Use Appropriate Consequences to Shape Your Kids' Behavior
The consequences we choose for our kids have, well, consequences. Getting mad and even yelling at the top of your lungs might be an understandable response in the moment, but it's not going to help your child make a better decision the next time. And, ultimately, that should be our goal when we're disciplining our kids -- teaching them to make good decisions.
Because we can't be there all the time to watch over them, warn them, and nag them. Instead, we should approach discipline as a tool for shaping our kids' future behavior, something we choose intentionally, rather than emotionally.
It takes a little practice, but don't worry -- your kids will give you plenty of opportunities to try out new strategies! For help getting started, read How to Choose Appropriate Consequences, which includes tips for every age group.
Don't Miss:
- Regain Control of Your Kids' Behavior
- 10 Effective Discipline Strategies
- Why Are My Kids Acting This Way?
© Jamie Grill Photography / Getty Images
Is Having a Baby Together the "Next Step?"
NBC's Parenthood is one of my favorite TV shows. Every week, I'm struck by how real the characters are. For example, Sarah is a 40-year-old single mom who's exploring the idea of having a baby with her much-younger boyfriend. And viewers have seen her wrestle with the issue for several episodes, wavering between being excited and, well, a little freaked out.
In last night's episode, Sarah's son found an ovulation kit in her bathroom, prompting her to spontaneously share her plans. And when her son expressed his surprise, Sarah defended herself, saying that the relationship is serious and that having a baby is the natural "next step" for them.
I know it's just a show, but the character's struggle isn't unique, so I wanted to get your input. Do you think having a baby together is part of the natural progression of a serious relationship? And is it necessary to solidifying the future of a relationship, particularly when one partner is a parent and the other isn't? Share your thoughts by participating in today's poll or leaving a comment below.
More: Quiz: Are We Ready to Get Serious?
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Last Call: Which Single Parent Organizations and Resources Deserve Recognition?
So far, more than 30 different single parent advocates and resources have been nominated for the 2012 Readers' Choice Awards, and the nomination phase isn't over yet. You have until 11:59 p.m. on Wednesday, February 15, 2012 to nominate your favorites for the following categories:
- Favorite Organization Supporting Single Parents
- Best Children's Book for Single Parent Families
- Best Online Communication Tool for Co-Parents
- Favorite Family Law Blog
To learn more about who's been nominated so far, and access their Twitter and Facebook links so you can keep up with their good work, read 2012 Readers' Choice Award Nominees.
"Valentine's Day Makes Me..."
Do you ever wish you could create your own set of conversation hearts for Valentine's Day? You know, little pastel candies with sayings like, "bug off," "BTDT" (for "been-there-done-that"), or "why bother?" If you've been through a rough experience — either with your ex or a more recent dating relationship — then who can blame you for feeling a little bitter about Valentine's Day?
But, you know, it's funny — Valentine's Day is one of those holidays that is what you make it. So if you decide that it's a day to feel down, you'll feel down. (And that's okay.) But if you decide that it's a day to celebrate the love you have for your kids, or your friends and family, then that's what it will be.
When you look at it that way, surviving Valentine's Day is as much about your own attitude as it is about all the commercial hype associated with it.
Don't Miss: Fresh Dating Advice for Singles | Dating With Kids Quiz
Missing Utah Mom's Children Killed in an Apparent Murder-Suicide
It's a case of violence, despair, and a system that couldn't or didn't save two young children from the hands of their father. Susan Powell-Cox went missing in December, 2009. At the time, her husband — Josh Powell — claimed that he didn't know what happened to her, because he took his boys, who were two and four at the time, camping the middle of the night during a snowstorm. The story was questionable, but authorities didn't have enough evidence to hold Powell.
Then, in a bizarre twist, Powell's father — Steven Powell — was arrested on charges of child pornography and voyeurism. As a result, because Josh Powell and his children lived with Steven Powell at the time, Josh Powell lost custody of the boys, who went to live with their maternal grandparents. And just four days ago, a judge in Washington State — where Powell had moved with the children — ruled that they would remain the custody of their grandparents, allowing Josh Powell to retain visitation rights.
And it was during one of those visits this afternoon that the murder-suicide took place, according to the CNN article Sheriff's official: Missing woman's husband, 2 sons killed in explosion.
