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Jennifer Wolf

Should an Unwed Mother List the Father's Name on the Baby's Birth Certificate?

By July 2, 2007

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This issue came up twice today - once in the forum, and once in an E-mail question I received from one of our readers.

My personal opinion is that if a woman knows the identify of the father, and the child was conceived during a consensual act, then steps should be taken to establish paternity and include the father's name on the birth certificate, whether he plans to be involved in the child's life or not. This is because the child will surely ask later in life who his or her father was, and you want to be able to answer that question honestly.

However, I'd really like to know what you think. Do you have a strong opinion on this issue? Tell us your thoughts by leaving a comment below or E-mailing me directly. Each submission will be considered for inclusion in an upcoming synopsis of this issue.

Related: Who Gets Custody When Only One Parent's Name is on the Birth Certificate?

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Comments
July 2, 2007 at 11:12 pm
(1) jill says:

When i had my son i was told in the hospital that his father had to sign a paternity form and get it notarized etc. It did not seem to be an option for me to just put his name on it. And my sons father was there! needless to say it ended up taking 12 years to get it on there because my ex never did fill out the form acknowledging paternity. I think that in my state you can not put a person’s name on the birth certificate unless they sign the documents.

July 3, 2007 at 3:53 pm
(2) Single Mom says:

This issue is exactly what I faced when I had my son 4 years ago. My son was conceived during a relationship but once I became pregant the father decided it was not in his best interest to stay involved. Taking that factor into consideration along with other problems the I knew my son’s father has, I decided to not put him on the birth certificate. When my son wants to know who his father is, I know his name, I have pictures, etc.

An issue recently came up that reinforced my satisfaction in my decision to not put his father on the birth certificate. I was planning a trip to Europe with my son and needed to get him a passport. If a father had been listed on the birth certificate he would have had to be contacted and sign a release form to consent to my son obtaining a passport. This is someone who is in NO WAY envolved in my son’s life.

If a father who is not initially listed on the birth certificate wants to be acknowledged and have rights to their child then they can go to the court to place himshelf there.

July 4, 2007 at 12:53 pm
(3) Joyce says:

Yes, I believe the mother should be able to list the fathers name on the birth certificate. My question is can she without the father’s consent?

July 4, 2007 at 8:27 pm
(4) Jennifer Wolf says:

Not without his consent; most if not all states require that the father sign a Declaration of Paternity in order to be listed. It’s definitely an additional step that’s not easy, or even possible, in all situations. It’s easier if it can be completed shortly after the birth; but it is possible to go back and have the father sign it later and amend the birth certificate at a later date.

July 6, 2007 at 1:08 pm
(5) Cat says:

While my father’s name is listed on my birth certificate and no problems arose when he wasn’t in my life, my younger siblings had issues with their father being on their birth certificates, so much so that my mother had her current husband adopt them through a lengthy process so now his name appears on their birth certificates instead.

Personally, if the father is no where around, I do not believe his name should be on there (and evidently, many states agree with me on that). When the child asks, the mother should not have to rely on a legal document for proof to her child. Truthfully, as my father was never in my life, but my mother was honest to me about the reasons, I never resented anyone for being the child of a single parent. That way, the question never came up.

July 6, 2007 at 1:39 pm
(6) Jennifer Wolf says:

Well said! Thanks for your input.

July 7, 2007 at 11:20 pm
(7) Jennifer says:

I am currently pregnant, my ex lives overseas and has made clear that he wants nothing to do with the child. For various reasons, I also feel this is the best arrangement. I have spoken to several lawyers, as well as psychologists. In my state, the father can only be listed on the birth certificate if he is present at the birth, and completes a lengthly paternity document along with myself. This is to prevent a woman from listing “Leonardo DiCaprio” or “Bill Gates,” which has obvious ramifications. As far as I know, this is the case in nearly every state and many places abroad. As for alleged psychological effects, I (along with the lawyers and psychologists I consulted) feel that there are NO benefits of listing the father on the birth certificte, unless the mother/father relationship is healthy and both parties intend to maintain that on an indefinite basis.

The simple act of placing a name on a sheet of paper in no way affects the actual identity of the father. Those of us who are single mothers know and have various proof of exactly who our children were fathered by, and can and should be prepared to share that information with our children at the appropriate time. In fact, I have been advised that were I to pursue the lengthly legal channels simply to “officially name” my childs father, it opens the child up for FAR MORE significant risks. Listing the father, especially a father who wants no part, gives him rights over that child. At any point, two, five, ten or fifteen years down the road, the child can be whisked from the safety and security of the life you have built for them by a man who is, for all practical purpouses, a stranger. The mother and child will have little to no legal protection from a sudden reconsideration on the father’s part. He will be automatically entitled to visitation. If there is a distance involved (many things can happen over the years) this could involve sending your child away for weeks-long holiday visits to the homes of people they have never met. As mentioned, the absent father’s permission will be required on passport applications and other legal documents. Some schools also require similar authorization for enrolling students. The mother’s right to move abroad, or in some cases, out of state will be hindered. Often, the only way around these situations is for the mother to petition a court for sole “legal custody” which involves court costs, lawyer costs, missed work, stress, and often close involvement of the absent father. In addition, if the mother decides to remarry, the adoption process for her husband becomes an incredibly lengthly and expensive process, again involving the biological father.

Occasionally I am confronted with astonished protests when I inform people I have no intention of listing my ex. These are always by people who have never known anyone in a similar situation, have frequently lived rather insulated emotional lives, and given little intelligent thought to the far-reaching ramifications of one name on one legal document. Yes, I know who my child’s father is, and so will he. However, the likely psychological fallout of listing that man is FAR greater than leaving that particular box blank. It is disappointing that in 2007, facing the legal and political climate we live in, people are still inclined to make a cursory moral judgement over something that is quite a major decision with significant risks and possibilities. My child’s best interest involves getting ALL the facts, not just an off the cuff thought.

July 8, 2007 at 8:20 pm
(8) singleparents says:

Thanks so much for sharing your story. It’s great that you’ve done so much research, and your baby is lucky to have such a dedicated, thorough mommy! From what you’ve said, this is unlikely to happen, but keep in mind that even when fathers refuse to acknowledge paternity at birth, they can still change their minds down the road and request paternity testing and/or pursue visitation rights. It sounds from your post, though, like your baby’s father is pretty firmly uninvolved. All the more, then, is your little one is fortunate that your commitment is unwavering. I wish you the best! Congratulations on your pregnancy.

July 11, 2007 at 2:24 am
(9) Jennifer says:

Thanks! I am looking forward to being a mommy and know that my baby will benefit from many loving adults in his life.

I do know that fathers can pursue paternity and visitation at a later date, but feel that’s all the more reason not to list an absent/uninterested father in the first place. The lengthly legal process (which must be funded and pursued by the father) will allow everyone (father included) time to process and adjust to the life changes involved. If the father were already listed, visitation could literally be decided overnight. Additionally, the extended process and burden of proof would imply greater sincerity on the father’s part, as more effort and obstacle would be involved in proving paternity. Judges and caseworkers would have more and deeper contact with the father and familiarity with the case by the time a question of visitation or support were raised, therefore allowing them to more accurately guage what is truly in the best interest of the child. There is no greater attestment to lack of involvement than the absence of a name on the birth certificate. As far as I’m concerned, the more often someone has to pause and think of my child’s best interest, the better!

Another issue I did not mention- the death or incapicitation of the mother. If the father is listed, custody will automatically revert to him. Instead of the child being cared for by, say, the grandparents or aunts and uncles he has always known, the father could place the child with his own friends or family members. Would anyone wish that the fate of a child be placed into the hands of a stranger without the basic interest to even acknowledge that child?

Every parent goes to great lengths to protect their child, from covering outlets and latching cabinets to buying life insurance and writing a will. By omitting the father from the birth certificate, several potential headaches (and expenses!) are eliminated for the single mother, not to mention a few extra layers of protection are added for your child.

July 11, 2007 at 2:32 am
(10) Jennifer says:

P.S. I know many, many wonderful daddies, and none of what I say is intended to keep a well intentioned father out of any child’s life. If the father were caring and involved, none of these would be issues in the first place! :) Good luck to all the other single moms out there… We’re all in it together.

July 15, 2007 at 11:45 pm
(11) tammy says:

I am a single mom with a 15 month old daughter. Me and her dad was not together when she was concived, but he plays an active role in her life, therefore, he is on the birth certificate. He did have to sign a form. I couldn’t imagine not having him on the birth certificate. But, I believe that if the father is not going to be in the child’s life, then he should not be on the birth certificate. He has to sign the form at the hospital, and if he doesn’t care enough to be at the birth, he probably doesn’t care enough to be on the birth certificate. But I do question if a couple aren’t married, and have a baby and the father is in Iraq, how does he get on the birth certificate?

July 17, 2007 at 1:42 pm
(12) singleparents says:

In that situation, he could always be added to the birth certificate later. There will be some paperwork involved, including his signing the Acknowledgment of Paternity form, and then a new birth certificate can be issued by the state.

January 25, 2008 at 2:02 am
(13) Lorna&rich says:

We have an interesting situation. My step daughter by my wife is pregnant, and is a uk citizen here. She did not want the baby but was unable to end the pregnancy. SHe decided to have the chid here then return to the uk leaving with the child, which has not happened yet. Adoptions are very expensive and difficult and we are going to have a private agreement between the 3 of us. Does any one know, with such an agreement can she name me as the father on the birth certificate? She claims not to know who the father is, and does not want the child adopted out to strangers. any comments would be appreciated.

January 25, 2008 at 1:46 pm
(14) Jennifer Wolf says:

You must not lie on the birth certificate. Think about the potential ramifications of that; it would appear on paper as if you fathered your step-daughter’s child! In addition, in the absence of the birth father’s physical presence to sign the paperwork himself following the delivery, he would have to complete an affidavit or “Acknowledgment of Paternity” form. This is a legal document; not something you want to lie on. I’m sorry that the resolution is not so simple. Do you and your wife intend to adopt the child? If so, do that legally with the assistance of a good lawyer. Best wishes to you! It’s awesome that you and your wife want to step in and help.

July 20, 2008 at 9:16 pm
(15) Oscar says:

I was in Afghanistan when my daughter was born, her mother and I were not married. The mother could not put me on the birth certificate since I wasn’t available at the time. Now that I’m state side she will not place my name on our daughters Birth Certificate unless I marry her.

August 10, 2008 at 6:43 pm
(16) Ren026 says:

I am in a bit of a situation myself. Upon learning I was pregnant and telling the father he told me in very clear terms if I kept the baby he would leave. He has two other children and is struggling to care for them so he did not want a third. I could not bring myself to get rid of our child especially after a miscarriage last year around this time. (He was the father of that child as well.) Suffice to say, he left told me I was to never tie him to our child in any way. However, knowing that he is the father I jsut can NOT see myself putting unknown on the birth certificate when I have my child. I don’t want my child to see his/her birth certificate and see that EVER. I don’t know how to proceed. Can I put his name. It would be a lie not to. And if they send him papers of paternity and he says no (even though he knows without a doubt he is) will he have to prove he’s not?

