It's Summertime, and the Co-Parenting is... Difficult?
Things are supposed to be easier in the summer, right? But the opportunity for more flexibility can actually make it harder to compromise with your ex about issues like overnights, transportation, and child support payments.
Before you get into a battle, take a moment to consider the other person's point of view, as well as your kids' needs. For help with specific issues, read 5 Summer Parenting Questions Answered.
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Shake Up Your Social Life
Begin by thinking about what you'd like your new-and-improved social like to look like. Are you hoping to date again? Develop close friendships with one or two individuals you can count on and commiserate with? Have something to do while your kids visit with your ex?
Start by asking yourself the key questions outlined in the FAQ: How do single parents meet new people?
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Feeling Lost? Start With These Single Parenting Tips
When you're the new kid in school, the teacher assigns you a guide to show you where to put your backpack, how to find the lunch room, and help you navigate your new setting. But as a newly-single parent, you may be completely on your own. And even if you have a friend who's been through it, her experience may be completely different from what you're going through.
That's why this site exists -- for people just like you. If this is your first time here, use the Newly Single tab at the top of the page to find resources, or begin with the article Single Parenting Tips: Survive Your First Year as a Newly Single Parent.
Don't forget to stop by the Single Parents' Forum and introduce yourself, too.
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Are Your Expectations Unrealistic?
"Now that we're separated, we argue even more than we did when we were together! It just makes me want to give up and stop trying to work together."
Arguing about things like parenting time, discipline, and parenting styles is common. In fact, expecting to never argue with your ex would be unrealistic.
The trick is to learn how to fight fair. It takes time and effort to develop a healthy co-parenting relationship where you can collaborate with one another as equals -- and it's hard work! But think about the end goal. If your effort to stop arguing with your ex leads to a greater sense of security for your kids -- and ultimately to less stress for you -- then it will be worth the effort.
What helps you? Take a moment to share anything that's helped you collaborate with your ex by leaving a comment below.
Sign Up Now for Backpack Drives and School Supply Giveaways
I know... summer hasn't even started yet! But if you think you'll need help paying for your kids' back-to-school supplies this fall, go ahead and contact agencies in your area to be included in their 2012 backpack drives. And to learn more about how to find a school supply giveaway in your area, read Free Backpacks and Donated School Supplies. (The first item on the list may surprise you!)
And if you know of any backpack drives scheduled for 2012, please add them to our growing list. This will make it easier for our readers to access donated school supplies in the fall.
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Single Dads & Mother's Day
Holidays like Mother's Day and Father's Day can be a bit tricky. Just yesterday I had a dad ask me whether he should give up his Sunday afternoon visit so that the kids could spend the day with their mom, and my advice was to consider what he'd like her to do if the tables were turned. If nothing else, you're modeling for your ex the kind of collaborative co-parenting relationship you'd like to build.
What would you do? Share your thoughts by participating in the Readers' Response feature, How Do Single Dads Handle Mother's Day?
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Feeling Worn Down? Commit to Your Own Self-Care
Do you remember when you were pregnant and everyone told you to get more rest, eat well, and take care of yourself? Prenatal care is essential to a baby's health, but a mom's need to take care of herself doesn't stop when the baby is born.
As parents - moms and dads, alike - we need to recognize that taking care of ourselves is part of taking care of our kids. That means making sure that we're getting enough rest, exercising regularly, eating nutritious meals, and incorporating some mental "down time" into every day.
Best of all, being intentional about taking care of yourself doesn't have to require a lot of time. Start by incorporating just one or two self-care practices into your regular routine. For a list of ideas, read Avoid Single Parent Burnout: 30 Self-Care Strategies for Single Parents.
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Honor Your Hard Work This Mother's Day
It feels good when someone recognizes the hard work you're doing as a single parent, doesn't it? Whether it's family, friends, or your kids' teachers, it's just nice to have someone say, "Hey, you're doing a really great job!"
Typically, that kind of acknowledgment doesn't happen with enough frequency, though. That's why you have to recognize and celebrate your own efforts, because even when no one else is there to see it, you know all of the work you do for your family.
So, moms, don't let this Mother's Day pass by like it's any other day. You deserve some honor and recognition! Keep in mind, too, that you don't have to wait around for someone else to "get it" or for your kids to be old enough to acknowledge the holiday on their own. Go ahead and celebrate it for yourself, in recognition of all the ways you've grown into a better parent since that very first day your baby was placed into your arms.
And if you're a single dad reading this, I want you to do the same for Father's Day next month. Don't be shy about giving yourself credit! Read More...
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Survive Temporarily Living With Your Ex
Many divorcing parents are forced to continue living with their soon-to-be-ex-spouses because they can't afford to maintain two households. If you're in this situation, you may be wondering how to make it livable, how much to tell your kids, and how to minimize the tension and conflict that surround you.
One of the most important factors will be creating some space for yourself, whether that's going for a walk each evening, or getting out with some friends you can confide in. This will help you process your grief and maintain your determination and resolve for the days ahead. For more tips, read the article How to Live With Your Ex While Preparing for Divorce.
In addition, if you've been in this situation before, I'm sure you have a lot of wisdom to share, so I hope you'll take a moment to participate in the accompanying "Readers Respond" feature on how to live with your ex. Your advice may be just what another single mom or dad needed to hear today!
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How to Find and Keep a Qualified Babysitter
If your children are in school all day, you'll probably need additional babysitting coverage when the school year comes to an end. Do you already have someone lined up? If not, this is a good time to go ahead and start making those plans.
If this is new territory to you, you may be wondering where to begin. I've always found the recommendations of other parents to be extremely helpful. In addition, you can check into local colleges and universities, as well as your local YMCA and public library, which may provide babysitting courses for teenagers in your area.
As you explore your options, make a mental list of the qualities you are looking for. Of course you want someone who is responsible and knows what to do in an emergency. But how do you feel about what they're doing while they're with your children? If, for example, you want them to play alongside your kids, or if certain activities -- such as using the Internet -- are off-limits while you're not home, make that clear from the beginning in your initial interview.
For additional help finding -- and keeping -- exceptional babysitters, read How to Find and Keep a Qualified Babysitter.
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