used, send me an e-mail at sdbeth@yahoo.com. He has blond hair and blue eyes. You would have a cute baby.

June 19, 2009 at 8:41 pm
(2) Mary says:

The comment above me really makes me sad. Why would you say something like that? “He has blonde hair and blue eyes.. you would have a cute baby”. What difference does that make? Did you select this donor because you only wanted a “superficially beautiful” child? What if your baby had brown hair and brown eyes, or red hair and green eyes? Would you love your baby less? The US is such an Aryan society, and it saddens me. This isn’t the “Build a Baby” factory…

February 27, 2011 at 4:36 pm
(3) Desidra says:

I would like to meet any single mother by choice as I am about to be going through donor insemination soon, just wanting to know what their experiences were and also to know what effect having the child has had on their life.

March 12, 2011 at 3:19 pm
(4) Nanycka says:

I’ve realized that I might never find Mr. Right for Me, yet I want to have a family. So, I am thinking about becoming a single mother by choice. I am not scared of all the process, but I do have some questions regarding the children’s upbringing.

Is there anyone whose children are past the elementary school age? How do you explain the “no dad” issue?

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