August 16, 2008 at 12:38 pm
(17) twinmom says:

Jennifer, Your reason feeling that the fathers name should appear on the birth Certificate seems a little odd to me. Wouldn’t it be more direct and and loving for the mother to have a conversation with the child about it’s father? I should hope that most children wouldn’t feel it necessary to look up a document to find out this very important information especially since finding out the fathers name would only answer that one question, I would guess that most children would want to know, more importantly, what the situation was, why the father isn’t involved, where he is, what he was like as a person, etc. I chose not to have the father’s name put on the birth certificate. The father is involved in the children’s lives (twins), but is not the person who is responsible for their upbringing. We have a friendly relationship but I am the person who is raising my twins. There is a lot more to being a parent than just biology. Just because a man is a father doesn’t necessarily make him a parent. My twins are being raised by me, their grandmother and their uncle. If the father had wanted to marry me and we were a traditional family then of course he would be on the birth certificate. Otherwise, it seems to me that the person that is responsible for the children’s upbringing should be the only one listed. I want him to be a part of their lives but I also want to make sure that if anything ever happened to me that they would continue to be raised in the home they have always know by the family that has fed, bathed, snuggled, soothed, taught, diapered, played with and sung to, and danced with them.

August 16, 2008 at 9:21 pm
(18) twinmom says:

PS: Jennifer, thanks for putting this question “out there”! I think it’s a great question and the comments by those that have written in have been enlightening and helpful.

August 19, 2008 at 1:07 am
(19) Chris, trying to be a loving dad says:

Everything said so far has been very interesting, but what do you think about this one? I have one son just turned 2 years old. I was married to his mother when he was born so I was obviously listed on his birth certificate. My youngest son, with a different mother, just turned 16 months old. I wasn’t allowed to know when he was born, but did hear about it from friends and was able to visit him the day after he was born. I was not listed on the birth certificate. That was the last time I was allowed to see my son. I started court proceedings five days after he was born. We had a genetic test done when he was two months old, but it took a court another nine months to adjudicate me as the father. To this date I haven’t been able to see him or get my name added to the birth certificate. Five months since I was deemed to be his legal father and just last week I was given my first court date for custody and visitation. I would like your thoughts as to whether a mother should have the right to do this to a father that is trying to be involved. I have my oldest son one day a week and every other weekend, and would very much like to be as involved or more with my youngest so. It really does pain me to think of all the dads out there that don’t have any choice in the matter that you are all speaking of.

From experience 16 months in,
Chris

August 21, 2008 at 9:21 pm
(20) Tammy says:

I need some advice from some single mothers and a lawyer. I was with my son’s father when he was born and I didn’t want his last name to be his fathers but I ended up doing it after he begged me. He has not been in his life for almost 4 years except here and there and now he wants to be again. I know him vey well and I know he will just be in and out of his life and he has a crimnal record and he is also on the sex offenders list for having sex w/a 17yr old. He has not paid any child support ever. I don’t even think he has a job. I want him to give up parent rights but don’t really know how to go about it and what my rights are. Can anyone help me please. Thank-you

September 19, 2008 at 12:24 am
(21) Renee says:

I think that each situation involving the decision to put the father’s name on the birth certificate if the parents are unmarried varies. If the father is willing to be in the childs life and take responsibility, care for the child, love it, and help to financialy support the child consistently all the time then his name should be on the birthcertificate. However, if the birthfather (I use that term loosely) is one that wants no part of the child’s life and did not want the mother to have the child, shows no interest, doesn’t come around and offer love and support then no he doesn’t deserve to have his name on the birth certificate. Further more he wouldn’t sign off on the paperwork anyway if he feels that way.

October 1, 2008 at 12:25 pm
(22) Joraine says:

Would I be able to add on my husband even if his not the biological father?

October 1, 2008 at 2:10 pm
(23) rich reiser says:

If the mother is married to john doe1 and she gets pregnant with John doe2 while she is still married to john doe1 in the state of CA. whose name goes on the birth certificat as the father

October 4, 2008 at 6:37 pm
(24) Mike says:

This is happening to me right now. My son is 18 months old and his mother and i were dating until about a week ago. We were only together for 3 months before she was preagnant, It’s been tough tring to make it work. She never put my name on the birth certificate even though I was there the whole time. I admit I should have asked myself , however this was her 3rd child i thought she would help me with that stuff. She gave my son her ex husband’s last name because she legally changed her’s to stay the same as her ex. Preety much when argue she’ll kick me out, break my belongings and throw them outside, tell me the boy is not mine . She has never let my mother watch him and for that matter I think I have only taken him with me just a few times. Everytime i would bring up the birth certificate deal she would either get mad or just not say anything nor look at me. She is a good mother I just feel that she is not letting my side of his family be in his life. I mean she gets her time with just him and thats just what I want too. Quality Father and Son Time !!!

October 11, 2008 at 7:00 am
(25) interested reader says:

Almost all sound like my situation. Of course I am not the baby’s mama or daddy…but I am interested because of what I see going on under my nose. The mom is ‘dating’ manA, she gets pregnant and doesn’t really want him to know anything and distances herself from him. ManA sounds like he wants to stay in close proximity to her, for he says he loves her, and this baby. OK, she has the baby, doesn’t put manA’s name down (she has that right not to), but the manA is allowed to see baby. But, then she wants him to take patern. test and says the baby could be someone else’s. Well, now he wants to share photos and information about the baby to others and she tells him he cannot. He wants to put nurserypix on utube. can he? he has traveled to be with baby, tried to talk to mom, I couldn’t say he’s dad, but haven’t seen anyone else around, is proud, but of course they are not married and estranged. Does unwed mom have 100% say in the

October 22, 2008 at 1:52 pm
(26) Hubb says:

My daughter who is 18 now, got pregnant by her 20 year old boyfriend when she was 17. To make a long story short, my wife and I were going away for a week, and we told him not to be in the house (our home), with our daughter alone, while we were gone. I looked him in the eye when I told him this, and he agreed. Obviously, he defied our request because our daughter became pregnant. Well, after we got over the shock, we accepted the idea and said we’d support our daughter and what we thought would be our future son-in-law. He swore he’d “do the right thing”. He lives almost an hour from our home. Before she got pregnant he was here to see her all the time. But after she got pregnant, he only comes to see her when it’s convenient for him. She’s in her 8th month now, and we’ve found out that by the right thing, he meant coming down only when she has an appointment to go to the doctor, especially if there’s going to be an ultra-sound. He’s hardly spent any money on the baby or my daughter, and has a good job. We have a fixed income, and yet he relies on us to take her to the doctor, and pay all the gas money. (the doctor’s office is over an hour away) His family has a history of being disfunctional, and alcoholism. They smoke like a chimney. So my daughter has told him that she’s not putting his name on the birth-certificate unless they get married, and she won’t marry him unless he straightens up a lot. Her reasons are because if he had custody of her son by himself, he’d take him to his family’s home where cigarette smoke is always present. My daughter has even told his mom that she wont bring the baby to their home as long as they smoke, but they refuse to comply. And she’s worried that if something ever happened to her, the baby would go to the father if she lists his name on the birth-certificate. So in this case, I think it’s justified to leave the father’s name off the document. What are your opinions?

October 23, 2008 at 6:00 pm
(27) Pandora says:

Like everyone else I have been in a similar situation. I didn’t put my son’s father on the birth certificate either. We brokeup on bad terms. My son father was abusive. He has grabbed and hit me while I was pregnant with his child in front of my older son while waiting in the doctor’s office for my prenatal exam. I file charges again him and had an order of protection filed against him. During the order he violated the order and now he can’t have contact with me or my older son for two years. In court I did make an allowance for him to see our son (my youngest) at my parents house and still this day he has not made an effort. Nor has his family made affort to see their first and only grandchild and nephew. My child is a very happy child who wakes up with a smile on his face everyday. I have no regets in not putting his name on the birth certificate. He doesn’t deserve it. He gave up his previliges when hit me while pregnant with his child.

November 1, 2008 at 8:44 pm
(28) das says:

its terrible that women should be allowed to dat

January 21, 2009 at 9:47 pm
(29) daddy says:

My 17 month old son’s mother and I were not married, and are at best only civil to each other. She did not put my name on the birth certificate and will not agree to let him have my last name. I have always wanted to be part of his life. I filed with the ‘putative father registry’ in my state before he was born, and I initiated and paid for the paternity test. What rights do I have concerning my son having my last name?

January 21, 2009 at 9:53 pm
(30) daddy says:

Hey Chris trying to be a loving dad, email me @ invaderdave22@gmail.com. I don’t necessarily have any info, but I’m going through something very similar and would like to get your thoughts. So far I feel completely powerless and like I have no rights whatsoever. Evidently all those deadbeat dads ruined the system for the rest of us good dads.

February 18, 2009 at 1:41 pm
(31) Apple says:

I actually stumbled over this page by accident and so glad I did! My story is similar, me and my children’s dad aren’t together, weren’t married, he see’s the kids every now and then. I think he see’s them so he can take all the pictures and show them off to his friends and family! (Which really boils my blood because my children are not show and tell projects!) He didn’t sign either birth certificate! I do not get any child support from him, a phone call rarely!
I’d rather him stay away then pop in, pop out! it’s not fair to my children or to me!
I think there should be a law or something that would give full custody to the custodial parent if the father doesn’t want to be apart of the child’s life. Why force a father to be around when he doesn’t want to?
Although it may be a disservice to the children, I don’t want child support if you don’t want to take care of my children! I can do it by myself! No, i’m not rolling in money but ultimately it’s his loss.

Then I have to think of what my favorite judge would say to me and I laugh to myself, “Apple” YOU PICKED HIM” lol. (Judge Judy)

February 22, 2009 at 12:28 am
(32) duskie says:

my baby boy is 7 months old and i love him to death but im having trouble with the father i dont love him anymore i was just to emotionaly hurt by him and we fight entirely to much and im just not happy ,seeing as how he is unemployed and lives in my mothers house for free with me and my baby he hasnt done much to support the baby. anyway. his name is on the birth certificate and i wish to god i hadnt done it because we had planned to get married but its just not going to happen. but he is thretning me if i tell him to leave hes going to a judge for custody and hes doing it just because he can so i wont leave him. im not saying he is a bad parent i just dont want anything to do with him i feel he makes me a bad unhappy person. and my family and i can raise my son just fine honest my whole family is like group babysitters its so funny they take him to the store or just visit at least 2 times a week just because they love him so much. and i gotta say they didnt like the idea of me getting pregnant anyway but things have changed. and i do my best for the little tyke. going to be a cna. but i dont want this war i just want the father gone out of our life to move on and be happy. and if i hadnt done his name on the certificate there would have been nothing he could do if i told him to leave. they only want custody to get even with you. and he thinks he can make it so hell get the baby b/c his mother knows ppl BUT i have a roof over my head a job a car a wonderful family and the baby gets all the love he needs!

February 28, 2009 at 9:11 pm
(33) Bob says:

Listen. I belive a baby needs a father and a mother. A baby needs the love from both parents. I am sad my gilrfriend gave birth to a baby boy I was away for work reasons and came back and she is nowhere to be found. Witch means I haven’t seen my child witch now will be 2 months old and cannot fond her. I cry everyday and have a hard time to sleep at night and want to see my baby boy. Bare in mind I am in brazil witch makes it even harder to find my son and Mother. Any sugestions.

March 17, 2009 at 9:03 pm
(34) Kiiro says:

All right.. I have a confusing situation here. And I’d REALLY like to know what the possibilities are. I am 17 years old, and will be 18 in May. The father of the baby is already 18 as of last february. Ok, well… I was pregnant from December 2007 until October 2008. During that course of time, around when I was five months pregnant, the father went behind my back and cheated on me and put me through so much stress. I had to give up finishing school because truly nobody could watch the baby for me and didn’t have money. I thought the father and I would truly last because before I was pregnant, we were the perfect couple. Truly. He continued to go to school, and play his hockey, etc. Here I am now, and my son is 5 months old to this day. The father wants no part in the baby’s life anymore. And to be honest, I know I’m always going to be in love with him. So it hurts too much to see him, if I’m not dating him. I pushed aside being selfish, knowing that it would be the right thing to do to have the father in my son’s life. But, it turns out that the father does not want part in his life so.. He is NOT on the birth certificate, and I’m scared that one day he might grow up, and realize that he wants to be in the boy’s life. To be completely honest, I don’t see a difference in finding a different man to act as the father for him, than giving him up for adoption to where others would act as parents. So.. I’m thinking I will keep my son, and just find a guy who would actually date me…

Well, my major worry right now, is.. is it possible for the father to turn around a few months later or anything and try to gain any kind of custody? After all the stress he put me through, almost making me lose the baby, and.. leaving me in the end to be a single parent. He has only bought two packages of daipers for the baby since he was born, and three-four cans of formula.. so… Is it possible for him to do that? And take me to court? After telling me he didn’t want to get a job, or grow up from living off his parents, and leaving me like that. Is it really okay for him to be able to do this later..?