But Why?
What could make a man so desperate that he'd kill his own children? The specific circumstances contributing to this case are certainly unusual, but the degree of violence exhibited against women and children is not. And so while we think today about the young Powell boys and the pain their extended family is going through, let's also remember to take any hint or suggestion of violence extremely seriously.
For more information on what you can do, read Thirteen Ways Any Adult Can Make Ending Domestic Violence His or Her Business, from the Domestic Violence Awareness Project.
Don't Miss: Help For Victims of Domestic Violence
Pregnant and Single? 10 Questions You Need to Answer
According to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, nearly half of all pregnancies in the U.S. are unplanned1, and approximately two-thirds of the children resulting from unplanned pregnancies are born to single moms2.
If you've recently discovered that you're expecting, you may feel a mix of emotions — including joy, fear, excitement, and even loneliness. You may feel empowered and ready to start planning for the future, or you might need time to process the news for yourself before involving others in your plans.
Either way, if you decide to keep your baby, you'll need to make a lot of decisions leading up to the birth, including what last name to give your child and whether to include the father on the baby's birth certificate, and more. For help getting started — when you're ready — read 10 Questions for Pregnant Single Women.
And in the meantime, join us in the Single Parents' Forum for ongoing support and encouragement.
Don't Miss:
- What Are the Father's Rights?
- Who Gets Custody When the Father is Not on the Birth Certificate?
- How and Why to Establish Paternity
Sources:
1"Unplanned Pregnancy in the United States Among All Women." The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. Web. 4 Feb. 2012. <http://www.thenationalcampaign.org/resources/dcr/NATC_DCRreport.pdf>
2"Unplanned Pregnancy in the United States." The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. May 2008. Web. 11 Jan. 2010. <http://www.thenationalcampaign.org/resources/pdf/briefly-unplanned-in-the-united-states.pdf>
Photo © Tom Grill / Getty Images
It's Not Too Early to Think About Summer Camp
I know -- it's only February. But summer camps fill fast, especially camps that are tailored to particular interests -- like zoo camps, cooking camps, and art camps. So start talking with your kids about your thoughts for this summer.
And if your kids are at that in-between stage where they're too old to hire a babysitter, but you're not sure that they're old enough to stay home alone, take the interactive quiz Is Your Child Ready to Stay Home Alone?
Don't Miss: After School Child Care Solutions | Emergency Child Care Solutions
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Know the Child Custody Laws in Your State
Are you familiar with the child custody laws in your state? Whether you have a question about making changes to your custody arrangement, or you need to know whether your state's custody legislation promotes shared parenting, you can find the information you need with the resource Child Custody Laws in the United States.
Additional Child Custody Resources:
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How Major Life Changes, Like Divorce, Affect Children of Different Ages
Major life changes, like divorce, effect every child and every family differently. At the same time, though, there are some common effects of divorce that you should be aware of, because it's your help and intervention that will make the difference in your child's ability to cope.
Children of Different Ages
In addition, it's important to be aware that children of different ages display stress in different ways. For example, a toddler may show signs of regression, while a teenager may have difficulty concentrating on school work. Knowing where your child is at developmentally can help you differentiate between a sign that your child needs your intervention and a sign that your child is simply going through a "phase" related to his or her emotional and physical development.
Recognize Red Flags
Don't be afraid to seek help, and never ignore red flags suggesting more serious issues, such as: becoming violently aggressive, self-medicating with alcohol or drugs, cutting, or expressing suicidal thoughts. Any concerns you have should be shared immediately with your child's doctor or therapist.
Take Action
For more information, read Recognize Effects of Divorce in Your Child, which includes specific action steps you can take to help your kids through every stage of child development:
Add Your Single Parent Support Group to Our Online Directory
Have you found a single parent support group in your area? Add it to our free state-by-state directory of single parent support groups.
And if becoming involved in a support group is something you've always wanted to try, but just haven't gotten around to yet, set a goal for yourself to find one this year. It's a great way to meet other single parents, get out and enjoy some kid-friendly activities, and build a support network around yourself and your children.
Related:
- How to Choose a Single Parent Support Group
- Start Your Own Single Parent Support Group
- Activities for Single Parent Support Groups
- Find a Speaker for Your Single Parent Support Group
Photo © Christopher Futcher, 2010