April 17, 2009 at 1:27 am
(35) amanda says:

i’m pregnant and do not want the father, who has a felony drug charge, involved. if i don’t name him on the birth certificate, can i still make him pay child support? he wants to be involved and have joint custody, but i don’t even want him to have visitation. i know fathers have rights so i will settle for supervised visits. any advice please, i live in middle tennessee.

May 16, 2009 at 3:07 pm
(36) cat says:

i feel u r wrong. it is the mothers choice and every case is different. if the mother knows who the father is and it was consensual but the father is out of her life now or they are broke up due to his jerkness the mother can refuse to have him on the certificate. she may not want his lifestyle or that kind of a person around her baby. she may have changed after becoming pregnant and want a better life for her kid now. the child can find out his real father later in life, its not hard when u know him.

May 19, 2009 at 4:49 pm
(37) MIgirl says:

Fortunate for me in MI that a single mother is presumed the sole parent even if the father is listed on the certificate (MCL 722.1). Just another thing to think about, a man can later go after custody just to avoid or stop from paying child support. And, the mother can be ordered to pay HIM child support. That happed to a friend of mine. The “father” later abondoned the boy as soon as the child support ran out.

June 2, 2009 at 1:26 am
(38) india says:

HELP A FRIEND OF MINE… this guy originally didnt want to be a dad but got used to the situation and totally became a great father he took responsibility got an apt and got everything for his pregnant girlfriend..can u believe the day she gave birth she went and did it all alone!! she didnt even let him share the experience she gave birth and has kept all info to where she maybe to herself.she is forbiddinq him to see his dauqhter…she sent him like 4 pictures and teases him by describing her the babies actions. She harrasses him and she still hasnt let him see her and hes been begging her..supposingly she is still in hospital with baby in NICU but wont disclose information to him and states that he cant find them because she has there information private and under a different name so she wont be found…He has been trying to look for her in many hospitals and the 1 hospital she stated shes in sure says that she is not there under her given name what can he do?? i want to help him hes a great guy!

June 23, 2009 at 6:38 pm
(39) natasha says:

I am a single mom of a 17month old boy, i was with his father when he was concieved and when he was born, and i put his name on the birth certificate, now i wish i hadnt. we are not together he dont pay chid support, he can not be trusted, he has a drinking problem. how do i stop him from seeing him with out some one around??

June 25, 2009 at 12:14 pm
(40) floridagirl says:

I recently came upon a situation where I’m glad I never followed through with putting the father’s name on my child’s birth certificate. I had intentions of doing so because I had the same thoughts as Jennifer but got lazy with all that there is to do with a newborn and didn’t get around to doing it. My child’s father doesn’t live in the same state and only sees her once a year. It’s an amicable situation but I pretty much have all the decision making power. Recently I got my child a passport because we were taking a trip with my parents and would be in Canada for a few days. Additionally, I’m a huge traveller so this won’t be the first international trip my child will be taking. Well, if the father’s name had been on the birth certificate he would have to be present for me to get the passport. Additionally, I would need a letter of consent everytime we travel internationally. I know why these rules are in place (for kidnapping reasons obvioulsy) and I always let the father know when we are taking a trip but I am so glad his name isn’t on the birth certificate now. It would have been a huge hassle to get the passport and I don’t want to deal with getting his permission everytime we go somewhere. So just something to keep in mind when you are making this decision.

June 27, 2009 at 7:48 am
(41) Mona says:

On my personal experience, I didn´t want the father of my child to give him or her his name. He was first off mad about the idea of being a father to my child, as our relationship last less than three months, and all he did was to insult me and being unhappy with my pregnancy. He even suggested me to give our baby in adoption, so I decided to keep my baby, I´m currently in the 5th. month of my pregnancy, I feel blessed for having my parents to help me through, the father of my baby leaves abroad, and I had to move back to my country.

July 16, 2009 at 4:55 pm
(42) Sieglinde says:

However, if the Mom then wants child suport many years later and does not put the fathers name on the certificate, where does the burden of proof lie. On the Mom to prove he is the Dad, or the Dad to prove his is the legitimate Father.

September 6, 2009 at 12:53 pm
(43) kris says:

Mona, i am also in the same situation. the father of my baby is in a different country and i had to move back here to the US. what if i were to hypenate my child’s last name? even though he won’t really be in his life? does it conflict with me getting my child’s passport? does anyone know.

September 11, 2009 at 11:31 pm
(44) Yesfan says:

My girlfriend just gave birth to a Baby boy on 9-9-09 and they asked me to sign a Paternity form. I started to fill it out when my girlfriend would not tell them when her last period date was and wanted to use Victor jr. as his name. And my name is not Victor this is why I didn’t sign it she is Mexican and I’m White the Baby came out light colored.
That was why I was going to sign it then when she did strange things and her Mom was saying sign it I thought not now until after a DNA test is done. And she has a mental disorder making it where the ones wanted her to give up the Baby for Adoption her Mom said could your parents take care of him. My thinking is they are old now that is a big no at the moment.

October 6, 2009 at 12:03 pm
(45) speakeasy says:

What if a man is never informed he has a child? My neice had a baby and the biological father has no clue. Now she wants to marry her boyfriend and have him adopt the baby. Is this legal in Ohio?

December 2, 2009 at 5:57 pm
(46) Katerina says:

This is more of a question. My fiancé and I want to start having kids, but his divorce is not finalized yet. I heard that his divorce needs to be finalized for a year before he can put his name on the birth certificate? Is that true, I live in ny?

January 4, 2010 at 2:38 pm
(47) James Stevenson says:

Here’s one for you though. My friend and his girlfriend had a baby a year or so ago. She chose not to put his name on the birth certificate despite them being in a fairly long term relationship and both of them under the impression that they’d be together for the forseeable future.

Unfortunately now they’ve split up and she’s refusing him any access to the child even though he wants to play an active part in its (his) life. Unfortunately where we live (in the UK) he has no legal rights to the child as long as his name remains off the birth certificate.

While I agree there are many valid reasons for both sides of having the fathers name on or off the certificate, surely there should be some protection for the fathers in situations like this.

(If anyone is in a similar situation and knows of anything that might help my friend, please don’t hesitate to contact me on this email address.)

February 25, 2010 at 6:06 pm
(48) Mol says:

I am a married woan and I really envy you guys. I am stuck in a marriage; I have 2 kids – 9 month infant girl and 2 year old toddler boy. When I was pregnant with y toddler, y husband started to physically push e, hit e etc. Once he dragged me down the stairs by the edge of my gown. I clung to the banisters and somehow kept from losing balance. Twice, he threw me out of the house in the middle of the night. He would wake me up from bed, pull me out and fight with me almost every night. Later he claimed that he was stressed at work. I come from a very loving gentle family in India and I just was terrified by this treatment. his mother and younger brother live 5 minutes away and when I told her about this, she smiled and told me how women have to adjust. Later she also started to harass me, making me cook for her even though I was pregnant and complaining and inciting my husband against me. There are restrictions on food that they forced e to follow. (no eating out, no microwave, no frozen food, vegetarian, no eggs, no onion or garlic).
I had no car also. We had no friends other that his family.
y mother came here for a month for my delivery. both my mother-in-law and brother-in-law were present inside y delivery room. ByGod’s grace I had a quick delivery. In the middle I finally called my husband aside and asked him to tell his brother to leave the room. I don’t know if you can I understand, but i have been brought up to dress very modestly in India and I have never been alone with any man other than my husband. So it was very humiliating for me that my brother-in-law should see me in that condition.
They said that the baby belonged to the father’s family. Of course we believe that in India, but in good families, we have a lot of concern and respest for young mothers and their feelings and their first right over their children.

They treated my mother also badly and she was shocked and disgusted by their behavior. I know she wanted to tell them off and go back to her home immedietely. But she felt bad for me because i was alone and need help. So she kept quiet and stayed on for a couple more weeks. But when i was going with my husband to the 6 week check up, she called me aside and insisted that when I go there i should tell the doctor everything. So i did, my doctor recommended me to a counsellor and on her advice, I told my husband that if he physically hurts me again, I will call 911. Even after the baby was born, he would snatch the baby from me especially if his mother was there.(sometimes even when i was breastfeeding). After I told him this, he backed off because I think he did not want a criminal record.
I went to the counsellor a couple more times. And i felt a bit more confident and i started speaking up clearly. In our culture the mother baby bond is very natural and sacred and it is a sin to try and take a child from her and cause her anguish. I told him this and that i will not let him take the child and give him to his mother indiscriminately. If he does, I will take him right back. His place is with me.
Inside I was very scared. My husand changed the insurance so that i could not go and see the counsellor again. But I was stronger now. I did a lot of research online to try and understand the system in this country. My husband is Ivyleague educated and my mother-in-law has a successful business that she is running after my father-in-law died. They are well established here. i am alone here with no support or family. At my mother-in-law’s instigation, my husand refused to sign for me to get a passport for my son. They did not want me to take y son to visit my family.
What I have understood from my research is that even if we are victims of abuse, the father can be awarded custody of even toddlers. Especially if he is well placed in society and has money and family backing. because he can give him a better life. If I tried to escape from him, I will have to take up a job and leave my son in daycare. My husband coould easily say that his mother will provide him better care. From my reading, the family courts have been leaning towards awarding fathers custody if they want it. That way, they also get out of paying child support. Apparently the Father’s Rights ovement has also contributed to this situation.
Basically, if I am being abused, and if I leave, I will have to scramble to pay litigation fees, be hard up for oney and in the end i may lose my children. There seems to be a pro-father bias now and they can even cook up accusations against women – PAS and things like that. I feel like I am living under the Taliban or something! Oh well!
So I try to manage in the circumstances. I pray to God, talk to my parents regularly, i am friendly to my husband but don’t talk ore than is necessary. I have a few friends too now and I have a small car to get around in.
And then my brother-in-law got married to a girl from India and she faced the same issues too. Initially they kept us apart, but later we talked to each other and now I know that she is there to support me too. She has a 1 year old baby too and they would not let her take the baby to India either. And guess what! We stood together and said that if the babies can’t be withtheir mothers’ family, then they can’t be with their fathers’family either. We both refused to let their mother see the kids and also criticized them until they finally got us the childrens’ passport and we visited our families in India.
We are back now. I feel cool towards my husand. The affection has gone. There has been too much trauma. But things are much better. I focus on my day to day duties, and being a good mom with love and patience.

Anyway, sometimes I dream that i did’nt have to stay with my husband – that i was free and living on my own as a single mother. I wish my children’s birth certificate did not have their father’s name on it. I was brought up in a very conservativesociety where i have not even seen a live-in relationship. Now I am anti-marriage. Even in my society I have never heard any man claim that he can take the place of a mother. He would be laughed at. Lots of women leave unhappy marriages and go back to live in their father’s house. people sympathize and gossip, but noone would take the child away fro her.

No amount of father’s rights should be able to hold women hostage to abuse by threatening to take away her children.
When my daughter becomes a woman, I will tell her to be a single mother and leave the father’s name out of the birth certificate and preferably not even let him know. Otherwise the system gives him the power to simply take away her children.
Anyway, sorry for the long post, but just felt like sharing.

April 7, 2010 at 3:10 pm
(49) geno says:

whats can happent with the father if he sign?hi can be charge for child support after that?hwo can have the child most all the time. ? mom?

April 17, 2010 at 10:46 pm
(50) Young Mommy says:

I know this may sound really bad, but I am two months away from turning 16 and I just found out yesterday that I am 6-8 weeks pregnant. The father is going to prison for sexual misconduct with a minor with his last underage girlfriend. I want to give my baby his last name but my mother doesnt want me to put his name down as the father. Am I allowed to give my baby his last name even though I’m not putting a father down?

May 9, 2010 at 5:51 pm
(51) marJ_Orie says:

Young Mommy, I was 17 when I got pregnant by my boyfriend almost 7yrs older than me. I gave birth a week before my 18th birthday. I’m now 20 years old. You’re mom is right. His name shouldn’t be present on that document. My son’s father wasn’t present when I was giving birth. But, my parents said yes when I begged them to have his name written on that document. However, my bf didn’t come to sign that he acknowledges our son back then saying he is not allowed to get off work early. So now, my son’s name is the same with mine. But, we’re still together. He just doesn’t show any interest yet that he wants to take care of us. We don’t live together. In fact, I’m not allowed to see him acc. to my parents. I still have faith that someday he might want to build a family with us. That’s the only time that I will let his name get to my son’s birth certificate.

You mentioned that your child’s father will be going to prison due to sexual misconduct of another underage girl like you. If his father doesn’t get better, will your child be happy to hear about that story when he might or others might assume that his father just did the same to you? Your child will be more proud if he’ll carry your name.

But, of course, if he’s biological father shows a great effort to change and provide for you guys, why not give him the opportunity. If not, I’m sure you’ll still meet better guys someday. I am still not closing my doors too. We’re young and in love… that we tend to do things emotionally and justify them logically.

Hope you find my point soon. Take care of yourself. We should be better for our children. (Because, honestly, I think my son would be the one who’ll knock my head off someday because of this pointless unconditional love I feel for his so-called father.) God Bless!

May 9, 2010 at 6:06 pm
(52) marJ_Orie says:

From my last post, I sad why my son has my surname.

At times, I get so upset because others might call my son a bastard. I also think of how will he be dealing with it when he finds out why he doesn’t have a daddy when his classmates have (He’ll start schooling next year).

But, whenever I’m not emotional, whenever I am able of thinking clearly and fairly, I feel that it was just meant that his name is not on my son’s birth certificate. My son’s 2 years old now, and I can’t still see any improvements from his father’s outlook in life. I believe that my son should only recognize him as his father when his father deserves to be in our life. And, he has to become a better person first. Someone who has dreams. SOmeone who doesn’t think about his own happiness only. And, someone who wants to build us a better future.

I can actually live and provide for us w/o him, but I never wanted a broken family. So, I still pray that someday, he changes… And that we can fix my son’s birth certificate before he starts schooling.

May 31, 2010 at 7:44 am
(53) Sharon says:

I am a single mother of a 5month month old baby. Her father was absent at delivery but pleaded to have his name on her birth certificate which i did and obtained her passport thereafter, only to find out later he got another woman pregnant whom he married. I want o chane her name and also how do i get his name off her birth certificate?? Desperately in need ofSuggestions pls

July 10, 2010 at 8:57 pm
(54) anon..... says:

I say NO! It will be the worst mistake of your.life other than meeting this loser! I was the nice gullible fool that begged my son’s biological to do the right thing and see his son, put his name on the birth certificate, help me financially. The only thing has done was eventually put his name on his birth certificate which is where the headache begins….. My son was born abroad and now I need SDs birth certificate to get my son’s passport, ssn, and birthday abroad certificate. He knew I needed it And he sent it home to his mother in the US. Some father……..so now I want to look into getting his name off.

August 1, 2010 at 7:06 pm
(55) Stacy says:

My daughter is now 16 years old and has a 4 month old baby. The father is also 16 and he signed an acknowledgement of paternity as well as documents to add his name to the birth certificate.
Without any guardian ad litem he went and is trying to sue for joint custody and not in the county where we live. He is very abuse verbally and tries to be controlling which is why I would not let her see him in the first place even before I ever found out she was pregnant.
He never told his mother about the baby until my daughter let her know and brought her to see them. The mother actually had some dna test at her house and took it without asking. I have some record of conversations including with me that were very abusive towards my daughter and demanding. He does not work, has asked not to pay child support until he is 18 and cannot legally drive until he is 18.
He has been kicked out of three schools including military school and has severe anger issues.
I have a few questions regarding the fact that one is it legal for another 16 year old to sue another for custody or visitation?
I thought they had to file in the county where the child resides.
Do we have any legal standing on getting supervised visits and having the father go to counseling for anger management?
He states that the lawyer told him he can get her three days a week but in the state of Oregon that is not recommended for a baby. They don’t even recommend overnight visits and at this point I do not know them at all and have a serious issue with joint custody when the father has no means and can still get grounded.

September 2, 2010 at 6:47 am
(56) chloe says:

Hey guys. I was wondering if someone could help me, I was 16 when I gave birth to my son, I had broken up with his biological father when I was about a month pregnant and didn’t see him after. I got a new boyfriend whom I was with for about two years. Being young and naïve I put my ex partner (not the bio dads) name on the birth certificate. My sons grandparents (from his fathers side) have my son ever weekend and are a stable part in his life. I really want to do things right and want to add my sons biological fathers name to his birth certificate. He’s currently 4 years old and as 21 years old I see the error of my stupidity when I was younger and really don’t know how to go about changing it! There’s no need for a paternity test I just want it sorted asap! Any help wud be appreciated!

September 9, 2010 at 5:32 pm
(57) cassie says:

My son will turn one next month. His father cheated on me with a girl from another state, lied about the baby, denied everything to her and to her family. Why would I have put his name on the birth certificate. He is not and more than likely will never man up and develop a relationship with him or share more with him than DNA.
I have never understood how ppl think it’s in the best interest of the child to establish paternity. Yes, I believe you should know if you had multiple partners, but in my case I knew 100 percent and a test is not necessary when you have pictures and things…and if for some reason you child questions what you have told him at that pt, you could do paternity, but until you are granting rights to someone who does not care to call and check on your child to make sure they have food to eat or warm clothes on their back!

October 2, 2010 at 2:11 pm
(58) Brian Marin says:

During the pregnancy I was always there. She even lived with me! She was about 7 months pregnant and we got ina fight and she moved out. A month later I moved out of my house and moved into her dads with her. I was there everynight. When my son was born she refused to give him my last name. She said it waas either Smith, not even her last name, or it was going to be her las tname. Can I et this changed since I pay child support and see him everyother weekend?

October 23, 2010 at 1:42 pm
(59) Yolanda Green says:

This situation came up two days ago with my beautiful grandchildren who was applying for death benefits from their deceased loving father. Their 20 year old father was murdered and this has devastated us. To make it worse, only 1 child of the 2 has their deceased father name on the birth certificate, which make the other child ineligible. They told us this week they no longer do paternity testing. My 20 year old daughter never thought this would ever been a possibility. He was a sweet young man. I just wanted to make this situation clear on another reason why the father’s name should be on the birth certificate.

October 26, 2010 at 6:47 pm
(60) Dave says:

My wife is currently pregnant with another man’s child. She doesn’t want a divorce and one of my few stipulations is that his name is on the birth certificate, but at the same time I don’t want her to speak with this man on the phone or through email. She stated that if she doesn’t talk to him about how the pregnancy is going that she will loose this child to him in court. I stated that as long as she is healthy and keeps her OB appointments which is obviously in the best interest of the child that she shouldn’t worry about loosing custody only me and the two kids she already has that i have full custody of.

November 3, 2010 at 2:28 pm
(61) GRACE says:

I THINK IT SHOULD BE UP TO THE MOTHER OF THE CHILD IF SHE DOES NOT WANT THE FATHER’S NAME GIVEN TO THE CHILD.I THINK THE LAWS ON FATHERS RIGHT’S STINK. I DON’T CARE WHAT THE LAWS SAYS ABOUT THE RIGHTS, IF THE NO ACCOUNT FATHER CAN NOT AND WILL NOT SUPPORT THE CHILD, HE SHOULD HAVE NO RIGHTS AT ALL.
IT SHOULD BE MADE IN LAW THAT THE NO ACCOUNT FATHER AUTOMATICALLY GIVE UP HIS RIGHTS. AND NO HOSPITAL SHOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO JUST ACCEPT A SIGNATURE AFTER IT WAS ALL READY DONE WITHOUT THE FATHER’S NAME AND IN THIS CASE IT HAS CAUSE THE MOTHER GREAT FEAR FROM THE FATHER. I THINK THE HOPSITAL SHOULD BE HELD IN ACCOUNT FOR IT, BEING THEY DID NOT NOTIFY THE MOTHER THIS WAS HAPPENING.

November 9, 2010 at 8:01 pm
(62) Ashley says:

I’am 20 weeks pregnant 20 years old not married and the father of my baby threatens time to time that he can take the baby away from me, because he get automatic joint custody if i put him on the birth certificate. If he does ever decide to one day not give my bay back the police would be able to get involed until we go through the whole court thing. Is it possible to give the baby his last name but not put him on the birth certifcate? agnolage him as the father but not give him custody. (keep in mind that i would never keep his baby from him because i now what it’s like to not have a father in my life), but i have been paying out of pocket with no insurance and no help from him in any way. Why should he be able to get custody just because he is the father?.

November 29, 2010 at 10:31 pm
(63) Liz says:

I have a 23 month old and am 91/2 months pregnant with another girl. Their father left us about 2 months ago for another woman with 5 kids. I have thought about what the best course of action is about including his name on this baby birth certificate. The only conclusion I can come to, “yes I am going to do it.” My older daughter doesn’t know him very well and now she never will, however, they will know they have the same father. Now I can say with a clean conscience the truth about what happened when they were so young. Oh, and he just offered me a pitiful 20,000 to let him sign over rights!!!

December 7, 2010 at 12:33 pm
(64) Kimberly says:

I’m going to be having a baby very soon & i’m not married to the father, we’re not even together anymore & i feel as if i shouldn’t put the fathers name on the birth certificate because he’s unfit to be a father figure. i don’t want anything from him or his family. i think it would be a lot easier just to tell my son in the future who his father is instead of him having a dad in his life that doesn’t care, but he’ll be there because i forced him to be there. I know that he’s the father but his friends & his family have told him otherwise. but like i said i want nothing from him. i just don’t want to take the chance of him wanting to fight me in court for custody in the future & i don’t want to get a paternity test because that gives him rights… i just don’t know what to do about the whole situation & i should’ve thought about this a while ago, but my family has recently brought it to my attention.

January 22, 2011 at 4:07 am
(65) Jen says:

Hi. My ex and I had a fight about the babies last name. We are no longer dating and the baby is due in two months. I am thinking to name it with my last name and he is planning to take the issue to a lawyer because he wants his last name included as well. Does he have a legal right or say in this matter?

Thanks,

J

March 7, 2011 at 8:44 am
(66) claire says:

hi woundering if anyone can help im due to give birth in less then 3 weeks n my babys father is in prison on a sex offence for 2 n half years for getting a 14 year old girl pregnant i dont want anything to do with him or is family as they have made my life hell n im scared he will try n take the baby off me wen he gets out wat can i do to stop this

May 6, 2011 at 2:21 pm
(67) Patricia says:

Ok.. My oldest son is 18 and his ex girlfried is 17. She is just about due with my first grandchild. The two had broken up before the child was conceived but were still having sex. After she was pregnant she thought they would get back together. He had moved on and now in a relationship with another woman. His ex is still very bitter and pissed. As a woman I can understand her feelings. On the other I can understand his feelings as well. Since the baby is due any day now, she is telling him she not sure if the baby will have his last name and not sure if she wants him to have any part of being in the baby life. My son actually wants to be a father and dad to his son. He is enrolled in college and has a job to support his son. This is the type of father woman would want… what rights do he have? What if his name is not on the birth certificate? Can he get 50% custody? Someone please help me.. just trying to help my son be there for his son.

May 6, 2011 at 3:42 pm
(68) cinthia says:

i want to know more abt this stuff

May 17, 2011 at 1:16 pm
(69) Maria says:

Imagine the shock and humiliation a person feel when they find out that by not having a father listed on the BC they legally are “fatherless”! That’s what happened to me. Back in 1961, no one was talking about acknowledging paternity. My mother kept insisting on me using the baptismal record which is NOT a legal record. I found out about my real birth certificate when I was in my 20s, and even now at age 50 it’s a hurt that will never heal. No child should have to go through that. If the woman wasn’t ashamed to be with the man and get pregnant by him, they should not be ashamed to list him on the birth certificate! Some people say it doesn’t matter, but I say it does…to the child. Everyone has a right to know who their parents are.

June 19, 2011 at 12:32 pm
(70) gr8typist says:

I was born in 1962 and my mother refused to name a father on my birth certificate, nor has she ever given me a name since. Her only response to me is, “your father didn’t want you, only I loved you,” which is frankly a manipulative and horrible thing to say to a kid. It is my own personal belief that every child deserves the truth about themselves, even if that truth is embarrassing or might show the mom in a poor light. My mother is now in the late stages of dementia and still stubbornly refuses to give me any history at all. I’m not sure it is a forgivable omission.

August 17, 2011 at 3:20 pm
(71) Donna Cheron says:

My husband is an alcoholic and was raped by a former friend of mine while he was passed out. He just wanted a place to sleep it off since he couldn’t drive. She had a child and claimed him the father, although it was only once and a condom was worn. She told me years ago that she used to poke holes in condoms trying to get pregnant. She has given the child our surname and they live in a neighboring town. This has caused so much hurt and disgrace to me and my three children. He was coerced into going to the hospital to sign a paper shortly after the birth. She threatened to tell me if he didn’t. According to her, she was threatened b her mother that she would not help and would disown her and the child. Her mother is no longer alive. Is there anything we can do to fix this?

September 2, 2011 at 8:42 pm
(72) Lost Auntie says:

In Michigan, we were told that if a man and a woman are not married at the time the baby is conceived, but then the dad goes and marries someone else before the baby is born, he will automatically get custody when the baby is born, just because he’s married. This hardly seems fair. Does anyone know if this is true??

September 6, 2011 at 9:03 pm
(73) Single mommy of three boys says:

Where I live the father does have to sign the birth certificate in order to be on it but if he’s not present at birth of the child he has to go thru paternity test and paperwork in order for him to apper on the birth certificate and I would say it really doesn’t matter if there on it or not anything that has to do with the state that I live in exept school I need fathers consent regardless if he is on his birth certifcate or not name change, surgery sports no matter how many times I say I have no idea where his father is and it shouldn’t matter because he’s not even on the birth certifiace I always get told if I want or need to do something for my son I need to locate the father to have him sign papers saying he consents to what I am wanting to do for my child but yet they won’t even do paternity test so I can get shild support for when I did know where he was they said he would have to do what he needed to do to be put on his birth certificate so I could get child support

September 11, 2011 at 11:47 am
(74) Sandra says:

My son and his ex girlfriend split when she was 7 months into her pregnancy because she said she didn’t love my son anymore? This was bad enough but now she had baby boy 2 wks ago my son has seen him about 10 hours in that time,not because he doesn’t want to but because she wont let him!! She is putting obstacles in the way at every chance and it is just killing my son not being able to see him.what should he do? Please any advice would help. Also if she knows the father does she have to put his name on birth certificate by law.my son does want this but she is making it so difficult. Thanks any advise.

September 15, 2011 at 11:35 pm
(75) Jeremy says:

“(10) Jennifer says :

P.S. I know many, many wonderful daddies, and none of what I say is intended to keep a well intentioned father out of any child’s life. If the father were caring and involved, none of these would be issues in the first place! :) Good luck to all the other single moms out there… We’re all in it together.”

Typical to put blame on the father. We have rights also. I have a 4 year old and a 2 month old. I am fighting to be part of the 2 month olds life. His mother is just using custody to try and hurt me. Our laws are still very unjust and unfair.

September 15, 2011 at 11:38 pm
(76) Jeremy says:

(15) Oscar says :

I was in Afghanistan when my daughter was born, her mother and I were not married. The mother could not put me on the birth certificate since I wasn’t available at the time. Now that I’m state side she will not place my name on our daughters Birth Certificate unless I marry her.

Another example of single dads being abused by women and the states that unfairly empower them

September 15, 2011 at 11:40 pm
(77) Jeremy says:

(63) Liz says :

I have a 23 month old and am 91/2 months pregnant with another girl. Their father left us about 2 months ago for another woman with 5 kids. I have thought about what the best course of action is about including his name on this baby birth certificate. The only conclusion I can come to, “yes I am going to do it.” My older daughter doesn’t know him very well and now she never will, however, they will know they have the same father. Now I can say with a clean conscience the truth about what happened when they were so young. Oh, and he just offered me a pitiful 20,000 to let him sign over rights!!!

What? If you take the money… You are lower than he is. Just let him sign away… The fact that money is involved is PATHETIC..

September 16, 2011 at 12:56 pm
(78) Mark says:

I understand and stand by the obligations of being a father, but i am in a bit of a situation, i found that our bottle of astroglide had sperm in it, I flippped out and now want to get a paternity test when the baby is born to make sure i am the father. am I out to lunch on feeling this way?

September 22, 2011 at 2:01 am
(79) Mike says:

My daughter is 21 days old today. The mother and I are not married. I love her but the feelings are not there for her. I support her financially and have supported her through the whole experience. This pregnancy was not planned. I intend on being in our daughters life forever. I was there for the birth, as well as every aspect of this experience. My name is on the birth certificate.

My concern is that the mother made it perfectly clear she does not want to the courts to establish custody. She wants to work this out where we share her legally and physically without court assisitance. I suppose a kind of gentleman ageement. She has had some recent legal issues that cause her anxiety.

Do you understand my concerns? Should I seek a lawyer and cause a rift between us? Things are going well, sharing her 50/50. I gave her money and pay her legal and phone bills. She is currently looking for a job. I understand that her being pregnant has affected her ability to have a job. I appreciate everthing she has done with regard to carrying our daughter for 40 weeks. I am open to any advice. I just want to keep our friendship intact. This baby is my world to me. I will be here to raise her. Thank you.

September 22, 2011 at 1:59 pm
(80) Enrique Koller says:

If I’m not on the birth certificate and the mother refuses to allow me to see my child, can the state force her to take my daughter in to establish a paternity test?

September 25, 2011 at 1:14 am
(81) lyn says:

pls help me i really do not know what i am going to do now, the father of my son was not on birth certificate because that is he told me when i was pragnant he dont want to involve in my son,after 3 years i meet him again then he meet our son too,,he starting supporting my son for only 2 months after that his making so many reason then his asking me to take our son with him without me,but before he promise to support for the baby,he said he will not going to support our son while his with me he just can support our son if his with him,,his just going 4 years old now,what i should do so he can support the child.thank you please i really need help now,my son father is from england.

September 26, 2011 at 4:40 pm
(82) mamanikki says:

I am pregnant and I want to give my son the fathers last name, even if he is not going to be put on the birth certificate. As per request of the father. Will I still be able to recieve benefits as a single mother if my son has a different surname?

September 27, 2011 at 2:35 pm
(83) Ansley says:

Can an unwed single mother travel outside the country with her child with out the fathers permission? the father does not live in the united states. Also can the mother remove the fathers last name? And can she file for full legal and physical custody even thou the father resides out side of the united states? he did sigh the birth certificate when the child was born.

September 29, 2011 at 1:44 pm
(84) Mommy#2 says:

When I first got together with my boyfriend he had his 4 yr old son living with him. His son’s mom had passed away 6 months prior and so he assumed total parental duties. He and the mother had a pretty casual relationship and when she had first became pregnant he told her he didn’t want any kids and she assured him that she didn’t need anything from him. She was an independent person. During her pregnancy they were still casual and cordial. He didn’t see his son until she had taken him home and he later learned that the certificate says that the father’s name is WITHHELD. She never added his name to anything official. She died from liver failure at home with her 4 yr old son being the only person around. He picked his son up as soon as he was notified, never hesitated. Nobody ever questioned who he was or his relationship to the child. He was even granted social security benefits for his son. There was no official guardianship granted, paternity establishment, or birth certificate altering. I mean, nothing official states that this man has any relation to this child whatsoever. Our son is almost 15 yrs old. He doesn’t share our last name, his dad is not on his birth certificate, but he is our son. I know that this birth certificate issue hasn’t come up during these last 10 years but it will for more official needs. We want to get him his passport but how when the only listed parent on his certificate has been dead for 10 years? He has lived with us the entire time and he doesn’t know or see any of his mothers family. Don’t think he did even when she was alive. I know she didn’t plan on dying but by her not calling my boyfriend back and stating that she needed him there to sign that declaration, my son is officially parent less on paper and I don’t know how to go about getting him on the birth certificate now. I just want it official in case there is an emergency or if we want to travel internationally.

October 5, 2011 at 11:02 pm
(85) Tom says:

Here is one that may be a little different. When I was 17 my 15 year old girlfriend became pregnant. When she delivered she would have been 16. We parted ways, mostly by my decision, because this was in 1966 and things were different then than they are now. I admit now that I had it too easy . My life became as if nothing had happened. In 1972 I married my college sweetheart. Over the years I would occasionally wonder about both the child and her mother. All I was sure of was that the baby had been a girl. It was always my fervant hope that both were doing well where ever they may be. Recently I found out that the mother died in 2007. It was as if everthing from the past just swelled to the surface. I have been so consummed with what I had done 46 years ago. “Our” daughter may or may not know about me. If she does know. Well, I can’t blame her for not wanting a thing to do with me. Still we are related, biologically. With her mother gone (I visited her grave and apologized over and over) I can’t help but wonder if she would ever wan’t to meet me. With all my heart I would welcome such a chance. My wife knows all about this. She has know since before we married and has been supportive. If this grown women has an empty hole in her life regarding who her father, I would be honored to meet her.

October 6, 2011 at 12:21 pm
(86) Mommyof1soontobe3 says:

I am curioius… i have a 3 year old little one whome both me and her have lived with my parents since day one. I am currently pregnant with twins by someone i grew up with that my parents dont necessarily like. He wants to be involved with all 3 children however wants me to move states. He has told me what every woman wants to hear you dont have to work all you have to do is take care of the children and make sure the house is clean. However i was given an ultimatum that if i take is offer my parents (the grandparents) would attempt to take my daughter from me. Can they do that or am i just being way to over paranoid and move to have the family i want?

October 14, 2011 at 11:10 am
(87) trulytrue says:

Am an African lady 29 yrs been dating this American guy who is 39 years for the last two year now. The relationship has been long distance. He proposed and we planed on having a baby coz he wanted one so bad This year in I found out I was pregnant am due next week ,he was so happy not until 8 weeks ago when he told me that he was not ready to settle that he wanted space and wanted us to separate. Since I got pregnant he has not been around he was back in the states.
I have been there for him through all his financial worst times and as much as he has been cheating on me I have always loved him. He has put me through so much torture and emotional abuse.
He came back to Kenya late last month he din`t tell me he was coming after he spent 3 nights in a hotel that’s when he called me only to tell me that he was going to one of the neighboring country on a business trip for a week. It`s been more than 3 weeks and he barely gives me any emotional support. He barely wants to talk to me or even bothers about the baby or me anymore.
Honestly does he deserve to be on my baby`s Birth certificate?

December 3, 2011 at 2:17 pm
(88) candice says:

my friend is separated and has been for over 2 years she just had a baby with her boyfriend and the state of sc is requiring a paternity test in order for the name to be completed on the BC this is bull crap

December 13, 2011 at 1:32 am
(89) DW says:

I had the father sign the paternity forms when our son was born. The father was at the birth but had already made it clear that he wasn’t going to be in our son’s life. I wanted his name on the birth certificate because I knew it was the easiest way to prove paternity, for child support. In my court papers (Arizona), it says that the fathers name will be added to the birth certificate, so even if the father was not on the birth certificate beforehand, once it is determined that they are the father and they will be paying child support, then the state orders that their name appears on the birth certificate. So in my state, if you want child support – the father’s name has to ultimately be added to the birth certificate.

December 27, 2011 at 10:22 am
(90) Kenny says:

it is wrong to not put the father on the birth certificate . most people do this to get state benefits and so the father does have to pay child support. it takes two people to make a child . be honest. if he is truly the father then do what is now morally right. when the child gets older tell hom or her the exact truth. two wrongs will never make it right. i am a acting mentor dad to many children who have no contact with their biological dad. a sheet of paper will never suffice. the dad should be held accountable.

December 28, 2011 at 6:23 am
(91) Justme says:

It’s completely up to the mother whether or not she wants to fill in the blank on the birth certificate. Naming a “father” neither changes who the (biological)father is nor proves paternity. Thus, doing so is rather pointless.

January 1, 2012 at 7:35 pm
(92) L. Dickson says:

I believe it should be illegal if they were together and already have one child. She is due in February and everyone knows my son fathered the baby. To me; a birth certificate is a legal document and leaving the father’s name off of it when you know who it is should be purjury. She knows the truth.

January 2, 2012 at 5:05 pm
(93) Fufa21 says:

Please help,
I was married in 2010. Found out he married me for a green card and on false terms such as virginity.
All around the same time that i found out i was pregnant. Wich was only three months into the marriage. Found out his visa ran out 2 years before. He wAs from china, i was a monh pregnant and he left to chocago to work come to find out he went to la and got a new fiance. He never seen me or hax anything to do with my pregnancy, claimed he just wanted a baby for citizenship. I turned him in for being illegal he was suppose to be deported so he started threatning me over the phone then i got a restraining order. Then january 2011 got divorce papers. It claimed that i was never pregnant and he had no son. With knowing how violent he is and the things he said hed do to our baby.. I let it go throgh and we were divorced. Now hes in china. I got a letter from medicaide saying if i want my son on medicaide i have to give the fathers info and get a paternity and child support. I dont want his money or him to have knowledge of anything . He has already told me he will get citizenship from his baby here then take him and ill never see him again. He has messed me up in the head, im still staying away from public always watching over my shoulder and i have nightmares every night, im so scared to loose my life, the only thing that keeps me going, my son. I am his mommy and know whats best for him ive seen every tear and smile. I dont want him just to use him , i love him.

January 2, 2012 at 5:07 pm
(94) Fufa21 says:

(continued)
I am a single mommy, do i have to choose between my sons health and whats best for him? The father told me in their culture they show love by kissing childrens private parts, noother half chinese half japese family does that, i will die before anyone touches my son. I thought this guy was so different he had me thinking he was a different person i would never put a child in this situation knowingly, i have been good in life i waited till my honeymoon to loose my virginty and ive raise my son good, i dont think its fair that a stranger shoul be able to use my son ! I hope i make sence im so deprate for answers and help!

January 8, 2012 at 9:05 pm
(95) Justme says:

The only problem with L. Dickson’s suggestion is that it is impossible to ever prove that a woman knows who the father of her child is. Unless, of course, DNA evidence reveals his identity. But then it would be a moot issue since EVERYONE would know at that point.

January 11, 2012 at 10:03 am
(96) Christian Omari says:

My son’s father, who is not in his life, was adamant about not having his name on the birth certificate. I thought it should be on there for questions my son may have in the future. Luckily, because the father would not sign paperwork, his name is not on the birth certifcate. This has been a blessing for me when I have traveled with my son and also for medical treatment and I’m sure it will help me avoid drama in the future because I will be the sole decison maker for my child. I think that a woman who fathers a child with a man spineless enough to not want to be part of her child’s life, should not put the name on the birth certificate, but should get a DNA test and use that for her child’s questions as well as any benefits that her child may be entitled to because of his relation to his father.

January 13, 2012 at 7:08 am
(97) Justme says:

First, Christian states that her child’s father is not named on the birth certificate because of his choice; then she proclaims that it is the mother’s decision regarding such action. Which is it?

Also, what “benefits” might a child be entitled to, and why?

Not sure what makes a man “spineless” by not wanting anything to do with the woman’s child since he is merely excercising his choice only after the woman excercised her choice allowing him to do so. Choice is a concept enjoyed by every pregnant woman and mother.

January 14, 2012 at 3:17 pm
(98) Sierra says:

In my honest opinion I believe every mans name should be listed on their child’s birth certificate but everyone must know that some women don’t even tell the father of the child that the child was born. Which I think is unfair to the men and the child because later in life if the child chooses to find their father it makes it harder if there’s no name and the mother don’t open up and tell the child. I think men deserves more then what women and the courts give them. I don’t think any child nor any man should have this punishment because a mother wants it her way..just remember ladies you may be mad at the father but your not only hurting them your hurting your child’s life and future!

January 15, 2012 at 3:29 pm
(99) Justme says:

In response to Sierra, since the mother can put any name she desires on the birth certificate, guess such document aint worth the paper it’s written on. But then again, since fatherless children are becoming the rule rather than the exception in this matriarch, the issue is rather moot.

January 16, 2012 at 2:12 pm
(100) Single mother of a 4 year old says:

I am a Single mother of a 4 year old. My childs father and I were together but separated and have been apart for over 2 years. We were in and out of court. I have custody of my child and my childs father had visition but he gave that up when he moved away. my child has not seen him in a very long time and has not had any contact with him. Never at the time of birth did we fill out any papers for a birth certificate which I am trying to do now as my child is to attend school starting in September. I would like to know if I have to fill out the father part on the paper work? My child knows who their father is and when I am asked about him I tell the child whatever they want to know about him. I feel that because he is a non acting parent in the child life that I should not have to place any of his information. I just want to make sure that I can do this without there being any major problems in long run.

February 1, 2012 at 12:17 pm
(101) Rose says:

The father of the child name should always be listed on the birth certificate for identity purposes. Wheather hes present in the childs life are not. Its not fare for the child to have to inquirer wjo his father is.

February 1, 2012 at 12:24 pm
(102) Rose says:

This is to single mother of a 4 year old ~what if something happens to you are the father and the children need this document the birth certificate for prove. No matter what type of parent you are your still the legal parent. Present or not.

February 2, 2012 at 6:50 pm
(103) Confused! says:

My daughter’s father has not been in her life since she was 6 months, and this was after he had attacked me hit h a statue he had in the house while I held her in my arms. He is diabetic and would get very violent mood swings. I have just found out recently that he has put false information on her live birth registration which also appears on her birth certificate. (her last name is not spelled properly according to his REAL last name)

What can I do about this, because now I need to get his signature for her passport and consent to travel? She is now 11 1/2 years old with no contact with him since we left 11 years ago. I’m not sure where he is or even what last name to look for since he obviously fooled me into thinking that the name my daughter carries now was his name. He signed the live birth paper with this false last name and has added it to her name after I had filled out the form. Not sure what to do now!

Any advise, should I seek out a lawyer?

February 9, 2012 at 11:33 am
(104) Justme says:

Since you don’t want his (real) last name on the birth certificate, the name she currently has is the better option. But, you can always change it to whatever name you desire simply by going to court. As far as any signature (passport, etc.) is concerned, what does it matter WHO signs it, just as long as it gets signed; if ya know what I mean.

[disclaimer: The last sentence is not advice. It is simply an option that some folks take.]

A lawyer is an excellent option since there are many that will represent you for free! You have nothing to lose except a little bit of your time.

February 9, 2012 at 11:47 am
(105) Justme says:

To Single Mother:
Just put “unknown” for father. This is effectively the same thing as leaving it blank. You didn’t provide any information, and the school got what they want. TWO problems solved in one simple action.

March 15, 2012 at 5:58 pm
(106) Singlefather says:

So I had just found out I was a father about a year ago. I had slept with another at a wedding approximately a year before that. I got a cold call from the mother after my daughter had been born. She was just a little over one at the time. To make matters more interesting I lived across the country on the east coast and she lived on the west coast. Upon finding out I got paternity established, child support established. I flew in once a month for 4 months, until I finally decided I just needed to move closer to be with my daughter. I quit everything and packed a honda element full of my belongings and moved here. I am now 15 miles away from my daughter as opposed to across the country. Within a week I found a new job, had a place and work for a great company. I made things work to be here. The mom however still believes that my daughter should not have my last name….not even hyphenated. To me this means alot, its not just my last name, its much more – it’s each and every single time she writes her name out that she knows her dad is there for her. When she grows up and asks the whys I will be there to tell her why. Fathers are close to thier daughters, although i was out of her life for a year i do all i can to be there. My efforts have shown so. Do you all believe this should be the case, that she has both our last names? Feedback is very welcome.

March 27, 2012 at 4:39 pm
(107) Justme says:

Since it is the mother who gives birth, it is the mother’s choice what her child’s name will be. Whether or not she includes the father’s last name is totally up to her.

May 24, 2012 at 5:56 pm
(108) Brandy says:

As a adult-child who recently lost my father to an accident and since had my paternity questioned by my sibling’s… I STRONGLY recommend that any mother who has a child out of wed-lock to URGE THE CHILD’S FATHER TO SIGN THE DECLARATION OF PATERNITY AND HAVE THE FATHER’S NAME LISTED ON THE CHILD’S CERTIFICATE OF BIRTH. MOM’S REMEMBER… This is NOT about you… IT IS ABOUT YOUR CHILD… regardless of how you feel… imagine the agony of a child who has to fork out thousand’s of dollars for DNA testing when they’re in their 20′s, 30′s or 40′s… It’s not about HERE AND NOW… consider what could happen later on in life.

May 25, 2012 at 12:46 am
(109) Unwed Mommy says:

I have a question. I live with my boyfriend in Alabama. We’re having a little girl in 6 weeks. He’s def the father and I want him on the birth certificate and so does he. My only problem is we have had a rocky relationship. He was always kicking me out. I’m worried that he’ll do it when the baby is here and try to say I can’t take the baby. If he does kick me out, I’ll be moving to Florida to be with my mother until I can get on my feet. Can I take the baby with me if there is no custody order?

June 3, 2012 at 2:08 am
(110) Justme says:

First off, you’re living in a matriarch; so there’s not much you need to worry about since everything’s stacked in your favor. Secondly, why ever would you desire to have the father named on the birth certificate when you’re concerned he might attempt to take your child away? Finally, all you need do is leave without informing the father of your whereabout. If he can’t find you, he can’t bother you! Custody order or not, your baby is yours to take where you want.

July 3, 2012 at 10:59 am
(111) shy says:

pls anyone cud give me advise,i want to use my baby’s fathers name.BUT WHEN I DELIVERED HER N A HOSPITAL.THEY ASKED ME ABT some requiremnts wc i cudnt give coz her father was out of the country.I really wanted my baby to use her fathre’s name.now shes 9 mos old and her bcrtfcate s not been processed.I dnt have communication with her dad anymore,but still im palling to use his name.how can i used it withour her father signature of approval?my baby is half filipino-am…pls someone cud advise me how to process it even without her dads signature.thnak u..i need the answer as soon…

July 4, 2012 at 5:53 pm
(112) Donna says:

When my twins was born 32 years ago, you were not allowed to place the fathers name on the birth certificate unless he was there and signed papers confessing paternity. I tried 5 times to get him in their lives and he chose not to, I finally got married and my husband adopted them. In order to do this I had to advertise in the paper in order for him to come forward and object if he did not want them to be adopted by my husband. He did not come forward then either.
He never denied them he just did not want to pay child support and he assumed if he saw them he would have to pay, as well he should have.
Now one of the twins has contacted him, he wants answers and is being told I never gave him the opportunity to be a part of their lives, that’s all well and good now that he don’t have to pay.
Why was it all my responsibility? I tried he could have went to the circuit court and filed as well but that might have meant he would have to pay.
I am trying to stay out of this but I have to tell you it is hard. I at least want the right to defend myself. He of course wants nothing to do with me being able to call him out on it.
I was all for supporting my son in this as long as they just did not lie to him. My other twin hates him and wants nothing to do with him nor does he want him to know anything about him. He asked me if I told him I was pregnant and I told him yes, he said then Mom as far as I’m concerned that’s all you needed to do. He said I would never allow a woman to take off with my kid if I knew she was pregnant. He said I would go file myself.

July 6, 2012 at 10:59 am
(113) concerned says:

When I became pregnant, my boyfriend broke up with me because I kept the child. He wouldn’t come to the birth and he would not sign the birth certificate. I filed for child support. He demanded a paternity test. He was the father. When she was six months old, he started to get involved. I had been begging him to get to know her and was starting to give up but then he slowly startted to change. Now, three years later, he wants to add his name to the birth certificate and change her name to his or add his on. I want him just to accept her the way she is. With the name she already has, with the social situation she came from and stop trying to cover up all the negative details of our past. And in a way discredit all that my family and I have done for her. We chose to keep her, that is why she is here. It sincerely honors us that she carries our name and our name alone. Why does he need a little piece of paper to declare him the father and stamp her with his name so that we all know she belongs to him? Why cant he just leave things alone? and move on. Just be a part of her life now and let her decide to change her name or the birth certificate if it ever carries the same significance he sees in it?

August 23, 2012 at 1:08 am
(114) Justme says:

Concerned asks: “Why does he need a little piece of paper to declare him the father and stamp her with his name so that we all know she belongs to him? Why cant he just leave things alone? and move on.”. I’ll tell you why. Because he ought to get SOMETHING for his money…… no?

September 9, 2012 at 12:28 am
(115) Brenda says:

My daughter is 21. She has some emotional issues with life as it is being a young mama @ 19 and an EX BF being a total jerk. She has agreement with fulltime babysitter to watch the baby until the father is due to pick him up in 2 days.The father went and got the baby from the prepaid babysitter. My daughter left in a 24 hour drive out of state and needed some time with her boyfriend. The babys father is threating to take her to court. What is the worse scenario????

September 12, 2012 at 8:17 pm
(116) kayla says:

my sisters exboyfriend isn’t on the birth certificate and he is holding my nephew hostage from his mother. he is only 6month old and the Newton courthouse messed everything up, if they did it right we would already had my nephew in our care. but now we got to go to court and fight it there. if that guy did NOT sign the birth certificate, then he should not have any right to claim that child unless that child is in danger with the mother,

September 15, 2012 at 11:49 pm
(117) Justme says:

That was a mistake putting his name on the certificate. But no worries: The mother only need claim that he is a “danger” to her child and the court people will quickly order a warrant for his arrest should he not immediately return the child.

Kidnapping is not taken lightly by the courts.

October 24, 2012 at 4:18 am
(118) Ciera says:

We’re in a bit of an opposite situation…

The mother found a new boyfriend (with a job and his own place) and let him believe the baby was his. She was under the age of 18 when she gave birth. She was also unmarried. The boyfriend signed, believing the baby was his, and they gave the baby his last name.

My heart aches every day that passes to think that baby is being lied to and decieved, and will continue to be lied to and decieved. My heart also aches for the boyfriend and his family who ‘believe’ this child to be theirs. And our family/love, of which he’s deprived. We talked to vital statistics and they told us that all unwed mothers under the age of 18 are required to have DNA, which gave us some hope but we haven’t heard anything more.

Frustrating!! We’re not the awful family, she’s just young and selfish.

I guess there are always two sides to everything.

He shouldn’t HAVE TO fight to prove he is the father, as so many here have suggested. She shouldn’t be so so selfish/deceitful!!

October 26, 2012 at 10:08 pm
(119) MJ says:

If a couple leagaly married wife does not like her husban to be her kids father, but she need his name on the birth certificate as the father. ( she will get pregnant through sperm dornar.) what is his responsibilites…

November 30, 2012 at 3:28 am
(120) Tara says:

Our son just had a baby with a girl he is not married to, they never officially even dated it was a casual sexual relationship gone bad and the woman over several months claimed to be pg when she wasn’t then went to great lengths to make sure she got pg by him to cover her lies. Now she had the baby and is telling everyone hes a deadbeat dad , playing the martyr trying to convince everyone that shes the jilted single mom. My son has said from when she first claimed to be pg that a baby was likely is his and will claim paternity, pay child support and co parent, yet she is convincing everyone that he’s a deadbeat mostly because he doesn’t want to marry her or be with her. He hasn’t been allowed to be alone with his own daughter since she was born. Therefore not even able prove that he is a capable father. We will do everything in our power to make sure he gets paternity and visitation with that baby. And will fight to get his name on the birth cert. It shouldn’t have to be a fight for a father to establish his rights.

January 18, 2013 at 3:19 pm
(121) Cheryl says:

Well i was in a relationship 3 years ago and got pregnant. told the guy i was too and he didnt want anything to do with me or the baby. i live in NY and didnt put his name on the birth certificate. now 3 years later he thinks he can just see her without talking to me first. i dont want him in her life either. how can i go about stopping this? the guy im with now is more of a daddy to her then he ever will be and i told them at the hospital when she was born i didnt know who the daddy was so i put the mans name im with now on it. can the other one challenge this?

January 25, 2013 at 9:31 pm
(122) Justme says:

Cheryl, he can challenge it, but I’m not so sure that the courts will force you to get a dna test. Just let him know that you will sue the crap out of him for “child support” should he pursue the matter. Bear in mind that it could be years before he gets any visiting rights. Even then, all you need do is tell him your child is too sick for him to visit. This is a common tactic that’s regularly backed by the courts. As a matter of fact, simply denying visitation with no reason is good enough. Courts RARELY enforce visitation orders; but you can bet your next breath that they always enforce the money transfer. So relax……..

February 5, 2013 at 1:52 am
(123) baby girl names says:

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March 15, 2013 at 4:34 pm
(124) curious momma says:

I am in a predicament. I’m trying to weigh the pros and cons about adding my baby’s father to the Birth Certificate. If I add him I read that anytime I need documents (passport, daycare, etc) he has to be involved. He wants to be in the child’s life, but goes several weeks without talking to me while I’m pregnant. He is not a US citizen and is very unpredictable. He isn’t reliable and I don’t feel comfortable since he is often very controlling and doesn’t communicate his plans that involve the birth of our son with me. Are there any repercussions to not adding him?

March 28, 2013 at 1:19 pm
(125) ebbybabydodah says:

Not immediately no. The father may leave within a matter of months and will still have parental rights until your child leaves school or higher education. (uk law at least) I named my ex who hasn’t been around most of my childs life. It bothers me that if my son needed medical care or if the ex decided he didn’t like his schooling he could pop out of nowhere and start dishing out demands “because i’m his father and I have rights”

My main fear is that should i die the court may place my son in the care of the ex, and not my current partner who has brought my child up most of his life, loves him and understands him. I will be writing up a will asap and will state that my wish is for my current partner to have legal guardianship, but i don’t know if this will be enough. I’m terrified that my child will be forced to live with a stranger.

No, wait first and let them earn their rights. If you give a man (or women) parental responsibility it can’t be taken away simply because they can’t be bother with the child anymore. Why in this circumstance should they have the same ammount of rights as you.

April 13, 2013 at 9:45 am
(126) Unnamed father says:

You know most of you women are absolutely crazy. I mean you guys make it sound like all men are bad. Bottom line is, A KID NEEDS HIS DADDY! This coming from a son that didnt really have one, and had I things may have turned out way different in his life. That said, I have a son due next month, and though his mother and I are no longer together I will do everything in my power and wallet to spend as much time humanly possible with my son. Not all men are bad men ladies. Some men have been looking forward to this their whole lives just to get duped by a lady who couldn’t have children with their husband and used someone to get pregnant. Good Lord knows I wish we had laws for that but we don’t. So now I have to live with this crazy woman and her crazy husband raising my child with those kind of beliefs.

June 4, 2013 at 11:52 am
(127) Tiffany says:

PLEASE HELP…Already a 28 year old Single Mother of a 2.5 year old boy; after not having sex for over 2 years, I recently made a HUGE mistake by having unprotected sex with a 21 year old guy that has been an on and off friend of mine for the past 4-5 years. Now i am 5 weeks pregnant! He seemed like a pretty decent guy to me but he is definetly unfit to be a father. The other day when I called to tell him the news, he said he was with a friend at the downtown laundromat and asked me to meet him, so I did.

June 5, 2013 at 9:54 pm
(128) Emily says:

Being a single mom myself, I can understand the reservations to not have the father’s name on the birth certificate. However, being raised by a single mom without knowing who my father was has had a lot of negative repercussions. My story is a little different, my mother will refuse to tell me who my biological father is. As a child, you always wonder who your mother/father that is absent was like, why did they leave, etc.. I understand that relationships never last, but hiding part of your child ( they are half of you and half of the father) makes the child think that you only love half of them, and it can cause a lot of issues between the two.

My thoughts – If your not going to put the father’s name on the certificate, that’s your choice but when the child asks for information on the father, please don’t hide it or say you don’t know. It hurts the child more than anything.

July 6, 2013 at 5:05 am
(129) Justme says:

Emily, get over it. The father is simply a sperm donor. One single microscopic cell is his contribution. The entire rest of the child is begotten of the mother. This “she only loves half of me” is utter nonsense.

July 6, 2013 at 11:28 pm
(130) sage says:

I am currently 17 weeks pregnant and the father and I are no longer together. He was very emotionally abusive and controlling during our relationship. He also is very lazy and financially irresponsible. I thought things would get better but they did not so I decided to end our relationship. Since then he has gone a little nuts. We work at the same place and he has thrown fits, kicked holes in wall and walked out of work mid-shift because I was avoiding him. He was harassing me with text messages saying he would take the baby away, that I was an unfit mother and an alcoholic. I have not drank since I found out I was pregnant. I’ve done my fair share of partying in the past like most 20-23 year olds but I don’t think I’ve ever had a drinking problem. I’m now growing up which happened pretty quickly once I found out I was pregnant and he is not growing up. He lives with a guy that HE claims is a meth addict but he doesn’t pay rent so he is staying there. He has opportunities to get more hours and doesn’t. He spends the little money he has on weed and video games. Now he is saying I’m keeping him from his child. One day he says I should get an abortion because I won’t be with him and the next he is all about fathers rights to the child. I’m currently pregnant and he is stressing me out so much. I’ve had high blood pressure and my doctor is concerned about my stress. I eat very well. I’ve decided to leave the place we both work and go to my mothers to have the baby. My mother lives in the same state but about 6 hours away. I’m not planning on putting him on the birth certificate. I wouldn’t think a judge would give him very many rights if he took me to court but you never know. I wouldn’t be opposed to visitation but I want him to get his life on track. I also may eventually want to move out of state (I’m not originally from here) and I’m worried he will try and stop me. I don’t think he really wants to be responsible for a child, just control me.

July 10, 2013 at 5:23 pm
(131) Sophia says:

I’m 10 weeks pregnant and have decided to lie about getting an abortion to the baby’s father. I’m not going to put him on the birth certificate either. I debated whether or not this was the right decision, but i can’t imagine having the baby’s father in my life. He’s an ex convict and both his mother and brother are serving time for drug related offenses. I was going to get an abortion given that this pregnancy was a result of what should have been a one nit stand that lasted a month. However, after doing much research, I realized that its a growing life I side of me and I can’t commit murder. However, the baby’s father doesn’t care either way. He’s going along with me getting the abortion so I’m just going to have this baby and not tell him about it.

July 10, 2013 at 11:34 pm
(132) katelyn says:

Sage – the ex sounds like he is trying to scare you. You are not legally (or morally, in my opinion) obligated to give this man “access” to you simply because you’re pregnant. You’re not keeping him from his child because there IS no separate child yet, and he’s NOT a father yet. His behavior is classic emotional abuse, and your health right now is way more important than his feelings (for which you’re not responsible!). I went through a very, very similar situation and the ex made lots of threats about proving me “unfit” in court, taking the baby because he’s more financially stable, trying to guilt me by claiming I was denying him a relationship with his (unborn) child because I was breaking up with him, etc. Yes, he has rights once paternity is established and a custody order is agreed upon or issued, BUT, you have rights too. You have the right to privacy during prenatal appointments and labor/delivery (YOU are the patient during all these procedures), you have the right to not be harassed by this man, and you have the right to completely ignore him and try to reduce your stress. Pregnancy should be a time when you get to focus on being a healthy, happy, you. Start researching your rights as a single mother, distance yourself from the ex, and get informed and strong so that you’re not vulnerable to his manipulation/control tactics. Read “Emotional Blackmail” by Susan Forward and “Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men” by Lundy Bancroft.

July 10, 2013 at 11:45 pm
(133) katelyn says:

Sage – If you think there’s a strong possibility of your wanting to move out of state, it is much, much easier for you to do so BEFORE giving birth. As an unmarried, putative father (he cannot be established as the father until after the birth), he can’t stop you from moving while pregnant. Period. Unless your current state is Massachusetts, he has zero chance of forcing you to return once baby is born. However, he can legally attempt to force you to remain in-state if you try to move after the birth while petitions for paternity and custody are pending, or if it’s been less than 6 months since your move post-birth.

August 6, 2013 at 12:36 am
(134) Jean says:

My mom never gave my father an option to be a part of my life, and while she put a name on my birth certificate (permission from the father is not required in California, or at least that was the rule in the 60s) I’m still not sure if it was his real name. My mom made a selfish decision in 1968, and I will NEVER forgive her for not giving me the chance to know my father. I don’t care if SHE didn’t want to deal with the ramifications of telling him she was pregnant, but *I* am the one who has to go my whole life never knowing anything about him. Apparently I am either 1/2 or 1/4 American Indian, and I will never even know what tribe I am from. My mother stole my heritage from me, in order to not have to deal with the complications of a relationship with my father.

October 11, 2013 at 8:49 pm
(135) Becky says:

Ok I have a scenario I am trying to figure out. So any help would be greatly appreciated. My son is six years old. When I had him his father and I were together and he was there for the birth. However after my son was born he left the hospital to party with his friends. I was in the hospital for the three days by myself. The last day he was suppose to come and sign the birth certificate but never showed up because he was hungover. I signed it and then my mom took me home because he was unreachable. He only came to see his son maybe every four to five months if that for an hour at a time. We split up because he partied all the time so I didn’t want to deal with it. Since then my son has seen him maybe every three to four months at a time for only an hour each time. He would visit him at my house. Sometimes it would only be two months then he would come up to see him for an hour or two then we wouldn’t see or hear from him for another month or two unless I texted him or tried to contact him. If he tried to get rights now would he be able to just start taking him every other weekend like most parents do. Because I do not think that he has shown much interest in him that it would be ok for him to go with him for a weekend. Not to mention he parties all the time and that seems to be his priority. Just this year about a month ago finally got his own car after six or more years of not owning one having to find someone to give him a ride everywhere. I’m just bit sure where this all stands. He’s not on the birth certificate cause he did not sign and he doesn’t pay child support.

October 28, 2013 at 5:42 pm
(136) Dejan says:

These are some of the most white trash stories I’ve ever heard in my life.

November 14, 2013 at 12:20 am
(137) Carol says:

Chris and singledad,
my heart goes out to both of you…my son i going through this he is a wonderful father to his 6 year old son and he just had a daughter but the mother of this child would not let him sign the birth certif. so now we have to fight for his rights…it is so unfair…if you don’t want to be a part of.. your called a deadbeat then the ones that do want to be a part of the childs life get pushed a side because of selfish mothers that can only think of theirselves..granted if the daddy is abusive or a drug addict or something I could understand…I hope things work out for the both of you and you get to be in your childrens lifes.

November 14, 2013 at 12:26 am
(138) Carol says:

Justme
how dare you tell somebody that their father was only a sperm donor…how do you know her father didn’t want to be a part of her life..you don’t…sounds to me like the mother has something to hide…she has the right to know her father and decide for herself if she wants him in her life or not…period!

December 15, 2013 at 1:50 am
(139) GRANDMOTHER says:

IT DEPENDS ON THE SITUATION!!MY DAUGHTER IS IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP~NOT PHYSICAL(THAT WE ARE AWARE OF)SHE HAS LEFT SEVERAL TIMES AND CAN ANTICIPATE THE RELATIONSHIP WILL NOT LAST BUT THINKS THE FATHER(WHOM SHE LIVES WITH)SHOULD BE GIVEN A”CHANCE”TO BE A FATHER!!IF HE IS LISTED ON THE BC THEN HE HAS AS MANY RIGHTS AS THE MOTHER DOES(AS TOLD BY LEGAL COUNSEL)THIS FATHER HAS BI-POLAR TENDENCIES(FREQUENT MOOD CHANGES) AND IN THIS SITUATION THE MOTHER IS THE STABLE ONE SO IT SEEMS ONLY LOGICAL THE MOTHER NOT”GIVE”HIM LEGALS RIGHTS(BY HIS SIGNATURE ON A BC) IF HE HAS DISPLAYED BEHAVIOR THAT COULD POTENTIALLY BE DANGEROUS TO THE INNOCENT CHILD!! IF HE WANTS TO BE A PART OF THE CHILD’S LIFE-IN TIME IF HE CAN PROVE HIMSELF FIT TO CARE FOR A CHILD~HE CAN PAY THE LAWYER FEES&PRESS THE ISSUE OF BEING LEGALLY RESPONSIBLE!! IN THIS CASE THE MOTHER SHOULD HAVE THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD IN CONSIDERATION!!HE COULD POTENTIALLY LEAVE THE STATE OF THE MOTHER TO”VISIT”HIS FAMILY IN ANOTHER STATE AND THE MOTHER WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO PRESS CHARGES OF LEAVING W/THE CHILD AGAINST AN ADMITTED(ON THE BC)FATHER~HE WOULD ALSO HAVE MANY OTHER LEGAL RIGHTS INVOLVING THE RAISING/CARE OF THE CHILD!! IN THIS PARTICULAR CASE~FROM THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN HIS ACTIONS HAVE SHOWN TIME AND TIME AGAIN HE HAS A DIFFICULT TIME TREATING THE MOTHER PROPERLY~THE”RISKS”SEEM GREAT THIS COULD BE THE CASE W/AN INNOCENT CHILD!!HE CAN PARTICIPATE IN HIS LIFE BUT NOT MAKE”LEGAL”DECISIONS!!HOPEFULLY THE MOTHER WILL SEE THIS VIEW POINT BEFORE ALLOWING HIM TO SIGN A BC!!

January 10, 2014 at 12:59 pm
(140) Gordon David Bath says:

is it legal for my step dad to have his name on my birth certificate as biological dad was in prison and fathers name section is Blank
I’m now 36 and love my step dad more than I do my waste of space sperm donar as I now call him!! as I’m an adult please can you advice me on legally if possible to get Stepfathers name on my bc as I’ve already deed polled his first & surname as my middle & surname online last week

January 15, 2014 at 1:00 pm
(141) Justme says:

(134) Jean, you’re making a big deal out of nothing. Who your father is should not be important. Remember, fathers are little more than sperm donors. It is the mother that creates and gives birth to the baby; not to mention the care and raising of her child. Celebrate THAT fact rather than her choice to keep a man away from you. This is also why the legal system supports this arrangement.

January 15, 2014 at 1:05 pm
(142) Justme says:

(140) Gordon, don’t see why not. If one can change their GENDER on their birth certificate, the presumed father should be a piece of cake!

January 15, 2014 at 1:26 pm
(143) Justme says:

(138) Carol, get over it. Doesn’t matter if the father wants to “be” in her life. He has no say. The mother is the one who gives birth, NOT the father. This begs the question as to why there is even a “fill in the blank” space for the father’s name in the first place. Why do you think the legal system gives sole custody to mothers, and limits fathers to being free cash machines for the mother?

February 13, 2014 at 3:23 pm
(144) Rick says:

Single dad here rising two boys on my own, because the MOTHER wanted nothing to do with the kids after 5 years of marriage. So stop throwing your stupid options around this website that all guys are sperm donors. My X was a baby maker and that’s it (how does it feel baby makers). Haven’t seen that woman in years and never got a dime from her and don’t ever want to see her again. So stop your bitching sex goes both ways. If you get pregnant it’s just as much the woman’s fault as the man’s fault. People always say don’t stick your dick in. Well women don’t let him do it! For all the men on this website that want nothing to do with their kids cut you dick off make the world a better place.

February 20, 2014 at 5:14 pm
(145) Peter says:

To all of you, equal rights is there for a reason, it has stopped discrimination against women being looked down on; Black people being slave to the trade and all that so who give you the right to say “I carry the baby” and discriminate against men??? No mother should be able to leave anything blank, want to dispute that it should be decided in this so called “lengthy process” of court battles…my ex took my daughter away because she could, the legal system fails us Fathers and immorally favours the mother, why? I’m a good dad and mothers who feel this sense of hatred against us are the ones who should be left off in anyone is to be, just because you carry doesn’t mean you have the right to use your children as a weapon

March 1, 2014 at 2:04 am
(146) Heather says:

I am currently going through a custody battle with my ex over my 3 year old daughter. A lady that will be there on my daughters behalf actually told me that in the state of Missouri, even if the father is on the birth certificate, if he had not given a paternity or dna test stating he his the father( which I know he is) than he has no legal rights to my daughter at this point until everything is proven in court. she said that it doesn’t matter if he is on there and she has his last name, he can still not technically take her from me…

April 14, 2014 at 2:09 am
(147) tiffany merriman says:

I have the total opp. situation. my ex husband and gf had a child he was there when it was born and held the first two days in the hospital. but when he left to go get the babies things from their app. she filled out the birth certificate and put down someone else as the father…. can she do that? what can he do??

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